This is so not cool! RANT!!

_Aimée_

I actually think staying home with her parents whilst she has a young child is a pretty sensible thing to do.
I fell pregnant at 20, had him at 21. I stayed with the dad but I would have loved to move back in with my mum, for financial and emotional support. If we didn't try and kill each other when we live together then that is what I would have done, and she would have had me.

Yes she chose to keep the baby, but if I found myself in the situation of singledom it wouldn't just be a case of 'oh well, the dads gone, this is going to be difficult, might as well vacuum my baby out of me'. Geez. The love for a child is beyond anything you can ever imagine - I see from your inspirations a wee one is what you are yearning for - when you have your child you will gain a little perspective. It is so wrong to assume that every woman experiencing financial or emotional hardship should just either abort the baby, or put up with the **** cards they've been dealt. Mothers need support, education and most of all understanding and non judgemental figures in their lives.

Maybe its different in the USA but here in the UK, or at least its all I've ever known - is to help as much as possible when somebody moves into a new place, particularly parents. My single friend has just moved into some social housing with her 2 young boys and I don't automatically think of how much she has already taken off the government in housing and welfare, I'm thinking how can I help her? Is there anything I don't need that I can give her for the house? Can I clear up the broken glass in the garden? Or fix the gate?
I know she would do the same for me. I'm glad I have friends like her and not like you!

Young mothers, especially single young mothers need alot of support. Its HARD. Really, really, hard. Financially, emotionally, and physically. Cut her some slack. If you don't want to get her anything then fine, but at least wish her well and good luck, but personally I'd maybe think about getting some clothes for the child in bigger sizes for her to grow into? They don't even have to be new. Kids are in them 2 minutes and second hand is almost always looks brand new anyway.

allroundthesun

So don't get her a gift/go to the party if you have a problem with it. No need to blow a gasket when it really doesn't affect you; "don't sweat the small stuff" is a good idea to keep in mind.

Crystal817

With the whole family/single Mom back story aside, I think it's kind of tacky to hold a going away party and register for gifts. I mean seriously? When did people start requestng gifts when they move away? I thought that was saved for more special occasions... like weddings and the birth of a child. Call me old fashion...

sculptandtone

So, there's a single Mom, who after many bad decisions is finally taking the steps toward getting an education and doing what she has to to raise and support her child and herself. My first thought about registering at Target for a moving away party is that it was really tacky. But, then I thought, what is the difference between this and a bridal shower? I've been to a dozen bridal showers where I thought, Oh boy, is THIS a bad decision and still I supported it with a gift anyway. I've never been to a moving out and going to school party that I thought was a bad decision. So, maybe a small useful gift is positive reinforcement of a great decision this young woman is making. It actually doesn't mean you approve of the years of freeloading. It says you approve that she is doing what it takes to take care of herself. That's just one perspective.

FairyMiss

actually lots of well off people when they move to a new place, have going away or even house warming parties. So if she was well off and moving to a new place would you still find it nervy to have a party for it? It is also customary for people to bring gifts to such parties. The only thing i find tacky is the registared at Target part. Peronsonaly this "Registry" for every little possible gift giving event is getting a bit ridiculous .

UsedToBeHusky

Maybe its different in the USA but here in the UK, or at least its all I've ever known - is to help as much as possible when somebody moves into a new place, particularly parents. My single friend has just moved into some social housing with her 2 young boys and I don't automatically think of how much she has already taken off the government in housing and welfare, I'm thinking how can I help her? Is there anything I don't need that I can give her for the house? Can I clear up the broken glass in the garden? Or fix the gate?
I know she would do the same for me. I'm glad I have friends like her and not like you!

In general, most ppl are this way no matter where they live. Some ppl have personal issues that they allow to affect their views on others. We shouldn't judge the poster, anymore than the poster is judging her husband's cousin. Hopefully, the responses on this post will help her.

Hearts_2015

Maybe its different in the USA but here in the UK, or at least its all I've ever known - is to help as much as possible when somebody moves into a new place, particularly parents. My single friend has just moved into some social housing with her 2 young boys and I don't automatically think of how much she has already taken off the government in housing and welfare, I'm thinking how can I help her? Is there anything I don't need that I can give her for the house? Can I clear up the broken glass in the garden? Or fix the gate?
I know she would do the same for me. I'm glad I have friends like her and not like you!

Young mothers, especially single young mothers need alot of support. Its HARD. Really, really, hard. Financially, emotionally, and physically. Cut her some slack. If you don't want to get her anything then fine, but at least wish her well and good luck, but personally I'd maybe think about getting some clothes for the child in bigger sizes for her to grow into? They don't even have to be new. Kids are in them 2 minutes and second hand is almost always looks brand new anyway.

What a wonderful attitude to have!!:smooched: You sound like you're a terrific Mom, you're kind, compassionate, caring I could on! Such a nice post to see among some of the others that are a bit less than positive.

So glad you took time to post and shared your experiences as well!:flowerforyou: The attitude above that you share about the UK is most definitely what most feel/do here in the US. The positive responses on here show that :happy: the others? I don't have a clue what that's about. We all have made choices in life that we may regret a bit but better to move on in a positive manner than stay stuck and beat ourselves up over it. The hope is our circle of friends support us in the same way, if not they wouldn't be in my circle of friends, simple as that.

ETA: I should add, as the above poster shared "its all I've ever known". that's the perspective I come from as well, help out when I can, in whatever way I can. If not monetarily then a simple gift of caring, love the idea of children's clothing, or something simple and pretty to make her new home bright and inviting for her and her child. :flowerforyou:

I remember in my late teens/early 20s moving and not having much of anything, it's hard starting out alone, let alone with a child to care for.

casey12105

As others have said, if you really have a problem with it then don't go, or don't give her a gift. That's the end of your involvment in the situation, no need to make it bigger than it is. But to bash her because she kept a child that the father didn't want..that's a really disgusting attitude, it's nice to know that I should have aborted/given away my 5 year old because his sperm donor was a piece of ****, great logic right there.

BlessedMomX2

As if no one has ever made bad decisions before and needed a little help to make things better. Isn't that why we are all here? Different story, but bottom line the same thing. We're all fat, trying to lose weight, because of bad decisions....and we're all here for support and help. Financial or not. You could support her move by just showing up and buy her a card. I'm sure she'd love that! I don't think it's fair to say it's "not cool" because she chose to keep her child, knowing the father wouldn't be there, etc. How many adopted or aborted kids would there be if everyone chose to get rid of someone because of Daddy? That's insane. Anyway, I honestly think that when people get so bent out of shape, LOL, about someone else's lives, they have got to be jealous of something!!

Agree!