MILITARY?!?

kdet07

I know that this is a support website for healthy choices and weight loss, but I'm not sure where else to turn. My husband and I have been together 6 years, married for 1, no children, two dogs and a house. Last night on the way home from dinner he told me that he has an appointment with a recruiter on Thursday. He wants to join the military. I have literally NOTHING to say. (if you all knew me better, you'd understand that me speechless is HUGE!) he wants to know "what i think" and keeps telling me all the great things available to us when he signs up. I know this isn't really the place to ask these questions, but I'm just....scared.

help. xoxo

dls06

You have every right to feel the way you do. I would feel the same way.
Your husband is a very brave man and you should be very proud of him.
If it is really what he wants you will stand by him and we are all here for you.
God Bless you and your family, and Thank you and husband in advance form all of us!

It kills me how people comment more of peanut butter recipes than something this serious!

wyze

Awww, i have no idea what to say, but your best bet is to tell him how u really feel about it and see what he says. HUGS dear

leighton1245

I know that this is a support website for healthy choices and weight loss, but I'm not sure where else to turn. My husband and I have been together 6 years, married for 1, no children, two dogs and a house. Last night on the way home from dinner he told me that he has an appointment with a recruiter on Thursday. He wants to join the military. I have literally NOTHING to say. (if you all knew me better, you'd understand that me speechless is HUGE!) he wants to know "what i think" and keeps telling me all the great things available to us when he signs up. I know this isn't really the place to ask these questions, but I'm just....scared.

help. xoxo

Being in the Army for 11years now I would say that its a great decision on his part but you both need to be in agreement and understand that is going to be some tough times especially with deployments but for me all the benefits out weigh the downfalls. I am currently finishing up my BS in computer science and havent paid a dollar out of my own pocket for it and they actually pay me to go thats a huge plus.

Is he wanting to enlist on active duty or reserves?

kdet07

I think active duty, but I certainly don't understand the difference. My only experience with anything military was my college roommate's sweetheart/husband who did 4 years with the Marines.

CraftyGirl4

I know that this is a support website for healthy choices and weight loss, but I'm not sure where else to turn. My husband and I have been together 6 years, married for 1, no children, two dogs and a house. Last night on the way home from dinner he told me that he has an appointment with a recruiter on Thursday. He wants to join the military. I have literally NOTHING to say. (if you all knew me better, you'd understand that me speechless is HUGE!) he wants to know "what i think" and keeps telling me all the great things available to us when he signs up. I know this isn't really the place to ask these questions, but I'm just....scared.

help. xoxo

You're understandably in shock! That's a big announcement, and with nothing really leading up to it, he just kind of lays it on you. I would suggest taking a step back, taking a few deep breaths and really thinking about how you feel about this.

There are some good benefits to being in the military, but there are also some tough ones. When he moves to a new place where he is stationed, you move too. And military families without children move more often than military families with children. Also, many families that have to move outside of the U.S. have to give up their pets because they cannot take them along.

He will eventually get deployed. He would be on a FOB (forward operating base) for 6-8 months alone and you would be home alone.

And, honestly, many people in the military do not get paid a lot. Why? Because the military provides so much they don't need to give you a huge salary in addition to food, housing, etc. And, in the event of a government shutdown, military paychecks can and will be delayed until a resolution is reached in Washington.

These are all things that you both have to consider. He should not make this decision on his own, and if you have concerns, you need to voice them. His joining the military might be the right choice for your family, but it needs to be a family choice.

aadams05

My husband and I got married right out of high school and he joined that was almost 6yrs ago. The military offers great benefits and although it is hard at times and its hard to see the light. I am greatful for our choice to stay in the military and I am very greatful and proud of what he does. If you go into the situation with a positive attitude and educate your self on the down falls and the high tops of what being a militray family is you guys will do great. Good luck with everything and if I can offer any advice or help at all feel free to message me or add me. :flowerforyou:

BrentGetsFit

As a guy with 18 years of military service I've seen a lot of this sort of thing. The most important question in my opinion is this: how well are you each going to be able to handle extended periods of separation? You've been together for a while so that's a plus but look at yourselves honestly. I've seen wives who fall apart the moment we left the pier, didn't know how to balance the checkbook or turn the water off under the sink when the faucet broke. I've also seen guys who blew their paychecks in the bar at our first port call and then wondered why their wife was getting calls from bill collectors. I've seen spouses (both sexes) cheat, wipe out bank accounts, or simply get fed up and disappear while we were gone. I've seen guys get into incoherent fits of jealous rage just because their wife wasn't sitting by the phone at whatever odd hour he managed to get to the pay phone to call her. Joining the military is a noble thing to do and it is a sacrifice for you BOTH. It will be hard, painful and grossly unfair but you can make it less so by making absolutely sure what you are getting yourselves into and honestly assessing your ability to cope with it. Good luck.

rfcollins33

My husband is active duty army. He works a lot, but luckily he is in a unit right now that doesn't deploy. So, that's a relief. It's a harder life than normal except (and a BIG except) for the fact you'll always have a paycheck, insurance, place to live, chain of command to help, life insurance for him, Montgomery GI bill. So if stability is what you're looking for, military is great. Only things that would threaten his stability in military is if he his overweight, out of shape, fails drug test, DUIs- and that's pretty much it. i mean there are other things, but those are the very obvious. So, there actually is a lot to think about. Try to talk to as many military people, military spouses as you can. Ask him questions. What kind of job he'd want to do, what the recruiter is telling him, where he might wanna go, if he'd want to retire and do his 20 or if he'd want to get out, etc. Ask all the questions you can. Honestly, sometimes recruiters do stretch the truth to get guys in, so be careful and do your research. My husband has been deployed for 15 months before, but they don't do 15 or more months anymore, only 12 at most. And, after Oct, the dwell time (time given at home between deployments) will be 2 years for a year of deployment. Good luck, hon. Feel free to add me or just msg me if you have anymore questions.

martincla

Hey,

Ive been in the RAF for 2 years now, and although I have yet to be deployed anywhere (my trade training lasts a year and 3 months!) I can tell you now that I would NEVER go back to a civvy job, its AMAZING what the military gives you, dental, health care, qualifications, a lot of support, structured fitness classes, and he will learn to actually clean things

Are you from the UK or US, I havnt a clue what the US forces are like but the UK really look after you, its not like you see on TV, unless he joins Infantry and actually fights on the front line, though a lot of my Army friends are front line soldiers and few actually see action out in Afgan.

All I can say is you wont see him much throughout training, its very touch and you do get the odd weekend off but during that time you gotta realise he must stay focused on training. After basic, depending on what job he does, he will do trade training which is a lot more relaxed and he can come home every weekend.

How old is he if you dont mind me asking, and how old are you, joining the military has been the best decision of my life and I would recommend anyone that wants to do it to just go for it. When he starts his actual job he will mybe do say 2 years in Cyprus and then move back to the UK, the military pay for you to move out there with him, and u will get married quarters at a VERY reduced rate, go online and look at the info they have on there.

Any questions dont hesitate to ask

rfcollins33

oh I have more. Sorry. lol..... I would suggest a branch lke navy or air force if he has a choice. They have higher standards of living than army and get treated better. Sometimes (notice I said sometimes) they get deployed to safer places than army does. Also, about deployments: he probably will deploy, but not definitely. i know people who have been in for years and never deployed. But, the poster who mentioned the separation has a HUGE point. You need to be able to handle it. I don't necessarily think that you HAVE to be able to, but if he is going in military you do. See what I mean? You're gonna be separated at times, even if he doesn't deploy. My husband is always training, or schools, or just traveling to show off US vehicles (he went to paris to a huge expo to guard and show off US tanks, trucks to other countries military's). Oh reserves only train once a month and go a week out of the year to work/train. Active duty is FULL TIME military. You will be stationed at/on a military installation. You don't have to live on base/post sometimes, but you do have to live close enough for him to get to work every day. Msg me if you have any questions at all!

BananaBee3

What branch is he interested in joining? I'm in the US Coast Guard (almost a year now) and love it! Coasties may get deployed to a few locations overseas, but most units are either cutters (giong on various patrol lengths: anywhere from a few days to a few months) or land units where members typically work 2-3 days on then 2-3 days off. You also need to specifically request to go to the units overseas.

2bFitNTrim

As a guy with 18 years of military service I've seen a lot of this sort of thing. The most important question in my opinion is this: how well are you each going to be able to handle extended periods of separation? You've been together for a while so that's a plus but look at yourselves honestly. I've seen wives who fall apart the moment we left the pier, didn't know how to balance the checkbook or turn the water off under the sink when the faucet broke. I've also seen guys who blew their paychecks in the bar at our first port call and then wondered why their wife was getting calls from bill collectors. I've seen spouses (both sexes) cheat, wipe out bank accounts, or simply get fed up and disappear while we were gone. I've seen guys get into incoherent fits of jealous rage just because their wife wasn't sitting by the phone at whatever odd hour he managed to get to the pay phone to call her. Joining the military is a noble thing to do and it is a sacrifice for you BOTH. It will be hard, painful and grossly unfair but you can make it less so by making absolutely sure what you are getting yourselves into and honestly assessing your ability to cope with it. Good luck.

Ditto this. Hubs did 20 yrs in the USN and it was tough & rewarding at the same time. Good luck with whatever decision you guys make.

Ms_Natalie

Hi Everyone,
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lemonychick

WOW!
You sound totally shocked by his announcement.......I guess he'll be feeling very anxious about his decision and your reaction to it as well. You owe it to both yourself and your husband to be totally honest with him when you talk about this........anything less will only cause trouble later.
My heart goes out to you, and your husband, but you know what, the best life decisions are the tough ones to make! We wouldn't value anything if it came easy.
Have courage and faith, your husband obviously has it in spades, and he chose you as his wife, so I'm guessing you have it in buckets too!
Whatever decision you come to, do it as a team, and you probably can't go far wrong!

kdet07

thank you all so much for your responses! I'm going to try and answer EVERYONE'S questions.
I'm 24, he's 23. I have a BA in biology, he has a HS diploma. Neither of us drink or smoke. No DUIs, arrests,etc.

We've been together since he was 17 and I was 18. When we got married, I was 23 and he was 22. His family lives 800 miles away, my family lives less than a mile away.

he's interested in the air force, and he said he hopes that he can find a career/direction since he's "not sure what do when he grows up" he said he's going to meet with the recruiter purely for informational purposes, that he hasn't made a decision yet. I think I'm so nervous because this is all greek to me.

hstallings13

I had the same issues when my husband wanted to be a cop. I really didn't want it and I was terrified over him even thinking about it. For 10 years it was put off due to my fear. I finally realized that he didn't just want to be a cop, he was a cop when I caught him sneaking in an appliciation. It was then that I came to realize that I loved him for who he was and who he was was a cop, so I have learned to deal with the fear and worry because I love the man and it is part of him. Just some food for thought. It is a big decision for both of you, and in many ways more so for you. I will pray for y'all to be able to make the right decision for both of you.

BrentGetsFit

thank you all so much for your responses! I'm going to try and answer EVERYONE'S questions.
I'm 24, he's 23. I have a BA in biology, he has a HS diploma. Neither of us drink or smoke. No DUIs, arrests,etc.

We've been together since he was 17 and I was 18. When we got married, I was 23 and he was 22. His family lives 800 miles away, my family lives less than a mile away.

he's interested in the air force, and he said he hopes that he can find a career/direction since he's "not sure what do when he grows up" he said he's going to meet with the recruiter purely for informational purposes, that he hasn't made a decision yet. I think I'm so nervous because this is all greek to me.

This brings up another aspect you need to consider. If he decides to go active duty (full time) it WILL require moving. How will that affect your job? Do you work for a big company that you can transfer to another office? I think you mentioned a house in your original post, will you be able to sell it? Can you deal with living 800 miles away from YOUR family? Are you prepared to move somewhere where you've never been, don't know ANYONE or even speak the language (if he goes overseas)?

I'm not trying to scare you but these are the things I've seen many times that people just don't consider when they sign up and it makes a tough situation even tougher.

casey12105

What branch is he interested in joining? I'm in the US Coast Guard (almost a year now) and love it! Coasties may get deployed to a few locations overseas, but most units are either cutters (giong on various patrol lengths: anywhere from a few days to a few months) or land units where members typically work 2-3 days on then 2-3 days off. You also need to specifically request to go to the units overseas.

