I failed and drank....

xoalyssaox

I went to Chili's tonight and I failed again I also had 2 Hurricanes, and now I am depressed and I hate my body...
I wish I could just lose this weight. I wish people knew how I felt..
They never will. Its so easy to talk on here...so I think I will..

For about 8-9 months back in 2006 I was anorexic/bulimic.. I would only eat if I HAD to (if family was around) but if I did i'd throw it up..
I would only eat like 200 calories a day..

But then I got pregnant, and I stopped fully and totally cause I KNEW I had something to live for.. Like God blessed me with a baby to show me what life is about..

I love my son...but now I am 30 pounds more than I used to be, and I just want my old body back. I took pics tonight with friends and just realized how big I am..

I went to counseling but I quit cause she was an idiot..
I would never starve myself again, cause I know I have another life to take care of, but I just hate myself and it causes soooo many problems in my marriage, and I just don't think I will ever be able to lose this..I don't know how.

xoalyssaox

I went to Chili's tonight and I failed again I also had 2 Hurricanes, and now I am depressed and I hate my body...
I wish I could just lose this weight. I wish people knew how I felt..
They never will. Its so easy to talk on here...so I think I will..

For about 8-9 months back in 2006 I was anorexic/bulimic.. I would only eat if I HAD to (if family was around) but if I did i'd throw it up..
I would only eat like 200 calories a day..

But then I got pregnant, and I stopped fully and totally cause I KNEW I had something to live for.. Like God blessed me with a baby to show me what life is about..

I love my son...but now I am 30 pounds more than I used to be, and I just want my old body back. I took pics tonight with friends and just realized how big I am..

I went to counseling but I quit cause she was an idiot..
I would never starve myself again, cause I know I have another life to take care of, but I just hate myself and it causes soooo many problems in my marriage, and I just don't think I will ever be able to lose this..I don't know how.

xoalyssaox

I went to Chili's tonight and I failed again I also had 2 Hurricanes, and now I am depressed and I hate my body...
I wish I could just lose this weight. I wish people knew how I felt..
They never will. Its so easy to talk on here...so I think I will..

For about 8-9 months back in 2006 I was anorexic/bulimic.. I would only eat if I HAD to (if family was around) but if I did i'd throw it up..
I would only eat like 200 calories a day..

But then I got pregnant, and I stopped fully and totally cause I KNEW I had something to live for.. Like God blessed me with a baby to show me what life is about..

I love my son...but now I am 30 pounds more than I used to be, and I just want my old body back. I took pics tonight with friends and just realized how big I am..

I went to counseling but I quit cause she was an idiot..
I would never starve myself again, cause I know I have another life to take care of, but I just hate myself and it causes soooo many problems in my marriage, and I just don't think I will ever be able to lose this..I don't know how.

OH and by the way, the reason I thought the phsycologist I went to was an idiot, is cause she was blaming my husband for my insecurities, when I didnt even know him when I was suffering from it

lyla29

You just have to take it one day at a time. It took a while for you to gain the weight and it will take a while to lose it too. Tomorrow is a new day so you can start over again and see how you do.

kathyjo

Okay...first...you are gorgeous!!! You are super cute and so is your baby.

Second....we all have rough days. I'm sorry you are feeling down. But remember that you have lots of friends and lots of support on here. We are all behind you in this weight loss journey. We are all going through the same thoughts and feelings you are.

I know that everyone says this, but you didn't put the weight on overnight and it isn't going to come off overnight. I have to tell myself that all the time. It took you nine months to grow that gorgeous baby (and maybe a few extra pounds), so it's going to take some time to get rid of it too! Stay with it...I know that if you do you will be happy that you did soon!

michlingle

The biggest challenge for me has been staying away from the social drinking that I do and the consequences from said drinking. I eat horribly and drink way too much. I log it and move on...believe it or not I've been steady at a pound per week even with these binges every couple of weeks. I too have struggled with ED...mine was bulemia for about 10 years....I recently learned that you only get rid of like 30% of the cals....never could be anorexic...so I guess I've always been slightly overweight. It too caused probs in the marriage and I saw someone about it too...she never said much just listened and finally after I got sick of spending so much I realized I just have to kick myself in the a** and fix this problem myself. You can do it....you have given birth and have a beautiful child to be your best for....don't don't don't don't quit!

harleydiva

Hello,

I will not tell you that I know what you are going thru as I do not have that illness. But the first step is realizing you have problem. Second big step is going to seek professional help. There is more then just then one person you can go to. I would suggest also looking to see if there is support group there locally.

You did not fail. Today you may not lost weight or did not lose as much as you could have. Tommorrow will be the past and tommorrow will be present. Each day new day is new beginning.

if you have need to talk just drop me email

jenninsocal

Oh 2 drinks is 2 drinks, its not the end of the world. You are beautiful! I know you want to lose the weight, but having a couple drinks here or there isnt going to stop the weight loss altogether. I think treating yourself ocasionally keeps your mind sane. Dont beat yourself up over it!

Anorexia is serious, and if you were able to overcome it for the healthy of you and your baby, you can do anything. Give yourself props for that

xoalyssaox

Oh 2 drinks is 2 drinks, its not the end of the world. You are beautiful! I know you want to lose the weight, but having a couple drinks here or there isnt going to stop the weight loss altogether. I think treating yourself ocasionally keeps your mind sane. Dont beat yourself up over it!

Anorexia is serious, and if you were able to overcome it for the healthy of you and your baby, you can do anything. Give yourself props for that

Yeah I am not upset about drinking two drinks, the alcholol made me depressed and brought on these feelings... I wish I could just lose it again....

PSUgrl921

You did not fail!!! One night is one night ... I'm in college. I have them, too. Just get back on track tomorrow. Going over one day is not going to screw up your weight loss for the week by much. You CAN do this!!

arewethereyet

I know how you feel about the counselor. Try again...find someone who can and will help you.

I am much older and my problems were different.

The 1st lady I went to see sat immediately said something like " you will get better and your husband will remain a jerk and you will grow and leave him, are you ready to do that"

HUH:noway:

I was there to work on ME, my hubby didnt have much to do with the issues of self esteem I was dealing with.

So I tried again and actually again...and found a great counselor. DH and I are celebrating 25 years together. Not always bliss, but that is life!

xoalyssaox

yeah that is exactly what she said to me. I was like, um hello I am here to better my marriage and get over my feelings I've had my whole entire life, and your telling me I am going to leave my husband and realize its all him, when I know in my mind i've been this way my whole life. Not to mention I couldnt afford going anymore..

I know how you feel about the counselor. Try again...find someone who can and will help you.

I am much older and my problems were different.

The 1st lady I went to see sat immediately said something like " you will get better and your husband will remain a jerk and you will grow and leave him, are you ready to do that"

HUH:noway:

I was there to work on ME, my hubby didnt have much to do with the issues of self esteem I was dealing with.

So I tried again and actually again...and found a great counselor. DH and I are celebrating 25 years together. Not always bliss, but that is life!

xoalyssaox

Hello,

I will not tell you that I know what you are going thru as I do not have that illness. But the first step is realizing you have problem. Second big step is going to seek professional help. There is more then just then one person you can go to. I would suggest also looking to see if there is support group there locally.

You did not fail. Today you may not lost weight or did not lose as much as you could have. Tommorrow will be the past and tommorrow will be present. Each day new day is new beginning.

if you have need to talk just drop me email

Thank you

PrincessLaundry

Look at what you have changed for you and your family thus far! Hooray you!!! Keep making small achievable forward goals and you will succeed! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

:flowerforyou:

sapphyre0702

You will lose the weight! Just take it one day at a time. I find that if I start thinking too far in advance it just gets overwhelming. I find that the more I focus on just being healthy and feeling healthy the more weight I lose and the better I feel. Also I cut bread and cereal out of my diet and noticed that I immediately felt so much slimmer and a few pounds followed that.

The best advice I have is just make sure you are eating enough including your exercise calories. It seems counter intuitive, but I tried it a few months ago and it worked amazingly. I was stuck at around 800 calories a day and couldn't lose a pound. A few weeks after eating about 1200 and my exercise calories it began coming off.

Good luck!

xoalyssaox

Look at what you have changed for you and your family thus far! Hooray you!!! Keep making small achievable forward goals and you will succeed! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

:flowerforyou:

Is losing 5 pounds in 2 weeks acheivable? Doesn't the first like 10 pounds come off faster or is that false?

PrincessLaundry

Look at what you have changed for you and your family thus far! Hooray you!!! Keep making small achievable forward goals and you will succeed! YOU CAN DO IT!!!

:flowerforyou:

Is losing 5 pounds in 2 weeks achievable? Doesn't the first like 10 pounds come off faster or is that false?

Everyone has a different norm...If you have 100 pounds to lose, you are going to lose faster. If you have just a few to lose, it is going to go slower. I went about a month right after I hit 15 pounds without losing ANYTHING!!! But wait...Silly me!!! I tried on some jeans and shirts and HOLY COW!! I lost inches!

The most important thing to do is to push through and see what happens! Keep setting your goals at "see what happens in 14 days" and then rethink things. That will keep you moving forward. You can do this!!!! Keep going forward and don't give up. You know the results of giving up, right? So stick with it for new results! YEY YOU!

lyla29

My first 10 lbs came off in about 1 1/2 months, but a lot of it had to do with realizing what I was eating. After I started logging my food, I saw what I was really eating and changed it. The last 10 lbs has been a lot harder, and I had to change my goals to 1/2 lb per week and have continued to lose, but very slowly, which is fine because I am closer to my goal now, and it takes longer to lose the smaller amounts of weight. Just keep trying, and change things every few weeks to see what works for you

pamelaeilf

{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} to you

You have headed in the right direction, you are here, asking for support.

Set youself some small daily goals - get 64 oz of water in minimum, maintaining your calorie intake, watching your carbs and fat intake.

Does your insurance cover dietian or nutritional couseling? With the anorexia in your past, your metabalism may be way out of wack, another reason for not losing like you want.

You can do this.

Best of luck

xoalyssaox

Ugh I know this is going to sound a bit phsycho but like when I had an ED I lost 30 pounds in like 2 months. I know its not healthy I KNOW that.. but it was so easy..
Please don't think I am saying I am going to do that, I just know in my heart that its the only thing that actually worked for me..

But then again when I was pregnant and ate normally again I put 60 pounds on in 9 months..So.....I mean it worked but it didn't in the long run?...

I guess my problem is I want to be skinny NOW and that can't happen, so I need to learn to take small steps instead of big leaps.. right?

neeterskeeter

I agree, find a new counselor, one who can really help you. I had a lot of self-esteem issues and after several tries I finally found a really great therapist who has helped me so much. Now I realize that I have to love myself and be kind to myself... honey life is too short to beat yourself up for drinking 2 hurricanes. You are young and beautiful and you deserve to have fun. But, as I think you know, you won't truly believe or feel this until you work out your internal issues. I wish you the very best and I just hope you know that true beauty is on the inside. Staying active and *usually* eating well overall will help you feel your physical best but everyone is allowed to have some splurges sometimes, including hurricanes. Just enjoy life and remember when you were a little girl, how innocent and beautiful you were. You are still that little girl, just all grown up, so love yourself because no one else can love you like you can. Best wishes.

neeterskeeter

I also meant to say... you're right that an ED or any type of extreme diet/habits do not work in the long run. As fast as it is to take the weight off is how fast it will come back. You should try to look at the small picture instead of the big picture. "Nothing good comes easily." (or quickly). It's all about lifestyle choices, and if you are doing your best to stay healthy, then you will be healthy. As you know, an ED is not about a healthy lifestyle and can't bring you a fit body or a happy life.

xoalyssaox

I just don't ever think I will succeed. I honestly think I am addicted to food now. Is that possible? lol

Anna_Banana

It sounds to me like you have a pretty negative attitude. In order to successed at this you need to turn that around. Quite feeling sorry for your self for being over weight and accept that you are and that you need to do some thing about it. Then realize it's going to take time and work. There are people on here who have lost over a hundred pounds and beleave me they had to work their buts off. If they can work that hard you should beable to work hard enough to lose 30. You are young and it's a heck of a lot easier to do when your 21 than 30.

Just keep your chin up and get to work. Yesterday was yesterday and there is always a new tomorrow. And that's what we're living for. Tomorrow.

kerrilucko

I didn't read all the posts, just your original one so sorry if I am repeating anything.

1. You are GORGEOUS. seriously, your eyes and hair are amazing in that photo!
2. 30 pounds might sound like a ton but it's not as bad as you think. I started out with 60 pounds to lose and now i'm almost there! try splitting your goal into mini goals (like 5 pounds) and when you reach each goal, do something nice for yourself (like a manicure, or a new outfit)
3. cheating is normal, we all do it. Just try not to do it everyday. When it happens you just need to accept it and move on because dwelling on it will just make you want to give up.
4. your beautiful baby deserves a mom that is healthy and loves herself. And you can be that person, and we are all here to help! :flowerforyou:

angelajiniel

I have a question for you, and I don't mean to be insulting or anything, but it's something to think about. Are you wanting to get back to the weight you were WHILE you had an ED? If so, that probably isn't a healthy weight for you. You most likely put on a lot of weight quickly after becoming pregnant because you body knew where it needed to be to do what it had to do. If not, I would second the nutritionist idea. Your metabolism and hormones, etc. are probably all messed up from the combination of being in starvation mode and them jumping into pregnancy.

And, remember that your body might not ever be exactly the same as it was. Giving birth is a huge thing that does change the way your body works. And if you never get all the way back, don't fell bad about it. Realize how AMAZING your body is, look at the wonderful life you were able to create with your body and love yourself for it, even if you're a few pounds heavier than you were before. Think of everything that has changed as little reminders of what you've accomplished

You asked if you could be addicted to food. If you were anorexic before, you may have an addictive personality, especially towards food. Talking to a therapist that specialized in ED might help. You can also try and have fun by doing things that don't center around food. Instead of going to a restaurant, try bowling or mini-golf or a movie.

And remember as everyone has said, everyone has bad days, you just can't dwell on them. Just accept them and try to make the next day better!