No Moral Support From Family or Friends
scarecrowgrrl
Posts: 14
Changing your life is a very difficult road to take, so of course it's always a blessing to have the ones you love the most back you up and support you on your journey.
But when they scoff at you, criticize you for "ruining meals" because they're less caloric or a little more nutritional, roll their eyes at you when you try to portion out proper serving sizes, humiliate you for working out...... or even when I try to encourage my parents to try these new recipes that are low-glycemic for my dad's diabetes, I get ridiculed for trying to help.
If they don't want to change their lifestyles, that's fine. I'm not forcing it onto them when I haven't even gotten myself in a sound enough mindset to really help myself. But just a little support would be wonderful..
Instead of being asked, "How much have you lost?" I get "How much did you gain today?" I have enough issues being an emotional eater - I'm thin skinned enough as it is about my self image, these little remarks don't help my self-control from running to the fridge.
I have friends around me, but not ones that quite get what I'm doing; they've always been thin, never had the need to be athletic, and at the same time, criticize me when I start to count out my calories and measure my portions because that's something they've never even had to do.
After a while, it all gets to me.
What do you do?
But when they scoff at you, criticize you for "ruining meals" because they're less caloric or a little more nutritional, roll their eyes at you when you try to portion out proper serving sizes, humiliate you for working out...... or even when I try to encourage my parents to try these new recipes that are low-glycemic for my dad's diabetes, I get ridiculed for trying to help.
If they don't want to change their lifestyles, that's fine. I'm not forcing it onto them when I haven't even gotten myself in a sound enough mindset to really help myself. But just a little support would be wonderful..
Instead of being asked, "How much have you lost?" I get "How much did you gain today?" I have enough issues being an emotional eater - I'm thin skinned enough as it is about my self image, these little remarks don't help my self-control from running to the fridge.
I have friends around me, but not ones that quite get what I'm doing; they've always been thin, never had the need to be athletic, and at the same time, criticize me when I start to count out my calories and measure my portions because that's something they've never even had to do.
After a while, it all gets to me.
What do you do?
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Replies
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I am an emotional eater too. Just keep your eye on the prize and lower your expectations of your loved ones. They will come around in time.0
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That is why I use this site! I have an ex who was very negative to me, but my family (husband and 2 stepkids now) are better. I get a little resistance but I have stood my ground and they came around. Not that I don't still hear a complaint once in a while. Stay strong! Your weight is something you control! Taking control of your health is very empowering, just keep working on it.0
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Just keep at it - when they see how motivated you are and how well you're doing, hopefully they'll be more supportive. In the meantime, I found everybody on this site to be more than helpful and supportive. Good luck.0
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Just be proud of yourself. You're doing what's right for you. Give yourself an inner loving hug for how good you are being to you.0
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Stand tall!! :flowerforyou:
These people can only make you feel this way if you let them.
If they are not part of the solution then they are part of the problem! Really!!
You are in the right place. Only you can do for you. You know what you want they can not stop you or stand in your way.
Being here on MFP you have found your 'family'. We are your supporters, your shoulder, your rock.
We are your friend, and your kick in the pants when you need one...
Stay with us as you start this journey. Turn to your friends on MFP. We are here for you all the way!!
ZH0 -
I learned a long time ago that you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. If the horse doesn't drink, it doesn't mean that you shouldn't.
When I started, I took praise and the positive where I could get it. Coworkers, friends, my kids... but I found a lot of people were self conscious about their own weight, these were the ones you'd never hear anything good from. Family sometimes is too caught up in their own insecurities to be positive about something they themselves feel that they can't do.
You are in a good place at MFP. We are all supportive here, and while we may not be family, we understand.
Good luck with your journey, please feel free to add me as a friend.0 -
I know how you feel but we're here for you. Stay strong and focus on the reason why you're doing this; YOU! Hugs to you! :flowerforyou:0
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i am an emotional eater also and nearly two weeks ago made changes for ME. Just as you are doing changes for YOU this is all that matters. Focus on YOU and don't think about what others say. There will always be discouragers whether blood related or not. When YOU start seeing the results, it will mentally and spiritually uplift you and soon you will wake up one day and be able to kill doubters with kindness and keep it moving.0
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Unfortunately, you are surrounded by jerks. :mad: It's too bad that your friends and family are so selfish and unsupportive. It only takes a minuscule effort to pat someone on the back and tell them it's cool that they are trying to improve themselves. You know what usually happens to negative people when YOU change your lifestyle? They get left behind. That may be what they are afraid of. You should try to distance yourself from them and find new friends to encourage you. These people will hold you back. They don't want you to make them look and feel bad. They are unhappy people, and unhappy people don't like to be around happy people. They like to wallow in misery. DO NOT GIVE UP! That's what they want you to do. Who knows, maybe your lifestyle change (when they see your success) might eventually motivate some of them to change too! I'm lucky. Everyone I know is super supportive. I can't even imagine what you're going through! Good luck!
