Need a Healthy Husband

MarineBugler

Well, here's the short version of the story. My husband and I both met in the United States Marine Corps two years ago. We just recently tied the knot (Sept. 5). Being in the military we *used* to be in pretty good shape. He had surgery on his foot about six months ago and needs another. This means he can't run, drill, march or do much of anything for our job. He just sits behind a desk and answers phones now. I try to get him to PT (physical training - or exercise for all you civilian folk) - at least swim or do some upper body strengthening. He doesn't *want* to. I even offer to work out with him (that worked once but didn't last long). At our apartment there is a tennis court and we have the equipment. He says he'll do that - but he can't for very long because his foot is in so much pain. This wouldn't be a problem if he ate properly but he doesn't! I'm talking sodas, pre-packaged meals & sweets out the wazoo! He also likes to eat out a lot.

We're moving out of the Barracks Saturday so I can finally cook for him (here we're limited to a fridge/microwave). He won't have it. He won't eat fruits or veggies!! He won't even taste it. He shoots it down as soon as he sees it.

He knows he's gained quite a bit of weight (20lbs) and always complains about it but he won't DO anything about it. I'm really just at a loss. How do I cook healthily for him if he won't eat it? How do I motivate him to work out if he refuses? :frown:

I'm scared if he doesn't get out of this lifestyle he's never going to change (he's 24). I want him to be healthy and happy. I just don't want anything to happen to him.

*sigh* I don't know what I was looking for by posting this. Maybe suggestions? Anyone in a similar situation?




___edit

Oh, and I tried to get him to join this site or at least look at how many calories/fat/etc he should be consuming and he got really angry.

I don't want to hurt his feelings... I'm just concerned.

MarineBugler

Well, here's the short version of the story. My husband and I both met in the United States Marine Corps two years ago. We just recently tied the knot (Sept. 5). Being in the military we *used* to be in pretty good shape. He had surgery on his foot about six months ago and needs another. This means he can't run, drill, march or do much of anything for our job. He just sits behind a desk and answers phones now. I try to get him to PT (physical training - or exercise for all you civilian folk) - at least swim or do some upper body strengthening. He doesn't *want* to. I even offer to work out with him (that worked once but didn't last long). At our apartment there is a tennis court and we have the equipment. He says he'll do that - but he can't for very long because his foot is in so much pain. This wouldn't be a problem if he ate properly but he doesn't! I'm talking sodas, pre-packaged meals & sweets out the wazoo! He also likes to eat out a lot.

We're moving out of the Barracks Saturday so I can finally cook for him (here we're limited to a fridge/microwave). He won't have it. He won't eat fruits or veggies!! He won't even taste it. He shoots it down as soon as he sees it.

He knows he's gained quite a bit of weight (20lbs) and always complains about it but he won't DO anything about it. I'm really just at a loss. How do I cook healthily for him if he won't eat it? How do I motivate him to work out if he refuses? :frown:

I'm scared if he doesn't get out of this lifestyle he's never going to change (he's 24). I want him to be healthy and happy. I just don't want anything to happen to him.

*sigh* I don't know what I was looking for by posting this. Maybe suggestions? Anyone in a similar situation?




___edit

Oh, and I tried to get him to join this site or at least look at how many calories/fat/etc he should be consuming and he got really angry.

I don't want to hurt his feelings... I'm just concerned.

Fit2btied

I think that I would lay off for a while. The next time he says something about his weight, THEN ask him if he's seriously concerned and wants to do something about it. If he says yes, then you can start to give him advice. But for now, he doesn't want it and will only resent it. I understand your concern...maybe you can start keeping low-fat homemade smoothies in a pitcher in the fridge to get fruits in him, and pulverize veggies in pasta sauce. It's sneaky, I know, but that is what I've done for my children at points, and it worked! Do you control the grocery shopping? You could begin to cut down on unhealthy choices, and eat healthy snacks around him yourself. My husband would go for the chips, but if I make a cheese and whole grain cracker plate, he eats that because it's already out. Veggie plates or fruit plates just kept out for grazing could prove irresistable after a while. I have a hubby like that...always makes excuses, and it has taken time for him to begin to come around, but he IS beginning to! Best of luck to you!

jules1984

I need a hunk of a husband too, oh sorry you said healthy. :laugh: :laugh:

No seriously though, I know its different because we're not a couple, but my male roommate is very big and I noticed that the more I change my habits, the more his change too. Maybe when he sees you being really diligent about eating right and exercising he'll start slipping into the same pattern. I would say keep asking him if he wants to go every time you do - maybe he'll surprise you and say yes one day.

