vent on my gym buddy

mom23nuts

I have to get this out there.

I joined a gym a few months ago and am doing really well with sticking to it. I met a friend there and we started taking classes together and exchanged # and made a deal that we would be each other's motivators on days we need a boost, we live inthe same town and are relatively the same age and fitness level.

She has 4 kids I have 3 and she uses the free gym daycare too.'

my vent is this.

One Friday at Spinning she goes "Are you coming tomorrow?" and I say "I have to go for fasting blood work at 8:30 so probably not"
she says "Either way Im coming at about 8:30 and if you can make it after the bloodwork it would be great."

So after the FASTING blood work I call her house twice and she doesn't answer so I assume she is at the gym, I call the gym they say she didn't check in yet, so I thought she was going to show up a bit later knowing I couldn't get there right at 8:30

Luckily I took a banana and some almonds in my car for the ride over. I got there and no Miss M. so I did the treadmill and the spin instructor walks in and goes "Where's Miss M?"

i say "That's what I would like to know" She says "Oh she still has time before the class"
I say "We weren't going to take the class today" the instructor convinced me to join in when I got done on the treadmill so I did

Over a WEEK later Miss M comes into spinning and I go "All hail Miss M finally joins us where were you Saturday?"

She goes "Oh I couldn't even get out of bed" NOT SORRY, I COULDN'T MEET YOU, but I couldn't get out of bed.

Uh!!!???? Don't most people call if they are going to bail or at the very least tell the person the next day sorry I couldn't make it can we reschedule?

that I would understand but over a week later with a casual I couldn't get out of bed...that I don't get. Not I was sick or the kids were sick just couldn't get out of bed.

She blew it, I know it is pig headed of me but I'm not going out of my way to be her motivator any longer and these past few weeks have shown me that I do pretty damn good on my own too.

it was more fun and time flew with a partner but I guess that's why I have my mp3 to zone out to now.

Am I wrong for at least wanting a sorry or at least that a more reliable person would have put in a call to me later on even a day or 2 later to offer up something.

A week later as if we had never made plans and just I couldn't get out of bed.

UGH!!! Unfortunately this has shown me that I have to just stay focused and work it for myself. It would have been nice NOT to reinforce my cynical nature thanks to wishy washy people but I just keep getting the universe's message that sometimes people suck and that I have to focus on myself, but it makes for a very lonely existence.

Sorry maybe not all people suck, just the unreliable ones that casually blow you off as if it was nothing.

Peeps....I was hungry!!!! and she didn't show!!!!

OK enough now!

sweetsarahj

Honestly, I wouldn't get upset over it. She's just a person you met at the gym, there will be times when people will flake out on you. The important thing is to keep going, and when your gym firneds are there, that's great, it's more fun, and when they aren't, oh well, you have your mp3.

godroxmysox

I'm sorry you had to go through that; just doesn't seem right. I'd say it's time to turn to your MFP buddies to motivate you....people on here are wonderful!

jpowell3976

"Peeps....I was hungry!!!! and she didn't show!!!!" LOL! Totally get it! I have work out buddies in RL that are like this too! They act as if you never had plans to do anything...mine usually wait longer than a week before showing up again. I started this alone (except for you guys) and will finish alone. Even when they swear they'll show, I always assume they won't and it's okay. I've found I do my best thinking when the ear pods are in and I'm in the zone. Good luck! Hang in there!

Kimbie500

One Friday at Spinning she goes "Are you coming tomorrow?" and I say "I have to go for fasting blood work at 8:30 so probably not"
she says "Either way Im coming at about 8:30 and if you can make it after the bloodwork it would be great."

I'm sorry, but it sounds to me like you hadn't made plans to get together, that you'd left it at "Probably not coming bc I have to fast for bloodwork." Unless there was a firm committment to meeting made after that, I think I'd cut her some slack and make sure that plans, or lack thereof, are more definitive in the future.

She was defaulting on a committment she made to herself, not one she made to you. As far as she knew, you weren't coming so she had no idea she was disappointing you.

Not trying to crap on your vent, just offering another perspective. :flowerforyou:

PeachyKeene

At least you went, when you wouldn't have otherwise, especially, if she wasn't going or hadn't asked you. Don't be so mad that she didn't apologize, you're not doing this for her, you are doing it for you. Some people don't think to say I am sorry, not that she doesn't feel bad for bailing on you. She may have been a little jealous of you because she couldn't go. Who knows.

LyndseyMcKnight7

I would definitely be irritated by that too! But it sounds like you are doing well on your own. I know it's more fun with a buddy, but just turn on some good tunes and focus and I'm sure you'll do wonderfully!

johnnythebaptist

Well I believe thats the point!!! UGH!!! Unfortunately this has shown me that I have to just stay focused and work it for myself.
You are responsible for your fitness and if the gym mate is going to act irresponsible that cannot affect you. I have a friend who started with me as a gym partner and he rarely goes and when I ask are you going he says "you have to motivate me". Hmmm
I dont make no one do anything we resent the things we dont like. I just want to say to you keep it up!! When she comes make her day blessed but when she misses you do what you do......Get fit!!!!!

fosterks

I joined the gym with a friend, and she has turned out to be a complete flake. I moved near her, and she persuaded me to join her gym and was super excited that she finally had a gym buddy, and was all 'yeah, we're going to lose loads of weight!'. She started to falter after about three weeks, then went on holiday at the end of April and has never got back into it, feigning loads of injuries all the time. I have arranged to meet her there a few times, but she has not turned up, or she texts me to say she's too hungover to go.

Then... She gets really mad when she has not lost anything, and in three months I have lost 25lb. I can't help but wonder why I have been successful and she has not!?! I am so smug though!!!!

kelsully

If I understand the situation correctly it was not 100% that you would be there due to your test. She didn't show up and probably assumed, wrongly yes, that you weren't going to make it so didn't push herself to be there. I would let this go. It was a communication slip on both of your parts. She doesn't owe you and explanation. I would give her another chance...but if the flaking out becomes a pattern then just start doing your own thing. Motivating each other is one thing, becoming dependent on one another is another.

carolww

The important thing is YOU got there and YOU did it.

Fattack

If I understand the situation correctly it was not 100% that you would be there due to your test. She didn't show up and probably assumed, wrongly yes, that you weren't going to make it so didn't push herself to be there. I would let this go. It was a communication slip on both of your parts. She doesn't owe you and explanation. I would give her another chance...but if the flaking out becomes a pattern then just start doing your own thing. Motivating each other is one thing, becoming dependent on one another is another.

Exactly. OP: I understand if you'd be upset if she knew you were going to be there, but I personally would interpret you as saying you weren't going to make it, because heck, you said you were probably not going - which may have even influenced her decision not to go - BECAUSE she thought you weren't going and didn't feel she had anybody to disappoint (if you know what I mean - I'm NOT saying it's your fault she didn't go, I'm just saying that if she was torn between going and not going, her committment may have been the clincher if you HAD been going). Don't become dependent or angry at her, it's your body and your life, and you CAN do it without help! And if she wants to go to the gym with you again, then I'd be inclined to give her another chance. Hope you feel better about it all soon.

shesnotthere

It's irritating but I wouldn't drop a friend or workout buddy for one flake-out. She probably figured it wasn't that big of a deal. And you never know what is going on in other people's lives. Maybe she just had a bad week? If she did this to you a lot, THEN I would move on. I do understand your frustration though.

sbwood888

Honestly, I wouldn't get upset over it. She's just a person you met at the gym, there will be times when people will flake out on you. The important thing is to keep going, and when your gym firneds are there, that's great, it's more fun, and when they aren't, oh well, you have your mp3.

^^^This^^^

fitnesspirateninja

It's irritating but I wouldn't drop a friend or workout buddy for one flake-out. She probably figured it wasn't that big of a deal. And you never know what is going on in other people's lives. Maybe she just had a bad week? If she did this to you a lot, THEN I would move on. I do understand your frustration though.

I agree. It sounds like there was a misunderstanding that only happened one time. I wouldn't give up a good workout buddy over one miscommunication.

reese66

I'm sorry your upset but since you said you probably weren't going to make it, maybe it would safe to assume that she thought you wouldn't be there. Just my opinion.

Have a great day...

mom23nuts

One Friday at Spinning she goes "Are you coming tomorrow?" and I say "I have to go for fasting blood work at 8:30 so probably not"
she says "Either way Im coming at about 8:30 and if you can make it after the bloodwork it would be great."

I'm sorry, but it sounds to me like you hadn't made plans to get together, that you'd left it at "Probably not coming bc I have to fast for bloodwork." Unless there was a firm committment to meeting made after that, I think I'd cut her some slack and make sure that plans, or lack thereof, are more definitive in the future.

She was defaulting on a committment she made to herself, not one she made to you. As far as she knew, you weren't coming so she had no idea she was disappointing you.

Not trying to crap on your vent, just offering another perspective. :flowerforyou:

no i guess in my novella of a rant I forgot to mention that I called her Friday after noon to tell her I would be there but it would be right after blood work so I would be late but I was coming just so it didn't throw her off

KarenECunningham

I used to work out with a friend of mine whose schedule I accommodated and she would either not show up at all or come really late because of some very lame excuses. If I wasn't able to make it I always let her know in advance and even then she would still be offended that she had to work out on her own. Life is not fair and relationships are not always equal and that being said I started working out on my own and on my own schedule.