Just a vent

tammyquinnlmt

Everytime I read a post about an insensative husband, a lot of woman start screaming dump the jerk. It makes me wonder. My husband and I have been married 14 years. Most of it has been pretty wonderful. Of course, he has his jerk-like moments, and we argue and fuss, but in the end we work things out. Even when it seems like the disagreement isn't fixable, it has been. I think we should all be careful about shouting "leave the a**hole" and understand that they are as human as we are. I have seen some posts where I think that the woman may be in an abusive situation, but we only see one side of the story. Maybe its a percieved insult (I know people who take everything negatively and have a tendency to make mountains out of mole-hills). I just think we should all be careful before suggesting someone just up and leaves. No one is perfect and sometimes there is enough good to work through the bad. I also think that the problem, probably 90 percent of the time, is lack of communication between the couple. So they just fight. Maybe its just me, and I may get blasted for this...but it bothers me just the same.

frostke

I agree. Without all the bad times the good times wouldn't seem as wonderful. As women, would we want to be left every time we were being irritable? Probably not. I think it's always best to deal with the issues then to jump to drastic measures.

running_mom

I agree. I know most of my posts are venting about my husband. But I also know I am not perfect. I can rattle off a million things I do wrong in the relationship. Plus I don't say every little thing about my life, just little bits. It would take way too long to say why I'm so screwed up! Plus my husband wouldn't like it very much if I put his past on here (some horrible things happened to him). But I know if he didn't go through them he'd be a completely different person. That's why I choose to stay with him.

It's kinda like he's the only one stupid enough that will put up with me and I'm the only one stupid enuogh that will put up with him!

SavannaN

100% agree!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lilRicki

I agree, if my fiance left me every time I was a b!tch, he would have left a long time ago. I get that sometimes they're insensative, and really mine has dropped the ball completely lately...but you love them, there's a reason you're with them, figure it out! You're the one that married him, or are dating him...He's dumb enough to love me, and really I'm pathetically in love with him, so no matter how much we argue (we never really fight), I know he's stuck with me. I would never want to hear "divorce the bum"...that's not why I''m venting, I want to know what to say to him to make him understand that he f'd up...

angela828

I totally agree with you ... it is the bad times that get us to the good times

shamandalie

I think it depends entirely on the situation. There's having a moan type venting and there's being genuinely unhappy with the situation you're in type venting.

I think deep down the person venting knows if they're just getting something off their chest or if they need someone to call it as it is, and they're not going to randomly take other peoples advice and destroy their relationship for no reason.

RoadDog

You can rationalize it any way you want, but no one should ever speak to anyone they care about in such a manner. I have never spoken to my wife or children disrepectfully.

When I speak to someone disrespectfully, it's because I don't respect them and I could care less as to how they feel about it.

There IS NO EXCUSE for it. If you can't hold your tongue when your drunk..DON'T DRINK!

tammyquinnlmt

You can rationalize it any way you want, but no one should ever speak to anyone they care about in such a manner. I have never spoken to my wife or children disrepectfully.

When I speak to someone disrespectfully, it's because I don't respect them and I could care less as to how they feel about it.

There IS NO EXCUSE for it. If you can't hold your tongue when your drunk..DON'T DRINK!

I agree RD, I think there is a point where comments are abusive and ugly, and completely unnecessary. But I also know a lot of wonderful men are out there and they have bad days. My husband would say something to me he doesn't mean. I also know that when he has a bad day, he comes home irriatable and anything I do just aggrivates him more! On those days, I tell him he is being an *kitten* and move foward. He eventually gets his attitude back on the right track!

TourThePast

I have seen some posts where I think that the woman may be in an abusive situation, but we only see one side of the story.

Abuse is never justified, while yes we only get the information from one person, there is never "another" side to that particular story.

A man being insensitive though? I agree that's no reason to suggest that a couple separate.

RhonndaJ

For me to suggest that someone leave their partner I'd have to know a whole lot more than just hearing their vent on an online forum. I believe that marriage is for the long haul and when I said 'for better or worse' I actually meant it and find myself fairly offended by people who walk out on their spouse just because a difficult stretch came up.

We're all human. We all make mistakes. Anger, frustration, depression, exhaustion can all make us say things we don't mean.

And I'm going to make it clear, I'm not speaking about physical violence. There is no excuse for that, though dependent upon the initial act, I, personally, might give someone a second chance. But only once.

But verbal or emotional abuse? It's such a huge grey area especially when what we're hearing is in this sort of forum and only one sided.

elliecolorado

I generally try to stay out of any relationship issues. But as someone who has been through an abusive relationship anything that sounds potentially abusive I have no problem saying that it doesn't sound good or to leave him. If I had listened when people told me to dump my ex when he was just being controlling or verbally/emotionally abusive then our relationship never would have gotten to the point of being physically abusive. Not all relationships where a guy is controlling or verbally abusive turn into physical abuse, but a lot of them do. I think most people who have been through abusive relationships and gotten out are pretty quick to tell people to get out of any bad relationship, but personally if I think if just one person doesn't have to go through that hell, then it is worth it!