Insecure in 40's?

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live2smyle
live2smyle Posts: 592 Member
in Chit-Chat
I am wondering if anyone hit their 40's and all of a sudden your self image dropped? I have this cute little sundress strapless that I rocked in my 30's. It is a size 14.

I put it on to wear it and it was a little to big for me I adjusted the strap around the neck took a look in the mirror and went to go get a lace shawl to throw over it. I wound up not wearing the dress at all stuck it back in the closet and threw on some jeans and a T'shirt.

This is not the only outfit I have done this with. So far I cant seem to be able to put on shorts, or anything without sleeves in a shirt without feeling naked and exposed. WTH is up with that?

I have never had this problem before and most of my summer clothes that I have had hanging around here waiting for me to fit into are halters and strapless shirts that I just wont put on and wear. :/

I would have asked family if this is normal but have no one over 40 to ask.
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Replies

  • JustBill
    JustBill Posts: 93 Member
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    Well, I don't have a little sundress story to share, but I can tell you that my self image definitely dropped at 40. But mainly because of hair loss... it sucks having a receding hairline staring back at you in the mirror and reminding you of your age. So yeah, I'm gonna guess that it is a pretty natural response to getting older.
  • LisaKyle11
    LisaKyle11 Posts: 662 Member
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    Yes, I have done the same thing quite often actually. I think it has to do with a couple of things for me... part insecurity and part feeling silly wearing cute little outfits in the place/small town I live in. I live in a very casual coastal town. I love clothes and fashion though! My usual attire (AKA uniform) now (as a busy Mom) is cute jeans and a shirt - maybe a cardigan as well. Anyhow, I am a lot more insecure about my body... my legs especially. I work out a lot and eat very healthily, but I still have my certain insecurities.... you are not alone!
  • aflane
    aflane Posts: 625 Member
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    I'm finding that this happens with me and my clothes when they don't fit right. I'm kind of afraid of a wardrobe 'malfunction'. Go buy something fun and flirty in the right size. Or at least go try on new stuff int he right size.
  • shanolap
    shanolap Posts: 1,204 Member
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    I wouldn't call it insecure, but I have definately changed my view of what I wear. I no longer wear mini skirts but rock a tight above knee pencil skirt. I am conscious of what is age appropriate to me. It might be time to go shopping for some new clothes!
  • AHealthierRhonda
    AHealthierRhonda Posts: 881 Member
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    I'm 41 and have definitely noticed that my body could use a lift! Put things back where they started and tighten up some skin here and there. Everywhere I look this is normal for women in the 40's. Our bodies change a lot once we hit this magic number, how lucky are we?? My biggest goal for MFP is toning what I have more than losing weight. The number on the scale doesn't overly bug me it's more looking to tone what I have. Hopefuly exercising and using weights, not to mention changing my eating habits will help this out! YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS!!!!!!!! Just remember! 40 IS FABULOUS!!!!! (not to mention the new 20!!)
  • cindy4mica
    cindy4mica Posts: 777 Member
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    i feel the same way! in 2006 when i was 37 (i know, not that far from 40's, but technically i wasn't there yet) i had breast augmentation. i made sure to wear every single "boob" shirt i could find (tastefully, of course). i had them. i loved them. i was going to flaunt them. last saturday i went to a wedding. i put on a dress i had worn back then, but changed because the "girls" were busting out. i don't know if i was just self-conscious or thought it was inappropriate, but i don't think i would've thought twice about it a few years back:/ oh god, i'm turning into my mother! lol
  • keeks419
    keeks419 Posts: 9
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    Yes! I've been the exact same way! I turned 40 last year and it was really difficult for me, I felt like I've already been the cutest I'll ever be and i will never be that cute again! So this year, after I hit 41 I decided to take charge and drop all the weight I've gained since getting married. I feel a lot more confident now even thought I haven't lost any weight (3 small lbs.), it's the work-outs that have made me feel so much better. I don't know if it's the endorphins or the small amount of toning I've seen, but something is helping and I feel tons better. I still haven't put on a couple of rocked-in-my-30's outfits that have been in the back of the closet, but I think that's mostly because I am not sure if it's still appropiate for a 40-year-old to wear that stuff! LOL. If my husband says it looks good, then I may venture out. Hang in there!!
  • lulu1962
    lulu1962 Posts: 210
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    I'm by no means insecure - when I turned 40 I actually became more bold & self-assured! I do try to dress more "appropriately" now, though.:glasses:
  • chevy88grl
    chevy88grl Posts: 3,937 Member
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    I'm not in my 40's (but I am close at almost 36). I don't know if it is insecurity or if it is just me becoming more aware of what a 36 yr old SHOULD be wearing. I don't want people looking at me and thinking "Why is she wearing that? She's WAY too old for it!". And I know age is just a number, but to me there ARE clothes that just aren't appropriate for me anymore. I stay away from the juniors section in ALL stores. I may be able to fit into the clothes, but who wants to be seen trying to pull off the same outfit as their 15 yr old daughter? lol.

