CONFESSION OF AN EX FAT GIRL: her spirit still lives....

ppiinnkkmmoonn

ok so this may sound weird to people but i got fat around 17 18. i come from a fit family but my dad was very hard on us three girls. when i got out on my own i was like wow i can buy my own food and boy did i it was like revenge to my dad fast forward i wind up over 300 pounds after starve all the time in high school. so today im 25, fit, slim, healthy again yadaya. im starting to get out more and after meeting new people i just realize a lot of things. ive never shopped at the mall stores, kholes, belk, Jcpennys, up brand makeup type stuff and im just getting off the phone with a girlfriend and she want to go to the mall to some stores i never even heard of. i feel so much shame and so behind when i talk to other girls!! i got my hair straighten and my nails done for the actually first time (other then prom) done as a grown woman how sad. i think im grieving over lost time. im always so worry im going to say something stupid or dumb cuz im just that behind i brought my first pair of heels ever a while back and it was as if i actually saw God or something. why am i sharing all this because even though the girl in the photo seem self confidence im actually really shy self conscious and when i get a compliment from a male in real life i say thank you and my head still hangs low as a matter of fact any compliment in real life is hard for me to take. Get this i have not been to a club at all in my 20's. sorry for the heavy cost


anyway just need to vent. i just really deeply thought about this. i have a BF but i wonder do i stay with him cuz he safe he saw me 323 pounds and still touched me. so i associate that with i could not do better but since we got engage our relationship has been on the rocks. UGH anyway i feel a total mess and im going to zone out to some music to clear my head.

slytat2

Sometimes putting it all on paper helps clear the mind just by typing it out. Congratulations on the weight loss.. And just think least all of this is a new experience for you and thats not always a bad thing.

NanBar

Girly, you KNOW I think you rock. It is never too late to experience the things you have missed. You are beautiful lady- you were beautiful at 300 too for that matter....enjoy your new body and your new life. Vent all you want...do not be scared to live inn your new body...you worked your tail off for it!
Much love! Nan

makeupartist12

You have accomplished something that so few can!!!! Your head should be hanging high!!! if not, hold it up!!! All those material things you can research and learn as you go!!!! Work on you!!!!

As far has your BF, he's a good man for loving you unconditionally!!!! However, you have to do what's best for you!!!! If he makes you happy, you make it work!!! If he doesn't, then do what's best for you!!! At the end of the day, this your life you have to live!!!

HeatherrSue

This is definetly the place to vent. You're a strong, beautiful woman even without shopping at the malls, wearing heals, or falling into what others "like" in our society! How amazing are you, and this journey that you took. Follow your heart, and follow your dreams in anything you do, whether its relationships or anything else. Do what is absolutely best for you and let the rest fall off your back.
Good luck in everything and congrats again!

JulianneR

Wow, you are one powerful woman! I think you are doing great. Thanks for sharing this. I am sorry that sometimes you have a tough time, but please know that you are inspiring to me.

ppiinnkkmmoonn

thanks so much guys just a a bit of a melt down of the pass feelings that have a tendency to resurface when you least expected and i appreciate it 20x ton!! hugs to all of you and you guys inspire me as well!!:flowerforyou:

fh1951

Parents can really mess up their kids even when they think they are doing the right thing. That's one good thing you can take from this - what not to do as a parent if you are ever one yourself.

maggie4097

You are an absolutely beautiful woman! Maybe some counseling would help work through some of these issues. It sounds like a professional (unbiased opinion) could help get your mind in line with you body. Maybe then you could see what everyone else sees :-) And then, maybe some of the decisions and situations you are dealing with now will not be such a struggle. Good luck gorgeous girl!

ppiinnkkmmoonn

thanks guys! love the suggestions

mapplem2

You are a beautiful person big or small... no matter your physique you are worthy of a man who loves you and makes you happy, you are worthy of feeling beautiful, and you are worthy of doing all of the the things you want to do! You are such an inspiration because of the way you took control of your health! Don't grieve over lost time, just look at all of the prospects you have for the the future and be glad! And relationships aren't just about safety, you don't owe him anything just because he loved you when you were big... you DESERVE

mapplem2

to be loved no matter your size. Do what you feel in your heart. Good luck w. everything, and congrats on your success thus far! (sorry this is posted in 2 posts lol)

emcando

Yes, you look AWESOME! And you are 25 that is almost HALF my age. I live at 220 and heavy and girlfriend (not that i know you, but go with it...) you should to.

Have confidence. Know you are loved.
Beat that inner fat girl back with a grainy loaf of bread and keep her at bay!

Hugs...
Emily

justsummie

Girl, I feel your pain sooo much. My parents did a number on me too. A tame example: I can vividly remember washing my hair with dish soap because shampoo was a "luxury item". My sister and I were not "poor" kids we just weren't real high on the priority list if that makes sense.

Nowadays I buy the $5 shampoo I don't really need and my kid has more toys and more trips to McD's than she probably should. I know on some deep Freudian level I'm trying to rebuild my own childhood. It's a slippery slope but I'm trying to find balance there.

dengarrett

Thank you so much for sharing this. This made me want to share a poem of sorts that a teacher of mine had in his classroom from high school. Please take a look.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/246419-desiderata

(I had originally thought you posted just on the friends wall and wanted to share Desiderata with everyone. I should have just posted it here. But oh well )