My motivation has hit me..permanently!

VirtuousJoy

When I started MFP about a month ago I was so excited and so determined to be the best ME I can be. I was doing great and was losing 2 and 3 pounds weekly and I was quite excited where I was headed in my weight loss direction.
Well, unfourtunately, I went on a trip that allowed me to fall back into my old habits (and I am NOT making excuses for it)
I would eat any and everything..mexican food, junk food, fast food. I gained about four pounds in doing that..not bad right?
Well it continued and four became eight and eight became eleven!!!!! The weight was just coming back on quickly. I managed to lose two pounds which I have no clue how that happened lol. But needless to say I was very disappointed in myself, and unknown to me..I am an emotional eater(I always thought I just loved to eat no matter how I was feeling so didn't really see it as an emotional thing)
But I notice when Im feeling a little confident..or happy. I love to indulge in my favorites..and ofcourse this isn't good.
So yesterday for Memorial Day I went to go hang out with my family whom I havent seen in months, so I was excited and wanted to look my absolute best for when I saw them..
I felt good, and inspite of the 9 pounds heavier..I thought I looked a little good too.
It all went downhill when my great aunt, pulls up, gets out the car and just stares me up and down and doesn't say anything to me..she finally sits down, looks at me through her shades and says, "Joy, you still big?"
Ofcourse you can imagine how I felt. I grew up a very shy, laid back and reserved girl. Pretty emotional and very thin skin. It has gotten better but I have been depressed in my earlier years and still deal with insecurities here and there. I just stood there. I couldn't move at all, felt like I was going into an anxiety attack because there were people around and she was laughing at me because I was nearly in tears. I manage to walk away and I started crying. Looking at myself and telling myself, "How could you let yourself get like this..you're fat..ugly..and this is YOUR fault.." I'm crying just thinking about how hard I was and still am on myself..I wake up and feel worse. Not wanting to do anything because I feel..disgusting..

I have dealt with this most of my life..feeling like Im worthless, and no one knows because I can keep a straight face and force a smile even though Im hurting. I'm tired of it!!!!!
So my beautiful mom, had a talk with me, and really encouraged me to keep going and to just start over and start strong!!!
Although I still feel a little down from yesterday..I feel a little victory in knowing this is only temporary:)
I even came up with a little prize for myself when I lose 45 pounds!!!!
I love long hair..its been that way all my life. I love my hair long..but for a new CONFIDENT and BEAUTIFUL me..I'm cutting it off..YES a nice, cute, and sexy pixie cut and I'm more than excited!!!
I won't give up because of how people portray me or what they say and think of me! I will continue this life long lifestyle strong, and no one is going to have the power of breaking me again! That little voice in my head that has told me I "can't" for years has just been silence by the voice that has been telling me I CAN!

Now all I need is you guy's continuous motivation and inspiration you guys are definitely a blessing. Logging on and seeing your before and after pictures and your encouraging posts mean alot to me and I'm thankful!

Here's to the new me.. The way that God intended..STRONG and FREE from negative people and surroundings!:)
I wont give up!:)
-Joy

squishycow7

aww!! so proud of you for managing to still be hopeful despite the set-backs and rude remarks!! you GO, you can do it!!! and whenever you want to "emotionally eat" (I know how it is, that's me too!) come back to this post.

be proud!! BE STRONG!!

2chubby4now

Way to go! You keep your chin up! You can do it. Feel free to add me as one of your cheering squad if you would like to. I like your attitude!

Pebble321

Keep going, you know you can do it. People who say mean things aren't worth you expending emotional energy on. Walk away and talk to the family members that you actually like!
And re keeping up motivation, I find the best way to do that is just to log things. Even if I'm not eating the best stuff (and let's face it, that is going to happen) I write it down because that way I am being accountable to myself and it makes me hesitate a little before making an unhealthier choice.
Hang in there, there is lots of support here, we understand how hard you are working!

jujubean4384

Great Job!! So many times time we let the thoughts of others deter us from our goal...........instead you used it as a motivation. Keep on Going and in the end you shall have the greatest figure and the last laugh!!!!!!