Need support

Mireille

Hello,

These past few weeks have been very difficult.
It started with my friend finding out her unborn child has Down Syndrome. I was her emotional support and helped her get through the initial shock. Then a few days later my sister in law was brought to emergency and had to deliver her stillborn daughter. She was 36 weeks pregnant at the time and Pascale (baby's name) passed away only 3 hours before delivery. She an absolutely perfect, 4lbs 12oz baby girl. Looked just like my big brother. The funeral was heartbreaking and no parent should have to bury their child.
I am angry. I'm angry because her doctor screwed up. When my sister in law was 28 weeks, her OB could not find the heartbeat and told my SIL that everything was okay and sent her home. Being her first pregnancy, she assumed the doctor knew what she was doing and went home. Then at 32 weeks my SIL's blood pressure was really high and there was protein in her urine. Doctor told her to cut out the salt and start walking more and that the protein in her urine was cause by my SIL eating too many peanuts. :explode:
I sent my SIL information on PreEclampsia yesterday and when she showed her doctor the info this morning, it was dismissed. She told my SIL that PE had nothing to do with it and that it was her placenta that failed (haven't received result from placenta yet). Maybe she is right but protein in your urine and high blood pressure are two things to take really seriously especially when pregnant. I don't understand why she didn't do more. We are awaiting the results from the autopsy and placenta.
My SIL still has HBP (150/102) and finally the OB gave her some medicine to help reduce the it.

I'm sick to my stomach and I'm feeding my anger and sadness with food. Obviously I have not learnt anything these past 7 months. A great person on this site suggested that I post and maybe that would help me get back on track.

I don't know. I feel lost and changed.

Mireille

Hello,

These past few weeks have been very difficult.
It started with my friend finding out her unborn child has Down Syndrome. I was her emotional support and helped her get through the initial shock. Then a few days later my sister in law was brought to emergency and had to deliver her stillborn daughter. She was 36 weeks pregnant at the time and Pascale (baby's name) passed away only 3 hours before delivery. She an absolutely perfect, 4lbs 12oz baby girl. Looked just like my big brother. The funeral was heartbreaking and no parent should have to bury their child.
I am angry. I'm angry because her doctor screwed up. When my sister in law was 28 weeks, her OB could not find the heartbeat and told my SIL that everything was okay and sent her home. Being her first pregnancy, she assumed the doctor knew what she was doing and went home. Then at 32 weeks my SIL's blood pressure was really high and there was protein in her urine. Doctor told her to cut out the salt and start walking more and that the protein in her urine was cause by my SIL eating too many peanuts. :explode:
I sent my SIL information on PreEclampsia yesterday and when she showed her doctor the info this morning, it was dismissed. She told my SIL that PE had nothing to do with it and that it was her placenta that failed (haven't received result from placenta yet). Maybe she is right but protein in your urine and high blood pressure are two things to take really seriously especially when pregnant. I don't understand why she didn't do more. We are awaiting the results from the autopsy and placenta.
My SIL still has HBP (150/102) and finally the OB gave her some medicine to help reduce the it.

I'm sick to my stomach and I'm feeding my anger and sadness with food. Obviously I have not learnt anything these past 7 months. A great person on this site suggested that I post and maybe that would help me get back on track.

I don't know. I feel lost and changed.

Shannon023

Hey Mireille! {{{hugs}}}

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

SoupNazi

Mir....oh sweet Mir.:brokenheart:
I right here with you if you need me sweetie.

:flowerforyou:

kerrilucko

:frown: That is so sad. I like to think that doctors are perfect, that they know everything. But they are human too, and sometimes they make mistakes. It should have been taken more seriously, but the past cannot be changed. I hope that your SIL and brother are coping and that my prayers reach them. As for you, in my experience, extremely stressful times like this one call for a little cheating on the diet. ps- running with loud music blaring against your eardrums helps too. Good luck, I am thinking of you

Shannon023

Hello,


I'm sick to my stomach and I'm feeding my anger and sadness with food. Obviously I have not learnt anything these past 7 months. A great person on this site suggested that I post and maybe that would help me get back on track.

