How do you help without annoying?

getsveltEagain

Hello, I have plenty of "real" friends that I encourage to get healthy. I also have plenty of friends that I have encouraged to use MFP. My question is how do you continue to help them without annoying them. I see that my friends sign up but then don't logon. I send the emails when their status says 3 days. I write on their wall for encouragement. But that doesn't seem to be enough.

I can be annoying in real life. I pestor my friends all the time to do things with me when they have other plans (that I don't know about), I know people have more than one friend, family, and work. I have that too.... but I want to spend time with them and try hard to make that happen.

I just don't know how much "pushing" to do in either circumstance. I am trying to leave my friends that joined MFP alone because if they don't want to do it they won't... but don't ask for my help if you don't want it. I try to only ask my "real" friends to hang out every other week and I try to give them a weeks notice. I get a little disappointed when any of my friends fall short of my expectations but I know that they are only MY expectations so that don't really matter.

How do you deal with this situation, either friends that joined and don't use the site or friends in "real" life that are busy when you are free?

MissingMinnesota

I am in the same boat and I really don't know. Most the people I know that join are co-workers so it is ever a finer line then a true friend. I would like to hear what others have to say.

kymarai

I just send message letting them know that I am thinking of them and hoping every thing is going okay in their lives. Most of my friends live far away, so this lets them know I am keeping up with them. I try not to be too pushy. Hugs and smiles are always welcome.

momma3sweetgirls

I'd make an attempt or two to encourage them and then drop it. A person has to WANT to do something about their health and no amount of pestering will help. They need to do it on their own.

Aesop101

Sometimes being annoying helps. I guess the real trick is to not be so annoying that it sounds like nagging. Keep it short and sweet and full of encouragement.

ssteele09

I always try to keep them motivated when I see they haven't logged on for three or six days but after that I try to keep it minimal so I don't get annoying. I think living a healthy life style is one of those things that people can push you but until you are truly ready you won't do it. Just keep being a positive influence for them and when they see your results and they are ready they will join in!

rfcollins33

Weight is such a touchy subject. I only extend my helping hand if it is really wanted or asked for. But, I totally know what you mean about people who continuously ask, but never actually follow through or change anything. It's hard. I guess just listen to your friend's if they need to talk, and only try to help if they really ask for it. Good luck with it. It seems you really just want to help, and there is nothing wrong with that.

ceschwartz

If they're not ready, they're not ready. Sometimes you just need to step back and give it time.

getsveltEagain

Yea... I know but I really like encouraging them. I sort of feal like the failure when I get them signed up and then they never log on. :sad: I am working really hard this week (and did so last week) to separate myself from their lack of logging.

Thanks everyone for your feedback. We all know the answers but they sound better when someone else says it

cammons

It's taken five years for me to get Nick eating (slightly) better and occasionally using the treadmill. He is the type that needs space, space and more space which is hard for me....I want to encourage and do things, like go for a walk (not gonna happen) or someday, maybe, if I get really lucky a romance run. He does not like people (including me) see him sweat or struggle with something.

It is not always easy, and I'm not always good at it, but I do what I can to keep my mouth closed and encourage by example and support him if he asks for something specific. (That is part of the reason I wanted him to come to the dash this weekend.)


My mother is another story altogether...I have a tough time with someone that does more complaining about her size than working to make positive changes.

cammons

It's taken five years for me to get Nick eating (slightly) better and occasionally using the treadmill. He is the type that needs space, space and more space which is hard for me....I want to encourage and do things, like go for a walk (not gonna happen) or someday, maybe, if I get really lucky a romance run. He does not like people (including me) see him sweat or struggle with something.

It is not always easy, and I'm not always good at it, but I do what I can to keep my mouth closed and encourage by example and support him if he asks for something specific. (That is part of the reason I wanted him to come to the dash this weekend.)


My mother is another story altogether...I have a tough time with someone that does more complaining about her size than working to make positive changes.

cammons

It's taken five years for me to get Nick eating (slightly) better and occasionally using the treadmill. He is the type that needs space, space and more space which is hard for me....I want to encourage and do things, like go for a walk (not gonna happen) or someday, maybe, if I get really lucky a romance run. He does not like people (including me) see him sweat or struggle with something.

It is not always easy, and I'm not always good at it, but I do what I can to keep my mouth closed and encourage by example and support him if he asks for something specific. (That is part of the reason I wanted him to come to the dash this weekend.)


My mother is another story altogether...I have a tough time with someone that does more complaining about her size than working to make positive changes.