What do you do about the naysayers?

eyescatchfire

So, I've lost enough weight by now that most people have noticed. I would like to lose another 20 pounds or so (somewhere between 125-130.) However, when I tell people that I still want to lose anything, they all look at me like I'm NUTS. Just to put this in perspective, I was in the obese BMI range 5 pounds ago. I am by no means wasting away!

Because my self image is so out of whack, I'm wondering if I'm just plain wrong! But I've never been an "average" size, and I just don't know what my body wants me to be! So, either I'm wrong, or everyone else is wrong, or trying to sabotage my best efforts. Has anyone else run into this? Is everyone around you telling you to stop already? Who wants to just bury their face in a bucket of ice cream?

eyescatchfire

So, I've lost enough weight by now that most people have noticed. I would like to lose another 20 pounds or so (somewhere between 125-130.) However, when I tell people that I still want to lose anything, they all look at me like I'm NUTS. Just to put this in perspective, I was in the obese BMI range 5 pounds ago. I am by no means wasting away!

Because my self image is so out of whack, I'm wondering if I'm just plain wrong! But I've never been an "average" size, and I just don't know what my body wants me to be! So, either I'm wrong, or everyone else is wrong, or trying to sabotage my best efforts. Has anyone else run into this? Is everyone around you telling you to stop already? Who wants to just bury their face in a bucket of ice cream?

shorerider

How tall are you? What is your body frame size?

eyescatchfire

I am 5 feet tall. I would say that I have a somewhat small build--tiny hands and feet, but big hips. (Like, hip hugger jeans don't work. I have to buy jeans that sit "at the waist" or else it's ugly. )

tamifanny

My immediate response?.....don't tell them

eyescatchfire

My immediate response?.....don't tell them

Somehow, I don't think my mom would like to hear that she needs to mind her own business! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

kenkraft

I like the "burying my face in a bucket of ice cream" thing!!! Ok, kidding, but it's a funny visual...

Ken

mommared53

Your profile says you want to be 145 by your birthday in October. I don't think that sounds at all unreasonable just going by my own height and my weight goals. I'm 5'3" and have a small frame. My goal is to be 140. After I get there I'll decide if I want to lose more or not. If your avatar shows what you look like today, I don't see that you look at all annorexic. So I think you should continue with your goal and don't worry about what everyone else says. That's just my opinion though.

shorerider

According to MFP's BMI calculator, if you weight 145 now?, then you're still in the obese range. Healthy range for that height is 94.7 (:noway: ) to 128. So I think you've set a good goal--Just ignore them and stick to your goals.

I'm 5'4" and aiming for 140--which is high for m height but I have a very large frame.

eyescatchfire

Healthy range for that height is 94.7 (:noway: ) to 128.

Isn't that the craziest thing ever??? 95 pounds! WTF, seriously!

age1389

I'd say that is a reasonable weight to. I'm 5'1 and weigh between 111 to 115 (my scale is off so don't know which it is) and I'm not wasting away.
Ignore them and moms always worry about there kids so she probably means well:flowerforyou:



-Adrienne

shorerider

Healthy range for that height is 94.7 (:noway: ) to 128.

Isn't that the craziest thing ever??? 95 pounds! WTF, seriously!

I weighed more than that when I was 5 I think! And, i can't believe a few inches in height can make such a difference either. But you really need to consider your body frame as well as the height and I think it would have to be a VERY small frame person to carry off 95 pounds.

michlingle

I think people are saboteurs (SP?)...or they just don't know what else to say. I think if people are supportive of your last bit to lose, they may think they are really telling you that you are a bit overweight still...people don't like to be rude. ...I've learned to keep it to myself...after a few beers I spill my guts...blah blah blah-it's better just not to say at all.

arewethereyet

Maybe they are just being nice? Telling you they love you just the way you are?

I do that with my daughter sometimes and she reminds me that I wish I had pulled in the reins on my eating at 120 intead of 170!

I say you are eating good healthy diet. Getting exercise that you need at ANY AGE OR SIZE so continue on your journey.

