Living with Discipline and apparently annoying everyone else

destinyag

About 3 1/2 years ago my boyfriend and I were incredibly overweight. We decided to do some cold-turkey makeovers (which some folks would say is a terrible idea). In addition to joining a gym, we decided to go without fast food....forever. We had our "last supper" of sorts and then *poof!* the next morning we were fast food free. What's fast food? Anything with a drive-thru. The first few weeks were HARD. After six months we were really impressed with ourselves and kind of thought, "Hm? Why go back?". So we haven't. Ever. And we're so happy for making that choice.

Does that mean we're fit, healthy, and living happily ever after? No. Even though we've managed to pick up a few other cold turkeys along the way (no soda, no burgers for me, and no meat for him), we're still not where we'd like to be. Bad food is everywhere, not just at McDonald's.

Anyways, when we have family get togethers or go on trips with friends, everyone gets very frustrated with this discipline and kind of treat us as if we think we are superior human beings. This is not true. If it were, we wouldn't constantly be trying to improve ourselves.

What have you given up for your health goals and are there people in your life that try to get you down about your success or will power?

This is very frustrating...

SassyStef

Pats on the back for you guys!! UGH My hubby dosent like that I have given up processed foods and basically breads and grains LOL I made tacos last night for dinner and use cabbage leaves instead of the taco shells and he didnt even try it.
I told him I wasnt gonna buy, cereals, tortillas, breads of any kind any more and he was like 'wtf am I supposed to eat then' I totally laughed because there are plenty of other foods out there to eat!!

STAY STRONG!!

Madmumlee

I hear and see this time and time again. People get jealous of your discipline and will power. It's their failing, not yours. Stick with it, you are doing fantastic. You have seen past all the hype and crap and gone for good food (or are on your way, doing the best you can). Others are either too lazy, ignorant, or just sheep.

All the best to you both!

TinaRodina

Don't let them get to you, you're doing great!

perrytyra

My family hates wholewheat anything. It is very annoying. I don't want to buy and prepare both.

Runnermadre

Sometimes I feel like this sort of judgement comes from people who aren't ready to face their own health and fitness issues. Everyone knows that a big mac and fries isn't healthy, but it's a part of reality for most people. It's so hard to be happy and supportive for someone when we're not ready to own up to our own status. Congrats for making a healthy change, and as long as you're being smart with your choices, and doing good for your body, then don't worry about everyone else!

sophjakesmom

I admire your will power. I have taken a different approach, though. I have tried to limit things, but have not made anything "off limits". This approach works best for me, because in the past I would slip and eat something "forbidden" and then would use that as an excuse to go on a binge.

I think your family is jealous and/or concerned. When people ask "how are you doing it?" I have found most don't really want to know that answer. So I will tell them the basics, exercise and watching what I eat, and if they want more info, they'll ask. Most just say, "oh I can't do that." It really is a question of committment to stick to your goals.

Keep doing what your doing. The important thing is you are healthier because of these decisions. :flowerforyou:

GaveUp

There are a lot of foods that I love I refuse to keep in the house. Now on the other hand I have a junk food junkie husband and has to keep sweets, chips, soda all the bad stuff. My biggest problem is the sweets. He even will bring me some knowing I am trying to stay away..... ugh!

sla0814

Oh my goodness I know what you mean! It feels awkward at times because if you say "no" to dessert, or no to aunt sally's potato salad, it's as if they are offended unfortunately.

I say stick to your guns, you're doing amazing and they don't have to live in your body, you do.

God bless

UpEarly

What about your discipline is frustrating them? Are you making negative comments about the food they're eating or their portion sizes? Are you talking a lot about your special diet and the things you will/won't eat when no one has asked about it? Are you asking people to change plans to accommodate you? Do you go to restaurants/family dinners and say, exasperated "There's *nothing* I can eat here!"?

I used to follow a really, really strict diet, and I know I drove everyone I know crazy with all my needs and requirements. I was a real pain in the butt - I admit it!

If you're not doing any of the above things, then I would guess people might just be jealous. When they see your success, it might make them think of their failures. Their behavior might just be a defense mechanism.

GLJezebel

I know what you are saying. I refuse to eat anything that contains HFCS and it makes my mother crazy (probably other people, too) because when I am at her house I read the labels on everything she has before I will eat. If it contains HFCS I just won't eat it. Same with aspartame. To each his own but I'm sticking with the no HFCS and no aspartame.

cscoggins

My husband and I have given up soda, most fast food, and have replaced all our "side-dishes" with fruit/vegetables. We feel so much better and have more energy!! I think when people respond negatively to your new goals, it is probably just because they feel challenged to do the same- and that feeling isn't a good one when they aren't ready to change their own lifestyle- when they just aren't " in that place"- . Just be as subtle as you can about the good choices you're making for yourself and try to show your friends that you support them- regardless their choices. My family started making diet changes about a year ago, and I've gotta say... I felt threatened. I wasn't ready, and every time they "preached" to me about healthy eating habits, it would just piss me off and alienate them from me. But, eventually, when I was ready, and they quit pushing me, I began to enjoy the positive peer pressure... and now family gatherings are not stressful, because I know there will be healthy options! Hang in there with your friends!! We all need each other.

kimbera68

It seems like it's one thing to change your own eating habits, but to expect everyone else in the house to change for you seems a bit much. My husband and I are changing how we eat. I am not forcing it on my kids. I make dinner and they are free to eat with us or make something else. I still keep all the old staples in the house, I just don't eat them.

If I decided to become a vegetarian tomorrow I can't for the life of me imagine just telling my husband "sorry, no more meat in the house". Many times I have made a garden burger for myself while cooking them regular burgers. It just doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me.

As for people who try to sabotage you, I haven't really ran into that. But if they think so poorly of you I'm not sure you really need them in your life.

Pril2000

I understand where you're coming from.

3 years ago I was overweight, drunk all the time, a pack a day smoker and a fast food junkie. I met my husband around this time and despite being the heaviest I'd ever been in all my life, he fell in love with me. I quite smoking cold turkey. I decided to try to start exercising more. I gave up some fast food, but not really for good and I definitely didn't get strict with myself until this past year. I keep everything in moderation. I rarely drink. I'll have a couple of glasses of wine with dinner once a month or less. I am running in races, and taking karate and participating in volleyball at work. I made a promise to myself to keep moving no matter what and I'm sticking to it.

I've lost 60 lbs over that time and I really am proud of myself. I'm always looking for ways to improve just like you said. I don't think I'm better than anyone.

I work in a gov't office. Almost 80% of my co-workers are overweight and eat like they don't care. I want to be a positive influence on them. I want to be the person who inspires someone to get off of their butt and go for a walk at lunch. I get the feeling, however, that I'm having the opposite effect. I get negative comments from some people. I get scolded like a child because some of the women in my office think that I don't eat enough. I eat plenty. They don't buy it. I bring salmon, brown rice and asparagus to work for lunch and they turn up their noses and call it "that healthy stuff". It's FOOD. What is the problem here? Why can't people see it as inspiration to also be healthier. Why is being healthy so threatening to people who aren't healthy?

It's so weird. It's frustrating. I want to help others gain fitness and health, but my enthousiasm comes across as preachy or just a crazy obsessed person trying to push her healthy food on others. I don't get it. I'm not forcing anyone to do what I do. I have my days when a burger is the only thing that will hit the spot.. the other days, I stick to lean protein and fish and veggies and fruits. It's not rocket science.


ps. I was a vegetarian for about 2 years right after college and my parents never once tried to cook a vegetarian meal for me. They would cook a normal meal and I'd have to eat the sides. Holidays were a disaster. Everything would somehow have meat in it. I think sometimes people don't realize how much something means to you because they aren't going through the same thing. To them, eating healthily is a choice you've made and they don't understand why you won't eat fast food "just this once since we're on vacation" because they themselves don't see the problem with the food in the first place. They think you're trying to be difficult instead of seeing it as a positive life change for you. I wish I could tell you that it gets easier, but I haven't seen any evidence to support that.

Zeromilediet

They only treat you like Superior Human Beings ... because you are! Our society is so self-indulgent it's threatening to encounter people who have the guts, the fortitude to suck it up and face reality: food companies are in business to make money selling us food; but, we don't have to buy it. We have a choice--your choice doesn't have to be that of your family and friends. Good friends will respect your choices and while not agreeing will acknowledge you're free thinking adults entitled to exercise the right to choose. Not-so-good friends will give you a hard time. Family ... well, family are put on this earth to drive you crazy it seems haha!

Keep doing what works for you. It's your life and your health.

dragonbug300

My mother has a vendetta against anything that I cook. I love cooking healthy, but admittedly it takes some practice to properly modify recipes so they're healthy and tasty. So there have been some duds, but mostly successes.

