Did your partner lose intrest in you when you gained weight?

lucysposaro

I would like to know if anyone had problems with there partners being unhappy with them or turning against you because you gained weight? when i meet my partner i was thin since i had kids i am now overweight and i ony just noticed after 3 years he dosent find me attractive anymore because of my weight gain and thats why i am doign this i dont mind because i wanna get fit again and small of course.So i was wondering if i am the only one? if so what did you do?

trud72

sorry to say this but if your partner is only after you because of what you look like he has the problem!
there is much more to a relationship that looks.....

poorcopies

Do this journey for you, not for anyone else. You have given you partner beautiful children, if he takes issue with some baby weight then he doesn't deserve you and should be working to keep you. Good luck on your journey.

shreddingit

To me it went the other way around, he lost interest wen i got too skinny for his likeing (115), so i had to gain a bit & tone up a lot to fill out what he used to like(hips/butt) ... Everytime i tell him i wanna lose weight he reminds me how unattractive i looked at a lower weight.
If u think u need to lose weight then go for it, u will be hotter soon enough!!

Bellyroll

sorry to say this but if your partner is only after you because of what you look like he has the problem!
there is much more to a relationship that looks.....

I think the same. I gain a wonderfull 80 lBS and my finace still finds me"sexy" he really dose love me for me. I think you need to reconsider your realtionship. If you are losing weight its because of YOU AND ONLY YOU. Good luck

suzycreamcheese

yeah my ex went off me when i put on 5 stone (probably more- i stopped weighing myself) in pregnancy, and he never really got interested again even after i lost the weight.

GLAD HES MY EX NOW )

my wonderful partner now, has seen me get big in two subsequent pregnancies (not as big as the first one though) and was just as interested in me at my biggest as he is when im small, even though i know he prefers slimmer women in general - its ME hes interested in as a person, even if my body is not at its best

BabyDuchess

My ex would have reacted that way but my "forever" husband loved me when we first met and I was 120 lbs and he loved me even more at 275 lbs. Love is in the heart not the eye. :flowerforyou:

mendogirl

oh my my. this saddens me. first of all.. if thats you in your profile picture.. you are not even the slightest bit chubby! your relationship seems to be based on looks. beauty is within & your man should see that beauty.

good luck on your weight loss journey & i hope that you know that YOU are beautiful.

SoCalSwimmerDude

Umm... maybe its just me, but I'm not a big fan of the "kick him to the curb" statements. She has kids w/ the guy for goodness sake! When I was getting heavy (and I'm a guy), my wife took me aside and told me that she missed her triangle bodied husband. She was sweet about it, made me feel bad about myself at times, and would act like my mother and take away foods from me. However, now that I am looking MUCH better, I knew that this was not only for myself, but for my wife and my marriage. Attraction, like it or not, is part of a relationship. It sucks (big time) that he feels however he feels, but if everyone is openly communicating, many of these things can be worked through. The bottom line is that the OP is doing this for herself, but I'm sure it will pay the relationship dividends and that makes me happy for her! I feel like I should say this but.... THIS IS JUST MY OPINION because I don't know her specific situation.

suzycreamcheese

i can agree with that ^^ I cant say id be thrilled if my partner suddenly decided to gain weight, and id encourage him to do something about it. I dont think its fair if someone lets themself go, thinking its ok because theyre in a stable relationship.Its important to make an effort for your partner to keep yourself attractive and to keep things fresh

Saying that, if it changes the actual way you feel about someone as a person, then it was never love in the first place

Sarah_uk

First of all, you don't even look anywhere near fat!!

Second of all, maybe this is a male/female thing? I think women don't mind so much if their partner gains some weight. I wouldn't mind anyway. I wouldn't even mention it,unless it got to the extremely obese range and in that case it would be about health, not looks.

I do think that for men it's different. Most men are in a relationship because they think their wife is beautiful and they probably care more about looks than the other way around. So they would feel bad if their oh gained weight. Attraction is more important for men I think.

