Quite hurt

abdehor

Just thought I would share this as I am quite hurt. I was sat today with the ladies in the Gym and we were talking about clothes. I mentioned that I find it hard to find clothes that fit nice and give some shape.
This stick insect turned round in front of everyone and said ' I am not being funny but have you tried EVANS. For our ladies over the pond this shop is for Large Ladies.
I know I am overweight, I need to lose another 2 stone, Even if I lost a stone I would be in my weight range at the very top. So I am not really huge, more like plump.
I know I am being silly but I have low esteem anyway and this just knocked me for six.

Ms_Natalie

In all honesty.....I would have grabbed the nearest dumbell and thrown it in her direction. How rude! Don't let this comment put you down...let it make you stronger! :flowerforyou:

Flwrsme

I think sometimes people, who have never had to shop at a "larger ladies" store, have no idea how it is. Dont let her discourage you though. Its one persons opinnion who knows nothing about you, your goals or your accomplishments. Stay positive and stay focused. Smile!

jenjenlv

You should have replied "No I haven't, have you?? how do YOU like them??? lol... People will be rude and heartless, people will try to bring you down... always! Don't let it get to you! ((hugs))

MidniteDayDream

I agree, that was one rude lady. I've shopped in our big girl store, Lane Bryant, before. Even there it's sometimes really hard to find clothes that fit well. I know her comment hurt, but try to not let her ruin this journey for you. Let this make you stronger. And anytime you need support, there are thousands of supportive people here. *hugs* Stay strong :drinker:

Cherese1983

That is so inconsiderate. What a *****y thing to say! Don't let it get to you. People that try and humiliate others are just miserable!

layasideEVERYweight

You should've said " Tell you what. I'll try Evans if you'll try using MANNERS and having a little CLASS in your next public conversation, shall we? #@!^%$#@!!!

shamandalie

She could have left out the "I am not being funny but" bit. She was clearly aware she was being insulting or she wouldn't have said that.

How rude.

Least she's able to wear what she likes cause she clearly lacking a decent personality!

beamishcas

Some people can be so rude. About a year ago I was at a department store and asked the salesperson if she could get down a shirt from up high. She had the nerve to say, "You know this is for Petites". B*tch!!. I said "Excuse me, I am petite, I'm only 5 feet tall, and if it's any of your business, I'm shopping for my daughter." Ew , the nerve of some people . My daughter came around the rack and said,
Did she just say what I thought she said?" So I just left the store. They didn't deserve my business.

mariabee

I hear what you're saying, but (and I don't mean to be the devil's advocate here) but perhaps she really was just trying to help. Hey, I've had the same crap happen to me, so I know how you feel, but really... you did ask for some advice, and you just didn't like the answer. But as everyone has said here, just let it pump you up even more, and stick it to her!

abdehor

Thank you all for your kind words and support. I am going to put it behind me and move on. She is not worth upsetting myself over. Say's me ' putting on a brave face'

FifiLea

She sounds like a right silly cow. Have you noticed that when people are about to be "funny" (i.e. nasty) they always start their sentence with, "I'm not being funny....."?

Don't let it get you down. You won't always be overweight, but she'll always be a nasty piece of work.

annrum

What a nasty thing to say Remember you're making a positive change in your life and have a plan to get healthy, she's just an unpleasant wotnot (I'd have said moo but that's unkind to cows!). Try to not let it get you down (easier though that is to say than do!)

cathys01

Unfortunately when people say things like that you get embarrassed and it is only later that you come up with the good comebacks that you should have said to her. Forgive her for her ignorance and try not to let it get you down because you know you are not of the size to shop in that store so just let it go at that. I usually find that those kind of people that make those kind of nasty remarks are usually the ones who, because they have no friends or anything good in their life, tend to be snide, rude and nasty to make up for their own shortfalls. So, pity her!! Remember you are doing something about the few pounds you want to lose and when you lose it, flaunt it in her face!!! Good luck to you.

TourThePast

Why are you so angry about this, and why is everyone saying she's being incredibly rude???

