When did it start being my fault?

LJSpady

I'll start by saying that I'm 21 years old and I take full responsibility for the fact that I currently weigh 350 lbs. I've been living on my own for the last 3 years, I've had a job and my own car for the last 5 years. There's plenty that I could have done before now to prevent myself from getting here.

But I wonder, when did this start to be my fault? I've been overweight for as long as I can remember. I can recall being in the 1st grade and knowing that I was bigger than the other kids. Back then, clearly it wasn't my fault. I didn't buy and prepare my food. I didn't choose how my days were spent. But at what point did the blame shift fro my parents to myself? When I got a job and was able to buy my own snacks? When I moved out of my parents? When I was in middle school and I chose pizza and fries over grilled chicken and corn?

My parents did make efforts when I was younger to get me to make healthier choices and be more active, but by then I was quite set in my ways and my eating habits, not to mention a stubborn pre-teen/teenage girl.

So what do you guys think? When did the blame shift from my parents too me? Who carries more blame? Any thoughts?

**EDIT**
I don't have any negative feelings toward my parents OR myself. I'm just wondering when the responsibility for my fitness and wellness shifted from my parents to me. For anyone, when does the responsibility shift from parent to child?

LorinaLynn

Fault, blame, and guilt aren't healthy emotions. You can't change the past. You're taking responsibility NOW and that's all that matters. Continue on your healthy path. :flowerforyou:

tryinghard2012

There isn't anyone to blame. It could be genetic, mental, emotional etc etc. I don't think again you can blame your parents, however you can take the steps (which you are) to make progress and correct the situation.

I can't blame my parents reaching 346, nor will I give them the glory when I reach my goal of 184. :bigsmile:

ETA: One thing I will add, as adults we have free will to make choices. We can continue to live our life without growth looking to point the blame, or we can make a difference. As an adult, you are accountable, regardless of your parents upbringing.

themyriadthings

I don't think it matters. Now is now. Figuring out the answer to that question doesn't change what needs to be done in the present. All the best to you in your journey to health!!

TS65

Fault, blame, and guilt aren't healthy emotions. You can't change the past. You're taking responsibility NOW and that's all that matters. Continue on your healthy path. :flowerforyou:

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This.

icerose137

No amount of blame assigning or guilt laying will change the fact that you are 350 lbs. None of that really matters anymore. There aren't any books to balance or tables to assign.

What you do today and here on out is what matters and lies squarely on your shoulders. Is it fair that you grew up overweight? No. But what is fair? Take control of your life and start right now to make a better you. That's what will matter.

Ms_Natalie

This is a difficult question to answer, as there are many variables that predict how eating habits are formed...and much of it is down to individual differences. No one has the correct answer to this...only you perhaps?

The main thing is though...you are now making a decision to change the way you eat and are looking to become a healthier and fitter person...concentrate on the future....as cliched as it sounds....the world is your oyster!

Good Luck :flowerforyou:

twinmama12

I agree with the others. It doesn't really matter who is to blame. That being said, I know that my parents fed us food tht wasn't healthy and promoted a more sedentary lifestyle. But, I wouldn't say I blame them. From the time you can pick up a book or magazine, you can learn about eating and being healthy.

wildon883r

I'll start by saying that I'm 21 years old and I take full responsibility for the fact that I currently weigh 350 lbs. I've been living on my own for the last 3 years, I've had a job and my own car for the last 5 years. There's plenty that I could have done before now to prevent myself from getting here.

But I wonder, when did this start to be my fault? I've been overweight for as long as I can remember. I can recall being in the 1st grade and knowing that I was bigger than the other kids. Back then, clearly it wasn't my fault. I didn't buy and prepare my food. I didn't choose how my days were spent. But at what point did the blame shift fro my parents to myself? When I got a job and was able to buy my own snacks? When I moved out of my parents? When I was in middle school and I chose pizza and fries over grilled chicken and corn?

My parents did make efforts when I was younger to get me to make healthier choices and be more active, but by then I was quite set in my ways and my eating habits, not to mention a stubborn pre-teen/teenage girl.

So what do you guys think? When did the blame shift from my parents too me? Who carries more blame? Any thoughts?

