Insecure in 40's?

live2smyle

I am wondering if anyone hit their 40's and all of a sudden your self image dropped? I have this cute little sundress strapless that I rocked in my 30's. It is a size 14.

I put it on to wear it and it was a little to big for me I adjusted the strap around the neck took a look in the mirror and went to go get a lace shawl to throw over it. I wound up not wearing the dress at all stuck it back in the closet and threw on some jeans and a T'shirt.

This is not the only outfit I have done this with. So far I cant seem to be able to put on shorts, or anything without sleeves in a shirt without feeling naked and exposed. WTH is up with that?

I have never had this problem before and most of my summer clothes that I have had hanging around here waiting for me to fit into are halters and strapless shirts that I just wont put on and wear.

I would have asked family if this is normal but have no one over 40 to ask.

JustBill

Well, I don't have a little sundress story to share, but I can tell you that my self image definitely dropped at 40. But mainly because of hair loss... it sucks having a receding hairline staring back at you in the mirror and reminding you of your age. So yeah, I'm gonna guess that it is a pretty natural response to getting older.

LisaKyle11

Yes, I have done the same thing quite often actually. I think it has to do with a couple of things for me... part insecurity and part feeling silly wearing cute little outfits in the place/small town I live in. I live in a very casual coastal town. I love clothes and fashion though! My usual attire (AKA uniform) now (as a busy Mom) is cute jeans and a shirt - maybe a cardigan as well. Anyhow, I am a lot more insecure about my body... my legs especially. I work out a lot and eat very healthily, but I still have my certain insecurities.... you are not alone!

aflane

I'm finding that this happens with me and my clothes when they don't fit right. I'm kind of afraid of a wardrobe 'malfunction'. Go buy something fun and flirty in the right size. Or at least go try on new stuff int he right size.

shanolap

I wouldn't call it insecure, but I have definately changed my view of what I wear. I no longer wear mini skirts but rock a tight above knee pencil skirt. I am conscious of what is age appropriate to me. It might be time to go shopping for some new clothes!

AHealthierRhonda

I'm 41 and have definitely noticed that my body could use a lift! Put things back where they started and tighten up some skin here and there. Everywhere I look this is normal for women in the 40's. Our bodies change a lot once we hit this magic number, how lucky are we?? My biggest goal for MFP is toning what I have more than losing weight. The number on the scale doesn't overly bug me it's more looking to tone what I have. Hopefuly exercising and using weights, not to mention changing my eating habits will help this out! YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS!!!!!!!! Just remember! 40 IS FABULOUS!!!!! (not to mention the new 20!!)

cindy4mica

i feel the same way! in 2006 when i was 37 (i know, not that far from 40's, but technically i wasn't there yet) i had breast augmentation. i made sure to wear every single "boob" shirt i could find (tastefully, of course). i had them. i loved them. i was going to flaunt them. last saturday i went to a wedding. i put on a dress i had worn back then, but changed because the "girls" were busting out. i don't know if i was just self-conscious or thought it was inappropriate, but i don't think i would've thought twice about it a few years back:/ oh god, i'm turning into my mother! lol

keeks419

Yes! I've been the exact same way! I turned 40 last year and it was really difficult for me, I felt like I've already been the cutest I'll ever be and i will never be that cute again! So this year, after I hit 41 I decided to take charge and drop all the weight I've gained since getting married. I feel a lot more confident now even thought I haven't lost any weight (3 small lbs.), it's the work-outs that have made me feel so much better. I don't know if it's the endorphins or the small amount of toning I've seen, but something is helping and I feel tons better. I still haven't put on a couple of rocked-in-my-30's outfits that have been in the back of the closet, but I think that's mostly because I am not sure if it's still appropiate for a 40-year-old to wear that stuff! LOL. If my husband says it looks good, then I may venture out. Hang in there!!

lulu1962

I'm by no means insecure - when I turned 40 I actually became more bold & self-assured! I do try to dress more "appropriately" now, though.:glasses:

chevy88grl

I'm not in my 40's (but I am close at almost 36). I don't know if it is insecurity or if it is just me becoming more aware of what a 36 yr old SHOULD be wearing. I don't want people looking at me and thinking "Why is she wearing that? She's WAY too old for it!". And I know age is just a number, but to me there ARE clothes that just aren't appropriate for me anymore. I stay away from the juniors section in ALL stores. I may be able to fit into the clothes, but who wants to be seen trying to pull off the same outfit as their 15 yr old daughter? lol.