Evans clothes start at UK size 16 (equivalent to size US 14) so she was hardly telling you to go somewhere that only caters for people who are grossly obese! Besides, maybe she wasn't always thin, maybe she knows about Evans because she used to wear their clothes. I have bought clothes there, and looked great in them.

If you're having trouble finding clothes that look good on you, I suggest you take a reality check, swallow your pride, and go look at their clothes. No idea what their clothing is like at the moment, but they do have clothes that are cut specifically to flatter fat people - and after all, you are the one that was complaining that you can't find clothes to fit you...

EDITED TO ADD: I've read this again, and it looks unkind. I don't mean it to sound that way, but I simply don't get it. You're overweight, you complained to someone that you can't get clothes that look good on you, and she suggested a place that sells clothes that will fit you. What exactly did you expect her to say?

isabelk

Everyone there now knows what she's like. I bet she has a hard time making/keeping friends. She sounds so clueless I feel kind of sorry for her. You're on a journey to health but who knows what journey she's on.

PlanetVelma

You should have told her whereever she got her personality she should get a refund STAT! LOL

She was rude & catty and completely out of line. I guess there is a remote possiblity she was trying to be nice, but I find that hard to believe. I think she was being rude and probably one of those people that only skinny people should go to the gym.

TourThePast

I think she was being rude and probably one of those people that only skinny people should go to the gym.

Or maybe she's "skinny" because she has lost a ton of weight because she DOES go to the gym. Not everyone at the gym who is thin was always that way. I hope people don't judge me so harshly when I'm down to my target weight...

For a thread that is full of people complaining about what was supposedly a rude comment, I think a lot of contributors could all take a good hard look at the nasty things you're saying about this woman!

catcrazy

You should've said " Tell you what. I'll try Evans if you'll try using MANNERS and having a little CLASS in your next public conversation, shall we? #@!^%$#@!!!

Absolutely perfect!!!

Oishii

With a bmi of 26 I was just about ready to shop at Evans, so if I was the weight you describe, with my build, Evans would be a good idea. To bf honest, I've seen Evans posters and wished I could shop there :laugh: I felt like writing to ask for smaller sizes.

It is always hard to know others' motivation. I hope this will just make you stronger. I started to lose my 2 stone when I realised I couldn't get into my favourite jeans and if they fit at the waist the rest still looked awful. Now my old favourite jeans are too big and I have a whole new set of favourites You can do it!

abdehor

Maybe I am sensitive, but we all know what she was saying. There is nothing wrong with Evans and it is good that shops cater for larger ladies.
I would never suggest to anyone that is where they should go.
She was saying ' you are fat' simple as that !!
Maybe you are more 'thick skinned' than I am.

TourThePast

I would never suggest to anyone that is where they should go.

Really? Even if that person had been complaining that they can't get nice clothes to fit? Have you seen their adverts? You seem to equate the suggestion that you shop at that store with being some form of personal insult, but their clothes look great and are cut specifically to flatter. Sounds like just what you need, if you can't find clothes that look good on you at your current weight.

Obviously I wasn't there, so I don't know if she had a cruel tone to her voice, but if she didn't I honestly think you're being oversensitive.

She was saying ' you are fat' simple as that !!

Err.. Isn't that why are both here?

Maybe you are more 'thick skinned' than I am.

I don't consider myself thick skinned, I am proud to have accepted the reality of my being overweight, and proud and that I have accepted that it is solely a cause of my actions. I do not like being fat, so I am now taking action to deal with it.

I am fat because I consistently failed to eat a diet which matches my bodily needs, and because for many years I stopped giving my body the exercise it needs to function properly. I take full responsibility for that. Nobody forced me to eat unhealthily, or stopped me from exercising, we all know that we should fill up on lots of healthy fruit and veg, but for a number of years I chose not to.

At the end of the day, nothing is gained by getting cross about someone failing to *****foot around an issue that you have accepted is a problem. You should be taking pride in the fact that you were at the gym, and that you are taking action to deal with it.