I am proud of you and your mom will be too when she sees how you look at a 125 (which is to me my fav goal weight at 5'2"!!)

:flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

shorerider

You know what has irked me lately--a few people have told me how great I'm looking BUT THEN they'll continue along the lines "but you know how hard it is to keep it off, so I hope you can do that, too" :grumble:

As if I didn't know that already and as if I needed to be reminded of the lifelong challenge ahead of me.

Why can't people just stop with the "great job!" ?

GoGetterMom

Sometimes those who love you most are the biggest saboteurs. They unknowingly burst your bubble and it can be hard to become inflated again. Give your friends and family the stats if need be.... My family tends to be big (6'1" to 7'2") and when they found out - back in the day- I was 145# at 5'7" they flipped. It is my ideal body weight. I let them get in my head and stopped doing what I should have... Now I am paying for it and running my butt off to get back to where I should be...

Don't let them ruin the great things you have done for you! You are doing an awesome job. If your BMI goal is reasonable (thanks Shorerider), stick to your goal. Unfortunately, the loved ones come off sounding less than loving sometimes. You may have to sit down with them and (lovingly) give them the low down.

*prayers for you* Blessings of success! :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou: :flowerforyou:

eyescatchfire

Ok guys, what I'm hearing is I need to keep my mouth shut! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Thanks for all the support...sometimes it's hard to tell if you're on the right path or you've just set the bar too damn high. Anyway, I'll keep chugging along...now that I think about it, I wish I just could be "done" already! :bigsmile:

Shorerider, I know exactly what you mean--like we haven't thought about the prospect of keeping this going for the next several DECADES. :sick: :brokenheart: JK!

memuellerpa

Wewereundone,

You've done a GREAT job! I echo the advice given above... i.e., don't say too much to too many people, you ARE thinking correctly and are on the right track weight-wise, and that others may be simply trying to be nice.

One more possibility is that there are so many obese and overweight people in this country now that a concept of "normal" is out of whack for a lot of people.

Concentrate on being healthy, not primarily on your weight, and know that you are on the right track!
Cheers!
Mary

jill927

I've been there done that! I've lost over 40lbs as well, and when I said I wanted to lose more my best friend expressed concerns that she thought i might becoming anorexic. I laughed. Seriously, if you knew me, you'd understand how funny that is. I could NEVER be anorexic, I love food too much. I eat around 1400 calories a day, so it's not like I'm not eating. BUT I get it. People either 1) feel bad about themselves (she's about the same size as me...if she needs to lose weight does that mean I need to lose weight?) 2) Just love you and don't take it as a serious problem or 3) just need to be B*!ch slapped :laugh:

You can do it, and just remember you're not doing this for anyone else. You're doing this for YOU.

punka274

You know what has irked me lately--a few people have told me how great I'm looking BUT THEN they'll continue along the lines "but you know how hard it is to keep it off, so I hope you can do that, too" :grumble:

As if I didn't know that already and as if I needed to be reminded of the lifelong challenge ahead of me.

Why can't people just stop with the "great job!" ?

OMG,My MIL tells me that all the time....secretly,I think she wants me to gain it all back:laugh: :laugh: On the other hand,my FIL is quick to give me a hug and tell me great job girl! :happy:

Wewereundone,I say keep chugging along...my mom is always telling me I need to stop dieting! I just say ok...and let it go out the other ear:happy: And BTW..your ticker picture is making me hungry...:noway:

cp005e

I have been getting this a bit lately, too. I have lost enough weight now that pretty much everyone notices, and I am looking pretty decent. I still have a few pounds to go to get out of the "overweight" BMI range, and hopefully a few more after that (I have a large frame, so I am shooting for 150-155 at 5'7" - I'm currently around 163 and plateauing :frown: ). But I have had people look at me all concerned if I "admit" that I am still trying to lose, when they ask "aren't you done YET?!?!" or ask me if I have an eating disorder. :noway:

