Mean People - how to be polite to them??

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quietlywinning
quietlywinning Posts: 889 Member
in Chit-Chat
How does one politely say, No, my child may not go to your house to play with your rude, violent, demanding, lying children? This mother keeps asking and I keep saying no, but now her requests are "when is a good time?" and "would she like to do this with us sometime?" rather than asking for 3:00 this afternoon. No is an easy answer to 3:00 this afternoon, but doesn't work so well with these new questions, lol. There is never a good time and yes she would love to do that but I won't let her do it with you....just sounds so rude! I'm a nice person. I teach my kids to be nice. I am not thinking nice things about this family that wants to "be friends", which really means "run over the nice people"!

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  • quietlywinning
    quietlywinning Posts: 889 Member
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    LOL Nobody knows!
  • barbiex3
    barbiex3 Posts: 1,036 Member
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    I don't really have personal parenting experience, but I would just try ignoring her. Her kids probably just have a hard time keeping and making friends, so the parents are really fighting hard to keep you guys in their child's life, so just try to be stand-offish. It sounds like you are already doing that, but maybe trying being a little more up-front about it. I know that parents can sometimes beat around the bush about stuff, so maybe just tell the parents some of the rude things their child did to your child, and maybe they will understand, or just say that your kid has a bunch of other activites (make them up in you have to)!

    growing up, my parents were very strick, and they would kind of interragate my friends' parents, so maybe make them feel uncomfortable like you are not in the same social class type of thing. Ask about their job or college or whatever to make them feel unfit to be hanging out with you

    these probably sound mean, but oh well! haha hope it helped somewhat
  • quietlywinning
    quietlywinning Posts: 889 Member
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    They kind of way outclass me....so it would be a little bit fun to do the interrogating thing, lol. I have ignored the last couple of requests, since they came via text and I have already established that I don't text much and don't look at my phone. If it's not ringing, I don't hear it!

    The mom has witnessed the nastiness and even apologized to me when I cut the first play date short, but she didn't stop the kids ever.

    They have lived here several years and we've lived here several months, so you are probably right, she's just trying to get her child a friend. Part of me wants to sit her down and explain manners and parenting to her and see if I can help, but the rest of me says "save your own child!" I really do have to save my own child!!
  • jojopel
    jojopel Posts: 348 Member
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    Tell her that your family schedule is quite hectic right now and that you'll get back to her when you have more time. :smile:
  • quietlywinning
    quietlywinning Posts: 889 Member
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    Tell her that your family schedule is quite hectic right now and that you'll get back to her when you have more time. :smile:

    Thanks, I think this is my answer. We're moving away in 3 months, so there is no point in explanations or anything.
  • _beachgirl_
    _beachgirl_ Posts: 3,865 Member
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    I think honesty is always best, but be tactful! Especially since you are moving away! You never know her situation, she may be overwhelmed, not sure what to do and need some one to talk to, she may just let her kids run wild and maybe telling her you don't want your child playing with her kids might make her do something about it.. You could help her, or you could alienate her but either way, you're moving!
  • Fat_Bottomed_Girl
    Fat_Bottomed_Girl Posts: 354 Member
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    Tell her that your family schedule is quite hectic right now and that you'll get back to her when you have more time. :smile:

    Thanks, I think this is my answer. We're moving away in 3 months, so there is no point in explanations or anything.

    Those kids are THAT bad, huh?

    Good luck to you!
  • ket_the_jet
    ket_the_jet Posts: 1,257 Member
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    I say let the kids play. Your kids will never learn anything if you shelter them.
    -wtk
  • binary_jester
    binary_jester Posts: 3,311 Member
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    Tell her once little Damien has an exorcism...then they can play together.
  • robin52077
    robin52077 Posts: 4,383 Member
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    Since you're moving away anyways, I would be completely honest. The worst that can happen is that your next few months are a little awkward if you bump into each other.
    The best that can happen is that she gets a clue and starts parenting right, like the child deserves. Do it for the kid, they'll be a better adult if the parenting is fixed now.
  • otr12
    otr12 Posts: 632 Member
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    I deal with this all the time. First, I invite the kid to my house and explain the rules here. When the kid breaks the rules they get a reminder the first time and sent home the second time. They can come back and try again tomorrow. Some get sick of being being sent home within 5 minutes and stop coming over. But most learn how to behave at my house over time.

    Difficult children usually lack structure at home. They don't have consistent consequences for their actions. Stick firm to the rules and they usually learn pretty quick.
  • binary_jester
    binary_jester Posts: 3,311 Member
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    Get a t-shirt that says, "I beat other people's children"
  • TCASMEY
    TCASMEY Posts: 1,405 Member
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    I agree with having them to your house and let them know what your rules are for playing with your kids. And then send them home if they misbehave. That makes a great opening for you if the parent calls to ask why you can explain what they did and that it is not acceptable behavior in your house and you would not tolerate it from your children and certainly not from guests in your house.
  • pyro13g
    pyro13g Posts: 1,127 Member
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    No, my child may not go to your house to play with your rude, violent, demanding, lying children?

    Why candy coat it?
  • fteale
    fteale Posts: 5,310 Member
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    Is it the mother who is rude, or the children? If the whole family are awful, then steer clear, but if perfectly decent parents happen to have a little brat, I wouldn't hold it against them. My oldest son is that bossy child everyone hates, despite my best efforts, and trust me, I know it. I am more aware than anyone of his behaviour, and it hurts me a damn sight more than it bothers anyone else. I have very few friends because their children don't like mine, or they don't, and trust me, it is pretty much the most horrible feeling in the world. Of course I want my son to be well behaved, and normal and likeable. Every mother wants that for their children.

    It's not always the parents fault. Sometimes the kind thing to do is make an effort and reach out. I have spent nearly 6 years of my life feeling like crud because of other parents like you, judging me and my son.

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