That must be a change, because my stepdad's in the CG and he spent a year in Bahrain and he definitely didn't request it lol.

My husband is in the Navy so if you have any specific questions about spouse life you're welcome to message me. I see that he's interested in the Airforce, from my childhood of being a military brat and now a military spouse I personally feel the airforce is the best branch to go in in regards to their housing and treatment of families. The best thing you can do right now is go to the recruiters office with him and ask any questions that you want. The military is a great option to consider when you haven't fully figured out what you want to do, and it has great benefits, but it can also be really stressful on the family and the recruit.

cat3nv

I think you should go to the recruiter with him. You will be able to ask the recruiter all the questions you have that your hubby will not be able to answer.

Personally I think what he wants to do is a wonderful thing. However, I think if he came to this decision before y'all were married and you choose to be a military wife is different than his deciding this after he has a wife. This is something the 2 of you should discuss together and pray about and take more than a few hours at the recruiter's office to decide.

The 2 of you are in a partnership now, so this is a together decision. It may be his life and body on the line, but a military spouse has BIG responsibilities as well.

Good luck to the 2 of you, I wish you all the best.:flowerforyou:

frostke

My boyfriend of going on four years is planning on going into the military after he graduates with his BA. I'm completely supportive of this because I can see how passionate he is about this. The only thing I asked of him was to keep me completely informed about everything and if I had a question to either find the answer or help me find the answer. I had a very serious talk with him that if he was expecting me to follow him as he made this career path that he needed to realize everything that I was giving up. My career, a stable life, having the one I love by my side every day for the rest of my life.

You have to be in this 100%. If not, it won't work. Also, make sure that this isn't just a spur of the moment idea that might be jumped into too quickly. Martin has been looking into the military and talking to recruiters and visiting bases for over a year now. Being informed is the best way to make those decisions both for him and for you.

Through this adventure Martin has lost over 60lbs and gained a lot of muscle, he's pretty serious about it all. He went from 355lbs down to under 290 in less than a year. (He's 6'10" haha) That's why I'm here. He has inspired me to get healthier.


He's looking into going into the Air Force or the Marines. I want Air Force, but it's his decision. It's scary every time I think about him joining, but honestly at this point I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm sure you never imagined that this could be your life, I know I didn't. If you ever need to vent myself along with countless others in your life are here to listen and be there for you.

BananaBee3

What branch is he interested in joining? I'm in the US Coast Guard (almost a year now) and love it! Coasties may get deployed to a few locations overseas, but most units are either cutters (giong on various patrol lengths: anywhere from a few days to a few months) or land units where members typically work 2-3 days on then 2-3 days off. You also need to specifically request to go to the units overseas.

That must be a change, because my stepdad's in the CG and he spent a year in Bahrain and he definitely didn't request it lol.

Hmm...perhaps it is. The folks I know who have been interested in going to Bahrain have always had to request it through their detailer; I could be missing something though!

BrentGetsFit

What branch is he interested in joining? I'm in the US Coast Guard (almost a year now) and love it! Coasties may get deployed to a few locations overseas, but most units are either cutters (giong on various patrol lengths: anywhere from a few days to a few months) or land units where members typically work 2-3 days on then 2-3 days off. You also need to specifically request to go to the units overseas.

That must be a change, because my stepdad's in the CG and he spent a year in Bahrain and he definitely didn't request it lol.

Hmm...perhaps it is. The folks I know who have been interested in going to Bahrain have always had to request it through their detailer; I could be missing something though!

As a Coastie, here's how things are "supposed" to work with the detailer. You fill out your appropriately named "dream sheet" and it goes into the pool with everyone else. The detailer looks at who's asked for a particular billet and the person with the highest transfer priority gets it then he goes to the the next job and so on. Eventually the detailer gets to jobs that no one has asked for or he gets people who didn't get any jobs they wanted or who put down jobs they weren't qualified for and now essentially have blank dream sheets. These people get a phone call with a short list of crappy jobs. All that aside I DID ask for Bahrain a few years ago and didn't get it so go figure.

rundgrenfan

Good luck with whatever you two decide together. My husband is retired Army. It's not always easy to be "the spouse" but if you are an independent person and can make decisions while he is away, it will be okay. It is dangerous but there are lots of other dangerous jobs, too, so don't make decisions based just on that.

nikkijean8

Not sure if you're still checking the replies, but I thought I'd put in my two cents. Everything that has been said so far is ABSOLUTELY true. My husband and brother are both in the Air Force (in fact, I'm writing this from Korea where I'm visiting my hubby while he's on a 1-year assignment here). The only thing I wanted to add is - this CANNOT be an impulse decision, and you make sure that you are as well informed as possible. I know people sometimes get all excited about a new idea and jump in when they hear what they want to hear (not sure if that describes your hubby or not), and this is the last place you want to do that. Be wary of promises from recruiters that are not in writing. My brother enlisted when he was 25 and his life before that was a series of fast-food joint jobs. It has absolutely made him a better person, but he made sure that he was promised a given career (offered to him based on his ASVAB scores) in writing before he signed anything (or something to that effect - unfortunately, I don't know the details). If that is something that could happen for your husband, a point of advice from my brother would be to make sure he tries to go into a career field that translates back into civilian life easily. Don't rely only on your recruiter for info - I don't think they would lie to you, but their job is to get you to join, so some things get glossed over. If you can get on a base, the Airman and Family Readiness Center is a great resource for you as the spouse. Websites you can go to are miliaryonesource.com or google military spouse support websites (there are tons of them) and repost this question there.

I'll also just going to ditto what some of the other wives said. You can never fully prepare yourself mentally for a separation if you've never done it before, but you have to be really honest with yourself and your husband about that part of it. If you're going to secretly get resentful every time he leaves or has to work late (with no overtime, of course), things are not going to go well. I found that I did just fine with the separations until we had a child. It's much harder now, and much harder not to be resentful that I have to do "all" the work with our daughter. You just have to have a very healthy marriage with lots of open communication about things - military life will sometimes decimate an already weak marriage.

Last point, yes, my career has suffered (I'm a veterinarian) because of our time in the military, but that is something I accepted before I even had my degree - things are a little different for you since you didn't get your degree with this in mind. I seem to always be able to find work (even overseas - on base), even if its not quite what I had in mind. So, again, if that's going to cause a lot of resentment, then that's a discussion you two need to have.

Good luck - I have loved the Air Force for the most part, and certainly hated parts of it too, but I think its been good for my family overall. Just make sure your husband fully acknowledges the sacrifices you would have to make for him to join before he signs up.

sculley

We are both Navy.

Coming from a Military wife of a chief and also active duty for 12 years. I can only tell you to be supportive and if you are religious then pray. Trust me it never gets easier to say goodbye but your husband must make this decision for himself of course with you etc in mind. Try to talk to him about it. Be open good luck

kdet07

Not sure if you're still checking the replies, but I thought I'd put in my two cents. Everything that has been said so far is ABSOLUTELY true. My husband and brother are both in the Air Force (in fact, I'm writing this from Korea where I'm visiting my hubby while he's on a 1-year assignment here). The only thing I wanted to add is - this CANNOT be an impulse decision, and you make sure that you are as well informed as possible. I know people sometimes get all excited about a new idea and jump in when they hear what they want to hear (not sure if that describes your hubby or not), and this is the last place you want to do that. Be wary of promises from recruiters that are not in writing. My brother enlisted when he was 25 and his life before that was a series of fast-food joint jobs. It has absolutely made him a better person, but he made sure that he was promised a given career (offered to him based on his ASVAB scores) in writing before he signed anything (or something to that effect - unfortunately, I don't know the details). If that is something that could happen for your husband, a point of advice from my brother would be to make sure he tries to go into a career field that translates back into civilian life easily. Don't rely only on your recruiter for info - I don't think they would lie to you, but their job is to get you to join, so some things get glossed over. If you can get on a base, the Airman and Family Readiness Center is a great resource for you as the spouse. Websites you can go to are miliaryonesource.com or google military spouse support websites (there are tons of them) and repost this question there.

I'll also just going to ditto what some of the other wives said. You can never fully prepare yourself mentally for a separation if you've never done it before, but you have to be really honest with yourself and your husband about that part of it. If you're going to secretly get resentful every time he leaves or has to work late (with no overtime, of course), things are not going to go well. I found that I did just fine with the separations until we had a child. It's much harder now, and much harder not to be resentful that I have to do "all" the work with our daughter. You just have to have a very healthy marriage with lots of open communication about things - military life will sometimes decimate an already weak marriage.