We're all responsible for our fitness or better yet nutritional needs. It's easy to put blame here and there or take the law into your own hands and do what you need to do to get you where you want to be. What only matters is what you think! Good Luck

CMcBryer

Fault, blame, and guilt aren't healthy emotions. You can't change the past. You're taking responsibility NOW and that's all that matters. Continue on your healthy path. :flowerforyou:

I completely agree with this statement, however I realized I was much too overweight around 6th grade, so I joined the basketball team. I was terrible, but it provided me with exercise, fitness, and some new friends. Getting active and involved in something can be a wonderful choice, no?

idahogirl71

Rather than trying to place blame you need to search within to find out the reasons you overeat. That is the key to successful weight loss, find those issues and your triggers and deal with them and you will drop the weight and keep it off.

hush7hush

YOU are making the change NOW!
That's all that counts. [:

jasonweinberg

i can feel you though. those emotions weighed on me for a long time. i was just never taught to/expected to eat right as a kid and it created lifelong consequences for me. as a young adult i changed the way i ate and lost all my excess weight. it was very liberating. being heavy as a kid is really tough on you emotionally and socially. i tend to believe that weight lost comes back easier than weight never gained in the first place gains. over my 30s and 40s all the weight and then some came back. now clearly i was an adult then and i wasn't making the right choices. but the fact that i was heavy as a child imho still compounded the problem. now i've tackled it again, succeeded again and this time there is NO WAY i am going back down that road. i am just so much happier and healthier

srp2011

It doesn't really matter when the blame shifted - dwelling on this is just a waste of time and energy, and a way of keeping from taking full responsibility now. And right now, the full responsibility is yours. You can put your time and energy into eating healthier, learning about nutrition, and exercising, or waste your time still trying to place blame and thinking about things that don't really matter (and time spent on these thoughts does actually take away from time that could be spent doing something positive). So even if you say you take full responsibility now, the fact that this blame issue is so big for you suggests that really, you're not accapting the responsibility.

Who really cares at what age you became responsible for your weight problem? You're responsible for it now. So make the changes you need to make and move forward.

LJSpady

Hmmm...
For the record, I don't have any negative feelings towards my parents or myself for that matter. Like a said I've taken control of my life and I'm working my *kitten* off to undo the damage my body's undergone for the last 21 years. I'm just wondering when the responsibility for my fitness shifted from my parents to me.

tryinghard2012

When you turned 18...an adult.

icerose137

When you turned 18...an adult.

Yep. This is the simplest answer.

mjtbb

If you are trying to be philosophical, I think the responsability about anything comes when you are aware of it. At the point that you know that you are overweight, it was then the responsability to ask why. Find out if there was something that can be done to change it, to ask for help. To go outside to play, to ask your parents if they could get healthier options or to push the plate away. Of course that could be hard if the parents don't know. There are many of us who don't know how to eat healthy or how to teach our children when we do know.
My daughter was not overweight but borderline to get there if we didn't pay attention. She started middle school 2 years ago, she started doing more activities, eating less and lost 10 pounds. I was worried the whole time that she wasn't eating enough but then she hasn't had any health issues, she looks great and she feels better. Her doctor gave her an "atta boy" as long as she doesn't lose anymore which she hasn't. I make sure she gets breakfast but the rest of the day she will eat if she is hungry. Does she like junk food? Of course, she is a pre-teen. But as soon as I see her eating too much of it (snacking), I let her know and feed her real dinner. I recognize when she eats lots of junk food is because she is hungry, looking for something to eat. I still worry because I'm not sure she is getting all the nutrition needed but it is almost impossible to get her to eat veggies. Now that I'm changing my eating habits I keep every fruit we like around. She actually loves apples and oranges for her snacks so I'm happy she is getting something healthy along with the junk we still buy because I will have a mutiny if I don't get it. On the other hand she has never been the type to eat a lot of the junk. She gets her craving and knows when to stop. You should see all the candy around my house that was never eaten. I throw it away every few months. She still likes to get it for holidays but never eats the whole bag. It is all a balance and some kids are more aware than others.

SiltyPigeon

It only becomes your fault at the point when you know there are other options, and chose not to utilize them.

When you know that eating that third slice of pizza isn't going to help your waistline and chose to eat it anyways. Then it is your fault.

That said, I agree with the other poster who said Blame doesn't help anything, neither does looking to the past. Make the change NOW and tomorrow you won't have to wonder why you didn't do anything today.

:flowerforyou:

abyt42

My kids are 8, and we've talked with them even before they understood about good habits and bad habits, about nutritionally solid foods versus empty foods, about healthy vs. unhealthy treats. They're making decisions about snack foods (from the band of choices we provide them, but also at school). They help cook, read cookbooks with me, and we talk about what we're making in terms of nutrition as well as taste. While they're not responsible, clearly, for their eating habits, yet, hopefully they'll be able to recognize their part in the habits they develop as they get older.

I decided as a teen to become a vegetarian: that's really when I took responsibility for my diet. I didn't recognize my fatness as a choice, though, until relatively recently.

Bringerofrain

I'll start by saying that I'm 21 years old and I take full responsibility for the fact that I currently weigh 350 lbs. I've been living on my own for the last 3 years, I've had a job and my own car for the last 5 years. There's plenty that I could have done before now to prevent myself from getting here.

But I wonder, when did this start to be my fault? I've been overweight for as long as I can remember. I can recall being in the 1st grade and knowing that I was bigger than the other kids. Back then, clearly it wasn't my fault. I didn't buy and prepare my food. I didn't choose how my days were spent. But at what point did the blame shift fro my parents to myself? When I got a job and was able to buy my own snacks? When I moved out of my parents? When I was in middle school and I chose pizza and fries over grilled chicken and corn?

My parents did make efforts when I was younger to get me to make healthier choices and be more active, but by then I was quite set in my ways and my eating habits, not to mention a stubborn pre-teen/teenage girl.

So what do you guys think? When did the blame shift from my parents too me? Who carries more blame? Any thoughts?

**EDIT**
I don't have any negative feelings toward my parents OR myself. I'm just wondering when the responsibility for my fitness and wellness shifted from my parents to me. For anyone, when does the responsibility shift from parent to child?

Hmmm,... That's a tuffy! There's a lot of things that contributed to this outcome. Genetics, Metabolism, emotions, Lifestyle, dietary, etc. & I don't think it's neither your fault or your parents fault.(even if you've already taken full responsibility). People love you & see you for who you are, not what you look like.(well, atleast most people ) Now having said that, you & you alone took the initiative to join MFP & do something about your fitness & well-being. I applaud you for that & your Courage & determination on that first step!:flowerforyou: BUT! What if you fail? What if you lose interest? What if you come up short of your goal? Who's fault is it then? I think you know where I am going with this but if you don't, allow me to flip the script on you one more time. You made a conscience decision(a positive one) to do something about your fitness & well-being & be more responsible for your health, So right there, It just became, "being your fault." However, the beauty in THIS game is,.................Wait for it,..........you get DO OVERS! As many as it takes to get to that Goal of yours! You are definitly headed in the right direction young lady & I would love nothing more than to see you achieve your ultimate goal! Many people could easily look to blame someone or something else but I don't see that in you. I wish you all the best! Now, let's get this DONE!:flowerforyou:

tssa

I'll start by saying that I'm 21 years old and I take full responsibility for the fact that I currently weigh 350 lbs. I've been living on my own for the last 3 years, I've had a job and my own car for the last 5 years. There's plenty that I could have done before now to prevent myself from getting here.

But I wonder, when did this start to be my fault? I've been overweight for as long as I can remember. I can recall being in the 1st grade and knowing that I was bigger than the other kids. Back then, clearly it wasn't my fault. I didn't buy and prepare my food. I didn't choose how my days were spent. But at what point did the blame shift fro my parents to myself? When I got a job and was able to buy my own snacks? When I moved out of my parents? When I was in middle school and I chose pizza and fries over grilled chicken and corn?

My parents did make efforts when I was younger to get me to make healthier choices and be more active, but by then I was quite set in my ways and my eating habits, not to mention a stubborn pre-teen/teenage girl.

So what do you guys think? When did the blame shift from my parents too me? Who carries more blame? Any thoughts?

**EDIT**
I don't have any negative feelings toward my parents OR myself. I'm just wondering when the responsibility for my fitness and wellness shifted from my parents to me. For anyone, when does the responsibility shift from parent to child?

