please help..i am really desperate

nuttyrubs

i am 36 years old and in love with a guy 11 years my junior. both of us are doctors working in the same hospital..now the guy wants to marry me but i am not sure because of the age difference and because i have been married previously and have gone through lot of physical violence there.so its kindda once bitten twice shy. although i love this guy but does anyone one of you think it is going to work out ..isnt the age difference a problem..pleaseeeeeeeeeeee help

nuttyrubs

i am 36 years old and in love with a guy 11 years my junior. both of us are doctors working in the same hospital..now the guy wants to marry me but i am not sure because of the age difference and because i have been married previously and have gone through lot of physical violence there.so its kindda once bitten twice shy. although i love this guy but does anyone one of you think it is going to work out ..isnt the age difference a problem..pleaseeeeeeeeeeee help

TNTPete

No one can really answer this question but you. The age will matter if it matters to you, if it matters not -- then it won't. My hubby is younger than me, and it works fabulously. :happy:

jlwhelan1

Aw (cyber hug)
I don't think an age difference is the kiss of death in a relationship.

At 25 a man is generally adult enough to make long, marriage-type commitments.

But you have a history that makes you cringe in some ways. Don't ignore that cringe. It may be just a residue of the past or it may be telling you something. There is no way I can even hazard a guess as to which it is, or if it is something else.

I would suggest couples counseling, and even just counseling for yourself (if you have not already) to deal with all the physical violence that you have experienced. The couples counseling is to help you decide if you want this to be a marriage relationship, if it is right for you both. And if it is right how to approach it.

I also wish you happiness and peace from the bottom of my heart. You will find the right answer for you.:flowerforyou:

nuttyrubs

thanks for the support..it made me cry and smile at the same time

nightangelstars

Aw (cyber hug)
I don't think an age difference is the kiss of death in a relationship.

At 25 a man is generally adult enough to make long, marriage-type commitments.

But you have a history that makes you cringe in some ways. Don't ignore that cringe. It may be just a residue of the past or it may be telling you something. There is no way I can even hazard a guess as to which it is, or if it is something else.

I would suggest couples counseling, and even just counseling for yourself (if you have not already) to deal with all the physical violence that you have experienced. The couples counseling is to help you decide if you want this to be a marriage relationship, if it is right for you both. And if it is right how to approach it.

I also wish you happiness and peace from the bottom of my heart. You will find the right answer for you.:flowerforyou:

*applause* beautifully put. I agree completely.

nuttyrubs

thanksssssssssssssssss..love:bigsmile:

Katy009

My husband is a few years younger than me as well. You have already gotten some wonderful advice. I just wanted to add, why get married now? It can always wait until later when you feel more sure -- and you should be REALLY SURE before you do get married. Best of luck!

rheston

My wife and I are 7 years apart and we're doing really well together even after 36 years of marriage. Like every relationship it requires work on both of you to make sure no one is lost in the other's career.

If there's more to your concern then I agree that couple counseling, pre-marital counseling, etc are the most definate way to move forward. I can attest to that as well having had to do that twice in my marriage because we lost our direction and forgot about the other person for a period of time and a lot had to do with my career.

Good luck and you have a cyber hug and support from from me as well. Bob

elliott062907

Heck Far Woman!!!
Gor For It!!!

Have some happiness, who doesn't deserve that??

Sounds like you want to make the jump, but afraid more of age is silly.....


Take the plunge, be happy!!!


:flowerforyou: :smokin: :bigsmile: :glasses:

JeremyInvincible

i am 36 years old and in love with a guy 11 years my junior. both of us are doctors working in the same hospital..now the guy wants to marry me but i am not sure because of the age difference and because i have been married previously and have gone through lot of physical violence there.so its kindda once bitten twice shy. although i love this guy but does anyone one of you think it is going to work out ..isnt the age difference a problem..pleaseeeeeeeeeeee help

Hey Nutty,

I know pretty well how you feel. I went through a prior relationship where the abuse wasn't so much physical but mental. It seems like whatever my ex could do to hurt me, she did, and man o man she was good at it.

Now I am dating Manda and she is 9 years my junior. You know what though? She is far more mature than many women my age. She has lived through adversity, and certainly isn't like most 22 year olds. Even so, I find myself doubting sometimes, because, lets face it, once you have been hurt, it's extremely hard not to look for it in everything and everyone. Fact is, it's not fair to those people to look for it with them, no matter how much it makes us feel better. We are losing control by trying to maintain it. I can't allow my ex-wife to ruin my life again, and you can't allow your ex to do the same.

The other thing is that the older both of you are the less of a difference it makes. If you were 29 dating an 18 year old, that might be cause for concern, but as it is you are 36 and he is 25. By the time I was 25, I had sown my wild oats, and I was pretty much well settled into my adult persona. There is an amaxing difference in maturity between 25 and 20.

I guess more than anything, just ask yourself if you love him. If so, chances are he loves you. Actually, I find it comforting that he is willing to overlook the social stigma that goes along with a younger man marrying an older woman. If he is willing to say 'society faux pa be damned' then it seems to me he's pretty into you. I think that also is indicative of a mature life outlook.

Follow your heart Nutty, I did and I am happier than ever. I admit that I am still wrestling with some issues, but I know that everyday they become less and less. Here's to you and he, and your mutual love. I wish you the fondest best.

Bless you Nutty!!!

Hugs,

-J

ali106

hello....just wanted to add you are truly beautiful and I'm sure young at heart, ps 36 is YOUNG ....I wouldn't worry about the age difference too much, but I totally understand about the trust issue especially going through a rough prior relationship....HUGS!

you got some great advice and I wish you lots of luck! Just be happy and enjoy each other
hugs!
Ali

pecksun8

If you are not feeling 100% about getting married, then don't get married. If you two love each other and want to be together, be together. There is no reason to rush into marriage until your ready. Just be with each other and enjoy each other.

alifelessevident

personally if you love each other go with your hearts, the age thing is not a real issue at this point i would say. if you've experienced abuse in the past and those feelings are in the front of your mind and it scares you, then seek counseling, for your =self individually and probably for the both of you, he will have to come to understand it, and that will help you two communicate..... would like to say there is a simple answer, but life isn't simple.... there are people who meet an get married on a whim and stay together for 50 years, there are others that know each other forever and don't make it ... so only you two can make that work. good luck

jamerz3294

If the age thing doesn't matter to you, then it doesn't matter! Ezzie has 6 years on me, and the only times wereflect on that is when she woulda been in college, I was in junior high! :laugh: So seriously, take stock of who you are, and who he is, and go from there. Counseling might be a great isea for you *both* to face whatever issues you have. Ezzie and I saw a Marriage Enrichment counselor a few years ago, to give some tools to work on some issues. And yea, it was a *good* thing! :drinker:

GoGetterMom

Hey there! I read your post and it sounds like your issue really is the age gap...So here is an age difference success story....

My best friend married a man 7 years younger than she. (She was emotionally abused by her ex- for many years.) Both my girlfriend and her new hubby are paramedics who work for the same ambulance company. They have been married 9 years. They have one of the best relationships I have ever seen. He loves her with all his heart and she loves him like no-one else could. Just last year she broke her hip in a fluke horse accident, and he cared for her like only he could have.... He doesn't care that she will have a limp for the rest of their days, he just loves her with all he has... You can see it when he looks at her... They are a match made in heaven.... He is the blessing she always needed - all she had to do was let him love her...

nuttyrubs

thank you all my sweet friends there.. you have taken loads offffffffffffff my back.. i love you allllllllllllllllll

nuttyrubs

thanks jeremyyy

nuttyrubs

you just made my day