Last point, yes, my career has suffered (I'm a veterinarian) because of our time in the military, but that is something I accepted before I even had my degree - things are a little different for you since you didn't get your degree with this in mind. I seem to always be able to find work (even overseas - on base), even if its not quite what I had in mind. So, again, if that's going to cause a lot of resentment, then that's a discussion you two need to have.

Good luck - I have loved the Air Force for the most part, and certainly hated parts of it too, but I think its been good for my family overall. Just make sure your husband fully acknowledges the sacrifices you would have to make for him to join before he signs up.

thanks ) everyone has been so awesome about this. today is the "I'm interested in hearing more" meeting and if he's still interested, we'll be going together to the next meeting. I kinda feel that if he'd expressed this serious interest before now that I would have done something different with my degree. I'm currently working (not with my degree) and one of his arguments FOR enlisting is the opportunities that would be available to both of us. he's excited, and planning for the future, and I'm just not convinced that the rosey-happy things he's talking about will outweigh the things I'll have to deal with. AND WE DON'T EVEN HAVE KIDS YET! eeeek. either way, thank you so much for your advice. )

leighton1245

Not sure if you're still checking the replies, but I thought I'd put in my two cents. Everything that has been said so far is ABSOLUTELY true. My husband and brother are both in the Air Force (in fact, I'm writing this from Korea where I'm visiting my hubby while he's on a 1-year assignment here). The only thing I wanted to add is - this CANNOT be an impulse decision, and you make sure that you are as well informed as possible. I know people sometimes get all excited about a new idea and jump in when they hear what they want to hear (not sure if that describes your hubby or not), and this is the last place you want to do that. Be wary of promises from recruiters that are not in writing. My brother enlisted when he was 25 and his life before that was a series of fast-food joint jobs. It has absolutely made him a better person, but he made sure that he was promised a given career (offered to him based on his ASVAB scores) in writing before he signed anything (or something to that effect - unfortunately, I don't know the details). If that is something that could happen for your husband, a point of advice from my brother would be to make sure he tries to go into a career field that translates back into civilian life easily. Don't rely only on your recruiter for info - I don't think they would lie to you, but their job is to get you to join, so some things get glossed over. If you can get on a base, the Airman and Family Readiness Center is a great resource for you as the spouse. Websites you can go to are miliaryonesource.com or google military spouse support websites (there are tons of them) and repost this question there.

I'll also just going to ditto what some of the other wives said. You can never fully prepare yourself mentally for a separation if you've never done it before, but you have to be really honest with yourself and your husband about that part of it. If you're going to secretly get resentful every time he leaves or has to work late (with no overtime, of course), things are not going to go well. I found that I did just fine with the separations until we had a child. It's much harder now, and much harder not to be resentful that I have to do "all" the work with our daughter. You just have to have a very healthy marriage with lots of open communication about things - military life will sometimes decimate an already weak marriage.

Last point, yes, my career has suffered (I'm a veterinarian) because of our time in the military, but that is something I accepted before I even had my degree - things are a little different for you since you didn't get your degree with this in mind. I seem to always be able to find work (even overseas - on base), even if its not quite what I had in mind. So, again, if that's going to cause a lot of resentment, then that's a discussion you two need to have.

Good luck - I have loved the Air Force for the most part, and certainly hated parts of it too, but I think its been good for my family overall. Just make sure your husband fully acknowledges the sacrifices you would have to make for him to join before he signs up.

thanks ) everyone has been so awesome about this. today is the "I'm interested in hearing more" meeting and if he's still interested, we'll be going together to the next meeting. I kinda feel that if he'd expressed this serious interest before now that I would have done something different with my degree. I'm currently working (not with my degree) and one of his arguments FOR enlisting is the opportunities that would be available to both of us. he's excited, and planning for the future, and I'm just not convinced that the rosey-happy things he's talking about will outweigh the things I'll have to deal with. AND WE DON'T EVEN HAVE KIDS YET! eeeek. either way, thank you so much for your advice. )

A huge plus if you guys do have kids and he is going active duty then they are free wont cost you a dime in a military hospital