    As for the clothes I already have -- some of them are just too dang big. I've worked hard to look this good and I don't want to hide it under "big" clothes anymore. I need to suck it up and go buy new clothes.
  • live2smyle
    live2smyle Posts: 592 Member
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    Man I went shopping....Here was the dilema. The clothes that fit that were cute were to young. Like the shorts. I could not find for the life of me shorts that were mid knee or even to the knee. They were all in the plus size section and way to big. The shorts that did fit seemed way to short. :/ The shirts seemed either to young or to old. :sad:

    Maybe I will try again. Thanks though it feels good to know I am not alone. Women in hollywood rock it. Dont know why all of a sudden I am all weird about rocking clothes I rocked 3yrs ago. :/
  • littttlelaurra
    littttlelaurra Posts: 229 Member
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    I dont think its an insecurity thing so much as just a change of heart. Maybe you just accept that you are 40 and want to dress in an updated age appropriate adult type look. Better to be safe then sorry, God forbid I know none of us want to be that lame looking 40 plus yr old woman who looks rediculous and desperate trying to recapture her youth dressed with big hair, gobs of makeup (which make you look older actually), and in clothing choices dating back to the 80s only an 18 yr old should wear to a costume party. Let's face it, we are no longer in our "youth gone wild" phase so the clothing we all loved and remembered, and perhaps some of us still have and were saving for when we lost weight no longer reflect who we are. I am not saying at 40 we should all be donning turtle necks, joining a convent and be calling it a day, I am all for dressing flirty, sensual, pretty, vibrant and fun but maybe just want to skip an out dated look and be more confident in who we are, fabulous and 40.
  • LauraDubbleya
    LauraDubbleya Posts: 79 Member
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    I agree that it's an age appropriate thing. I can still wear jeans and tee shirts and not worry, but my tops are more loose fitting, my cleavage is a little more discretely covered up. As well, I have my own personal Fashion Police Officer in the form of an 11 yr old daughter. GOD FORBID I should wear anything that might remotely embarrass or humiliate her!! GASP. If it were up to her, I'd be wearing thick cardigans and checkered sports pants.
    Oh wait.. I wear those already..
  • littttlelaurra
    littttlelaurra Posts: 229 Member
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    also,I did this 2 weeks ago, I was going to a friends nephews wedding and I had originally bought a lovely formal cream and black dress that was very sexy and low cut. Seeing as the bride and groom and their friends were in their mid to late 20s, I felt suddenly that my choice would look rather out of place. I went for a more conservative navy blouse and black skirt. Still sensual and pretty just not as bar maid burlesque as my first choice and I felt much prettier and self confident in that then I would of been in my first choice. My face and body dont match that type of clothing any more, even if I become perfectly fit.
  • decu68
    decu68 Posts: 78
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    QUOTED BY JUSTBILL:

    Well, I don't have a little sundress story to share, but I can tell you that my self image definitely dropped at 40. But mainly because of hair loss... it sucks having a receding hairline staring back at you in the mirror and reminding you of your age. So yeah, I'm gonna guess that it is a pretty natural response to getting older.