I do think they need to be more sensitive about it. I understand the point,but it's not very nice. Life isn't just about your oh's weight.
It won't work anyway if you're doing it for him, trust me, I know. Been there, done that.

suzycreamcheese

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I do think that for men it's different. Most men are in a relationship because they think their wife is beautiful and they probably care more about looks than the other way around. So they would feel bad if their oh gained weight. Attraction is more important for men I think.

im not sure how i feel about that statement

Sarah_uk

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I do think that for men it's different. Most men are in a relationship because they think their wife is beautiful and they probably care more about looks than the other way around. So they would feel bad if their oh gained weight. Attraction is more important for men I think.

im not sure how i feel about that statement

Men and women think different. I definitely think that men are more easily seduced by a beautiful woman than the other way around.

parisianskies002

I was gaining weight when l was with my ex at the time and he used to say my backside was too big, my trousers were too tight and that my hair pushed back makes my face looks fat. He was such an a-hole! This was about 2 years ago when l was at my heaviest and my first love. If he sees me in the street now he won't know what has hit him. Sorry about your partner - you should speak to him and tell him how much it gets you down? You are trying your best and you have had his kids so if he is not grateful for that then l don't know what is going on with him!

Sarah_uk

I do think it's very bad for a man to offend to his wife or girlfriend. He's supposed to make her feel good whatever her size is.

suzycreamcheese

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I do think that for men it's different. Most men are in a relationship because they think their wife is beautiful and they probably care more about looks than the other way around. So they would feel bad if their oh gained weight. Attraction is more important for men I think.

im not sure how i feel about that statement

Men and women think different. I definitely think that men are more easily seduced by a beautiful woman than the other way around.

men and women think differently, but so do two different women or two different men.
Most of the "so called" differences between men and women, are commonly found between two members of the same sex too. Plenty of women lose attraction to their partner over time for whatever reason, and many men do too. I think its more to do with personality types and individual priorities than to do with a persons gender

Sarah_uk

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I do think that for men it's different. Most men are in a relationship because they think their wife is beautiful and they probably care more about looks than the other way around. So they would feel bad if their oh gained weight. Attraction is more important for men I think.

im not sure how i feel about that statement

Men and women think different. I definitely think that men are more easily seduced by a beautiful woman than the other way around.

men and women think differently, but so do two different women or two different men.
Most of the "so called" differences between men and women, are commonly found between two members of the same sex too. Plenty of women lose attraction to their partner over time for whatever reason, and many men do too. I think its more to do with personality types and individual priorities than to do with a persons gender

I do think it's about someone's gender aswell,but anyway you don't have to agree with me. That's just what I think.

monkeysmum

i gained alot over the years i started at 98lb and at my heaviest 168lbs 5x pregnancy does that to some people did my hubby stop loving me or mention my weight nope he didnt give a flying fig over the years he has expanded alot also from a 28inch waist to a 38inch did i care nope not in the slightest

did i begin this journey for me yes why because i have 5 gorgeaus children i have to make a good impression on. my hubby has also started to lose weight he feels the time is right not because we find the other unnactrive because we feel the need to set a good exapmle to our children

losing weight needs to be a journey for you no one else tell him how hes acting like a jerk make the journey for you if you want to not because u feel u have to

suzycreamcheese

interesting. sorry if its derailing the topic, but if it is a gender issue, id probably argue that it was more to do with it being much more socially and culturally acceptable for a man to carry extra weight than it is for a woman

mrstyler

Our relationship seems to be the opposite of many others--he doesn't care what weight I am unless I magically became very thin, but I would be a bit less attracted to him if he gained much weight!

That said, I really don't think that either of us would extremely turned off, just less attracted than we were when the other person looked different. Talking to my mother, she said the same thing happens with age. You are happy with the person as they are and still find them sexy, but you still look back at the old looks fondly.

I certainly don't think its unreasonable for your husband to like you less heavy, but I would be a little worried if it was really getting between you two and your ability to have a happy relationship. Also, I am curious about why you said you "just noticed?" Have you talked with him about this?

trud72

lucysposaro i would KILL to look like you! well your figure, belive it or not!(you might have a horses head or something)! lol
sorry about that but yes i am loosing all my weight and yes to people looking in i am looking soo much better but i will tell you something that only me and hubby knows.....
where i "recked" my body with so much weight and now loosing it i have baggy skin and the more i loose the worse it is getting and no doubt when i have lost it all(and i will)i will look like somehing out of the mummy returns but i will tell you this my hubby will still love me as much as the day me married me if not more because it's me he loves and not my looks,i am inside my body it does not matter if you are fat or thin it does not matter if you are black or white people should love you for YOU!

lucysposaro

Thank you all for your replys great to see so many i love him we have been together for about 4 years now i would never leave him he would just prefer me to eb the way i was because thats the way we meet kinda thing like i said i dont mind because i dont like being the way that i am anyway since i am so used to being small.That pic is me maybe 6 months ago i have since gained weight from that pic i will upload a newer pic and you will see what i mean. I have probally tried every diet there is mostley fads as people say so my weight has gone up and down like a yoyo but now i have found this site i am looking foward to losing the weight the rght way.I do drink these shakes from herbalife since i started working for them a couple of weeks ago i am not shure if they work as yet since i have only lost a kg in 2 weeks.

poorcopies

interesting. sorry if its derailing the topic, but if it is a gender issue, id probably argue that it was more to do with it being much more socially and culturally acceptable for a man to carry extra weight than it is for a woman

I'd agree, you can't buy a magazine aimed at woman these days without at least one mention of weight, be it diet tips, so and so celebrity has put on weight, etc etc/ The pressure from society is for women to fit into an 'ideal' and as with most things, that pressure is not there so much for men.

Swimgoddess

I lost all but 5lbs from my 2nd pregnancy before my 6wk maternity leave was even up (had to - active duty Marine; technically you have 6 months to lose it BUT, unless you want to buy new uniforms... you get the idea). 4 months later my run-of-the-mill post-partum depression developed into post-partum onset bipolar type 1. They put me on lithium and I packed on 35lbs in a year's time (5' 8.5", HW:181lbs, 6lbs heavier that I was when I went into labor!) My hubby and I didn't get frisky unless I was drugged on Ambien and it was pretty much only about him. I wouldn't even remember we did it until maybe the next afternoon if I concentrated on trying to remember. I finally went in to my doc and begged & pleaded to get off meds. Slowly but surely, the lbs started melting off (it also helped that I became fully compliant with my ADD med Adderal, which is an amphetamine salt.) Turned out I was taking about 14 pills a day too many because as soon as the regular post-partum hormones wore off it never occurred to the brilliant Navy doc that it was the unecessarily continued zoloft that >caused< my first manic episode/bipolar diagnosis. Long story short, yes... we returned to having amazing rock-your-world sober fun around the time the first 20lbs came off.

Now the roles are reversed. I'm in awesome shape and he's "skinny-fat"; nice solid legs, underdeveloped arms/back and a massive beer gut. I've always loved him, am still attracted to him, but I do get a little disappointed with the performance-aspect of adult fun time and there was one occasion where I was a bit disgusted when I felt a big drop of sweat plop on me over what I figured was a disproportionately mild amount of exertion.

lucysposaro

After all this im still stoping and starting my diet and exersice habit and my parnter gets a litle upset when i dont wanna exersice or put effort into dieting and if i ask for a soft drink or take away he cracks it and says do u wanna be fat and gets angry i wanna be skinny and everything and i wanna make him happy but i just cant get the modivation for it despite what he says to me u would think it would make me wanna do it but i dunno and it gets me angry when he looks at thinner chicks then me and ima fkat blob sitting next to him and shes a skinny chick that he would go for sory about my *kitten* talkign but gez i dont know how to go about things anymore

KarmaxKitty

After all this im still stoping and starting my diet and exersice habit and my parnter gets a litle upset when i dont wanna exersice or put effort into dieting and if i ask for a soft drink or take away he cracks it and says do u wanna be fat and gets angry i wanna be skinny and everything and i wanna make him happy but i just cant get the modivation for it despite what he says to me u would think it would make me wanna do it but i dunno and it gets me angry when he looks at thinner chicks then me and ima fkat blob sitting next to him and shes a skinny chick that he would go for sory about my *kitten* talkign but gez i dont know how to go about things anymore

I'm not going to say drop him. I'm not. I'm really trying hard not to. But if he's going to belittle you, disrespect you, and call you names...that isn't the image of a guy that gives you unconditional love. Weightloss shouldn't be to make him happy, or to keep him from looking at skinnier girls. A guy that loves you will love you no matter what, through thick and thin. I'm not going to say drop him, but...motivation, the kind that sticks, comes from within. Only you can push yourself. It shouldn't be all about him.