Talking to my 5 year old

StrengthIDidntKnow

I am not sure this is the right board but I guess support/advice is what I am looking for.

I was eating breakfast with my daughter the other morning and she asks me "What foods do you eat to make your belly bigger?" I said there are lots of things but why are you asking. She tells me that her belly is too big and she wants to know what she can eat to make it smaller. I tried to explain that her belly is not too big and she didn't have anything to worry about but I am not sure if the message sank in.

I try very hard not to talk about me losing weight in front of her. I just can't believe it is starting all ready, she is so young.

TheMaidOfAstolat

It's the simple...monkey see, monkey do. Don't talk about weight loss...talk about being healthy with her. Teach her about healthy things to eat and that excersize is important...and that by being healthy...it means less shots/meds at the doctors, lol.

My daughter is 7 and we always talk about health and fitness. I don't mention weight EVER. Also, remember when watching something on tv or being in public...not to comment on your own weight or the weight of others. Don't get down on yourself around her either, she'll pick up on it.

There are some shows on Sprout and Disney channel geared toward nutrition and fitness. Maybe y'all should watch a bit together and talk about it afterwards. Starting to talk about it now may just save her from self esteem issues later on.

AHealthierRhonda

It really is amazing how young it starts now. My daughter is 12 and we have been having these types of conversations for years! We always tell ehr as long as you stay active, make healthy food choices, and drink water, don't worry about your size. We've had to explain that everyone's body is different and that no 2 people look exactly alike. When she says her legs are fat, I make her look at the muscle definition she has. Also we ahve told ehr that sometimes before a growth spurt your body holds onto food for longer to prepare to go through this spurt. It needs more energy to keep up with everyday life and grow at the same time!! (no idea if it is true but hey, sounds good! LOL)
My daughter knows I am watching what I eat and exercising to lose a few lbs. I tell her I am not exercising and dieting to get skinnier. I am changing my life style to be a healthier, happier, livelier mom for her and wife to her dad. I jsut want to be the best person I can be.
Hope this helps a little bit!!!!

jgundo

I have a five yr old son......

See what is going on is she sees you watching what you eat and talking about weight loss.... just sit and talk to her ... reasure her she is fine... now my son reminds me dad how many cals are in that....dad should you eat that ..lol...

She will get that way with you ....has she tried to exercise with you yet ..... if she does just make it fun for her...Not Work.

Everything will be fine.

GooBeGone

little ones really do notice things especially little girls. the thing is that children don't learn it just from home but from other factors as well. such as they're friends, teachers, and tv.

u child may go 2 school or daycare & the teachers talk abt losin weight. they see somethin on tv in passin abt ppl wantin 2 lose weight from the commercials that r shown. they're friends may talk abt it b/c they're parents may mention it....

:flowerforyou:

Nich0le

I had this worry too when my kids were little, I just made a point of telling them that they did not need to worry about their weight and explained that because they are growing they need to eat all kinds of foods but because mommy is all grown up she has to watch what she eats. I also kept crap out of the house, no one needs it, and it encourages kids to over eat, so if you stock up on fruits and veggies that they can snack on then everyone is happy and as they get older you just have to encourage good eating habits and answer any questions they have.

Other things I did was to have them help cook, we also had a "new food night" once a week where we tried a food that they had never had to increase their palate for good whole foods. Now that my daughter is almost 17 and fully grown I let her know that she needs to work out, that she needs to find 30 minutes a day to run or get to the gym and that if she can form those good habits now then she will have an easier time maintaining her weight as she gets older.

I believe that you have to be honest with kids, answer questions and help modify behaviors and encourage a healthy active life without using their own body as an example, I use mine or their dad (who has a great metabolism etc), or family members that are unhealthy as examples of why we encourage them to be healthy. It's not always easy but honest answers are the best way to go.

jwaitman

Having two overweight children myself I don't think it is ever too early to start talking about nutrition and exercise. I would simply tell her while she is too young to worry about whether her belly is too big or not talk to her about eating the right foods and treats in moderation. If she starts enjoying healthy foods at a young age maybe she won't struggle as an adult and it will be easier for her.

Bad habits are harder to break as they get older and especially once they are old enough to start cooking for themselves. You have less control over what they eat then.

Good luck!

hummzz

I think this would be the perfect time to instill healthy eating habits for her. I agree with all these posts about watching what we say about our weight in front of the wee ones but show them a healthier way. Have her eat what you eat and exercise with you and she will adapt these same habits into her teen and adult life hopefully. I know you said that you don't talk about losing weight in front of her, but girl lemme tell you...these kids are hiding behind corners when we're on the phone or talking with friends. We may not realize it, but they hear ALL except for "Clean up room." LOL They don't hear that. LOL... But you know what I mean. You two will be fine. Just keep the conversation open and explain to her the difference between being heavy, how people get that way and being healthy and changing habits.

bstamps12

I have the opposite problem with my THREE year old already. She is really skinny for her age & she notices when people say "well isn't she just the cutest little thing" or "she's so tiny, how cute!" and picks up on the "little" and "tiny." She isn't that short for her age but she only weighs 27 lbs. Doctors say she is still at a healthy weight but she does not want to be little; she just does not like sweets, candy, etc (wish I was like that!!!). She gets very upset when people call her "little" or "skinny minnie" or something. She asks me what she can eat to get big and strong and I try to tell her that she is perfect at her size and she is the most beautiful girl in the world, but she still gets upset if someone points out her weight.

