VERY OFF Topic--I'm depressed

kimber607

((HUGS)) from someone who has been there....done that
I know how bad the pain is...the sleepless nights....when your mind races
Try and be strong for you and your kids...I know how scary and overwhelming this all feels
try and find someone to talk too..it will help.....

PM me if you want/need to talk more......sometimes just writing it out....getting it all out to anyone helsp temporarily

Kim

lejess

I saw you posting on another topic, and you mentioned this post. So I decided to read it.

Like everyone else, I am so sorry to hear that you are dealing with this weight.

I have walked in similar shoes, and it took me a long (and a lot of mistakes!) to realize that the infidelity is not my (or yours) fault. People cheat because of their own problems. Whether it is a self esteem issue, an inability to communicate what they really need, or maybe they are selfish and lazy. The problem is not you. Relationships are partnerships. When one person stops working or communicating, it falls apart.

I hope that you heal quickly, and find strength to move forward. You may feel like you want him back now, but my guess is, you are grieving what you lost and what could have been. Pretty soon the anger is going to set in and my money says you'll feel differently.

You WILL get through this. Besides, you have kids to set an example for. If for nothing else, show them what a strong woman you are.

lejess

PS, one more thing....I stalked your profile pics....you are GORGEOUS.
Don't let that fool of a husband make you think any different.

jenn2080

My heart breaks for you and the pain you are going thru. I was in a similar situation about 6yrs ago. My son was 9 months old when I found out that my husband was cheating on me with someone he worked with. I was devastated, I mean I actually could feel my chest hurting and it hurt to breath. Now I know that may sound stupid to some ppl, but I had been with this man since I was 17yrs old and I couldn't imagine life without him. Long story short I wanted him to come home to me and our son so bad and I prayed every day and hour that he would come home. So when he came home and said he wasn't going to see her anymore I believed him, and of course he did in fact keep seeing her. After 3 yrs of pure hell, I finally left him for good. I could not get over the affair and what he did to me and our family. I forgot to mention that he was also an alcoholic so the affair was more than I could ever physically and mentally take. I understand when you say that you want to be a family and you don't want to remarry because I said the same thing. It was never my dream to get divorced and do the whole custody and child support thing. I was embarrassed that everyone knew and I was embarrassed that I had took him back and he kept seeing her. I felt like a total fool and failure. He blamed everything on me and told me it was because we didn't have sex enough, I didn't clean the house good enough, I didn't cook enough....the list goes on and on. I fell for all of it and decided that since I felt like a piece of crap that I was a piece of crap. I cannot tell you enough how it was his mistake not yours. I know that both partners in a relationship can contribute the the downfall, but what he did was totally on him and on his character as a man and husband. The next little bit will be extremely hard, but I promise there is a light at the end of this dark and heart breaking journey.

About 6months after I filed for divorce, I came in contact with a friend I went to high school many years ago. We starting talking and seeing each other and it was the best move I ever made. We have been married now for 2 yrs, and are very happy together. I still carry some of the anger of what my 1st husband did to me, but try not to ever let it get the best of me. This will change you as a person, but that doesn't have to be a bad thing. You will be much stronger and you will prove to yourself that you deserve better. I totally wore my family out with the drama too because it was constant everyday ordeal, so I know how you feel there. I will send a friend request and you can always vent to me, it does help to let it out. Hope this helps because you are not alone. Also it wouldn't matter if you were miss America, he would still find some reason for not loving you or cheating on you so please don't beat yourself up.

Rubie81

Wow, you guys are awesome. I think I will be printing some of these comments and reading them when I am having my dark moments. Yesterday I was a com0plete mess. Went out for lunch with my bosses and just started bawling at the table. Today I am OK. I feel like I'll never be my happy, bubbly self.

And you know what's funny. The night after he told me about the cheating and said that he wasn't interested in working things out, I apologized to him. Can you believe how twisted he had me. He cheats on me and I apologize because he's leaving us. And then I told him, 'I'm going to miss you." And nothing from him. It's like he's not my husband any more. He's this dark, distant individual. Half the time he doesn't even seem human. What's really ironic is that this Maria is probably getting courted like a Queen.

SweetLe

My heart breaks for you and I feel your sadness through your words. I don't have anything to say that would take your pain away, I wish I did. Know that you are an amazing person, beautiful inside and out. Don't let him bring you down, you don't deserve it. Take one day at a time and let your kids bring back that joy he tried to take away. You have a bunch of supportive people here who care about you.
Sending hugs your way and lots of love :flowerforyou:

sceck

I'm so very sorry for you! But, the fact that you have decided to tell your story is the first step. Don't keep it to yourself. Let your good friends give you lots of hugs and support! Don't think that they will get tired of your whining, they're your friends! I had a recent parting of the ways with my relationship and I started logging into an online journal called eDailyDiary. Log your thoughts and feelings (they are yours and yours alone). Sometimes log once a day, sometimes five times a day. As time goes on, you'll see some light at the end of the tunnel, then reread your previous entries. You may wonder why you were so distraught. Give it a try and best of luck. Time is your friend, although it doesn't seem so at this moment.

Mahlissa

I don't know you personally, but I can relate to your feelings and hurt. My significant other, after 14.5 years, walked out on Tuesday April 19th of this year. Said he couldn't take it anymore.

For reasons out of habit and comfort I want him back.

I feel bad for you, your children are young and need their Daddy home. My boys are 5 and 9. My 9 year old told the school counselor everything and feels unloved. It's hard when there are kids involved.

The thing is, think hard. After all of this, would you take him back? If so, how would you feel? What about insecurities in the back of your mind? Forgive and forget? Lot's of things to consider.

