Online Dating and Weight Loss

Dwight256

Hey guys, I've been using this site for two and a half months, but this is my first post. I feel like I'm making solid progress over the last two months, and I can see some changes in how I look and feel. On the other hand, I have a long way to go, and I definitely have a number of curves which I still want to go away. Part of me wants to wait for my body to be absolutely where I want it to be -- probably a year's time -- before trying to get a date.

So I've been single for years. Pretty much my entire life. It's hard to get a date when you have no self confidence and you are extremely overweight. I also live in a small town, which exacerbates the problem. I've never tried internet dating before, but I've heard good things from a few different people, and I was considering trying to make a profile and work in that scene.

Should I wait to lose another 20-40 lbs so I can feel more confident in myself before starting? Should I swallow some pride and just try to enter that scene now? Can you successfully date online while overweight? I'm concerned that people are going to look at photos and immediately select thinner mates, though those people probably aren't worth a relationship in the first place, maybe? Just curious what experiences you've had, and if you have any advice.

Clonekuh

I say date when you want to date. it could be a little fun at least talking to people, even if you're not comfortable meeting up at the present.

jtns

everyone is different and you should do what is right for you. I am in the same situation and I am personally going to wait until I'm within 10 lbs of my goal weight before I start looking. Thats just me. If you feel ready to start now, then do so. If you are very concerned about wasting time and money on online dating, I would suggest trying a free site as practice (such as Plenty of Fish or Ok Cupid) before investing in paid account at eharmony or match.com. I wish you good luck in your weight loss/ romantic goals.

sculley

First of all congrads on the already weight loss. I think you should start now, maybe you will find someone that is more interested in deeper things. I guess I have seen if your in shape etc people will just want you physically you know. Sometimes its good to wait on the right one than to mess with the wrong ones. But do what you feel is right if your not comfortable, then wait.

corsayre8

If you want to date go for it. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. It is all about tour mindset and confidence.

The only suggestions I have for you are to be completely honest, (with yourself as well as with others), and expect to come across people who are not.

The Internet can be a wonderful way of bringing people together, but it is also a place of deception and disappointment. Make sure you are emotionally strong enough to deal with all that may come.

**** edited because I am an idiot and made an assumption ****

rainbowbuggy

Agreed....date when you want to....don't put a time line on it. Something might fall into place and usually it does when your least expecting it.

sweetiepie31612

Start now. If someone has a problem with your weight, they're shallow and not worth it. Just a piece of advice though, don't mention that you're trying to lose weight, it will just show an insecurity and women want confidence. My roommate and I both have done the online dating thing. She's overweight, but she owns it and she got more dates than I ever did when I was online. I don't think weights an issue.

Dahlface13

I met my boyfriend (and likely future husband) on OKCupid.com at my current weight. I filled out my profile and chose my favorite pictures and then went with the "if you are going to reject me cuz I'm overweight you aren't worth my time" attitude. I wouldn't say I'm super confident, because I'm not, but that was more of a practical idea to me. My boyfriend has seen me gain and lose weight in the time we have been together and has loved me all the way through it. He knows how I feel about my body and is supportive of my desire to lose weight for my own health reasons.
With all that said I say that if you want to start dating, go for it. At least you might make some friends and at most you might fall in love. I definitely agree with using a free sight though, but I may be biased Just remember that you are a great person who deserves a great relationship, and you have already made a lot of progress. Dating at any weight isn't easy, so remember that being thinner won't necessarily make it exponentially better. Congrats on the weight loss and good luck with the future!

alexbowser

I'm not dating while I lose weight, but that's because of my recent dating experiences. I didn't have any trouble online dating while overweight, there are a lot of quality guys out there.

southrenlady

sounds like you are a nice person so do what is right for you it matters more what you want an think at this point, get comfortable in your own skin first and love who you are now , because later when you find that special person it will still be you just smaller , you have a great personality that is a huge start in any relationship.

southrenlady

sounds like you are a nice person so do what is right for you it matters more what you want an think at this point, get comfortable in your own skin first and love who you are now , because later when you find that special person it will still be you just smaller , you have a great personality that is a huge start in any relationship.

astovey

In my personal experience, no man ever even looked at me when I was overweight....I was the fat funny friend. It's not till I lost weight at 17/18 till I had my first kiss/bf. I think it all depends on what you are looking for. If you would like to date someone like yourself on a weight loss journey I would include it in your profile. If you meet someone that is over weight and not trying to loose it, it may not help your weight loss efforts... everyone needs support. This is sad, but when I bust out an old picture and show it to my husband, the reaction I usually get is, "holy ****." lol I think it's up to you, but my type is not overweight...and I think I had to be on my husbands "level" when I met him...I don't think he would have been interested otherwise...men are too visual in the begining.

Good luck on whatever you decide to do

yanicka

Let me tell you, internet dating is brutal!!! Men will contact the women they think look hot, others pretty much get lost in the shuffle. I would suggest you go read at "Eharmony advice board" If you thenk you can handle it right now, go for it...but keep in mind that it can be a soul crushing experience also!!! I know I am coming out strong but online dating really oppened my eyes. Thank god I found a great person but it's really the last place where someone with low self estime.

stcar

Go for it, I complained to my ex hubby once about gaining some weight once and he gave me great advice "some dudes are into that" lol not put in the best words, but I take that to mean that there is someone for everyone and thats alway stuck with me. Plus, I've tried internet dating and have had luck....if anyone is ever rude, just block them from your profile and your mind

giammarcor

Don't do anything that is going to make you feel uncomfortable. But, as someone suggested, it might not be a bad idea to try out one of the free sites. I've gone the online dating route and met many wonderful women. So, if it doesnt doesnt turn into a serious relationship at the very least you'll make a bunch of new friends.

I agree with the poster that said to be honest, though. Tell everyone exactly who you are. Sounds to me like you're a good guy and there are lots of women out there who enjoy the company of a kind, respectable guy, regardless of his size.

LorinaLynn

Go to the mall or grocery store or someplace and look at couples. Most of them aren't Brad & Angelina. People of every size, age, shape, color, height, weight, etc. fall in love every day.

That said, I run a dating advice forum - have for 11 years - and you've got to have a thick skin for online dating, no matter who you are. It's perfectly normal to have to write to women first. It's rare for women to write to guys. I wish it weren't true, encourage women all the time to be more proactive, but that's the way it is. Also, it's perfectly normal to have a very low response rate when you do write to women. Maybe 10% will write back. Don't take it personally if you don't hear from them.

Lots of guys really wish women would at least write, "Thanks for writing, but I'm not interested," but it honestly doesn't cross a lot of womens' minds to do that. They think from their own perspective that they'd rather NOT know if or why someone isn't interested. Or they think about how often it is that a guy will ask for a girl's number, say he'll call, and then fall off the face of the earth. And on the flip side, there are way too many times that women will write a polite, "No thanks," and have the guy argue with her about it and even insult and harass her for it. A friend of mine was told she was a c-word (yes, THAT c-word!) for rejecting a guy! (Way to prove her instincts dead on!!!)

When you write your profile, proofread, proofread and proofread again. You know the old saying, "You never get a second chance to make a first impression?" Online, you have every opportunity to make that impression perfect, so don't have a ton of typos or write like it's a drunken text sent at 3am.

Read other guys' profiles and avoid the same old cliches that everyone uses, like long walks on the beach or candlelit dinners. Write about what makes you unique... what makes you special. Sound happy, upbeat, and excited to get to know new people. Show your personality and character. Talk about the things you love. I've often thought it's not even a matter of what you say, as how you say it. If you sound passionate about your hobbies - whether it's running or nature or music or comic books - that kind of enthusiasm is contagious.

Use photos that interesting. Not just a webcam self-portrait. No one looks good in those. Have your friends snap some pics at a bbq or while hiking or something. And SMILE! :happy:

LorinaLynn

Oops... double post.

But I wanted to add.... Remember it's not a replacement for other forms of socializing, and not a drive thru menu. It's just a tool to meet people you might not meet in your regular day to day life. It's not going to be drastically different from meeting people any other way.

yazil1304

Always remember theres a somebody for everybody maybe you will end up meeting someone who's in the same weight loss journey as you are... good luck!

rplusr

I think you should at least wet your feet a bit in the online dating world... at least so you can figure out how it works, even if you don't meet anyone face to face... then when you are ready to try to date you'll have practice and know some what how it works. Remember you can not be everyone's type regardless of your size, weight, hair color, etc... so be ready for some rejections... and that's okay... keep your head up and keep chatting... you'll be surprised you can have some fun... even if it just stays online until you are comfortable to meet face to face...

TourThePast

Just a piece of advice though, don't mention that you're trying to lose weight, it will just show an insecurity and women want confidence.

I disagree, taking care of yourself is something to be proud of. If your health is one of your priorities these days, having a partner who also cares about their health will be a great bonus.

Look at the number of women on here who complain that they're trying to eat more healthily but their boyfriends / husbands aren't supporting them at all. I reckon a woman who is overweight and trying to lose weight would LOVE to have a partner who shares her goals - and there are literally millions of women out there who are struggling to lose weight!

I definitely wouldn't say that you are "trying" to lose weight though, that really does sound weak.
I'd say that you have moved to eating a healthier diet and as a result you are losing weight.

jenttifer

I haven't read all of the replies, so I apologize if I say something that's already been said. I can only speak from experience, but at this time I'm taking a long break from dating. In my life I've noticed a trend...I get out of a relationship, get focused on myself, my goals, and what I enjoy, then I find another relationship and get lost before I've finished my journey with myself. I've never met my weight loss goals no matter how many times I try because I always get too caught up in the relationship and push my needs aside. Now I'm not saying this is a behavior you may portray, just what I've noticed about myself. If you think you can successfully continue to diet and date at the same time then I say go for it! If you're like me and the first time a nice boy, (or pretty girl in your case), bats their eyelashes at you and says, "but it's just one slice of pizza..." and you cave, then I say hold off until you have your needs under control. As far as dating online goes, I have been there and done that a lot and I think it's an awesome tool. I am on the shy side, so it helps to break the ice on the internet then meet after you know the person a little better. It's also easier to reject the duds online rather than in person. I've always been more comfortable with that kind of dating. Congrats in your journey so far and good luck with all that lies ahead of you!