Why can't I look like her?

kris2600

Ok so I have reached my goal weight of 145! I was so proud of myself! I felt so good and was constantly getting complements from everyone telling me I looked good. I have kept all of the weight and should be happy but I did that virtual model thing..... yeah.... i didn't like what I saw. I asked my husband if the picture was accurate and he said it was. I have had two babies so will that change my body forever? Can I ever be the size that I was before having my girls? Do I need to just get comfortable with myself? My husband thinks I am sexy but I am always looking at tone skinny women and wishing it was me. Advice?

kris2600

Ok so I have reached my goal weight of 145! I was so proud of myself! I felt so good and was constantly getting complements from everyone telling me I looked good. I have kept all of the weight and should be happy but I did that virtual model thing..... yeah.... i didn't like what I saw. I asked my husband if the picture was accurate and he said it was. I have had two babies so will that change my body forever? Can I ever be the size that I was before having my girls? Do I need to just get comfortable with myself? My husband thinks I am sexy but I am always looking at tone skinny women and wishing it was me. Advice?

Livi_Loves_Pink

Not having children yet myself I can't say from personal experience, but I have been told my other mothers that a woman's hip bones actually change position after giving birth. That your hips themselves actually get wider. It's not being fat, it's just what happens, and there is nothing wrong with it. I don't know if that's what you were talking about, but I just thought I'd throw it out there.

Also, it's just a virtual model! There is no use comparing yourself to her. Human beings arn't made from cookie cutters, and everyone varies in appearence. That's okay. Just because you don't look like someone else doesn't mean you arn't beautiful just the way you are. If your husband thinks you are sexy then listen to him! Isn't that what really counts anyway?

My advice is to just work on being healthy, and maybe try toning up a bit if you think you need it, but love yourself just the way you are! Life is too short to try and conform yourself to what you think other people view as 'sexy.' :flowerforyou:

AJCM

You are probably being too hard on yourself!!! Congrats on reaching you goal - could some of it be in your head?
:flowerforyou:

With that said, women often lose muscle mass during pregnancy. Before I had my two children, I had a lean body mass of 117lbs, and after I had my second baby, I was down to 110lbs of lean body mass. I thought there was no way that I could have lost 7lbs of muscle, but my OBGYN said that when we don't eat enough protein during pregnancy, and stop weight bearing activities, that we burn through our own muscle.

You may have been 145 lbs before having your girls, but you might have been, say 110lbs LBM and 35 lbs Body fat (BF)... making you 24% body fat. Now you might be 145 lbs again, but you could be 105 lbs LBM and 40 lbs BF... making you 28% body fat. Does that make sense?

The bottom line might be that you might want to lose some more fat, and build more muscle.

However, I bet you look great just as you are!
:flowerforyou:

AJCM

Not having children yet myself I can't say from personal experience, but I have been told my other mothers that a woman's hip bones actually change position after giving birth. That your hips themselves actually get wider. It's not being fat, it's just what happens, and there is nothing wrong with it. I don't know if that's what you were talking about, but I just thought I'd throw it out there.

Also, it's just a virtual model! There is no use comparing yourself to her. Human beings arn't made from cookie cutters, and everyone varies in appearence. That's okay. Just because you don't look like someone else doesn't mean you arn't beautiful just the way you are. If your husband thinks you are sexy then listen to him! Isn't that what really counts anyway?

My advice is to just work on being healthy, and maybe try toning up a bit if you think you need it, but love yourself just the way you are! Life is too short to try and conform yourself to what you think other people view as 'sexy.' :flowerforyou:

Yes! Hips will always be a bit wider, although they do go back in place! Archaeologists can tell how many children a woman had by the markings on her hip bones from when they widened during pregnancy! :flowerforyou:

dewpearl

It could be, though, that those skinny girls envy you for your pretty face, straight hair or your eye color. Or for having a loving husband, who likes you as you are. Or for those two great kids.

Just have confidence in yourself! If you want to get slimmer, go for it, while putting your health always in front of it all. Your girls need a healthy and fit mum, not a skinny one. And don't let your scale decide how your day will be, as I do :blushing: .

Good luck, you can do it! :flowerforyou:

GTOgirl1969

It could be, though, that those skinny girls envy you for your pretty face, straight hair or your eye color. Or for having a loving husband, who likes you as you are. Or for those two great kids.

Just have confidence in yourself! If you want to get slimmer, go for it, while putting your health always in front of it all. Your girls need a healthy and fit mum, not a skinny one. And don't let your scale decide how your day will be, as I do :blushing: .

Good luck, you can do it! :flowerforyou:

Spot on! I couldn't have said it better myself. And congrats on reaching your goal! My goal is also 145 lbs. which is about what I weighed before I had kids. I may not look exactly the same as I did then, but I will be happy with what the good Lord gave me.

ChubbyBunny

You guys gave awesome advice.

Hun, it's a computer generated picture. According to those me and my mom look identical and if we stood next to each other, not even close! Don't sweat it!

As for comparing yourself to "skinny" girls, don't. I mean there are tons of girls here that are smaller then me, but you will drive yourself insane by trying to look like them because you AREN'T them. Sometimes we envy people who we shouldn't or who secretly envy us.

