Please Help Me Help My Teen Step-Daughter!

stefraab

I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say how glad I am that she has someone with a healthy view of food in her life. It's too bad her mom doesn't share the same perspective.

Brandie6004

Thank you all SO MUCH for the tips and advice!

I'd like to address a few things...

About bio-dad paying for "extra" items (bikes, sports-sign-ups, and the such); we are happy to pay for "extras" when we are able to do so. We understand that having kids means they cost more than X amount and most importantly, although sd doesn't live *with* us she is still part of our family and do not mind paying for "extras" as we would with our children. The problem, sadly, is with her bio-mom; she is unwilling to do anything more than she has to if she doesn't want to or if it means going out of her way. (ex: sd could really use some tutoring in math; bio-dad tried to talk to bio-mom and offer to pay for it. ...but bio-mom wouldn't talk to bio-dad and told sd that she's not going to drive all the way there for that [to a "professional tutor"] and she didn't trust a high schooler to tutor sd [but then got a hs-er to tutor her other child] that is sadly one example of many.) ...I don't know... It seems, that for some reason, bio-mom is perfectly happy with bio-dad not doing anything more than paying child support and her portion of sd's med-bills.

About sd's relationship w bio-dad: When visiting us she tends to come to talk to me about things and I think it's becasue I'm not "daaaad" or a "boy" but there is no question when you see them together that they love each other very much. She's a little bit of a daddy's girl and like every little girl w a loving daddy, she has him wrapped around her little finger (but not too tightly!)

About sd living w bio-dad and I: We would **LOVE** it! ...but she doesn't want to. A year and a half ago we found out about our move to tx (husband's job relocated) and at the same time she said she wanted to move in with us. We knew what a big change it would be for her to change parents (life is VERY different between life at her bio-mom's and bio-dad's) and then to add moving to a new state on top of that. We told her the pros and cons of both and we were as nurtral as we could be. For months and months she said that she wanted to move w bio-dad and I but then suddenly one weekend end she said she didn't know what she wanted and it staied that way until just weeks before we moved. With how she (sd) has behaved and said for YEARS AND YEARS (and even today) about life at her bio-moms we were shocked that she decided to stay. She has NEVER (even at a yr later) given a reason for staying at ther bio-moms. I think there is a major puzzle peice missing and sd has it and is unwilling to share it... even with all of that she knows that she doesn't even have to ask if she wanted to move in with us. (I do not think extended family is her reason for staying in co. she NEVER sees anybody on bio-dad's side now and hardly ever sees anybody on her bio-mom's. The only "family" is her step-dad's family and she's not really fond of them and can't stand going to her step-grandmother's place...) anyways...

Again, thank you all SO MUCH for the tips and advice and if anybody happens to think of anything else the please let me know!

tallandfat

you are a great woman... i wish my "mother" were like u..

christine24t

I agree with the above poster, you sound like a great woman!! I'm glad you want to help your stepdaughter! I would definitely help her set up a MFP account if she seems interested in watching her weight...I don't know if at her age she needs to be on the message boards but I would encourage her use of the food diary!
If she will do exercise DVDs, buy her a couple and do them with her at your house so when she goes back home she knows how to do them. Also, maybe buy her the "Eat This Not That" books or rent them from the library...they do have what to eat at Chili's in there! It's so helpful and surprising!
Also, about the boots - not sure about what kind of boots she's looking for, but stores like Macy's offer a lot of more different boot choices in wide calf...no matter how much I lose weight, my calves are still muscular and normal boots don't fit. I'm planning on buying a pair of leather boots in the fall and am planning on buying wide calf.
Lastly, I agree with the poster about telling her it's not about being skinny, it's about being healthy (and if she gets healthier, she may get skinnier!) Maybe you could mail her food "care packages" once a month with fresh hand fruits, healthy cereals, etc?
Good luck! Please let us here at MFP know what happens!

ascoope

Good luck, you're not her Mom and are very unlikely to have an impact.

Hows her relationship with her dad though? He will have more influence and if he's willing to help the biggest benefit will come from him encouraging her.

Wow what an attitude.
Anyone can be a positive influence in her life and it sounds like she needs someone who can help her make some healthier choices, both for her self image and her body.

blahlemon

Just because the truth is a nasty piece of business doesn't make it any less true. The father is more likely (statistically speaking) to have/exert influence especially since she is not the bio-mom.