Confessions

mholmes

So this week marks my 3 month anniversary with MFP and I thought since everyone else was always so forthcoming and honest then maybe now I should be.

I've felt bad before when I've mentioned things about what I eat knowing when I say things like "pizza" people must be thinking bad things about me in their heads. "Is she serious? Why is she even here"

The thing is, at this point sometimes it's good IF I eat - no matter what it is.

Let me start with some background and goofy details. Only had lasagna 3 times. Threw up every time so ever since - not big on anything Italian and refuse to eat most pastas.

I have lots of things I'll eat .... but rarely if ever have I tried something new. Chinese I get egg drop soup, one egg rolls and pork fried rice. Japanese rest.? Steak and shrimp, ranch on salad, same thing everytime. Even at home - while growing up we always have shells and cheese and sweet peas with fish sticks. To this day, i still make shells and cheese and sweet peas if I'm cooking fish sticks.

Won't eat meat off the bone either. Something about enjoying my food then hitting decaying bone and blood vessels doesn't sit well with me.

My food can't touch. I frequent my fav Japanese rest so much that the cooks remember me now as the obsessed girl who always keeps her food perfectly sectioned and if they put the new item on top of something else they get stared down while i salvage what hasn't mixed and give the mixed food to my dh.

My confession though since you've gotten a taste of my quirks. My mom accused me of having an eating disorder when I was 16 or 17 I think. I've only ever discussed this with one other person, (no family) so this is a first for me - but it hit me a couple weeks ago how true her accusations may be.

With all the drama of moving, and dh's job situation it got so bad we didn't have money to eat. Well, the h didn't know that cause we had just enough for him to eat on and I can go days without eating. So anyway, it was lunch time at work and I thought "what am I gonna eat today" and just like that I was back to normal but I realized that I had always been like that. I ate when I was hungry, and didn't eat when I wasn't hungry. If days went by without being hungry... I didn't eat. When I finally felt hungry I'd eat until I got my fill and maybe even snack a little between meals. For most of this day I didn't think about food until I thought I smelled cheeseburgers and thought I'd get one while running my errands - but when it came down to it, I couldn't stand the thought of eating so maybe I'll eat at dinner.

So there you have it. If you've notice my weight loss stalled, that's because it most certainly has. I was doing wonderful making myself drink the carnation instant breakfasts, and eating small lunches... but when money wasn't there and I got off track it's been really hard getting back on.

Anyway, thought I'd share. Thanks for listening - and while that has me shaking a little, it's somehow a weight off my shoulders.

mholmes

So this week marks my 3 month anniversary with MFP and I thought since everyone else was always so forthcoming and honest then maybe now I should be.

I've felt bad before when I've mentioned things about what I eat knowing when I say things like "pizza" people must be thinking bad things about me in their heads. "Is she serious? Why is she even here"

The thing is, at this point sometimes it's good IF I eat - no matter what it is.

Let me start with some background and goofy details. Only had lasagna 3 times. Threw up every time so ever since - not big on anything Italian and refuse to eat most pastas.

I have lots of things I'll eat .... but rarely if ever have I tried something new. Chinese I get egg drop soup, one egg rolls and pork fried rice. Japanese rest.? Steak and shrimp, ranch on salad, same thing everytime. Even at home - while growing up we always have shells and cheese and sweet peas with fish sticks. To this day, i still make shells and cheese and sweet peas if I'm cooking fish sticks.

Won't eat meat off the bone either. Something about enjoying my food then hitting decaying bone and blood vessels doesn't sit well with me.

My food can't touch. I frequent my fav Japanese rest so much that the cooks remember me now as the obsessed girl who always keeps her food perfectly sectioned and if they put the new item on top of something else they get stared down while i salvage what hasn't mixed and give the mixed food to my dh.

My confession though since you've gotten a taste of my quirks. My mom accused me of having an eating disorder when I was 16 or 17 I think. I've only ever discussed this with one other person, (no family) so this is a first for me - but it hit me a couple weeks ago how true her accusations may be.