You are you, and yes, you will need to learn to love your own body. It's what you've got. Your body does change after having children, but it's not a bad thing. Your body will change as you age too, but it's not like you can stop that either.

Sometimes the mental things that come with weight loss and harder to overcome then the actual weight loss itself.

emikarls

WHY CAN'T YOU LOOK LIKE HER?

BECAUSE SHE IS NOT REAL!
What is real is your amazing weight loss, your kids, your loving husband. A virtual model does not define you. YOU look beautiful! Yes, our bodies are very different after kids, I have 3, I had 3 kids in 4 years, I know how the body changes. You will never go back to excatly how you were before you had kids, because you will never be that person again. You are a fit, thin, mother who has done amazing things with her body. YOU need to take a good look in the mirror, because YOU ARE INCREDIBLE!
:flowerforyou:

kris2600

thank you guys so much for the advice!! It really helped. I guess I just expected to go back to the body that I had before I had children. I had just thought that I looked skinnier than I really do :blushing: i do plan on trying to work on my body fat! Once again, Thanks!!:drinker:

pecksun8

Don't keep trying to be like someone else or look like someone else or be someone that you are not, because about ten years down the road you'll look back and wonder why you wasted so much time tyring to be someone that your not and then you'll be wondering just exactly who you are.

AJCM

Don't keep trying to be like someone else or look like someone else or be someone that you are not, because about ten years down the road you'll look back and wonder why you wasted so much time tyring to be someone that your not and then you'll be wondering just exactly who you are.

I love this post - I often think to myself, that if I could tell my 21 year old self, to wear a bikini and love my body, because it was great, and I wasted time thinking I was "fat" back then - and would now kill to have that body back!!!!
:flowerforyou:

So what have I learned? I'm trying to embrace myself, as I am, right now, because I'm sure when I'm 60, I'll look back and wish I had enjoyed my appearance in my 30's more!!!! Sometimes I look at my kids this way - I realize that they will not be babies forever, so I sometimes just look at their little faces, and try to drink them in, and memorize their lovely, tiny features. Same theory...
:flowerforyou:

dothompson

Wow, you've hit your goal, have two beautiful babies and a husband who thinks you're sexy.

That sounds pretty enviable to me.

There is always someone thinner, smarter, richer, stronger than you. Don't compare yourself to others it a losers game. Set goals for yourself and reach them, just as you've done above.

You're great right now!

Phoenix_Rising

I've decided the pre-baby body will never come back for me. My pregnancy stretched out my stomach in ways that will never allow for it to recover. I was too naive then, gained too much weight, didn't drink enough water, didn't exercise and apparently didn't have very good docs since they didn't catch this. Bottom line, my pregnancy pooch will always be hanging around my waist. That is the bad news.

The good news is I'm so much closer to a healthier weight, I can fit in clothes I fit into from high school (some of them), and I have a healthy daughter.

In the end, I am no less of a person not having the "perfect figure". I consider my stretch marks and pregnancy pooch as my badge of honor for being a mom.

(I also look at other mom's stomachs in public and compare, and it seems I'm among the masses there!!)

Be excited for the weight loss and meeting your goal, but don't worry that you don't match up to a computer generated, cartoon figure model.

SoupNazi

Girl...you are beautiful the way you are. Never compare yourself to someone else. You have two beautiful children and every stretch mark, every sag is a reminder of what you accomplished. Wasn't it worth it? It sure was.

After all....what is perfect anyway? Most .....no all "perfect" on the outside women I have met are severly imperfect on the inside. Which would you rather be?

OomarianneoO

Yes! Hips will always be a bit wider, although they do go back in place! Archaeologists can tell how many children a woman had by the markings on her hip bones from when they widened during pregnancy! :flowerforyou:

Unless you have to have c-sections because your hips wouldn't budge, like me. It was really weird. I have three kids - the first one I had via c-section for this reason. The second was a natural birth (well natural 'cept for the epidural!) - who ended up being the biggest baby of all three. Then the third I had via c-section, again because I hips wouldn't budge. Go figure. :ohwell:

TNTPete

Don't keep trying to be like someone else or look like someone else or be someone that you are not, because about ten years down the road you'll look back and wonder why you wasted so much time tyring to be someone that your not and then you'll be wondering just exactly who you are.

I love this post - I often think to myself, that if I could tell my 21 year old self, to wear a bikini and love my body, because it was great, and I wasted time thinking I was "fat" back then - and would now kill to have that body back!!!!
:flowerforyou:

So what have I learned? I'm trying to embrace myself, as I am, right now, because I'm sure when I'm 60, I'll look back and wish I had enjoyed my appearance in my 30's more!!!! Sometimes I look at my kids this way - I realize that they will not be babies forever, so I sometimes just look at their little faces, and try to drink them in, and memorize their lovely, tiny features. Same theory...
:flowerforyou:

You know what -- I have the same issue -- why didn't I wear a bikini when I should have, why didn't I wear that little dress?? Now, I am older and I keep looking at my flaws and thinking -- when I lose 5 more lbs, when I get this stomach back where it should be -- then I wear it. BUT, is it ever going to happen? I think we are always critical, so, in the spirit I bought the bathing suit I have been wanting and I am going to wear it.. who cares!! Enjoy today! and when I am 60 I am going to be able to look back without regrets. :happy: