Need help supporting my sister in law

jenfunfur

Right i'll give you the basics.
My soon to be sister in law has approached me for help losing some weight before the wedding in september, stating that my loss has inspired her. Theres some complications mainly she has pcos which will make dieting difficult & shes just over 18stone at 5"2 which means high impact workouts like i do is impossible. From my research i've worked out a food/exercise plan that i think is totally reasonable but she seems to think is impossible. This is what i've suggested
-walk for 20min every day
-reduce carbs in diet change 'white' carbs to 'brown'
-stop drinking fizzy drinks
-cut out processed sugars & limit fruit sugars
-fill up on loads of veg & lean protien

Am i asking too much of her? It's what i did 130 days ago. She just seems so reluctant to make these dietry changes, yet keeps asking for my help. If nothing else i would like to help her to improve her pcos symptoms & reduce her risk of diabetes. This is what i tell her i don't even mention the weightloss.
I guess what i'm asking guys is any advice for motivation, or if you have pcos what sort of food plan do you follow?

GemmieNoWobbles

Hi
What your suggesting is very reasonable. Its not like your asking her to cut her calorie intake in half or anything and eat only tofu. You are asking her to make a few small changes to get the ball rolling.

Me thinks she sounds like one of those people who want the weight loss without the effort. Its not going to happen if you dont put in the effort and make the changes yourself.

You've suggested something very good and its now up to her to either take your advice or not. x

diverchic73

I think what you've suggested sounds very reasonable.

If she isn't willing to put in even that bit of effort, that is her choice. If she continues to ask, just say 'I've told you what I think works' it is up to her to do with it what she wills and she cannot make it your fault if she doesn't take your advice.

hugs though cos it can't be easy for you.

suzitkd

Have you pointed her at this site yet? Get her to read through all the success stories and motivational posts - it certainly helps me! Can you offer to go to some workouts with her to get her started? I know that the first couple of times doing it can be very scary for someone who hasn't done much of it before - once she's got the ball rolling (and joined us on here?) I'm sure she'll find it easier to continue - especially if she starts seeing results! All the advice you've given her is good - maybe get her to change just one thing at a time, then when she's got the hang of that introduce another and so on. She's fortunate in a way that she has the wedding as a motivational goal - she needs help in getting over the initial problem of getting started!

wenders123

I think your suggestions are very good. At the end of the day if somebody wants to lose weight they have to make changes to their diet, and hopefully increase the amount of exercise they do. Otherwise we would not get fat in the first place. But she has to want to do it. We've all wanted to lose weight but not made the changes required, and what happens - nothing (or worse you gain weight). And on top of this, when you do lose the weight, you need to keep with the changes, or you put it back on again. Your future sister in law has to realise this ....... but good on you that you are trying to help - it can be so frustrating.

Fattack

Hi Jen! Not sure if you saw my status comment the other day, but Low GI Diets have great success with PCOS sufferers (of which I am one).

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Low-GI-Guide-Managing-PCOS/dp/0340896019 - a brilliant book, simply FANTASTIC!

Your advice is spot on. Exercise is extremely important for those of us with PCOS, and yes, white carbs are a big nono- although seeded / rye / sourdough bread is better than brown (which can be just as processed and nasty as white!). Combining carbs with protein at every meal will also help

Flossycat100

For what it's worth, I have PCOS but I've never even considered that on my own particular weight loss journey. It means I have to work that much harder to lose the same amount of weight as everyone else, but I don't see my weight loss particularly affected by the PCOS and I won't allow it to be affected. I am 5 foot 6 and I was heavier than your sister in law 200 days ago; and now I am 65lb lighter than I was back then, so it can be done but some real hard work is required. To achieve this I have done all the things you suggested (which is good advice, I think) but I also haven't shied away from the exercise and have achieved some massive calorie burns along the way to keep the weight loss ticking over. Sometimes you ned to push really, really hard physically to see results.

I will probably get flamed for this but I find if I start fretting about PCOS it gives me more of an excuse to get my head down and give up, if you see what I mean. In effect I am aware I 'could' simply use the PCOS as an excuse- I 'could' simply sigh and say 'what's the point'- but there is no way I am letting that happen. There are people out there, though (and I'm not talking about all PCOS sufferers, of course!) who just hide behind it and let themselves believe that as a result there is nothing they can do. That's just wrong. If the will is there, the cycle can be broken.

A LOT of women have PCOS these days. In reality it might mean you have to work twice as hard to achieve the same goal as other people, but it's by no means a disability and if your sister in law really sets her mind to it, she wil succeed. Plus the more weight she loses, the less effect her PCOS will have. Good luck to you- and her.

Fattack

For what it's worth, I have PCOS but I've never even considered that on my own particular weight loss journey. It means I have to work that much harder to lose the same amount of weight as everyone else, but I don't see my weight loss particularly affected by the PCOS and I won't allow it to be affected. I am 5 foot 6 and I was heavier than your sister in law 200 days ago; and now I am 65lb lighter than I was back then, so it can be done but some real hard work is required. To achieve this I have done all the things you suggested (which is good advice, I think) but I also haven't shied away from the exercise and have achieved some massive calorie burns along the way to keep the weight loss ticking over. Sometimes you ned to push really, really hard physically to see results.

I will probably get flamed for this but I find if I start fretting about PCOS it gives me more of an excuse to get my head down and give up, if you see what I mean. In effect I am aware I 'could' simply use the PCOS as an excuse- I 'could' simply sigh and say 'what's the point'- but there is no way I am letting that happen. There are people out there, though (and I'm not talking about all PCOS sufferers, of course!) who just hide behind it and let themselves believe that as a result there is nothing they can do. That's just wrong. If the will is there, the cycle can be broken.

A LOT of women have PCOS these days. In reality it might mean you have to work twice as hard to achieve the same goal as other people, but it's by no means a disability and if your sister in law really sets her mind to it, she wil succeed. Plus the more weight she loses, the less effect her PCOS will have. Good luck to you- and her.

This is so true! I often forget I have PCOS to be honest when dieting. Making excuses is what made me fat (I can't be bothered to cook, it's too cold to go to the gym etc.etc.) - PCOS doesn't need to be another.

TheGoktor

Jen I don't really have anything constructive to add; however, I do agree with what's been said here - if she really wants to lose weight she needs to make small changes to her lifestyle to begin with, and to not use anything as an excuse. You've done it. I've done it. Everyone here has done it. So can your SIL.

Would being tougher with her help? Maybe a reality check would be useful?

It's fantastic that you want to help her but when all is said and done, only she can make the necessary changes, and it seems to me that the biggest one is in her head. xx

zianiH

I am sorry if this sound silly but what is PCOS ?

Yooperm35

My experience - with directing people to MFP and losing weight - is that the weight loss is not fast enough for them, or they give up because they 'don't have time' to log their calories. I log absolutely EVERYTHING that goes into my mouth. This way I am well aware of WHY I didn't lose weight that week. Having a few chips here or there really adds up at the end of the day. Between a tablet, laptop, desktop and the iPod app - I can log my calories at almost anytime of day no matter where I am. There have been some weeks where I haven't lost even ½ pound - but my clothes are getting too big, so the scale # really doesn't matter, because I know that I am toning up and getting in shape. You can't MAKE someone do it. They have to want it. The days that I don't feel like working out are even better work out days because I push myself to finish sooner! I have actually gone to freedieiting.com and modified MFP calories by using that. It's working for me and I feel great!