With all the drama of moving, and dh's job situation it got so bad we didn't have money to eat. Well, the h didn't know that cause we had just enough for him to eat on and I can go days without eating. So anyway, it was lunch time at work and I thought "what am I gonna eat today" and just like that I was back to normal but I realized that I had always been like that. I ate when I was hungry, and didn't eat when I wasn't hungry. If days went by without being hungry... I didn't eat. When I finally felt hungry I'd eat until I got my fill and maybe even snack a little between meals. For most of this day I didn't think about food until I thought I smelled cheeseburgers and thought I'd get one while running my errands - but when it came down to it, I couldn't stand the thought of eating so maybe I'll eat at dinner.

So there you have it. If you've notice my weight loss stalled, that's because it most certainly has. I was doing wonderful making myself drink the carnation instant breakfasts, and eating small lunches... but when money wasn't there and I got off track it's been really hard getting back on.

Anyway, thought I'd share. Thanks for listening - and while that has me shaking a little, it's somehow a weight off my shoulders.

ChubbyBunny

Well kiddo....
You are with good company.
Take steps to maintain health, but do it at the pace you need to.

Nothin wrong with pizza.

SoupNazi

Awww Megan.

Life has it's ups and downs and causes the same reactions for just about everyone. I catch myself going days without eating anything but a bowl of cereal and it's hard to get back into the game.
But...you have us and you know what you need to do. We've got your back.

dothompson

So this week marks my 3 month anniversary with MFP and I thought since everyone else was always so forthcoming and honest then maybe now I should be.

I've felt bad before when I've mentioned things about what I eat knowing when I say things like "pizza" people must be thinking bad things about me in their heads. "Is she serious? Why is she even here"

The thing is, at this point sometimes it's good IF I eat - no matter what it is.

Let me start with some background and goofy details. Only had lasagna 3 times. Threw up every time so ever since - not big on anything Italian and refuse to eat most pastas.

I have lots of things I'll eat .... but rarely if ever have I tried something new. Chinese I get egg drop soup, one egg rolls and pork fried rice. Japanese rest.? Steak and shrimp, ranch on salad, same thing everytime. Even at home - while growing up we always have shells and cheese and sweet peas with fish sticks. To this day, i still make shells and cheese and sweet peas if I'm cooking fish sticks.

Won't eat meat off the bone either. Something about enjoying my food then hitting decaying bone and blood vessels doesn't sit well with me.

My food can't touch. I frequent my fav Japanese rest so much that the cooks remember me now as the obsessed girl who always keeps her food perfectly sectioned and if they put the new item on top of something else they get stared down while i salvage what hasn't mixed and give the mixed food to my dh.

My confession though since you've gotten a taste of my quirks. My mom accused me of having an eating disorder when I was 16 or 17 I think. I've only ever discussed this with one other person, (no family) so this is a first for me - but it hit me a couple weeks ago how true her accusations may be.

With all the drama of moving, and dh's job situation it got so bad we didn't have money to eat. Well, the h didn't know that cause we had just enough for him to eat on and I can go days without eating. So anyway, it was lunch time at work and I thought "what am I gonna eat today" and just like that I was back to normal but I realized that I had always been like that. I ate when I was hungry, and didn't eat when I wasn't hungry. If days went by without being hungry... I didn't eat. When I finally felt hungry I'd eat until I got my fill and maybe even snack a little between meals. For most of this day I didn't think about food until I thought I smelled cheeseburgers and thought I'd get one while running my errands - but when it came down to it, I couldn't stand the thought of eating so maybe I'll eat at dinner.

So there you have it. If you've notice my weight loss stalled, that's because it most certainly has. I was doing wonderful making myself drink the carnation instant breakfasts, and eating small lunches... but when money wasn't there and I got off track it's been really hard getting back on.

Anyway, thought I'd share. Thanks for listening - and while that has me shaking a little, it's somehow a weight off my shoulders.

Everyone will agree that once you stop eating healthy it's tough to get started again. I find that if I just do it for 24 hours my head is back in the successful place and I'm right back in the game.