I can't believe it either...how do they notice these things so young? I think parents just have to keep emphasizing healthy foods and not let our kids see us "dieting," only let them see us eating healthy foods, and lots of them! I think pointing out all the other little girls who are her size and making comments that they all look so cute, and their bellies aren't big, and they are the same size as her might help? And just teaching her to feel when her belly is full; even some kids meals these days are so huge and she can learn about eating in moderation. That last lesson really depends on your child though; she may or may not be able to understand eating restaurant meals in moderation (healthy version) vs. thinking that eating very little food leads to being skinny (unhealthy version). Emphasize health above all and hopefully she will just be a very healthy little girl!

Helice

Im 18 now...
but from the age of 5 i was very conscious of how big my belly was...
luckily for me at that age it was tiny and went in... but i was teased alot for being annerexic (when i wasnt).
but i was happy when i saw other 5 years olds with baby fat.. because it made me feel skinnier..

but because of all the remarks i started forcing myself to eat more even when i wasnt hungry...
which is one of the biggest problmes i have now.. and the reason y i am so over weight..

but at 13 i decided to properlly start dieting and i have been ever since...

i know that 13 isnt that young to diet...
but at 5 if i hadnt of been like a stick i would of watched what i eat....
but its not u, so dont blaime yourself...
i was never around people dieting....
were just growing up faster now... i mean i started my TOM when i was 9...
you just have to make sure it doesnt get out of control...
but dont think she is being silly or a child and it will pass..
because it wont, she is a human no matter her age, and has human feelings, like being bigger than her friends and the people on tv, etc..

Just show her what to do to prevent her from getting over weight and they she wont worry as much.

quietlywinning

I would keep it really low key on the idea of appearance, and focus on health and on being a great person. Compliment good food choices and model good food choices and exercise, but more importantly, compliment other good behaviors such as kindness and generosity. When you speak about others, point out great character traits and talk about your choices in how you respond to people. That shows her that who we are is MUCH more than our physiques. Keeping our bodies healthy is very important. Keeping our relationships healthy is just as important. Nutrition and exercise are great things to talk about and work on together. Worrying about body shape is something a five year old just doesn't need.

Don't even think about blaming yourself - they pick up on everything!!!! Kids are incredibly perceptive and they are listening in their sleep and while they are running 90 mph and screaming like banshees, themselves! I don't know how they do it!!

TinaDay1114

I have a 7-yr-old son who talks the same way -- and it IS frightening. I do realize that I sometimes make comments about myself that he hears and picks up. But I've also noticed how many commercials on TV talk about how "I used to look like THIS, and now I look like THIS," and he sees them ALL the time. Weight Watchers, exercise videos, workout equipment, Biggest Loser, and on it goes.

It also doesn't help that my parents (who were always hyper-critical of how I looked) tell him he's getting "pot belly" one minute, and then tell him he needs to eat more because he's "too skinny."

Don't you just want to lock them in a bubble sometimes?? The world is a crazy place. I think you just have to be honest w/her -- talk about eating healthy 'cause your body needs fuel, but also treats are fun sometimes if your body already has what it needs; talk about moving her body 'cause it feels good and it lets your body do even more cool stuff; talk to her about how no one looks like the supermodels in magazines or on TV, and how a healthy body is a good one, however it looks. It's hard...but you've already won 1/2 the battle by just being sensitive and aware enough to notice.

lildevil968

I have a 7 year old daughter who asked the same thing a few weeks ago. I told her that god gives people bodies in all shapes and sizes, and hers is special because it is hers. After that I started to incorporate her in some of my exercise routines that she would find fun like Dancing, and some running. She showed interest in the kinds of stuff I was eating because it is healthy for you, and she loves it now. She likes the thought of the stuff she is putting into her body is helping her be healthy, and keeping her away from the Dr's office.

SLaw4215

I have a 12 year old daughter that needs to lose about 60 pounds this year -- she has lost 20 pounds since January. Unlike your 5 year old, there is a clear need for my daughter (and me) to lose weight. Because of my daughter's age, I have been really involved in helping her and we talk about everything because I remember some of the really unhealthy things I tried to do to lose weight when I was just a little bit older than she is now. I realized early on that my daughter's tollerance to listening to me talk about health is a short fuse LOL She is only 12 after all. So instead of always telling her what she can not have, I try to concentrate on what we can do together. I involve her in the preparation of meals (cutting, measuring, adding herbs, etc), when we go grocery shopping I let her push her own cart and she choose items that suit her tastes -- negotiating as we go, she will pick things she likes (so I'm not trying to force her to eat) while at the same time I am showing her that I respect we don't always have to eat exactly the same meals to eat healthy. We talk opening about planned exercising. We are making a small vegetable garden that we both have to work at. So I guess my message to you is maybe you can get your daughter involved without actually concerning her with discussions about body image -- concentrate on health and where things come from (the garden, from animals, etc) 5 years old is a great age to learn about the food pyramin and to let her make choices about how to get the right numbers of fruits and veggies and what a serving size looks like.

StrengthIDidntKnow

Thanks everyone, there is lots of great advice in here.

Nich0le - I LOVE the "new food night" idea. I may have to incorporate that in to my meal planning.

hummzz - That is so true, you don't realize how much they pick up when you think they aren't listening.

TinaDay - Yes, sometimes I really do want to wrap her up in a bubble.

MamaNae

I have a 6 year old and a 3.5 year old (and a 1 year old)

I do discuss my weight loss but more in the realm of 'healthy eating' my kids know what foods are 'good for our bodies' (lean meats, fruit, veggies, whole grains, etc) and what foods are 'not healthy' (fried food, candy, processed food, etc) and they know we strive to eat healthy food.

I phrase it for them that it's not for weight loss for THEM. For them it helps them run faster, grow bigger, etc.

But my kids are both very very thin (my son is 43lbs and 45in tall, my daughter is 32lbs and 41in tall)