I know this is painful and you are probably crying a whole lot. Love is the most unreal pain we can experience and it can also be the most unreal high.

Consume yourself with your children and focus on your hobbies and staying strong :flowerforyou: for the kids. What ever path you were meant to go on will happen. And it will happen for a reason.

Take care and stay strong. I know it's easier said than done.

PaulaDDN

Oh dear, im so sorry!! I wish to take away some of this huge pain that you have but only the time can. Anything of this is your fault, nobody stays with nobody if they dont feel happy with that person, specially nobody have 2 sons with that person. Maybe he is confussed, maybe this girl made him feel that he wasnt happy with you but he will regret it. What do you want for you and your kids? think about it.... will you be back with your husband when this gurl dumps him, do you deserve it?.... i dont know, i have never been in your situation but for now i think you should just focus on your sons and on your self, stop thinking about the future, about who is gonna raise your kids or this things, just think about today, about giving to your osns the best of you, taking care of you, workout, read, do something you've never done before. What about taking the kids to the beach or a lake, just u and the kids. You will be fine, i understand that is just the freaking time that sometimes seems to pass too slow. My best wishes for you and your kids, we r here for you.

Francellyg

Awe, Im soooo sorry you're going through that! That's awful! You shouldn't blame yourself, especially when it was your husband who betrayed you and took something sacred and special, that's only meant for the two of you, and shared it with some stranger! You shouldn't worry too much about either of them, they weren't worried about whose feeling would get hurt or how lives would change when they slept (sleep) together....im sorry hun....I don't know how I would react to something like this. (I've been w/ my husband for 8 years and boy have they been long! LoL)....its hard to lose yourself in the kids, in your work, in your home AND IN YOUR MARRIAGE! Just PLEASE keep your self worth!!!! Good luck and lots of hugs!!!!:flowerforyou:

Rubie81

Every time I talk about it, it doesn't matter to who, I feel a sense of relief even if it is short lived. I've contacted another therapist and hopefully I can start seeing her on a weekly basis.
Thanks again, everyone.
Oh and I will be checking out that eDiary. I'm sure that will give me some release as well.

bluemax87

Every time I talk about it, it doesn't matter to who, I feel a sense of relief even if it is short lived. I've contacted another therapist and hopefully I can start seeing her on a weekly basis.
Thanks again, everyone.
Oh and I will be checking out that eDiary. I'm sure that will give me some release as well.

Talking about it seemed to help me a lot. When my ex first left me, my only thought was to go get as drunk as possible and find a whole bunch of random girls to bring back home. Being 4 states away from all my family and my ex, I figured I wouldn't get caught. Luckily for me, I had good friends that I worked with that made sure I didn't do those foolish things, just in case the ex had 'people' there that could tattle on me. The last thing I needed was to go before a Courts-Martial hearing for Adultery and get kicked out of the AF. However, those same friends I had that helped keep me from doing stupid stuff were also there for me to vent to and listen to me...

I've learned over the past few years that I'm nowhere near as perfect as I'd like to be. I look at my first marriage and realize the mistakes I made and the mistakes we made as a couple. For starters, we were married for 12 days before I left for Boot Camp and then saw each other for 3 days at my graduation, then another 3 days on Thanksgiving, then for 3 weeks for christmas and the birth of our child. After that, it was another 2 months before we saw each other again. Not once during all that time did we live alone together or talk about the potentials trials we would face in our way-too-young-marriage. Once she moved in, all she could think about was how much she missed all her friends 4 states away and how much it sucked where we were...

I'm sure that, as the saying goes, there's another side to this story. I'm sure there are things that you are looking back on (or will later look back on in the future) that you will wish you did differently. I'm sure there is any number of reasons for him to have done what he did. However, as with all relationships, the key to overcoming those obstacles is communication. The source of that communication could very well have started with you, but it damn well should have started with him when he began thinking about cheating. If not when he began thinking about it, then surely when he started flirting with another woman. If not when he started flirting with her, then what about when he took her on their first date? Every step down that road he took was one more fault on his part. Regardless of what you could have done to correct the situation, he knew full well what he was doing and didn't look back and think to himself "I wonder if we could fix things between us if I simply told her whats going on...?"

As another person has said previously, you're a very attractive woman. Add to that the fact that you've already had 2 kids and you still have a rockin' body like that?!? I don't know why he WOULDN'T try to work things out with you. He's a fool as far as I'm concerned... It isn't that hard to hire a babysitter and go to a motel for the night... even once a month... Or to hire a babysitter that would allow you to keep your kids at their place...

KateG76

Sweetie he is telling you that he was lonely and that you "made" him do this because he is a coward. He very well could have talked to you his wife if he felt lonely or if he wanted the sex life spiced up. He failed you by not being your partner, by not treating you the way you should have, with love, respect and admiration. Treating you like crap made him feel better about himself, just like a bully.
You are a beautiful, strong, amazing woman that deserves better. You will mourn him, lets face it, you had a family, dreams, hopes and those have now crumbled.
Keep your head up, and don't rush the feelings to be over with. If you don't grieve right now you will carry this pain much longer. I hope that you are able to find a therapist that can give you the support you need and that you continue to reach out to your friends and family for as long as you need to.
(((BIG HUG)))

pandaeye

So sorry to hear this. He is not worth the worry, once done never go back as they never change. Keep strong, small steps one day at a time. Don't rush it, push things too fast, be there for your kids and family/friends will always be there for you no matter what. Look after yourself and my heart goes out to you at this difficult time. Xx