I don't know. I feel lost and changed.

Mir,

You have learned something because you recognize that bad eating habits aren't the solution. You have every right to feel hurt/sad/lost & changed. :frown:

Extra pounds aren't going to allievate(sp) any of your sorrows, so remember to take care of yourself while you are hurting.

Love ya!!

marskids

I can't even imagine the pain you are feeling. Cling on to your friends. Allow them to support you and listen to what's on your heart
Please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.

alimassa

Mir..... I am sooo sorry. The anger will pass....just keep your loved ones and their babies in your heart! They will all be in my prayers.

Ali

Canelitas

My heart goes out to you and your family...I can identify with the feeling though, It will take time to get the anger out, but don't hurt yourself by eating more in the process, I am sure many look up to you! :flowerforyou:

ali106

Oh our sweet Mireille!!!! GIRL:brokenheart: :sad:

You have every right to feel angry, greeve and get really freakin' upset honey.....your feelings are totally justified and my god my heart is broken just reading this and knowing this happened to you and your family honey!!!!

I want to tell you that time will help you all w/ this horrible hurt, though you'll never forget the beautiful baby.....and I know you don't feel like it now...and my dear Lord, your poor sil to go through that....I have a friend who this happened too many years ago....she was 37 weeks too....its not fair.....its not right.....and I hope that you all can stand by each other and be comforted by one another....we are all here for you honey....don't even worry about the eating.....I know its numbing now.....I think you need to get out and run girl....you need to release some stress....and I know you most likely don't feel like doing anything like that....but what I always learn from a loss is that life is soooo precious, and we need to take the best care of us and our loved ones and appreciate them every day.....so do take care of you Mireille cuz you're our loved on sister!

As for your friend with the baby w/ downs...honey she is going through a lot of emotions right now...but omg....believe me when I tell you.....its not going to be as scary as she thinks hon....you'll talk w/ her in a bit especially after she sees that beautiful child and OMG....it is nothing she can not handle or embrace or learn things a little bit differently.....believe me when I tell you this!

I'm keeping you, your sil and family and your friend in my prayers and hope that you come and talk w/ us whenever you need us.....even if you just want to vent....or talk about anything at all.....

love you girly!!! big big hugs! and I'm so very very sorry sweetie!:brokenheart:
Ali

AJCM

What a heartbreaking story - omg. I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm sure you brother and SIL are comforted by having such a loving family there supporting them through this terrible time. I can't imagine going through this, as a mother or as a sister, etc, so I'm sure it's hard on everyone in your family. I too would be ticked as heck, and I would have my head in a bag of Oreos. Go easy on yourself, and take care of each other.

TamTastic

Hey!

First of all, I am truly sorry for the loss of that baby! Seriously, that is my worst nightmare. You have every right to be angry!

The ability of some of the health care providers out there scares me!

You sure have had the weight of the world on your shoulders. What a wonderful person you are to be there for everyone but definitely take care of yourself too.

Just know you and your entire family are in my prayers! I hope you all can find peace.

Take care!!
-Tami

lotusfromthemud

My heart breaks for your family. I don't have any words of wisdom, but know that you are supported.

Mireille

Thanks everyone. All your kind words mean the world to me. :flowerforyou:

I was talking to a good friend of mine about it last night and she can't figure out why this is hitting me like it is. As awful as this situation is, she said it shouldn't consume me like it is. I'm eating, breathing and sleeping this tragedy. I know it's not healthy (both mentally and physically).

I'm hoping once I know what happened to this little angle, I can slowly begin to move on.


I am going to the gym this morning in hopes to take control of my life.

Mireille

BEFORE

Thanks everyone. All your kind words mean the world to me. :flowerforyou:

I was talking to a good friend of mine about it last night and she can't figure out why this is hitting me like it is. As awful as this situation is, she said it shouldn't consume me like it is. I'm eating, breathing and sleeping this tragedy. I know it's not healthy (both mentally and physically).

I'm hoping once I know what happened to this little angle, I can slowly begin to move on.


I am going to the gym this morning in hopes to take control of my life.

Mireille

Hey Mir,

I have wondered what happen to ya.

I am so sorry to hear all the trouble you are going through. I dont even know how tell you it will get better b/c only time heals something like this. I realize Doctors are human but I swear sometimes they are so stubborn that they overlook something just b/c they wont listen to someone. I lost an Aunt to a normal outpatient surgery and to this day we all believe the Doctors screwed up.

I wish I had a better answer than "time." Please just take it day by day and dont hold anything in girl.
We are here for ya.

:brokenheart: Hugs

SoupNazi

Mireille,
How are you doing today?
I just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you. I somewhat understand how incidents such as these shake you to your very core. When my 9 and 12 year old nephews were killed in a train/SUV accident a year an a half ago, it changed how I viewed alot of things. And while I will never understand why things happen the way they do....I am comforted by the fact that it has changed me for the better.

Please be strong and take good care of yourself. You have alot on your shoulders right now...but in time, things will heal.

Prayers going out to you and everyone involved in this very sad story.:flowerforyou:

SherryRH

Mireille,

Sorry to hear about your family and friend crisis. Hopefully once you find out what went wrong you will be able to move forward because you will at least have some answers. Being in the dark is such a crappy feeling. You always think the worst.

If you need someone to talk to, I am here for ya.

Hugs. :flowerforyou:
Sherry

MontanaGirl

Oh hon. I am so sorry!!! I lost a baby at 28 weeks with pre-eclempsia (sp?) I absolutely can't believe her doc's attitude. Of course, I had a horror story with that miscarriage also. I think the doc is just trying to cover her *kitten*. Obviously she mis-treated her. I am so sorry you are carrying such a big load right now!!

You and your family and friend are in my thoughts and prayers!! I wish I could do more. Like give you a hug for real but this will have to do {{{{hugs}}}} If it helps a lot - I'm sitting here crying with you right now!

Take care of yourself girl - so you can be strong for those people who need you!! We're here for you :flowerforyou:

mholmes

Thanks everyone. All your kind words mean the world to me. :flowerforyou:

I was talking to a good friend of mine about it last night and she can't figure out why this is hitting me like it is. As awful as this situation is, she said it shouldn't consume me like it is. I'm eating, breathing and sleeping this tragedy. I know it's not healthy (both mentally and physically).

I'm hoping once I know what happened to this little angle, I can slowly begin to move on.


I am going to the gym this morning in hopes to take control of my life.

Mireille

Did you ever read the book The Giver?
"The Giver is a novel written by Lois Lowry and published on April 16, 1993. It is set in a future society which is at first presented as a utopian society and gradually appears more and more dystopian; therefore, it could be considered anti-utopian. The novel follows a boy named Jonas through the twelfth year of his life. The society has eliminated pain and strife by converting to "Sameness", a plan which has also eradicated emotional depth from their lives. Jonas is selected to inherit the position of "Receiver of Memory," the person who stores all the memories of the time before Sameness, in case they are ever needed to aid in decisions that others lack the experience to make. As Jonas receives the memories from the previous receiver—the "Giver"—he discovers how shallow his community's life has become."

I believe there are people, both blessed and cursed at the same time, who are here to help carry the weight for people who are too weak to carry it all themselves. Not to say that your SIL and friend aren't carrying more weight than anyone ever should, but if your kindness, caring, and abilty to help them bare that burden and be there for them helps release even the smallest measure of pain then you are surving a great purpose. Sabotaging yourself with food and eventual weight gain will only create a vicious cycle if you don't control it now. I support you and send my best wishes and prayers for you and your family and friends. I must say too, I agree with Ali. A child is a blessing no matter what and while your friend may feel terrible for not being able to change things for herself and the child, that little baby will bring so much joy to her life. Both her and the baby will be so loved, and your SIL and friend are lucky to have someone as kind and caring as you in their lives. :flowerforyou:

PrincessLaundry

I have no clue what to say...I'm speechless (for once).