As for the clothes I already have -- some of them are just too dang big. I've worked hard to look this good and I don't want to hide it under "big" clothes anymore. I need to suck it up and go buy new clothes.

live2smyle

Man I went shopping....Here was the dilema. The clothes that fit that were cute were to young. Like the shorts. I could not find for the life of me shorts that were mid knee or even to the knee. They were all in the plus size section and way to big. The shorts that did fit seemed way to short. The shirts seemed either to young or to old. :sad:

Maybe I will try again. Thanks though it feels good to know I am not alone. Women in hollywood rock it. Dont know why all of a sudden I am all weird about rocking clothes I rocked 3yrs ago.

littttlelaurra

I dont think its an insecurity thing so much as just a change of heart. Maybe you just accept that you are 40 and want to dress in an updated age appropriate adult type look. Better to be safe then sorry, God forbid I know none of us want to be that lame looking 40 plus yr old woman who looks rediculous and desperate trying to recapture her youth dressed with big hair, gobs of makeup (which make you look older actually), and in clothing choices dating back to the 80s only an 18 yr old should wear to a costume party. Let's face it, we are no longer in our "youth gone wild" phase so the clothing we all loved and remembered, and perhaps some of us still have and were saving for when we lost weight no longer reflect who we are. I am not saying at 40 we should all be donning turtle necks, joining a convent and be calling it a day, I am all for dressing flirty, sensual, pretty, vibrant and fun but maybe just want to skip an out dated look and be more confident in who we are, fabulous and 40.

LauraDubbleya

I agree that it's an age appropriate thing. I can still wear jeans and tee shirts and not worry, but my tops are more loose fitting, my cleavage is a little more discretely covered up. As well, I have my own personal Fashion Police Officer in the form of an 11 yr old daughter. GOD FORBID I should wear anything that might remotely embarrass or humiliate her!! GASP. If it were up to her, I'd be wearing thick cardigans and checkered sports pants.
Oh wait.. I wear those already..

littttlelaurra

also,I did this 2 weeks ago, I was going to a friends nephews wedding and I had originally bought a lovely formal cream and black dress that was very sexy and low cut. Seeing as the bride and groom and their friends were in their mid to late 20s, I felt suddenly that my choice would look rather out of place. I went for a more conservative navy blouse and black skirt. Still sensual and pretty just not as bar maid burlesque as my first choice and I felt much prettier and self confident in that then I would of been in my first choice. My face and body dont match that type of clothing any more, even if I become perfectly fit.

decu68

QUOTED BY JUSTBILL:

Well, I don't have a little sundress story to share, but I can tell you that my self image definitely dropped at 40. But mainly because of hair loss... it sucks having a receding hairline staring back at you in the mirror and reminding you of your age. So yeah, I'm gonna guess that it is a pretty natural response to getting older.

I hear you Bill however mine started in the 30's. My hair was thinning. I had put on unwanted weight. I had anger issues. I wasn't happy with life. I had low self esteem. For myself I felt change was in order and I stopped feeling sorry for myself. I started weight lifting; going from 193 lbs to 165 and feeling and looking great. I continued to lift and still am and am around 201 lbs. I shaved my head and figured I wasn't going to look at my thinning hair any longer, let a lone try to hide it which I was and that was ridiculous. To further help with my anger issues I joined martial arts and the combination of that and weight lifting help me vent and become balanced.