    I hear you Bill however mine started in the 30's. My hair was thinning. I had put on unwanted weight. I had anger issues. I wasn't happy with life. I had low self esteem. For myself I felt change was in order and I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I started weight lifting; going from 193 lbs to 165 and feeling and looking great. I continued to lift and still am and am around 201 lbs. I shaved my head and figured I wasn't going to look at my thinning hair any longer, let a lone try to hide it which I was and that was ridiculous. To further help with my anger issues I joined martial arts and the combination of that and weight lifting help me vent and become balanced.

    I'm 42, soon to be 43. I feel great. I look good. I have confidence. I'm in better shape then most 40 years olds; heck 30 or 20 year olds. I'm focused and ready for what life throws at me because I know I can over come things. Sure I'd like to be younger but I wouldn't want to lose the knowledge I've gained. Sure I would like to have my hair back but that ain't going to happen. I feel young. I feel like I'm 18 years old. I have so much more I want to do in my life and little by little I am trying to make things happen.

    40 is just a number, just like 30's was for me. Most of us are here to make a difference in our lives, to make things better. This is no different then how we feel inside; make that difference to.
  • live2smyle
    live2smyle Posts: 592 Member
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    I'm 42, soon to be 43. I feel great. I look good. I have confidence. I'm in better shape then most 40 years olds; heck 30 or 20 year olds. I'm focused and ready for what life throws at me because I know I can over come things. Sure I'd like to be younger but I wouldn't want to lose the knowledge I've gained. Sure I would like to have my hair back but that ain't going to happen. I feel young. I feel like I'm 18 years old. I have so much more I want to do in my life and little by little I am trying to make things happen.

    40 is just a number, just like 30's was for me. Most of us are here to make a difference in our lives, to make things better. This is no different then how we feel inside; make that difference to.
    I wonder if that is different though because your a man? You know the whole men get more incredibly handsome as they mature!
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
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    Oh crap!!..I have 2 yrs left to feel good about myself
    I still shop in the Jr section...Shhhhhhh
    So far so good..but who knows what will happen down the road..for now at 38 I feel more confident than I ever have

    Kim
  • live2smyle
    live2smyle Posts: 592 Member
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    Ok so I googled age appropriate clothing for women in their 40's...First dress I see that I fall in :heart: with and think I could totally rock is of course $1,600. :/http://www.chloe.com/#/collections/ready-to-wear/summer-runway-2011/look-14/en
  • live2smyle
    live2smyle Posts: 592 Member
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    Oh crap!!..I have 2 yrs left to feel good about myself
    I still shop in the Jr section...Shhhhhhh
    So far so good..but who knows what will happen down the road..for now at 38 I feel more confident than I ever have

    Kim
    I felt that way at 38 too. :/ This sundress I rocked at 38 sleevless. It is to big for me now and I felt awkward in it. Def enjoy the 30's I know this doesnt happen to everyone though. Hopefully it will pass you!!!
  • kimber607
    kimber607 Posts: 7,128 Member
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    Oh crap!!..I have 2 yrs left to feel good about myself
    I still shop in the Jr section...Shhhhhhh
    So far so good..but who knows what will happen down the road..for now at 38 I feel more confident than I ever have

    Kim
    I felt that way at 38 too. :/ This sundress I rocked at 38 sleevless. It is to big for me now and I felt awkward in it. Def enjoy the 30's I know this doesnt happen to everyone though. Hopefully it will pass you!!!

    Oh no *biting finger-nails*
    I am going out of town with a group of friends...one is celebrating her big 40 in July and she has been talking to me about how her outlook has changed...etc

    Hand in there and spend some money on a new banging dress!!
    Rock it!
  • KayakAngel
    KayakAngel Posts: 397 Member
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    I'm not sure why, but at 43 I've sort of turned a corner on that whole "don't want to be older" stuff. My oldest son will be starting college next year, and I've found myself in a now-or-never adventurous phase. I mean, I have to get a life for myself that doesn't depend on the kids or the husband. I took up kayaking and am now losing weight and getting fit, so I'm really loving the feeling of independence and personal power I have now. I'm cool with my age and so amazed at how strong we can still be. If you're feeling insecure or depressed, maybe just try one new thing out of your comfort zone, no matter how minor. If it feels ok, maybe take another step. Novelty really does contribute to happiness and confidence. :happy:

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