A rant about drunk drivers.

Frappuzzino

I apologize if this is long. I really need to rant.

My 32 year old sister is an ex drug addict. My mom went all the way out to Utah 6 years ago to move my sister and her son back so they could get their life straight. My sister's ex-boyfriend who was abusive and also9 a druggie, ended up moving back with her for a few years. She finally said adios to him, and then she met another guy who has a drinking problem.

Earlier last year, she was arrested on a DUI. The second DUI on her record. My mom posted her $1,600 bail. They went to court multiple times before the judge sentenced her to 30 days in April of this year. She got out of jail, pleaded to my mom that she thought about her life and was never going to drink and was going to make sure her boyfriend worked on his drinking problem.

My dad and I talk on the phone every morning. Immediately he started with "We have to move away from them." I knew something had happened with my sister. He said she was at the neighboorhood pool with her kids and her boyfriend. They were leaving, and she was backing out of the parking lot when she hit someone's car. I don't know what went on, but my sister and her boyfriend ended up going back to their house and the cops showed up. They clearly smelled alcohol on her boyfriend, and asked him to walk in a straight line, count, ABC's etc. He failed. They then asked my sister to do the test and she refused, so they arrested her and took her to jail. She claims they never did a breathalyzer, but they still have the right to take you to jail if you refuse the test, right?

So her boyfriend called my mom who was at work. My mom ran over to the jail and bailed her out. Everytime something happens with my sister, my mom insists that she's not going to justify her actions anymore, but she continues.

I told my mom a month ago that I'm not going to ***** at her for her decision to support my sister no matter what, but I'll tell you what I am so infuriated right now. Not at my mom, at my sister. My mom is in her 50s, my dad is in his mid 60s. NO PARENT deserves to deal with the amount of crap my sister has put my parents through. My mother is taking care of a 32 year old child, and it's amazing that she is 14 years my elder, but she is the stupidest person I've ever known.

/end rant. Sigh, I am so through!

hroush

My wife and I are going through something similar with her family. All three of her brothers are living at their parent's house, two of which are over 40! One was into drugs (hardcore), may still be, but my wife's parents take him to a treatment center once a week at $50 a pop, which they pay. Only one of the three has a consistent job while the other two just do odd jobs. Both my in-laws are in their late 60's and retired.

I wish you luck.

vshdst

Sorry, but your sister will continue b/c your mother is an "enabler." Your sister knows your mom will come to her aid and therefore she has no real reason to change. Your mother needs to stop feeding here addiction by picking her up everytime she falls.

koosdel

I'm sorry your going through this. The bail outs must be frustrating too, cuz they sure aren't helping anyone.

mlagena

I get wherer you're coming from. My sister, who is also 32, is a complete IDIOT. /sigh
Our parents were always coming to her rescue and it has done nothing but bite us all in the rear. They finally drew the line when she started letting a convicted felon (drugs, robbery and terrorist threats) live with her and my young NEICES. Well, now she's moved 400 miles away with that man and refuses to let us see her eldest daughter.
Anyway, sorry to go off like that. :embarassed:
vshdst is right. Your mom needs to start letting you sister clean up her own messes, but I know how hard that is to do. I sincerely hope everything works out for you and your family! Best of wishes!

Airbear3

wish i didn't know all about this but i do. your sober family needs to find alanon (?) spelling.....anyway, i went there to get help for myself, do to my childrens father that became a heroin addict! It made ME nuts! they become such good liars that you start to believe them, and that you are the problem....these meeting work alot like AA but teaches you how to deal with addicts and gives you some insight as to why they are the way they are. Try to be understandiing of your sister, there is something wrong mentally, emotionally...something is the underlying problem that she needs to address. Its hard for your mom to stop enabling her because she is her child.....no matter what age they are you always want to protect them and she feels that she is.....this group will give her valuable tool s to help both her and your sister! Best wishes!

TheMaidOfAstolat

You are not alone in this. My ex-husband has been pulling this same crap for years. I was with him for nearly 11 years total and I finally had enough of it. His parents continue to help him and say that he's changed...but I believe once a druggie always a druggie...same philosophy with cheaters. My ex is only about to be 28 and has been in jail 7 times that I know of and just got out on Wednesday for his last stint. He's in rehab for the first time in his life. Personally I feel that rehab is not helpful...if anything they learn new tricks to hide their stash and how to obtain more money to keep their habit going. I am two years his junior and have never done drugs, smoked, or drank to excess...how people can put that crap in their bodies is beyond me. They bring down the people that care about them most and parents being who they are will always want to help. It doesn't help the situation when they do. People like my ex and your sister need to fall flat on their face with no one to lean on...that will wake them up.
Best of luck! *HUGS*

askme12

I would also feel how you do toward your sister, but you mom knows how your sister is... She needs to cut that cord and let her fall and get up on her own, cause she doesn't want to change. I agree with your dad to get away from your sister and her bf. I understand why your mom keeps bailing out your sister, but she's really not doing her any favors.

Frappuzzino

Thank you guys for all of your support. I have been telling my mom for so long that my sister is never going to get better. My dad is her step dad, but my dad has tried his best to raise her as his own. No child of his would've ever been that way though!

So many people on the outside SEE what my mother is doing, but my mom is the only one who doesn't see it. I get so upset because my sister is walking all over my mom, and my mom doesn't deserve it. I feel as though part of it is my mom's fault for continuing to enable her, but I don't know. I've no idea what to do. Honestly, I hope my sister rots in jail for 5-10 years for this. My mom will finally get a break.

Honestly, I am learning from my mom's mistakes. When I have children (in the future of course) my children will never end up that way, and if it happens, they are not getting any help from me.

vshdst

Never say never! Helping one's child is required, is expected, is acceptable within reasonable limits. Everyone deserves a second chance to mend their ways if they fall into self destructive behaviors.
The behavior is a problem when it becomes a seemingly permanent pattern after repeated attempts to help the individual. Then you decide to let him/her learn on their own.

hush7hush

Did you say that your sister's child is involved?
This is what I'm most concerned about.
I personally think your parents should adopt the child and kick your sister out to fend for herself.

jmgj27

I'm the youngest (sort of - long story) of a really messed up family. My next sister up (8 years older than me) is awful. She's my sister and I feel terribly guilty for not loving her like I should but she was awful to me as a child (really awful) and has become a really unpleasant adult. Unfortunately, I finally realised that she has that part of her consciousness (morality maybe) missing which relates to consequences. She simply doesn't understand (or care) that her actions have consequences (always negative) for other people. She's now in her mid 30s and is still a deeply unpleasant person who has been in jail for hard drug trafficking and abandoned her child at a train station. So...I understand. It sucks. Some people are irredeemable - I hope that isn't the case in your instance...

TheMaidOfAstolat

Honestly, I am learning from my mom's mistakes. When I have children (in the future of course) my children will never end up that way, and if it happens, they are not getting any help from me.

Be careful with saying that...you can't control who they grow up to be. My ex's brothers...one is US Army and the other was a probation officer...my ex was a rotten egg. As a child he attended private Christian schools, played soccer for 13 years, has several black belts in various forms of martial arts, and attended church weekly until the age of 25...and yet he still was heavy into drugs by that point. It's not something that is inherently anyones fault but the individuals. Parents do their best and even children raised in the perfect environment will have flaws and faults that their parents and siblings may find repulsive. Just take what comes and be happy for it.