I'm 42, soon to be 43. I feel great. I look good. I have confidence. I'm in better shape then most 40 years olds; heck 30 or 20 year olds. I'm focused and ready for what life throws at me because I know I can over come things. Sure I'd like to be younger but I wouldn't want to lose the knowledge I've gained. Sure I would like to have my hair back but that ain't going to happen. I feel young. I feel like I'm 18 years old. I have so much more I want to do in my life and little by little I am trying to make things happen.

40 is just a number, just like 30's was for me. Most of us are here to make a difference in our lives, to make things better. This is no different then how we feel inside; make that difference to.

live2smyle

I'm 42, soon to be 43. I feel great. I look good. I have confidence. I'm in better shape then most 40 years olds; heck 30 or 20 year olds. I'm focused and ready for what life throws at me because I know I can over come things. Sure I'd like to be younger but I wouldn't want to lose the knowledge I've gained. Sure I would like to have my hair back but that ain't going to happen. I feel young. I feel like I'm 18 years old. I have so much more I want to do in my life and little by little I am trying to make things happen.

40 is just a number, just like 30's was for me. Most of us are here to make a difference in our lives, to make things better. This is no different then how we feel inside; make that difference to.

I wonder if that is different though because your a man? You know the whole men get more incredibly handsome as they mature!

kimber607

Oh crap!!..I have 2 yrs left to feel good about myself
I still shop in the Jr section...Shhhhhhh
So far so good..but who knows what will happen down the road..for now at 38 I feel more confident than I ever have

Kim

live2smyle

Ok so I googled age appropriate clothing for women in their 40's...First dress I see that I fall in with and think I could totally rock is of course $1,600. http://www.chloe.com/#/collections/ready-to-wear/summer-runway-2011/look-14/en

live2smyle

Oh crap!!..I have 2 yrs left to feel good about myself
I still shop in the Jr section...Shhhhhhh
So far so good..but who knows what will happen down the road..for now at 38 I feel more confident than I ever have

Kim

I felt that way at 38 too. This sundress I rocked at 38 sleevless. It is to big for me now and I felt awkward in it. Def enjoy the 30's I know this doesnt happen to everyone though. Hopefully it will pass you!!!

kimber607

Oh crap!!..I have 2 yrs left to feel good about myself
I still shop in the Jr section...Shhhhhhh
So far so good..but who knows what will happen down the road..for now at 38 I feel more confident than I ever have

Kim

I felt that way at 38 too. This sundress I rocked at 38 sleevless. It is to big for me now and I felt awkward in it. Def enjoy the 30's I know this doesnt happen to everyone though. Hopefully it will pass you!!!

Oh no *biting finger-nails*
I am going out of town with a group of friends...one is celebrating her big 40 in July and she has been talking to me about how her outlook has changed...etc

Hand in there and spend some money on a new banging dress!!
Rock it!

KayakAngel

I'm not sure why, but at 43 I've sort of turned a corner on that whole "don't want to be older" stuff. My oldest son will be starting college next year, and I've found myself in a now-or-never adventurous phase. I mean, I have to get a life for myself that doesn't depend on the kids or the husband. I took up kayaking and am now losing weight and getting fit, so I'm really loving the feeling of independence and personal power I have now. I'm cool with my age and so amazed at how strong we can still be. If you're feeling insecure or depressed, maybe just try one new thing out of your comfort zone, no matter how minor. If it feels ok, maybe take another step. Novelty really does contribute to happiness and confidence. :happy:

penny39

I will be 40 in November! I am finding that I am wearing the cute little halter tops that I always wanted to wear in my 20's and 30's. But I do find myself making sure they are not to low cut or mid-drift baring. As far as shorts go I want the mid length ones that cover the the thighs but not all the way to the knee. Can't find them anywhere, it's either all what I call booty shorts or Bermudas! I am not ready for Bermudas! As far as dresses go I have never been a dress person! I am ready to rock some cool hip clothing and be a fit and fab forty year old! I think it's all a state of mind, I was always frumpy feeling before I started losing weight and I am ready to bust out of that in an age appropriate way! No more hiding behind big baggy t-shirt, blue jeans and sneakers! Bring on the cute fitting stuff!