Ummm...

My heart aches for you and your family. Please know we care and thank you for sharing what you are up to lately. "Talking/typing" about it should help...not fix...but hopefully give you a new lease on things. Stay on your path, and throw yourself into working out and being happy. Keep us posted girlie!

Mireille

It's really amazing to me how people I have never met can be so supportive. You've all reiterated the same thing that I need to take care of myself in order to take care of the people I love.
I can't Thank You all enough because although i knew this deep inside, I really needed to hear it.

I hold you all dear to my heart. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

SoupNazi

Awwww Mir...what a sweetheart you are.

pmkelly409

M -

Good for you for talking this out with someone you trust and kudos to her for being honest with you. I am so glad you got to the gym today- you need those endorphins! I hope you can find some peace this weekend. Perhaps you can go somewhere or do something that makes you happy ,even if it is just for a short time to get your mind off of this tragedy.

My warmest thoughts and prayers to you and your family.
Tricia

mlillie

I am so sorry. It is really hard to watch these kinds of things happen to those we love and feel helpless to take it away or change it. It is a really hard place to be. I thing being able to express your emotions- crying, writing, being pissed off and sweating some of it could maybe help a little bit. Being there for your friend and sis in law is such an important thing for you to be doing. I cannot imagine having it all happen at once. My heart goes out to you.

kechiemc

Dear Mireille

I have missed you on the runner's post! It saddens me to hear that your absence has been filled with such pain. Take care of yourself. You are an unbelievable friend and sister in law.

Love and Big Hugs
-Kechie.

Mireille

Thanks again everyone for your support. :flowerforyou:

I am feeling better. This is really hard for me to write so bare with me. I think I have figured out why I have been consumed. Part of me believes I could have possibility helped prevent this tragedy. I will try to explain.

My SIL and I have not had a close relationship. To be completely honest, she annoyed me a little. :embarrassed: Anyhow, I had not made any effort to get to know her (I live 5 hours away) and when I did see her twice a year, I didn't even try to get to know the person my brother loves so much. I am upset with myself because part of me just can't help but to think if I would have made a effort maybe we would have had a type of relationship that we would have called each other on a regular basis. And, if we spoke on a regular basis, she would have told me what was going on and maybe, just maybe I would have told her to seek help immediately. I know this may sound crazy to you but I can't help but to think it.
Since I have discovered this, I must admit that I am feeling a little better and I'm feeling more like myself.
Talking about this to you all has really helped me and I greatly appreciate all your kind words and personal msg that have been sent to me. You will never know how grateful I am for all your support.

Mireille :flowerforyou:

BEFORE

Thanks again everyone for your support. :flowerforyou:

I am feeling better. This is really hard for me to write so bare with me. I think I have figured out why I have been consumed. Part of me believes I could have possibility helped prevent this tragedy. I will try to explain.

My SIL and I have not had a close relationship. To be completely honest, she annoyed me a little. :embarrassed: Anyhow, I had not made any effort to get to know her (I live 5 hours away) and when I did see her twice a year, I didn't even try to get to know the person my brother loves so much. I am upset with myself because part of me just can't help but to think if I would have made a effort maybe we would have had a type of relationship that we would have called each other on a regular basis. And, if we spoke on a regular basis, she would have told me what was going on and maybe, just maybe I would have told her to seek help immediately. I know this may sound crazy to you but I can't help but to think it.
Since I have discovered this, I must admit that I am feeling a little better and I'm feeling more like myself.
Talking about this to you all has really helped me and I greatly appreciate all your kind words and personal msg that have been sent to me. You will never know how grateful I am for all your support.

Mireille :flowerforyou:

As if I did not know from reading your post already, this just shows the kind of caring person you are.
Dont dwell on what you could of done and do what you can do know. Just be there for her and your Bro. I have no dont you could be very helpful in getting them through this. Dont beat yourself up girl.