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try to push the negative away and listen to those who give you the support you need. its your time to blossom and dont let anyone discourage you. i know its hard but you deserve to feel better about yourself. remember you have friends on mfp that believe in you and know you can do it. keep your chin up!!!!! great job on your weight loss and changing your cooking habits. i keep looking towards my goal that is what keeps me motivated.0
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i agree w/ EVERY single comment. you do what YOU need to do for YOURSELF!! and look for support where you know it is. kick *kitten* girlfriend!!:bigsmile:0
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Hang in there hon!!
I know where you are coming from....No support from my family either. They are either jealous or jealous, lol.
Keep up the good work!! You know what is right for you, and making healthy changes for now will affect your future. You can do it. I am proud of you!
Good luck,have fun, stay healthy
(You may add me if you like)
hugs and smiles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!0 -
Stand tall!! :flowerforyou:
These people can only make you feel this way if you let them.
If they are not part of the solution then they are part of the problem! Really!!
You are in the right place. Only you can do for you. You know what you want they can not stop you or stand in your way.
Being here on MFP you have found your 'family'. We are your supporters, your shoulder, your rock.
We are your friend, and your kick in the pants when you need one...
Stay with us as you start this journey. Turn to your friends on MFP. We are here for you all the way!!
ZHBeing here on MFP you have found your 'family'. We are your supporters, your shoulder, your rock.
We are your friend, and your kick in the pants when you need one...
Stay with us as you start this journey. Turn to your friends on MFP. We are here for you all the way!!
You rock! Great advice! Ditto what he said.0 -
In my experience they will never change! But that doesn't mean they can change you! On,y you need to know what you are putting in your mouth. I wouldn't even bring it up and if they start ...tell them it's a very personal issue and would prefer not to discuss it! Remember take it slow and enjoy all the good ways you are feeling!
Most of all surround yourself with people who truly support you!! That would be us!!!
Friend me if you like!0 -
Keep on keepin on!!
So you measure your food? I say Good For You!!!
So you count calories? Again GFY!!!
If there is one thing I have learned over the years of yo-yo diets. Don't listen to others, Listen to you! Plus the fact you are here is a big bonus. Logging, counting and measuring your foods is important but it is not all there is to a diet. Keeping your focus, and the "I can do this" attitude is also important.
One other thing. Remember that we are here for you and will help in any way we can. All my best to you and a big Hug!0 -
Ditto to what everyone else has said. You are doing this for YOU, no them. You have gotten off to a great start, hang in there,ignore the jerks and nay-sayers. When they see how great you are doing, they may join you, but don't get discouraged if they don't (or do and claim it's their idea) It's time to be "selfish" and put yourself first! We're all here for you, even if your other family isn't.
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I am going to be SO much more wordier than akamrsmojo, but she really said it all: lower your expectations of your loved ones.
From your family, I would just never mention it. I would stop trying to be helpful, offering the low glycemic meal ideas and such. And if counting and measuring is going to be a stressful moment when you visit them, visit less often and don't eat what you can't eyeball. Eat before hand and stick to the vegetables. And, akamrsmogo is right, when they stop feeling threatened by your new habits, they will soon calm down.
For your friends, well, people don't like change. They feel threatened. Perhaps try to figure out less food oriented things to do with them. And, maybe find a few new friends. Sometimes, when our lives change, the people around us need to change too. If you have friends that you go out with and have pizza and beer with every friday, its going to be difficult to manage that if you stop eating pizza and beer every friday, and if they get angry if you want to hang but don't eat the pizza and beer...0 -
That is why I use this site! I have an ex who was very negative to me, but my family (husband and 2 stepkids now) are better. I get a little resistance but I have stood my ground and they came around. Not that I don't still hear a complaint once in a while. Stay strong! Your weight is something you control! Taking control of your health is very empowering, just keep working on it.
You've done great so far! 17 pounds is something to be VERY proud of! Your family is your family and I wonder if everyone is more comfortable with THEMSELVES when you were "one of them". Now you are addressing your own health and fitness issues and I imagine they are not and that makes them uncomfortable as you are rocking the boat. It is threatening to them as it forces them to examine their own bad habits.
As for your friends, you say they are skinny but don't support you. Makes me wonder if they really are friends. You may find that you are growing and that these friends don't fit into your plan anymore.
That is what is so great about this site, too. Nothing (usually!) except support! Know you are doing exactly what you need to do for YOU! It often makes people uncomfortable when someone steps out of "their place" and changes the program. If your family asks how much you gain, who cares? It doesn't matter what you say, if you say you gained a pound every day there is no denying that you clothes are getting baggy.
