Do you remember sneaking food?

lizzybethclaire

Now I know almost all of us on this website have done this. Do you remember sneaking food? Getting food to go and going home and eating it alone. I am talking major food binges. I just posted about this on my blog, but last night I had the house to myself and got a quart of chicken lo mein just for me. Now, while I am eating it I realized what I was doing and that I didn't want to do it anymore. I didn't need to hide behind food anymore.
I think food binges (where you buy a ton of food to eat by yourself) are rooted deeply within our subconscious. Even now, knowing that I don't need to eat like that ever again, I still shy away from exploring the reason why I did it because it is so painful. The funny thing is, even though I am upset I ate that much food when I wasn't even really hungry, I feel the knowlege I have gained from it is very precious. I will never do it again now. I never have to gorge myself on food again. I never have to pretend to not really be hungry in front of others and then pig out when I am by myself ever again. I'm not hungry like that anymore. I thnk for me it is tied to emotional hunger. Wanting to be loved. Food was always there and loved me. I never really enjoyed my food before I started watching what I ate. Now I really enjoy my food. I enjoy my nutella and pb sandwich on whole wheat. I enjoy my boca burgers. When I eat junk, it is in limited amounts and I really enjoy it because I am not just eating to eat. I used to hate to cook and now I love it. Now I know why my grandma could cook tons of great food and not be fat because when she ate she really enjoyed it.
I think people tend to pig out because they feel they "deserve" it. They have been "good." To hell with that. I don't want to be on a constant vigilance with my food, trying to be "good." I want to eat what I want, eat as healthy as I can, and really enjoy my food. Now I am learning to distinguish when I am really hungry for junk or if I am just emotionally eating. Food is a wonderul and neccessary part of life that I want to learn to enjoy.

Noonoo757

this is sooooo shameful but a year ago i used to workout and then stop by mcdonalds and go all out and then id throw out the evidence before i pulled in the driveway lol i used to buy cake and say it was for the family id eat half and my husband would be like what happened to the cake....id be like "man a fruit fly landed on it so i had to throw some of it out.

so so sad but no more of that nonsense im keeping it real with myself and everyone else since my diary is now public and i eat all meals with my family

KayJayKing

Noonoo, I can't tell you how many times I've done the same thing! I usually have my kids with me, so I don't stop at fast food places, but if I'm out alone, I sort of feel like 'This is my chance!'. I've gone to three different places to get the burgers, fries, shakes, gyros, chicken strips I want (enough for two meals, easily), eat it all in the car and stop to throw away the 'evidence' before I got home. I would have candy and cookies hidden in the house, so I didn't have to share it with the rest of the family.

Since starting MFP a couple months ago, I haven't stopped to secretly eat at all. I have no hidden stashes. And it feels good!