Finding out who your friends are!!!

tobitude
tobitude Posts: 89 Member
edited September 2024 in Motivation and Support
I have a lot of wonderful friends on MFP that have been there for me when things got tough and have pushed me to keep me motivated, so I don't want any of my MFP friends to think I am talking about them.

I have to post a little bit of a rant here, I am very picky at time as to who my friends are. I do my best to surround myself with positive caring people, and those that tend to have the same moral values as myself.

That being said, Do you ever run across people that seem to only be your friends because they feel sorry for the fat girl? I have friends on FB that I have known for 30 yrs and a few around the area that I thought were my friends, I very rarerly talk to them and when you are having a bad day they never seem to be there for you when you need it most.

I know I am probably having one of my self concious moments but maybe you guys will be able to see what I am talking about.

It bothers me to think that there are those out there that only want to be my friend because I am the "fat girl" and they think being nice to the me is their good deed for the day, when they don't seemt to realize that I would be better of without them.

I don't want to be looked down on sadly because I must be lonely enough in my life that I need someone to say they are my friend to make me feel better.

Am I being overly sensitive or have any of you guys seen this same thing in your life?

Thanks for letting me vent!!!

Replies

  • JenniferH81
    JenniferH81 Posts: 285 Member
    As lame as this may be..I've decided it's best for me to just not have any local friends. I had 2 dump me the day after I got married. They just stopped calling.

    I much prefer online friends, they're less needy. xD
  • Helice
    Helice Posts: 1,075 Member
    I know what you mean,

    I use to feel very guilty about leaving my mum's house because she was largely more over weight than i am and because she didnt have a parner.
    And i knew because of it, it was harder for her to find love. And i didn't want her to be alone all the time.

    But then a few weeks later i went round her's for tea, and she'd spent almost every evening out with her friends, she'd found a bf, and she had lost some weight!

    And now i know that i was wrong to feel guilty for leaving her alone, because she wasn't alone.
    And if anything she is happier now because she has more freedom to go out every night instead of having to stay in and make sure im fed and watered, etc..

    So iv learn't my lesson. I was in a way being harsh thinking that she was alone.
    And i have to say im very sorry for it!
  • oBirdieo
    oBirdieo Posts: 148
    I don't think people are friends with the fat girl because they feel sorry for her. They're friends with the fat girl because they feel sorry for themselves and need to be friends with someone who makes them feel better about themselves.

    Wave goodbye to them, because they aren't your true friends.
  • glittersoul
    glittersoul Posts: 666 Member
    I noticed one key thing from your post: "I very rarerly talk to them" .. You can't expect people that are basically only acquaintances to give the same level of support to you as someone that you have a strong connection with. Someone who knows the ins & outs of your life and what you are going through. I'm not sure what you mean that they are trying to be nice to you just because you're fat, but I am guessing that it is more of a self-conscious issue because you are going to project the value of your own self-worth onto others when you interact with them. If they aren't really close friends then just take what they say with a grain of salt because they don't have the 'full picture' of your life to go with what they tell you.
  • kristarablue
    kristarablue Posts: 702 Member
    In my experience, I have never met anyone that is friends with someone because they are the "fat girl". I think that this is more of how you feel about yourself than how they feel about you, it is like you are projecting your feelings about yourself on to how you think they feel about you. I am not judging we all do this to an extent, but I do believe statistically people are more reluctant to become friends with heavier people due to misperceptions than to friend out of pity. Understand that people have very busy lives and sometimes we become so caught up in our own life that we are unable to respond, as others need us. Sometimes if we need support, we have to come out and ask for it, not in a post but to a person. Also understand some people are just not good at the whole support thing, know which of your friends are and go to them for an ear. Please never call yourself fat again, it does your heart and soul no good and it will hurt your future success at becoming the skinny girl.
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