I am sorry that you are not gettig the support that you need from the people you love, but sometimes it is a lonely game here. We do have each other and come here for support and affirmations!0 -
Stick with it and ignore the naysayers! I don't think I'd recommend (openly to them) that your family change their eating habits, even if that makes sense. It sounds like they have plenty of self esteem issues of their own and don't want to be reminded of them. Surround yourself with supportive people whenever possible and know that you are doing the right thing for you. Family told me I wouldn't study abroad. Did it. Family told me I wouldn't go to grad school. Did it. My mom even gave me some larger size clothes when she found out I was trying to lose weight. Hee Hee. Better find me some smaller ones! Good for you for getting this off your chest here at MFP and know that we are all here to support you! :flowerforyou:0
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I love what people are saying and want to emphasize that you do have to lower your expectations of family. It took me a long time to realize that not everyone has a fabulous sister or brother or mother or father to support them. It seems so obvious, but it's not. It seems like your family is not only contributing to your underlying emotional hunger (I am SO vulnerable to this too), but also that they are openly trying to sabotage you. Maybe they are even jealous of your courage and resolve and also the joy in you that makes you want to be healthy. Can you look for other "family" to adopt? This forum is a start. IT's what I'm trying to do for sure...0
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i agree w/ EVERY single comment. you do what YOU need to do for YOURSELF!! and look for support where you know it is. kick *kitten* girlfriend!!:bigsmile:
WE believe in you, and you believe in yourself (you joined MFP & you're leading a healthier lifestyle) that's all that counts right now...Keep up the great work and soon they will notice all of your hard work
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The best advice I ever received was this, "Learn to accept the limitations and preferences of others."
It applies in so many facets of life. I think this situation that you describe is a perfect occasion to use this advice. This is not about THEM. This is about YOU. Your choice to live a healthier lifestyle is just that... Your choice. It is not really up to anyone else to be supportive, though it certainly would be nice. How you proceed is also your choice. You can choose to focus on the lack of support from those closest to you, or you can stay on the path that is best for you.
Emotional eating is just a bad habit that many of us fell into at some point in our lives. Replace it with a better habit. Walking, yoga, meditating, whatever. As long as it is healthy for you. This is your life. You can choose to expect more out of people then what they are prepared to offer. Or, you can live the life that is best for you.
Just some advice on what is working for me in terms of preparing meals for myself an others who are not following my lifestyle... I shop for foods that they will eat ie. lean meats, fresh fruits and vegetables, and I modify how I prepare them for me. If they want butter on their broccoli, they can put it on. If they want pasta, I make it for them and I skip it and just double up on veggies or salad. The reality is, I see this as a lifestyle change and I have to learn to live in a world where everyone else is not living the same way I am.
Good luck!
Michelle0 -
I'm guessing you want to get healthy for yourself, so don't get caught up in their negativity. If your family and friends don't want to be supportive, it sucks, but its their choice. Try to surround yourself with positive people. Remember you can't choose family, but you can choose who to surround yourself with! Good Luck!
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I have the same situation. Well, I ignore them. I don't do this for them , I am doing this for me . I am disapointed , of course , but really I don't care anymore. I have to admit , sometimes I am sarcastic but they still don't get itChanging your life is a very difficult road to take, so of course it's always a blessing to have the ones you love the most back you up and support you on your journey.
But when they scoff at you, criticize you for "ruining meals" because they're less caloric or a little more nutritional, roll their eyes at you when you try to portion out proper serving sizes, humiliate you for working out...... or even when I try to encourage my parents to try these new recipes that are low-glycemic for my dad's diabetes, I get ridiculed for trying to help.
If they don't want to change their lifestyles, that's fine. I'm not forcing it onto them when I haven't even gotten myself in a sound enough mindset to really help myself. But just a little support would be wonderful..
Instead of being asked, "How much have you lost?" I get "How much did you gain today?" I have enough issues being an emotional eater - I'm thin skinned enough as it is about my self image, these little remarks don't help my self-control from running to the fridge.
I have friends around me, but not ones that quite get what I'm doing; they've always been thin, never had the need to be athletic, and at the same time, criticize me when I start to count out my calories and measure my portions because that's something they've never even had to do.
After a while, it all gets to me.
What do you do?
Don\t let them put you down . Fight for yoursef!0 -
My in-laws are kind of like this I just ignore them I get looks and confusion from them when I only eat what I can count the calories for. If I go to a family get together and ask for a measuring spoon for anything or tell them I can't eat that because i don't know how it is made they tell me just ignore today so I ignore them instead.0
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