This is exactly the place to be to develop a healthy relationship with food.

You need to decide which of your food quirks is simply personal taste (I would guess, bones in meat) and which are standing in the way of a healthy relationship with food (maybe going days without eating). Don't worry about the first (no matter how many times your mother brings it up at family functions), but try to slowly work on the others. This is a very personal journey to get healthier. You have all the control.

ydf51

Since I am constantly wanting to eat, I don't quite understand your issues, but I do sympathize with the general disconnect with food you feel- or more accurately the unhealthy relationship with food, that I have and that you may have also.
I believe any issues with food are most difficult to tackle since we have to eat to survive and how we do it gets confused with our emotional issues.

I want to congratulate you for taking the first step in admitting to yourself that something might not be right, as in any emotional growth the first step is owning up the reality of our situation.

For me counting calories/exercise has proven to be an effective method of keeping me honest about my weight situation, perhaps for you, in addition to counting calories you might want to consider keeping a journal of your emotions- maybe in the past you found not eating a coping mechanism that worked for you in stressful situations. It might have given you some control or might have punished you or your family in some way that empowered you, or perhaps you are simply not hungry, as impossible to imagine as that is for me. Good Luck, Yvette

mholmes

Since I am constantly wanting to eat, I don't quite understand your issues, but I do sympathize with the general disconnect with food you feel- or more accurately the unhealthy relationship with food, that I have and that you may have also.
I believe any issues with food are most difficult to tackle since we have to eat to survive and how we do it gets confused with our emotional issues.

I want to congratulate you for taking the first step in admitting to yourself that something might not be right, as in any emotional growth the first step is owning up the reality of our situation.

For me counting calories/exercise has proven to be an effective method of keeping me honest about my weight situation, perhaps for you, in addition to counting calories you might want to consider keeping a journal of your emotions- maybe in the past you found not eating a coping mechanism that worked for you in stressful situations. It might have given you some control or might have punished you or your family in some way that empowered you, or perhaps you are simply not hungry, as impossible to imagine as that is for me. Good Luck, Yvette

I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. I'd like to play on sympathy and tell you I'm just so depressed I can't eat but it's not that at all. No emotions involved whatsoever just... don't feel hungry. I forced myself to eat poptarts the other morning (trying to get back on track) but spent 10 minutes in the restroom shortly after because forcing myself to eat had made me sick. It's very much emotionless - just physically - want to eat or don't want to eat. It's not that I don't like food... I love food, and I'm easily bribed with food :laugh: ............ when I'm hungry.

TamTastic

I just want you to know I am here for you! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

Thank you for being so honest with us and know that you have the support of everyone here.

I wish I could take what I have learned and what is in my brain now and put it in everyone elses head! It took me a long time to get to this "healthy thinking" point and I wish so much I could save everyone the time and trouble and get them to that point already! But know it CAN be done!!

Take care of yourself hun! And again....if there is ANYTHING I can do to help...don't hesitate!!


-Tami

SoupNazi

When I get stressed, I'm very much like you. I DO NOT eat and if I do it makes me physically ill. While I am glad that I turn away from food when stressed and not to it.....neither is good for you.:frown:

When I get to feeling better, though, I start a little at a time and that's really all you can do.:ohwell:

Unknown

This content has been removed.

mholmes

Bless me Father, for I have sinned.


Oh wait, that's not what you meant.

:smokin: I was wondering when you might show up. Go on my child....

Shannon023

Bless me Father, for I have sinned.


Oh wait, that's not what you meant.

:smokin: I was wondering when you might show up. Go on my child....

Nooooooo Megan!!!!! Nooooooooo!!!!!! Don't go there with him!!!! :noway: :noway:

njksharp

My 10 year old daughter had the exact same response to food. Can not touch/will not eat off the bone/very pure no seasoning, if nothing is appealling then she will go without and would for days. She was diagnosed with some sensory issues that cause her to think she can't eat that/touch etc.. Certain food textures are also a big issue. We found that by removing gluton (wheat) from her diet this seems to be making it better. Maybe not so much of eating disorder but that your body can not break down what your eating. Like gluten is in everything and was probably 90% of her diet. I was surprised at how different her eating habits have become since doing this. May not be the case with you but as I was reading I thought man that sounds like my daughter.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

TamTastic

Bless me Father, for I have sinned.