Well, I made some modified oatmeal raisin cookies recently using brown sugar substitute, soymilk, olive oil butter, applesauce, bananas, whole wheat pastry flour, and a touch of wheat bran. I loved the dough, but wanted a second opinion. I asked my mom to try some, and she made a face and told me it was awful... then proceeded to tell me to use 'butter, eggs, and sugar' next time. This is a woman who will nix the salt and trade butter for margerine in a pastry recipe and proceed to brag about how healthy she's being! :explode:

Well, I was so disheartened that I didn't bake the dough... just stuck it in the fridge. My brother and dad came upstairs later, tried it, and finished the whole thing! Then dad (who hates healthy subs on principle) told me it was the best dough he'd ever eaten. I didn't tell him that I'd altered the recipe at all, and he loved it!

Moral of the story: haters be hatin'.:drinker:

Butterflynma

First off, kudos to you and your boyfriend for a job well done. Keep up the good work.

I can totally relate to what you're going through. I've had people make sarcastic comments when I say I don't eat something or I'm not drinking (alcohol). I've heard "you can have it, just eat it in moderation", or " you can't have that either", or the sarcastic "what are you going to eat, egg whites". I find it to be very annoying and I get a little uncomfortable being around certain people because I don't want to be judged for wanting to make better choices. Part of me can understand why though. For me everything revolved around food. I would get together with my family and friends and we ate and drank all the time. So they've gotten used to me eating a certain way. But, get over it. Not everyone remains the same forever. Not everything works for everyone forever. People seem to become threatened when you do something out of the norm.

Continue on your healthy journey! I wish you and your boyfriend continued success!!!!!

Barneystinson

My immediate family and friends generally share my beliefs on fast food Meaning...avoid fast food whenever possible. Although, as my parents are getting older I get those phone calls describing perky medical problems and I get the occasional "Your father and I decided to eat at McDonald's the other night and rushed home to use the bathroom....worse than a colonoscopy!" drops in conversations.

Most fast food doesn't go well when you have IBD or food intolerances. Y'know, then you really will be running to the bathroom. I had major issues as a kid and teen eating that stuff and never put two and two together until later in college that I had digestive problems.

So yeah, in a weird way I'm lucky...save for the TMI phone calls, maybe.

Though, I'm not gonna lie, if I'm out on the road driving and need a pit stop, McD's has great bathrooms.

rgutie1

visitinig my family is always dangerous because they are very set in their ways. I have been getting better at holding my ground. my inlaws though, I know that I am not allowed to turn down any food they offer.

monchand

I can so relate to this. My co-workers are always inspecting my meals I bring, which is always lean, healthy and alot of veggies and of course I can tell you how much calories each item has. They get upset when they order out and I say no thank you! Or I won't eat that cake that was brought in, I always hear "How can you stand to eat like that. are you ever going to stop your diet" I smile, tell them no its not a diet its my new lifestyle......which I have been doing since Oct 2009. I can tell you I cook two separate meals because my husband and kids will not eat like me, which is ok. So good luck to you and your husband and continue on with your healthy eating habits. :bigsmile:

sweet_lotus

It seems like it's one thing to change your own eating habits, but to expect everyone else in the house to change for you seems a bit much. My husband and I are changing how we eat. I am not forcing it on my kids. I make dinner and they are free to eat with us or make something else. I still keep all the old staples in the house, I just don't eat them.

If I decided to become a vegetarian tomorrow I can't for the life of me imagine just telling my husband "sorry, no more meat in the house". Many times I have made a garden burger for myself while cooking them regular burgers. It just doesn't seem like that big of a deal to me

I am a vegetarian and so I'm used to getting *kitten* about my diet. But, yeah, I'm totally on your page. My husband eats chicken. I think people make stuff into a bigger deal than it is!

I eat out all the time, go to family gatherings, and I eat side dishes or bring something. If I'm going to a dinner party, I let the host/hostess know but tell them not to fuss, and it's always fine. If someone I know is on a diet, whatever it is, I respect it when I have them over at my house.

My sister has a picky kid and we always make sure there is something for him to eat when he comes over. She also bakes her Christmas cookies with whole wheat pastry flour and healthy oils, and they taste like bricks. But, I just smile and say they're good.

For the OP - just ignore it. If there's a gathering and they will be having fast food, bring something along and if people harass you just change the subject.

kimbera68

I am a vegetarian and so I'm used to getting *kitten* about my diet. But, yeah, I'm totally on your page. My husband eats chicken. I think people make stuff into a bigger deal than it is!

I eat out all the time, go to family gatherings, and I eat side dishes or bring something. If I'm going to a dinner party, I let the host/hostess know but tell them not to fuss, and it's always fine. If someone I know is on a diet, whatever it is, I respect it when I have them over at my house.

My sister has a picky kid and we always make sure there is something for him to eat when he comes over. She also bakes her Christmas cookies with whole wheat pastry flour and healthy oils, and they taste like bricks. But, I just smile and say they're good.

For the OP - just ignore it. If there's a gathering and they will be having fast food, bring something along and if people harass you just change the subject.

You sound a lot like me. Live and let live as far as I'm concerned.

One thing I wanted to bring up for the original poster...not saying you do this but I saw this situation so I thought I'd mention it. I know someone who very passionate about a plant based diet. She is also a recovering alcoholic. She didn't realize she was doing it but when other people would mention food or alcohol they enjoyed she would respond in a way she didn't realize sounded condescending and judgmental. That got her the same in return and she felt as if she was being persecuted for her eating habits. When it was pointed out to her, she finally realized that her own passion for health came off as if she were putting others down. Because she felt so strongly about it she didn't see it until she looked really hard.

Again, not saying you do this, but you might want to think about how you tell them you don't eat fast food. They could be reacting to feeling judged, possibly just a misunderstanding or miscommunication. I can't for the life of me imagine myself or anyone I know putting anyone else down for what or how they eat.

kimbera68

Also, just curious. Most fast food places have salads that are actually pretty good. Why is this not an option so everyone could be accommodated? Is this a nutrition thing or a political/moral thing?

shaverkl191

I totally agree with this! I've recently started to eat healthier and exercise, cut out fast food except for maybe a treat on the weekend. My friends and family give me a hard time about it sometimes, ganging up on me when I pass on cake at a family gathering etc. But a few weeks ago I ran my first 5K and I'm feeling great, so I just try ignore the haters and do my own thing!

christine24t

Sometimes, I think people think that when we say we're changing our lifestyles that we're trying to say we're better than them, even if we don't think that. Just stick to your guns and don't bring it up unless people comment on it. You'd be surprised at how much people DON'T notice and what they actually notice. If you just say "no thanks" instead of "no thanks, i don't eat ____" it would probably go over better.

whateverdamnit

I've given up my 2-3 glasses of wine per night, full-carb beer, Havana Club and Coke.. Indian takeaways (oily, cheesy Naan bread, creamy curries..), KFC (I really refuse to eat that stuff nowadays), sugary cereals and dried fruits, McDonalds, fruit juices, Burger King.. I actually gave up A LOT. Trying to eat more natural food, without all the added sugars.

milaxx

I'm a vegetarian. Something that apparently seems to be a affront to all meat eaters of the world. I am also severely allergic to seafood and have a mild sensitivity to peanuts and cinnamon. I also eat clean. I've long since stopped trying to please people. I just got in the habit of eating before I go anywhere that I am unsure will have foods I can eat and then politely saying "No thank you."

kimbera68

I'm a vegetarian. Something that apparently seems to be a affront to all meat eaters of the world. I am also severely allergic to seafood and have a mild sensitivity to peanuts and cinnamon. I also eat clean. I've long since stopped trying to please people. I just got in the habit of eating before I go anywhere that I am unsure will have foods I can eat and then politely saying "No thank you."

Being a vegetarian is not an affront to "all" meat eaters of the world. You might be surprised how many of us really could care less what or how you eat. I suspect it's a lot like vegetarians. The vocal, judgmental ones who are offended by us meat eaters are likely a small minority.

Barneystinson

Also, just curious. Most fast food places have salads that are actually pretty good. Why is this not an option so everyone could be accommodated? Is this a nutrition thing or a political/moral thing?

Depends on the place, I guess. A lot of chains offer some pretty good salad options. Some, eh, not so much...

bwalters82

As sad as it may seem, some of your closest friends and family will try to hamstring your success. I've thought long and hard about why and only one reason comes back: If we make ourselves better then they feel like they need to make themselves better, but they're not ready yet. It's easier to try to bring people down to your level than to work hard to reach theirs. Keep that in mind next time.

tinamwilson

People are afraid of what they don't understand. How can anyone NOT want to eat at the "All American McDonald's" after all...it's the first branding toddlers recognize...the golden arches...

We have been eating a "fast-food-free" lifestyle for 2 years now with the exception of Subway. Our kids do not have weight problems and are allowed to "indulge" if they are out with the grandparents etc. but they really don't want that stuff anymore.

Stick to your lifestyle - we bring our own meat to grill if we are going to a BBQ...this included friends or family...we will bring our own meal if we attending a church potluck. My DH has lost 80# and I've lost 109# so people around us know that's our lifestyle and it's working. If poeple don't like it or understand it's really THEIR problem. LIVE YOUR LIFE YOUR WAY!!!