NoExcuseTina

my situation is different...I have RARELY wore halters and tanks because of how my arms look...now that I am losing and toning...I can't wait to put on tops to show my arms...not sure if it will be this summer or next summer

nurse_carolyn

I had a wedding last weekend and it was tough finding an appropriate dress. I found that either everything was for 20 year olds (and I felt silly in them) OR they were for 60 year olds and they were way too old for me.

decu68

I'm 42, soon to be 43. I feel great. I look good. I have confidence. I'm in better shape then most 40 years olds; heck 30 or 20 year olds. I'm focused and ready for what life throws at me because I know I can over come things. Sure I'd like to be younger but I wouldn't want to lose the knowledge I've gained. Sure I would like to have my hair back but that ain't going to happen. I feel young. I feel like I'm 18 years old. I have so much more I want to do in my life and little by little I am trying to make things happen.

40 is just a number, just like 30's was for me. Most of us are here to make a difference in our lives, to make things better. This is no different then how we feel inside; make that difference to.

I wonder if that is different though because your a man? You know the whole men get more incredibly handsome as they mature!

I only wish. I was one hell of a cute guy years ago but find that without hair I'm not as confident in that aspect. My wife and others say I look good but if I didn't work out and was just bald, they'd probably say something different.

For myself, while there are attractive young ladies, I'm drawn more to mature women. With mature women you get what you are looking at; don't have to worry about body changes and such. They have a wealth more life experience, maturity and sexuality. And I can hold a better conversation with them and not have to fake it and seem like I'm interested. Nope, mature women got it going on; they rock.

live2smyle

For myself, while there are attractive young ladies, I'm drawn more to mature women. With mature women you get what you are looking at; don't have to worry about body changes and such. They have a wealth more life experience, maturity and sexuality. And I can hold a better conversation with them and not have to fake it and seem like I'm interested. Nope, mature women got it going on; they rock.

Your wife is a lucky lucky woman!!!

Atlantique

Not about clothing, no. Something that shows my arms or sholders is absoutely fine with me. I'm lucky that my arms have stayed pretty tight though.

Shorts are an issue--not because I don't think I have good legs, but because I don't think a woman on the downhill side to 50 should be wearing shorts with a 1 or 2 inch inseam anywhere other than the gym or the beach. Shorts are tough because they're only flattering when they fall at certain points on your leg. As I've gotten older I tend to wear a LOT more skirts and dresses and fewer shorts. Still flattering and cool but more age-appropriate.

Bmorrow

LOL...I don't think this is a security problem at all, it's a maturity issue. As we age we need to dress age appropriately. I wore mini skirts in my 20's...not appropriate in my 40s, I wore halter tops too, not now. As my 37 y o daughters says, "Just because it fits doesnt mean you should wear it."
FYI...You won't feel 50 when you turn 50 and I sure don't feel 60, but I am...I almost choke saying it, but that doesn't change it. I like to wear fashionable clothes, but I don't shop in the JRs. Department...IYKWIM!.
Love ya girl,
Beth

Noctuary

I am turning 40 this October. I still rock my tube tops and skinny jeans! Of course I have tattooed arms so that always makes me feel covered. In fact I feel naked when I am all covered up. Who I am wears well with my tattoos showing.

lisautley02

I just turned 40 in Febuary and I don't know if my self esteem dropped for me not to wear cute clothes..that has to do more with my white legs not being tan!! LOL!...but I did feel much more motivated to hit the gym again and get my body to the place that I know it can be. I have never felt better and the way I look at it being 40 is the beginning of ACT 2 of your life..who cares what other's think..sport the sundress!

Timshel_

No dress, but I know I started feeling my age the last year or so, which for a guy can be an interesting battle with pride, ego, and the innevitablity of life. I can imagine though, how that stupid little dress was just starring at you...mocking your maturity! I have lots of items like that, including my body which seems to like to remind me I am not 18. Sometimes, it likes to pretend to be 18 again, but then wakes me up the next morning with extra aches, pains, and general mayhem.

I get ya!