Minnesota-exercise purger

LauraJo08

Hello everyone,

I'm a college student from Minnesota and I'm hoping that myfitnesspal will help me get my life back on track. For the last 7 years I have struggled through numerous eating issues, and I am finally realizing how much it affects my life. I grew up with very critical parents that expected perfection in all aspects of life, and unfortunately that has become my reality. In high school as a competitive athlete who was weighed in every 2 weeks for athletics, I went through months where I would eat nothing and then run 6+ miles a day on top of practice to keep my weight down (I am not naturally thin, and am 5'11). Then I would reach a point where I couldn't take it anymore and just binge for a couple of weeks, which would start the cycle of disorder and self loathing again.

In college, it has developed into a new habit, which my counselor likes to refer to as exercise bulimia. No matter what I eat, and especially on days where I feel as if I eat too much, I go to the gym for at least 2 hours at night to "purge" it off. If I don't, I feel horrible about myself the next day. I am also so tired of being able to run a sub 14 minute 2 mile, but still not fit into a size 8. ughh.

My obsession with my weight and perfection in appearance is ruining my life. I don't go out with friends as much because I don't want to eat what they eat, or drink my calories away in alcohol. It's like I have to choose between them and the gym. The gym wins. The nutritionist that I am seeing tells me that my body has gotten used to taking in a lot of calories and exercising off a lot of calories, so apparently it is good at conserving itself, which is why I find it difficult to lose weight (which she says I don't need to lose....although I would feel much more comfortable in a swimsuit -15 pounds).

So, my goal with myfitnesspal is to slowly bring down my eating and exercising to a sustainable limit (say from 2500 calories and 1.5 hours of cardio per day to 1900 calories and 45 minutes of cardio per day) and at the same time lose 15 pounds. I am 5'11, and 185 pounds, with an athletic build. My general goal is to finally feel happy with my body, and stop warring against it. If you feel as if you are in the same situation, I would love to hear from you.

ContinuousEffort

I'm not in the same situation, but can feel what you are going though. I think you can get your life on track and that this is just the beginning. Maybe there is a balance in friendships that you make, like having friends who don't drink and who are supportive, so
you feel you don't have to eat what they do. I think it's great the you are talking to a nutritionist and that the most important thing is
to eat healthy. You sound like your are an athlete and that is something to be very proud of. I don't know anyone who can run 7 minute miles. I think you will can find a balance, and get your life on track. It sounds great also that you are going to college!!
You have time to focus on what you want to be and do with your life... it's exciting!

mishyg

Hey there,

I've totally been there and there is hope! You CAN have a normal relationship with food and body image! Here are some things that really helped me in my journey...

I strongly recommend seeing a therapist, which it sounds like you're doing. See if there's a good support group in your area. Overeaters Anonymous can be great...their name is deceiving...there are all shapes and sizes of people there suffering from all different patterns of unhealthy eating. I felt weird going to a support group, but it was SO liberating and helpful to realize I wasn't alone or weird.

There are also some good books out there....The Rules of Normal Eating as well as Intuitive Eating helped me a lot. I'm not sure what your religious persuasion is, but there is a great Christian workbook called "Growing a Courageous Heart" that helps you really dig deeper and find out WHY you are following these eating/exercise patterns. I think "Help, Hope and Healing for Eating Disorders" was also a Christian book (I can't remember) but that one was pretty good.

Another thing that helped me was seeing a nutritionist/dietician. I knew I needed to lose weight, but wanted to do it in a healthy way, and she helped me do that. If you can find one in your area that has some training with disordered eating, that might be very helpful.

Just know there is hope, I promise! Put in the time with your counselor and yourself and you'll get there! Good luck!

secogeni

Definitely not in the same boat, but I can identify with not feeling as beautiful because you think you're too big. I hope that you are able to lose the weight you want to, but also realize that you're still beautiful just the way you are right now. There's a lot of pressure from the media and from ourselves to look a certain way, when we really don't have to. Maybe as part of your journey, you can make more of a concerted effort to give yourself compliments, especially about how you look. That can go a long way towards helping you feeling better about yourself.

Feel free to add me as a friend if you'd like to.

lifeinpink09

Ugh...this is my life ...I hope you really succeed at overcoming all this and I wish you the very best on your journey!

Missy123556

I understand how you feel. It sounds like your problem is more emotional/mental rather than physical. I have constantly struggled with my weight mentally, when I was doing athletics I was in wonderful shape, but that didn't matter to me, I just always wanted to be smaller. For me, my height plays a part in it, I am 5'9 and have always felt "big", and I think that I try to compensate for that by being thinner and thinner. I hope you are able to find a plan that works for you in a healthy way, and that you find happiness with yourself

LauraJo08

Emotional more than physical is right, but it would be a lot easier if I could trust myself to listen to hunger signs from my body. Well I guess that that is the goal.

Unfortunately, I don't think that my perception of my body will ever change. I go to a university that is stereotyped for ubiquitous 5'6, skinny blond girls, and the stereotype is true. In fact, other than the the hair color, that about describes my friends. It's so obnoxious that they never go to the gym, and yet I'm there are the time.