MarineBugler

I do control the grocery shopping but I always feel like I'm wasting my money because he will just go out and get things he likes without me knowing.

Hmm the cheese/cracker or fruit plate is a good idea - I will try it but normally if he "doesn't like it" he won't eat it. He'd rather starve:laugh:

dothompson

There isn't anything you can do. This is his battle and he needs to be in control. The more you try to control the more he will rebell with junk food. You need to let go until he makes a suggestion, then grab the ball and run with it even if it's not the play you would have made.

MarineBugler

There isn't anything you can do. This is his battle and he needs to be in control. The more you try to control the more he will rebell with junk food. You need to let go until he makes a suggestion, then grab the ball and run with it even if it's not the play you would have made.

*sigh*

I know you're right. It's just so hard because I care about him so much. I thought maybe I could change it before another 30 40 or 50lbs goes on or he has some sort of health problem. But I know you're right.

dothompson

There isn't anything you can do. This is his battle and he needs to be in control. The more you try to control the more he will rebell with junk food. You need to let go until he makes a suggestion, then grab the ball and run with it even if it's not the play you would have made.

*sigh*

I know you're right. It's just so hard because I care about him so much. I thought maybe I could change it before another 30 40 or 50lbs goes on or he has some sort of health problem. But I know you're right.

We (guys) are generally very stubborn about this. Love him the way he is and try to catch him doing something right and give praise. Turn a blind eye to the things he does wrong. As long as he thinks your being his mother regarding his food he won't change.

MarineBugler

There isn't anything you can do. This is his battle and he needs to be in control. The more you try to control the more he will rebell with junk food. You need to let go until he makes a suggestion, then grab the ball and run with it even if it's not the play you would have made.

*sigh*

I know you're right. It's just so hard because I care about him so much. I thought maybe I could change it before another 30 40 or 50lbs goes on or he has some sort of health problem. But I know you're right.

We (guys) are generally very stubborn about this. Love him the way he is and try to catch him doing something right and give praise. Turn a blind eye to the things he does wrong. As long as he thinks your being his mother regarding his food he won't change.

Thank you. It's always nice to have a guys opinion about ''guy stuff'' :laugh:

heartshapdworld

Your poor husband-he sounds very sad...perhaps, it if the foot situation and the pain that makes him sad. Demanding men are hard emotionally-I feel for you (I went through a health crisis with the live-in bf this past summer. We have gone through several, actually).

Try very hard not to let him derail the changes you have already made. This is a choice he has to make for himself. You can still cook heathy meals, but it will be his choice to eat it. I wouldn't pressure him either-swimming is a great idea btw-because it will only cause more drama. You can be supportive without telling him what to do and how to do and when to do it.

MarineBugler

Your poor husband-he sounds very sad...perhaps, it if the foot situation and the pain that makes him sad. Demanding men are hard emotionally-I feel for you (I went through a health crisis with the live-in bf this past summer. We have gone through several, actually).

Try very hard not to let him derail the changes you have already made. This is a choice he has to make for himself. You can still cook heathy meals, but it will be his choice to eat it. I wouldn't pressure him either-swimming is a great idea btw-because it will only cause more drama. You can be supportive without telling him what to do and how to do and when to do it.

Thanks for your input. I know he's hurting under his hard shell. I know he feels lost and like he can't do anything about it. He's even said "I'm fat because I can't work out". **which makes me angry because he says things like that but then doesn't do anything about it** I just can't stand to see him hurt....

But, everyone is right - I guess I should just get off his back.

neeterskeeter

I don't think you can help him unless he's ready to help himself. That's the sad truth of things. But I think you'll notice that as you make these changes and you look and feel better, he will want to catch that bug, too. All you can do is control YOU and try not to let his bad habits get in your way. When HE brings it up, tell him you love him and you want him to be healthy and happy and live a long life. Not to mention that you think being toned and in shape is super attractive, hubba hubba! I hope he understands where you're coming from and wants to change for both you and for himself. But otherwise, I'm sorry but I just haven't found a way to change anyone else but myself. I just don't think it's possible and it may be one of those things you have to accept or be encouraging and open about it but not pushy or negative, or that might make him never want to change.