HELLO! this is My long long long story!

junsu · September 2008

Hi!~
I'm new here, I'm 18 this year, I'm studying in a polytechnic, i'm not from america, but i really feel that this site is pretty awesome especially the people here are so encouraging and sweet (: So i decided to join ya guys!

But i have some trouble when I want to track my calories because I usually consume asian food where I live, haha! So they don't have those foods in the lists and I not sure how many calories they are ): so I gauge them.. Not very good but now I try to eat things that are found on the lists and best to eat healthy foods, probably prepare my own food from scratch so I can calculate the ingredients and avoid the really oily/salty food that is common to find here. (:

ok! now for my long-winded story! ( but this is already the shorter version!):laugh:

I have always been overweight since i was a kid, I am serious, I have been overweight my whole life I dont remember how it is to be acceptable weight except when i saw my baby photo album I was really pretty and slim when i was 5! hahah thats the only time i was 'normal' weight. My friend looked at the photo and like, Hey ! You look really pretty then.. (then!) But i know she encourages me in losing weight :happy:

I guess the major weight gain was when I was in Primary school/Elementary school, I only found that out a few years ago, when i was flipping through my report cards, and it had the weight and height taken for each year for the fitness test, I saw the weight and i was shocked when I saw that i gained more than 10kg (that's like 23lbs) in a year! I was about 70kg(154lbs) in Elementary school! I guess I lost myself and couldn't be bothered with the constant insults i hear from my parent's friends, Like " ahh! Your little girl is so fat, should lose some weight like my pretty daughter you know she lost so much weigh learning ballet"my parents actually couldnt be bothered with what they let me eat, and what exercise i get, but they were like " yea you see that older sister, so pretty right" I was like

actually somewhat jealous! but i couldnt be bother I got angsty and felt I want to get back at them and gained more weight, stuff my face, heck to what they think about me. .. *gulp*

Then in Secondary school, (I think taht's middle high school or highschool) I was 14? It was my major weight loss! My dad was encourgaing cause he helped me to eat lesser after i visted the family doctor just for flu but then he checked and he said my blood pressure or something was too high for a young girl my age, I was afraid to die so young!~
then my dad limited my carbs intake, I reallly cut down on the rice and noodles and such, liek almost not eating any. And I cant rememebr how long that diet was, but I lost 23lbs out of it, and people definately noticed the difference, I weighed about 158.5lbs If i remember well. i had compliments, and I saw the difference in my face, my chin got sharper! haha!

Then I started eating like normal again, my dad didnt do anything about it to get me back on that diet, neither did myself! Argh! Then i gained it alll back, yea, till when i was leaving high school, was weighed 180lbs?
Then before I went into tertiary education, I lost 4 kg(8.8lbs) to where i stand now, I didnt do anything specifically but i just somehow lost that weight.

then I got to know a friend from my class who lost alot of weight and thinking of losing more too, and i got to read up more on weight losing and exercise and changing the whole healthy lifestyle instead of just killing my carbs in my diet and get a weight boomerang back when i eat my beloved carbs AHAH!

Now I have this goal that is to lose weight at least till I hit the 60s, or 130ish lbs before my graduation, (only 1 and a half years to go!If i pass my semesters :laugh: ) but obviously i would be good to reach normal weight for my height, the last time i took my height was was 158cm, about 5'2?

And what i want to achieve is a normal BMI!~^^ I want to be healthy!!

And treated as 'normal'....not to be belittled when it comes to activities, despite my weight i can do stuff that normal people can do too! I always pass my fitness tests with silvers!

And to dance in public with all my heart out without looking silly, I love dancing, I never had lessons on dancing but i just love to dance, and to make my movements nicer I would be good to have a slimmer body for the moves to be more defined.

And I want to wear sleeveless clothes without my arms flapping like wings :blushing: HAHA!
and shorter skirts or shorts or tights without people saying my legs look like chicken wings/drumsticks ( yes it happened before)

or go to family gatherings and get compared to my cousins of same age and they say oh! Do, Re, Me or worst, Small, medium, large, yes you guessed it Im large! THANKS alot!

I don't want little kids to call me that FAT LADY, Im not THATTT fat, but it is hurtful, that is the most impactful comments i get , that is from kids, I love kids but they would only call me FAT, it's evident already out of the 4 times I helped out in childrens' camps i get called fat like 7 times. its embarassing for me and the friends with me.
and thats the biggest blow i get that make me so mad

i wanna run around the world in 80days.
:laugh:

and i wanna eat and not look 'greedy'. somehow when i see overweight people eat or myself, even a nibble looks greedy.

I get these kind of things alot but I still dress up, pretty much into fashion, but i just dont look right, even with pretty clothes I still look frumply in those threads.

I want to cut any hairstyle and wear what i want without thinking of how to make myself looks slimer or hide unwanted sights

My dad used to be fit as a fiddle when i was a kiddy then he gained a lot at the belly and then recently he went on a serious weight loss swam laps everyday control his diet, and he lost sooo much! and even can see his abs now! haha! I would like to believe I am abs under my tummy fats HAHA! but ill never know until i lose all that flab! cause my it runs in the family to be overweight but then they lost after joining the army/navy and despite us being overweight we ususally can run very fast just too overweight to last long distance. (:laugh: no stamina)So i find the potential in doing well in sports if i lose the weight off!

get rid of my bad eating habits or binging/ sleeping after i eat / waste my time on computer games and television...haha.

People get motivated when they see skinny people, i dont really, i get motivated by healthy toned bodies, wow! but when i see more fuller figures like mine I want to lose weight too cause that makes me think " i dont want to end up like them or i dont wanna stay this way, and I hope they will lose weight to be healthy too"

and Im slowly tackling my weakness of laziness, and untidyness, so Ive been cleaning up my room changing my mindset on disciplining myself on everything. but i hope it last this time.
Only God can really help me to help myself.

I have a 1 month semester break now, and I want to make a good use out of it, i dont have a fitness regime yet that i would want to commit to but i was hoping to find or make one so I can get started and try to get used to it! I wanna lose as much as i can before school's hectic and stressful life comes again. I even quit my school'sfloorball school team because of how heavy my course's workload is... at the edge of failure!...

Well I wanna get serious about losing weight forever making it a habit, a lifestyle starting now before i reach adulthood,, Anyone got advice? Thank you in advance!^^

junsu · September 2008