LJ, I've contemplated this question so much in the past year or so. Eventually, I had to tell myself that it doesn't whose to blame for why I'm overweight. What matters is that NOW, its up to ME to make a change if I want to change. You're responsible for your own happiness, sanity, and serenity. I wish you all the luck on your journey girl. I've added you as a a friend and oh yea, I'm a Paramore fan as well. he he he he

aippolito1

You just said it. If your parents tried to get you to eat healthy and you refused: that's when it became your fault.

Stop guilt tripping and just make a change! Everyone has to own up to their actions and take responsibility for it but we can make a change, eat healthy and change our lives!! It's hard but we can do it!

tssa

I'll start by saying that I'm 21 years old and I take full responsibility for the fact that I currently weigh 350 lbs. I've been living on my own for the last 3 years, I've had a job and my own car for the last 5 years. There's plenty that I could have done before now to prevent myself from getting here.

But I wonder, when did this start to be my fault? I've been overweight for as long as I can remember. I can recall being in the 1st grade and knowing that I was bigger than the other kids. Back then, clearly it wasn't my fault. I didn't buy and prepare my food. I didn't choose how my days were spent. But at what point did the blame shift fro my parents to myself? When I got a job and was able to buy my own snacks? When I moved out of my parents? When I was in middle school and I chose pizza and fries over grilled chicken and corn?

My parents did make efforts when I was younger to get me to make healthier choices and be more active, but by then I was quite set in my ways and my eating habits, not to mention a stubborn pre-teen/teenage girl.

So what do you guys think? When did the blame shift from my parents too me? Who carries more blame? Any thoughts?

**EDIT**
I don't have any negative feelings toward my parents OR myself. I'm just wondering when the responsibility for my fitness and wellness shifted from my parents to me. For anyone, when does the responsibility shift from parent to child?

LJ, I've contemplated this question so much in the past year or so. Eventually, I had to tell myself that it doesn't whose to blame for why I'm overweight. What matters is that NOW, its up to ME to make a change if I want to change. You're responsible for your own happiness, sanity, and serenity. I wish you all the luck on your journey girl. I've added you as a a friend and oh yea, I'm a Paramore fan as well. he he he he

Ultimately to answer your question though, I believe the shift of responsbility happened when we are able to make our own decisions for what we eat and how or if we exercise. In my household, when I was teenager my Mom was like you eat what I fix, which I didn't have a problem with since my Mom could throw down in the kitchen. Yes she made the food, but it was me that ate 2 plates full of food, it was me that wanted an extra slice of cake, she didn't push any of that on me. Yes, at times she would advise not to eat too much but she wasn't harsh on it, which I don't blame her for. But of course, at that time I had no idea what portion control was all I know was that it was good and I wanted it so I ate it. Now since I"m older I'm wiser and has had to live with the consequences of my poor food choices in the past. But like we all are here on MFP, it's been MY decision to make a lifetime change for a healthier life. But the bottomline is, NOW I'm in control of changing.

ImperfektAngel

Fault, blame, and guilt aren't healthy emotions. You can't change the past. You're taking responsibility NOW and that's all that matters. Continue on your healthy path. :flowerforyou:

Ditto

LuckyLeprechaun

If you were raised eating that way and you continued that pattern after you became an adult because you didn't know any better, then you were "responsible," but there is no "fault". When you know better, you do better.

If you were raised by vegans and you never ate meat even after you became an adult, would that be your "fault"? No. You just did what you were taught, and now that you're learning to do different, you'll make healthier choices. :flowerforyou:

deeharley

I understand your thinking. I am at the other end of the table - haha. I am trying to make healthy decisions after raising my children halfway while I didn't. I have two children who are very active and eat healthier and less than the third. The third, unfortunately, tends to follow in my bad habits. There are days that he admits he would like to lose weight, fit into different pants and be able to participate in more activities that his brother and sister do. Then he has a doughnut. So, which one of us is to blame - me for having doughnuts in the house, or him for eating three of them?

I agree with many of the other posters, looking back won't really help. What happens today and after is what matters. But I totally get your thought processes.

xraychick77

maybe its time to stop the blame game and just fix your life.