Oh wait, that's not what you meant.

:smokin: I was wondering when you might show up. Go on my child....

I have sinned in thought because I hate mholmes' avatar.

I think he prefers the fishy face???

mholmes

My 10 year old daughter had the exact same response to food. Can not touch/will not eat off the bone/very pure no seasoning, if nothing is appealling then she will go without and would for days. She was diagnosed with some sensory issues that cause her to think she can't eat that/touch etc.. Certain food textures are also a big issue. We found that by removing gluton (wheat) from her diet this seems to be making it better. Maybe not so much of eating disorder but that your body can not break down what your eating. Like gluten is in everything and was probably 90% of her diet. I was surprised at how different her eating habits have become since doing this. May not be the case with you but as I was reading I thought man that sounds like my daughter.

Textures? I totally forgot to mention that! I guess that one just seemed pretty normal to me and maybe it is but I can't eat something crunchy mixed with something soft.... casseroles are not made in my house! And if i'm eating something and the texture changes suddenly - grissel, fat, surprise ingredient, etc... that's it. It get's put down or thrown away. Very embarassing in rest's because of the whole spitting into the napkin thing.

mholmes

Bless me Father, for I have sinned.


Oh wait, that's not what you meant.

:smokin: I was wondering when you might show up. Go on my child....

I have sinned in thought because I hate mholmes' avatar.

I think he prefers the fishy face???

Well you know what? Y'ALL CAN'T HANDLE THE FISHY FACE!! After the 5th or 6th comment I was forced to change it. And if that one ticks you off try this one out Max!

Unknown

This content has been removed.

njksharp

Absolutely no cassaroles are allowed at my house. I know it's difficult sometimes it will make her physically ill. But like I said removing the gluten has helped tremedously she is not so sensational. you ould try it and see if it helps any. No poptarts though.....but my husband and I noticed a big difference with in two days

TamTastic

Bless me Father, for I have sinned.


Oh wait, that's not what you meant.

:smokin: I was wondering when you might show up. Go on my child....

I have sinned in thought because I hate mholmes' avatar.

I think he prefers the fishy face???

Well you know what? Y'ALL CAN'T HANDLE THE FISHY FACE!! After the 5th or 6th comment I was forced to change it. And if that one ticks you off try this one out Max!

That's it! Torture him with cheezeburger cats!! MUAAHHAAAHAA! Now we know how to drive him INSANE!!!!!!! :devil: :devil:

mholmes

Awww Megan.

Life has it's ups and downs and causes the same reactions for just about everyone. I catch myself going days without eating anything but a bowl of cereal and it's hard to get back into the game.
But...you have us and you know what you need to do. We've got your back.

I didn't miss your kinds words purdy lady... I just couldn't and still can't go where I wanna go with the last comment :smokin:

SoupNazi

Awww Megan.

Life has it's ups and downs and causes the same reactions for just about everyone. I catch myself going days without eating anything but a bowl of cereal and it's hard to get back into the game.
But...you have us and you know what you need to do. We've got your back.

I didn't miss your kinds words purdy lady... I just couldn't and still can't go where I wanna go with the last comment :smokin:

I know Megan. I know.

Anna_Banana

So this week marks my 3 month anniversary with MFP and I thought since everyone else was always so forthcoming and honest then maybe now I should be.

I've felt bad before when I've mentioned things about what I eat knowing when I say things like "pizza" people must be thinking bad things about me in their heads. "Is she serious? Why is she even here"

The thing is, at this point sometimes it's good IF I eat - no matter what it is.

Let me start with some background and goofy details. Only had lasagna 3 times. Threw up every time so ever since - not big on anything Italian and refuse to eat most pastas.