Maybe she was being *****y, I don't know. But I really am sorry that her comment hurt you so much.

mike_littlerock

I completely understand. My sister has always been very thin, I will give her credit because she has maintained her workouts and also dances competitively and teaches ballroom dance. I am coming out of a period of my life where i let my diet go down the drain, and stopped working out, and packed on pounds as a result. I feel my sister happens to have some weird competitive thing with me, as I have been more successful on the professional side, and seems to like taking shots at me.

a prime example, my mother and I were chatting one holiday about holiday weight gain. (my sister was in the room reading a book) Mom made some comment about how hard it is to be good during the holidays and how she always puts on a few pounds. I respond that I do the same, but how we are blessed and cursed to be an Italian/American family from New Orleans (the food is amazing, but sure is hard to be "good"). At that moment my sister could have:
a) said nothing, as she had not even been involved in the conversation up to that point.
b) could have agreed that it is difficult
c) Throw in a snide comment about how she never has that problem because of her high metabolism and awesome self control.

As you may have guessed, she went with the third option. It ticked me off, and I later mentioned it to my mother explaining that I felt she was taking a shot at me and that it was uncalled for, come to find out that my mom felt that the jab was aimed at her and hurt her feelings as well. Bottom line, why cant some exercise a little self control on their jaw muscles and even if you did not really understand the difficulty, then PRETEND to have a little of the human emotion called empathy.

It is my opinion that the last two groups that are open targets for what really break down to stupid comments are people that are overweight, and people that are clinically depressed. I have had some friends fight, and some loose, the battle with depression and I know that it does not help to hear some of the ignorant comments "you just need to decide to be happy", "take up a hobby, that should cheer you up".. being bummed out is about as closely related to clinical depression as the common cold is to cancer. I do not think i need to add some of the dumb-*kitten* advice people will offer if you are overweight. Society has made people more sensitive to racial and sexist comments, but if you are heavier than the norm it seems to be perfectly accepted by many people to be very vocal about the stereotypes that they project on us. When i started going to my current gym, i saw a few people literally roll their eyes when they found I would be in their group class. that really pissed me off and I thank them for that, as I got insane workouts because I refused to do less than they did (in spite of the fact that they were skinnier than me).

so i guess the bottom line is that these people should join us in the 21st century, and learn to be a little more civil. Throw on the same filter that they use to avoid making offensive comments to other groups of people. If she was being a Bi%^&h through the comment she made, then she should be ashamed of herself. If she had indeed tried the shop and question, then be honest with the comment and say something like "I lost some weight a few years ago, but prior to that I faced the same problem you describe and found that the dresses at Evans were well made and very flattering". If you think something might sound dumb, and can not think of a neutral way to phrase it, how about you just keep the comment to yourself?

Sorry about the length of my reply, but I read your comment and it really struck a chord with me.
P.S. There is nothing wrong with being sensitive, It is a quality that I bet makes you a wonderful friend.
msk

Hollycat

Ditto! to JenJenly... Snotty women like that are one of the reasons being fat has made me so bitter. It's not BEING fat, it's the comments and superior attitude judgements others make about it. Like my body is ANY of their business.

Next time you're in the gym, you smack that witch for me!

Hollycat
:explode:

Cristy_AZ

Oh that is rude! Don't let her get you down though, you are doing great!! Sometimes people just don't realize how hurtful their comments are... and sometimes people just have to hurt others to feel better about themselves! either way, it's HER issue, not yours!! :flowerforyou:

tammykoon

I have been hurt more times than I care to recount at this moment by "well meaning people." All the comebacks in the world can't make those memories go away. I am so sorry that you were hurt by this person. So, from many, many miles away I am sending you a *HUG*!
Hope tomorrow's a better day! :flowerforyou:

krevelle65

There are two ways for people to feel good about themselves;
1. Be a better person, have a positve outlook, strive to be part of the solution not the problem.
Or
2. Find fault with everyone around you, basically rise your self-image by stepping on the people around you.

I believe you met someone from group 2.

Don't let her win, let the bad feeling go and be the better person.

hillview2

How rude! You are losing weight and doing awesome things. She gets to stay with her obnoxious personality forever. :happy: