what the he**

nichols

i have a female friend that is very very special to me and we know everything thier is to know about each other. we talk every day and i have been there for her through out her relationships and her for me through mine. now that we are both single, i can not get her to hang out with just me at the movies or go to dinner or any where like we used to. she always wants to make sure their is a group going and even then she hardly talks to me and acts nervous. our conversations are almost strictly by phone now. when i asked her why, she said that although she trust me 100 %, she truly loves me and is afraid if we are alone together or even around each other, she will want to be intimate or something will happen that will ruin our friendship.

how do i explain to her that she is a true freind to me and that i would not let that happen and that i dont want to ruin the friendship we have. although she is a very attractive woman, i would take the chance of hurting her feelings by turning her down before i let it go there.
I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND! :frown:

nichols

i have a female friend that is very very special to me and we know everything thier is to know about each other. we talk every day and i have been there for her through out her relationships and her for me through mine. now that we are both single, i can not get her to hang out with just me at the movies or go to dinner or any where like we used to. she always wants to make sure their is a group going and even then she hardly talks to me and acts nervous. our conversations are almost strictly by phone now. when i asked her why, she said that although she trust me 100 %, she truly loves me and is afraid if we are alone together or even around each other, she will want to be intimate or something will happen that will ruin our friendship.

how do i explain to her that she is a true freind to me and that i would not let that happen and that i dont want to ruin the friendship we have. although she is a very attractive woman, i would take the chance of hurting her feelings by turning her down before i let it go there.
I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND! :frown:

shorerider

Nichols, It sounds like it's not that she doesn't trust you but that she doesn't trust herself. I advise just respecting her feelings on this until she can get things straight in her own mind. Maybe you could suggest just going out to eat in a very public non-romantic (but healthy!) place? That might make her feel more comfortable.

GoGetterMom

I'd have to agree with Shore - she probably doesn't trust herself and maybe is a bit attracted to you. That could make her nervous. Public, non-romantic spots could be the best for now. Give her some time. She should come around. Wish I could help you more, but most of my friends are guys (some gals are just too whiney for me). Keep the peace and keep it public for a bit. Friends deserve time to re-group.

ChubbyBunny

I gotta agree with them.
It sucks, cause you're friends, but at the same time....awesome friendships are hard to find.
I agree that she doesn't trust herself, and you shouldn't be offended by that.
It means she respects you and hopefully herself and your friendship.
As one who's lost lots of friendships cause we decided to TRY to make a go at things.....follow her lead on this one.

Wait it out, just go with the flow....see if it pans out.

sculley

I went through this in a way, maybe she can't trust herself maybe she will make the move. I had that happen to me from a friend he couldn't trust himself. Just be there for her and continue to reassure her.

stacystar

The above comments say it all

songbyrdsweet

I don't really understand her either, and I'm a female. :laugh:
If I where her, and I had a guy friend who I was SUPER close with, and we thought so highly of each other, and we were attracted to each other...duh, I'd date him. That's husband material right there! Your hubby (IMO) should be your best friend, confidant, lover, all the good stuff. Why would being intimate ruin your relationship? If you truly care for each other, being romantic will just strengthen your bond.

But what do I know? I am big on common sense, not drama.

CrystalBella

yeh, i agree with everyone.. she likes you.
i've been that girl and didn't know what to do, so i backed away completly and when i got wasted, thanks to patron, i told my true feelings and found out he had some of the same. we didn't end up together, but we are back to bein super tight and close.
good luck

nichols

thanks ladies. i could understand the being alone if she is feeling that way, but she cant even go to the mall with me, which is very public, without becoming very quiet and obviously nervous, but over the phone our freindship is as normal as it ever was. guess its just one of those things. :ohwell:

kerrilucko

girls are weird... but I didn't know we were THAT weird. seriously. lol

I agree with the above people, it's kind of obvious that she is attracted to you and doesn't want to act on it, even accidentily.

jamerz3294

Bro... she totally is attracted to you... and also is scared of that same attraction! Is the feeling mutual? Methionks that in order to save your friendship, it's up to you to gently confront your feelings towards her, and then gently communicate about her feelings towards you. *fist bump*

OomarianneoO

Bro... she totally is attracted to you... and also is scared of that same attraction! Is the feeling mutual? Methionks that in order to save your friendship, it's up to you to gently confront your feelings towards her, and then gently communicate about her feelings towards you. *fist bump*

I totally agree that she is attracted to you. Sounds like she may be looking for your approval for the "go-ahead" to move on how she feels. Do you feel the same?

nichols

i do feel the same and she knows that i do love her with out question. but i know that she could never go back to the friendship we have now, where i could go back and be there for her and her kids no matter what for the rest of our lives if a relationship didnt work. she gets very jelous if i even talk about another woman and admits shes jelous but says she does not want me for herself.

all i know is that it is so hard wandering what could be but not at the cost of loosing the special bond we share now. i would live with the not knowing just to keep her as a friend in my life forever.

TNTPete

awww.. this is sad.. what is the reason you guys don't want to try out a further relationship? I am missing that part.. is it because you are friends with her children as well and ruining a relationship would cause heartache for them as well.

Sounds like the two of you are mutually attracted towards eachother so.. how is not ACTING on it not making it a weird friendship? As of right now you can't hang out?? hmmm... more thought is needed on both sides methinks.. what are you trying to avoid??

Just my two cents in the pot.

nichols

thats the thing. im not trying to avoid her at all and would be willing to try a relationship. but at this time i just really miss hanging out with what i consider one of my best friends and as long is its over the phone or should i say txt now, she never avoids me. but as far as hanging out face to face that has come to a stop. the kids arent really an issue. only really met them twice. her daughter likes hippos and was really sick once so i drove to busch gardens and bought her a huge stuffed hippo because thats the only place i could think of that sold them. it was only 2.5 hours of driving one way. i made a day out of it. when i stopped by the hospital to give it to her the next day, i was on my way to work and was in uniform so to her im that police man that brung her her hippo. she went through a nasty divorce and doesnt feel the kids are ready to have another man around in their life yet. the kids took it really hard. being divorced with kids my self. i respect that.

hgam1

Easy does it my dear....Give her time. Won't you rather be friends than rush into things and then lose it all down the line? Give her the space she is seeking and let things run their course. Just be there for her and am sure things will soon sort itself out.