Obsessed and its making me depressed!!!

AmandaLenn86

So All my life i have been heavy, always to big to fit on the rides at an amusement park, To heavy to fit in with the average size kids at school.. Well ive struggled with losing weight since i was younger as well always saying im going to do it, Well lets face it i never really did it!! always wanting to eat whatever my friends where and never getting off the bed or couch to work off those lbs!!

Well im now 24 years old and January of this year i looked at myself in the mirror and said "WHY ARE YOU STILL HEAVY IF YOU ARE NOT HAPPY WITH THE WAY YOU ARE??? THE ONLY ONE TO MAKE THE CHANGES IS YOU!!!!" and starting Feburary 2, 2011 i refused to be unhappy anymore, I refused to use the excuse that i cant afford a gym membership or healthy food because if i can afford a trip to Mcdonalds for my family and spend 20 dollars 3 times a weekend i can afford to pay 30.00 for the gym and 50.00 more on food at the store, So i did it, I threw out all bad food bought a scale and started my journey!!!

I am currently down 32lb in 17 weeks and i feel amazing, Well on some days i feel like i am back at square one right back where i was on Feb 2nd!!! even though im not my head tells me i am, and i begin to think to much about it, What have i eatin? have i worked out enough and i retaining water? do i need to drink more?? or go for a run or maybe not eat the next day?? i was weighing myself EVERYDAY for about 2 months and i finally told my husband...HIDE THE SCALE!!! because i refused to do that to myself!! however now its just the mental games my brain is putting me through!!! Ive been working out to the point of pain and ive been thinking to much about FOOD!!!

So i have now realized i am "OBSESSED" and i know its not a good thing or bad thing!! im just so scared to go back to the person i HATED so much that i will so anything not to!!! however in doing all this i STRESS and im an emotional eater!! so i make bad choices!! then i feel bad about them!! its a bad cycle for me!! Im at a huge bump in the road right now!! and im struggling to get over it and keep moving forward!! i dont feel like the weight is coming off quick enough and its messing with me!!

I dont know if anyone else goes through this and i just need help and support!! thats why i wrote this!! i dont want people passing judgement on my diary because i know its not 100% clean but im working on it!! i just words of encouragement and help!!!

MB_Positif

Sounds like you are doing great, just take things one day at a time, even one minute at a time. Don't stress about whether or not your doing it right. We all have our own version of right. Keep up the great work

mdeanna

Hi Amanda!!

I just wanted to write you and tell you I COMPLETELY relate.
It's very easy for me to get obessed about results and then it kinda turns on me. I find the more I think about food or results, the worse my choices get because I panic. I think what you have to remember is to look forward and decide who you want to be, be strong and healthy and run towards that person. It seems to me that you are looking over your shoulder at the person you were... this won't help you get away, it only scares you and might cause your obessessing.
I believe that all the changes you are making in your life are beneficial and healthy. Keep on that track. If you slip up, forgive yourself. Challenge yourself to get right back on track and show the old you what you are made of. I believe in you.

peanutrenee

well i hear you on that aspect im obsessed too. its good and bad.. good cause ur accountable for the food you put in ur body bad cause it drives u crazy. u told ur husband to put the scale away. that is a good start. First off make a plan of food that u want to eat for the day. yes that does include if u want to have something unhealthy. log it in here right in the am .. and go with it from there. U dont always have to kill urself at the gym a good walk when the sun is out does wonders for ur waist line, u get some sun too.. also boosts ur mood. and get a sexy tan going on. also dont try to put urself on this impossable mission, ur human and we love to eat. god know i do.. but the best thing is to realize that. were all human and we cant be held to others ideals.. you need to be happy with you. ok and the weight you have lost since ur start wow go you! thats something that you should look back on and be like hey I did this, And I can do this. dont think that u have to look like ne one elts in the world...you have to look like you.. someone told me along time ago,"God made all different types of people in this world, all different colors, different races, different shapes and sizes. You need to understand that God didnt mess up at all... He made you, you for a reason... and that it."
now dont get me wrong God didnt made us to sit eat an entire pint of ben and jerrys ice cream, we are all held accountable for what we eat.. but if you do slip up dont get depressed and cry, whats done is done... now you have to move on and not make that mestake again, and get up go for a walk or something.. as an emotional eater as well what i have found works is down a huge glass of water.. and walk.. well the water fills ur tummy no eating u feel full.. and then the walk gets out stress... lol
GOOD LUCK AND UR DOING GREAT dont think that you cant do anything think of it as hey Ive done this much I can do alot more!!!!

sunshine__angel

You have lost 32 lbs in 17 weeks! Instead of focusing on the bad, focus on the good! If you could do that, you can do anything, and we are all here to help!!

I know obsessing over your weight is NOT good. You have worked HARD to get where you are now, though, so do NOT let your mind play tricks on you. You ARE losing weight, you are NOT back at square one, and if you continue with this journey, you NEVER will be back there!!

I have only lost 11 lbs so far but I get the same feelings. At first I was so excited and I wanted to try on old clothes to see if they fit. Now I feel like I need to lose more to be happy, or that I look the same as I did before the loss. Well, guess what? I DON'T! My pictures and diary and the energy I now have are all constant reminders that I am doing the right thing.

If you are working towards it, you will succeed and you already have come a long way! Keep up the good work and whenever you feel depressed or you are in a rut, come here and talk to all of us! We ALL are in the same boat!

dumb_blondes_rock

I have to be obsessed, or else i will gain......i stopped weighing myself everyday and gained 15 pounds in three months.....it's either all or nothing for me sadly enough. I have 0 self control, if i have one tiny slice, i want more and have to have like 3 pieces....so id rather just not have any at all

yankeefamily05

You are doing AWESOME! Good for you! I have great days, good days, and TERRIBLE days! This weightloss journey for me is an emotional rollercoaster. MFP, success stories and where I have been all motivate me to keep on going. One day at a time, easy does it. I am around where you are with your weightloss! The one other thing that keeps me motivated is seeing pictures of myself a year ago compared to now. Pictures and the way my clothes feel is a bigger motivater for me than seeing the number on the scale move<3