I have lots of things I'll eat .... but rarely if ever have I tried something new. Chinese I get egg drop soup, one egg rolls and pork fried rice. Japanese rest.? Steak and shrimp, ranch on salad, same thing everytime. Even at home - while growing up we always have shells and cheese and sweet peas with fish sticks. To this day, i still make shells and cheese and sweet peas if I'm cooking fish sticks.

Won't eat meat off the bone either. Something about enjoying my food then hitting decaying bone and blood vessels doesn't sit well with me.

My food can't touch. I frequent my fav Japanese rest so much that the cooks remember me now as the obsessed girl who always keeps her food perfectly sectioned and if they put the new item on top of something else they get stared down while i salvage what hasn't mixed and give the mixed food to my dh.

My confession though since you've gotten a taste of my quirks. My mom accused me of having an eating disorder when I was 16 or 17 I think. I've only ever discussed this with one other person, (no family) so this is a first for me - but it hit me a couple weeks ago how true her accusations may be.

With all the drama of moving, and dh's job situation it got so bad we didn't have money to eat. Well, the h didn't know that cause we had just enough for him to eat on and I can go days without eating. So anyway, it was lunch time at work and I thought "what am I gonna eat today" and just like that I was back to normal but I realized that I had always been like that. I ate when I was hungry, and didn't eat when I wasn't hungry. If days went by without being hungry... I didn't eat. When I finally felt hungry I'd eat until I got my fill and maybe even snack a little between meals. For most of this day I didn't think about food until I thought I smelled cheeseburgers and thought I'd get one while running my errands - but when it came down to it, I couldn't stand the thought of eating so maybe I'll eat at dinner.

So there you have it. If you've notice my weight loss stalled, that's because it most certainly has. I was doing wonderful making myself drink the carnation instant breakfasts, and eating small lunches... but when money wasn't there and I got off track it's been really hard getting back on.

Anyway, thought I'd share. Thanks for listening - and while that has me shaking a little, it's somehow a weight off my shoulders.

When I was young I was like this, absolutely no food touching, I also had a texture thing. If mom made a casserole I would pick apart all the different foods in the cass. and then eat them separately, pizza I would do the same, eat the stuff on the top, eat the cheese then the crust. For my build I was very thin. Now I eat everything. I love it all. and my kids are great eaters.

I hope things get better for you. Thanks for sharing

PrincessLaundry

Food on a plate should never touch... :huh: Seriously...What's wrong with that? My husband says that if he could buy me a tray with dividers it would be my idea...Back to elementary school! What's wrong with that?

When I want to pester my kids...LOL I push my son's food together into the middle of his plate just to watch him separate it. I don't think he has noticed that I can't stand my food touching either. Anyway...

We love you! LOL

mommared53

Thank you for sharing your story Megan. Wow, I just can't get my head around not eating for days! Well we all have our issues with food, that's why we're on this website. I wish you the very best of luck. I hope you know that we're all here to support you and not be judgemental in any way. I'm really glad you had the courage to get on here and tell your story. May God bless you. :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

Betty

mholmes

Thanks y'all! All comments are appreciated except for PL's
I know who I won't be inviting to dinner :grumble: lol j/k
Love all you guys! :smooched:

jamerz3294

Bless me Father, for I have sinned.


Oh wait, that's not what you meant.

:smokin: I was wondering when you might show up. Go on my child....

I have sinned in thought because I hate mholmes' avatar.

I think he prefers the fishy face???

Well you know what? Y'ALL CAN'T HANDLE THE FISHY FACE!! After the 5th or 6th comment I was forced to change it. And if that one ticks you off try this one out Max!

That's it! Torture him with cheezeburger cats!! MUAAHHAAAHAA! Now we know how to drive him INSANE!!!!!!! :devil: :devil:

Can't drive him to where he already is...


And meg, thanx for sharing, that's quite a story! I know it took some courage to share that, and to face it for yourself! You keep on rocking sista! Hugz!

mholmes

How did you let my thread die Shannon?? You're fired!