People are weird. They might be jealous, they might just be used to seeing you as heavier and so that seems 'normal' to them, or they might really be trying to sabotage you. The latter is less likely IMO, but possible. Just keep doing what you're doing and they will eventually get over it - a few people at work have told me lately that seeing my loss is inspiring them to go to gym more!

tamifanny

My immediate response?.....don't tell them

Somehow, I don't think my mom would like to hear that she needs to mind her own business! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Did say that....just said don't have to let people know your watching your weight

shorerider

Tamara, been meaning to tell you that I love your dog! How old is it?

andlofly

I hate that BMI rating but only about half as much as I hate the healthy weight range chart. I'm 42 and only 5'1". I'm not big boned. In fact, I would consider myself to be small framed. My goal weight is 130. I'm just over 140 and already feeling pretty good.

I think there are better measures than BMI (and weight for that matter). What about healthy blood pressure, cholesterol, triglycerides and glucose levels... how about the fact that I walk four miles in just about one hour... and I can keep up in my aerobics classes without loosing my breath (FINALLY!!)... I don't want to get so focused on a BMI or a weight that I know is not realistic for me. I know that if I were to try to maintain a weight of 120 or less I would be hungry, grumpy, and unpleasant to be around!!

I think that each of us need to find a goal weight WE are comfortable with. As long as you are healthy and feeling good... let them say what they want to say... you know what's right and true!! No need to start questioning your judgement about what is right for you. Nobody knows how you feel (or look under those jeans) better than you do.

Wynnie

Wow. Sorry to hear people are trying to undermine you.

Statistics tell us that fully 2/3 of Americans are overweight!! Maybe overweight has become the "norm" so people are uncomfortable when you try to improve your health. They can see just by looking at you what they should be doing themselves and it's upsets them subconsciously.

I am constantly getting told that I'm weird. I'm vain. I'm obsessed and have an eating disorder. (honestly I'm not) And when people bring in fried treats and cakes, and I politely decline, they see it as insult, even if I don't say anything more than a sweet "no thanks".

That's why I like MFP. Here you can talk to others who do want to be healthier than "the norm". And I wish you success!!!!

kimber607

Hi

It's so weird when you loose weight.....completely different than id you were naturally a certain weight
I started here at 157 (5'7) and am now 128-129
I walk everyday and do yoga...eat well and feel healthy
Just today we had family over and all I heard was that I was TOO thin and I shouldn't loose anymore (I don't plan to)
I think if I was always naturally 128-129 no one would have anything to say

WEIRD!
Kim

jlwhelan1

My immediate response?.....don't tell them

Somehow, I don't think my mom would like to hear that she needs to mind her own business! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

I've done it, in a respectful way... we differ on many things and sometimes she wants to force her way of doing things on me. If you are on a healthy track and taking care of your own body then it is part of taking care of yourself and owning your own health to have some boundaries. It can be done gently, or with humor, or just by skillfully moving the conversation in another direction.

jlwhelan1

Healthy range for that height is 94.7 (:noway: ) to 128.

Isn't that the craziest thing ever??? 95 pounds! WTF, seriously!

I weighed more than that when I was 5 I think! And, i can't believe a few inches in height can make such a difference either. But you really need to consider your body frame as well as the height and I think it would have to be a VERY small frame person to carry off 95 pounds.

I am 4'11" and my sil is 4'11" too. She is slight of frame, a beautiful Japanese woman. I am muscular and curvy. She weighs 92 to 95 lbs naturally, even after children. She does not diet and is very healthy. When I am at my leanest I weigh 98, but I like to weigh a little more, 102-108 lbs is where I feel best. I'm 114 now and although healthy I definitely have a little more fat than I should.

Edit - sorry, kids distracted me. I think your goal sounds fine. I don't have a clue what naysayers are thinking. If you are asked in a judgmental way you could always tell them that you are focused on being healthy (and move the topic away from weight.) Keep up the good work!

tamifanny

Tamara, been meaning to tell you that I love your dog! How old is it?

Aahhhh thanks ShoreRider! We love him...he's 2 1/2 already. He always has something in his mouth (kinda like me):laugh: :laugh: :laugh: