Being antisocial

mum2littledove

Does anyone else struggle with the fact that so many social occassions (especially when you get older) seem to revolve around food? It seems crazy that now I'm feeling more confident with my body, I am wanting to shrink & hide away because the thought of eating in restaurants totally terrifies me. I have 3 meals out coming up in a 2 week period; you can only put people off so much with the diet thing. 2 of those dates aren't so bad because I've chosen the restaurant (i.e. they have low calorie options), but the other one is with a group of girls, and they like to go somewhere cheap and cheerful i.e. MEGA CALORIES. It's 2 weeks away and I'm stressing about it already.

Am I going mad or is this normal?

P.S. It isn't helped by the fact that I was catering for my in-laws last weekend and there were regular comments like "Don't throw that XL jumper away because you never know, you might need it again" and "You may put it all back on unwittingly". Those comments are continually ringing in my ears like tinnitus.

sunshine79

Firstly, yes I know exactly how you feel and I was like that for a while but then I realised that this is life and there will ALWAYS be this issue to deal with. For me i have learned to work around it. I always try and have a low calorie day the day before going out to eat and I always work out a bit extra leading up to the day of the meal.

Don't stress about it, plan what you'll eat and you'll be fine. Also, think of it more as a way to spend time with loved ones rather than it being about 'eating out'. Go, enjoy and relax, it'll be fine.

kymarai

If possible, check out nutritional values before going. If not possible try drinking water before going or maybe some extra exercise. I have gotten to the point that I dread going out to eat too, because of the sodium. It seems to take days for me to get rid of it. Natural state/simple is best when eating out. Try sharing with a girlfriend. Take some gum to chew (to help the munchy urge)
You can do this.

As for the unsuppportive comments, they are just jealous that they aren't doing something about their own issues! Feel sorry for them, not yourself! You have a goal and a program! Way to go!

mum2littledove

Thanks for the replies. I have also planned a big run for the day, to try and negate the impact of the meal, but wondered whether that was a sign of madness as well!!

wenders123

Hi there,

I know what you mean, but you have to try to find a solution that works for you. Like the lady before said, if you know you are going out try to cut down a little for the couple of days before/after. I think this process is a bit of a learning curve. After all there are plenty of "slim" people that go out socialising. Hope that helps, and try not to stress about it :flowerforyou:

Fattack

I become quite reclusive when I'm "in the zone" because I don't always trust myself around a delicious menu, and if there is a scheduled meal out (going to a french restaurant next saturday and then for drinks, and then on the sunday indian) I start to stress. Are any of your girlfriends trying to diet? Maybe you could share a meal?

TheGoktor

I think you should use comments like that as motivators! Prove them wrong! I suspect that half the time, people open their mouths and words just come out, without them ever actually thinking about what they're saying. For some people, I'd even venture, it's most of the time! :laugh:

If someone said that to me, I'd have no compunction in telling them that they were wrong, and that I had enough resolve to never need those clothes again! Obviously I'd say it in a nice way but I would make sure I got the point across that this isn't a faddy diet, that it's a lifestyle choice I can, and will maintain for the rest of my life.

Regarding the the girls' night out, as I see it, you have several choices:

1. Be honest and say that while you'd love to spend time with them, their choice of restaurant is not something you feel you can go with. Suggest an alternative/make a compromise/invite them to your home for dinner/invite them to all contribute a dish.

2. If none of the above work, politely decline (not a suggestion, just an option!)

3. Suggest an alternative which includes some kind of fun activity, e.g. bowling so that at least you can have some damage limitation.

4. Pull a sickie!

5. Invent a prior engagement.

6. Invent a family emergency!

7. Go along but ensure you have factored it into your daily plan, and have a really good workout beforehand.

I'd personally favour #1, #2, or #3 - it's usually better to be honest about things and if you don't, you could find yourself in similar situations in the future. If they are good friends, they'll understand how you feel, and will support you.

#7 could work, but for me, I just don't want to put not-so-good food into my body - I know it will just make me feel rough and sluggish. So I'd rather decline than risk feeling ill. (I should point out that I seem to have a pretty delicate digestive system, which really doesn't appreciate certain foods, so that's a major factor in my dining choices!)

I don't think you're going mad at all! I think you are demonstrating a real dedication to leading a healthy lifestyle, and IMO, it should be applauded. BUT, it doesn't matter what I, or anyone else thinks - what matters is how YOU feel. This is your life and your body, so please, do what's right for you.

If it's any consolation (or encouragement!), I've recently turned down several party invitations - not because I was worried I'd drink too much, eat the wrong things, lose my resolve, but because I actually didn't want anything to interfere with my ability to run the next mornings! I honestly would rather be outside, running through the park in the early morning than spend an evening at a party. How's that for anti-social?! :laugh:

Whatever you decide - make sure it's right for you...and enjoy it!

flausa

If it's any consolation (or encouragement!), I've recently turned down several party invitations - not because I was worried I'd drink too much, eat the wrong things, lose my resolve, but because I actually didn't want anything to interfere with my ability to run the next mornings! I honestly would rather be outside, running through the park in the early morning than spend an evening at a party. How's that for anti-social?! :laugh:

Whatever you decide - make sure it's right for you...and enjoy it!

I totally relate to this! I turned down an invitation to a girl's night out, because I knew the calories consumed would be enourmous, and I didn't want to come away from a meal feeling yuck. But I've got a big night out planned in two weeks that revolves around a charity walk. I'm doing it with friends, there will be food (but it will all be healthy), and there will be major physical exercise involved. My relationship with food has changed, and it is impacting my friendships as well. I'm finding myself getting closer to people with a healthier lifestyle, which means our social activities are healthier.

Don't feeling guilty about making healthy choices for yourself. Some people will look at you like you've landed from an alien planet, but you might find others who are willing to try something different as well.