A 11 year old called me fat.

elle18287

For the past few months about 20 people have told me they can tell I have lost weight and that I look great. My mother in law took it as far as asking me if I was eating enough because I look so much smaller than the last time she saw me. And my mother who is super critical of my weight called me a skinny mini last weekend. So why did the 11 year old I babysit tell me I was fat today? Is it because his whole family is tiny and I have a bigger frame (I am literally a foot taller than his mother). Is it that he sees stick thin 11 year olds everyday and not 23 year olds with boobs and butts? For the first time in a long time I was feeling good about myself. I thought I was starting to look good. Now I am upstairs hiding from a child and crying. Make me feel better friends. ;(

esrun

Ouch! I can say I understand that, have your cry, wipe your tears, get up and remember eleven very short and uneducated years made that assessment, not you hypercritical mother in-law. Don't let this knock you down. Maybe take the time to educate the 11 year old on hurtful and rude remarks. Shake it off and move forward towards feeling great!

Koalaboo

Kids are just rude, really. It's rough when they say mean things, but keep in mind the fact that you're doing all of this hard work and other people ARE noticing your results. Try and keep your chin up!

Bakins929

Phone books don't leave marks! Just kidding... Don't let it bother you. It's just a kid.

heathermrls

aww. dont listen to that kid. kids are mean. you know you are doing good on your journey. kids think that skinny is the norm and anything differant is just plain fat. you are losing and that is all that matters. dont let this kid bring you down.

Elizabeth_C34

Don't worry about it. Next time tell him you're just squishy and laugh it off. Kids don't know any better.

You're doing great getting healthy and dropping poundage so just keep your chin up and keep rollin'!

LaurieEReid

Cheer up, sweetie. It's got nothing to do with you. :flowerforyou:

Kids judge everything by their own family who are 'right'. So compared to his tiny family, you are large and his only word for it is 'fat'.

I remember once babysitting for a kid whose mother was very flat chested. I was wearing one of those old Levi shirts that looked western. He asked me what I had in my pockets and then poked me in the boob.

Listen to the people who know you and hold fast.

sara7elaine7

My boyfriend's nephew drew a picture of me one day and let me just say that it was not a flattering drawing. kids will just give you their opinion. he is a child and meant nothing offensive at the most use his comment as a motivation to keep losing. go downstairs and have a great day. you are beautiful and even more amazing because you are TRYING to lose weight. keep up the good work and keep smiling. : )

RhonndaJ

An eleven year old should know better than to speak to someone that way.

I wouldn't let his words upset you, you know the work you've done and that's what counts the most.

Had it been me, the response would have been 'And you happen to be rude.' And promptly give him an explanation as to why he shouldn't make such comments to people.

MellowGa

11 yr old boys are just butt heads...I have a 11 year old son, he can't say anything nice to anyone, yes I am called fat as well. he calls his sister who is 13 fat, and she is skinny thing.

I would not take it to heart, next time just reply to him, " I rather be fat then stupid, and you ain't fat!" ....see what he says.,..or reacts.

Sometimes you have to give it back to them, especially boys.

lizzybethclaire

Kids are horribly mean. I would say hide one of his favorite things and laugh while he looks for it.

FifiLea

Kids just say what pops into their heads - often without intending to be rude. Maybe this will help put it into perspective (and give you a bit of a giggle). A good friend of mine is 6ft 2 and v thin. She is a primary school teacher.

On her first day in a new class one of the children walked up to her, looked her up and down and said, "Miss, you're as big as a house." Well, my friend was speechless and as she's quite consicous of her height, she was quite upset. But by the end of the day, she was starting to see the funny side as she is clearly nowhere near the size of a house!

Now I know it's not quite the same thing, but you know you're doing a great job so please don't let one child's thoughtless comment upset you.

helenium

I agree with esrun - educate the boy. He shouldn't grow up to think that's OK!

frida001

As a middle school teacher, let me assure you that 11 year olds not only don't have social filters, but they really have a warped sense of reality. Please keep in mind that If he has limited vocabulary, he wouldn't be able to express that you're well endowed or curvy other than by saying that you're fat. It's a good lesson in connotation in our vocabulary.

Unknown

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Comfortableme

As others have mentioned, kids tend to be very mean with their comments especially if the know it is a way to get your goat. You are doing an awesome job. Keep up the good work and consider the source regarding the rude, mean comment. They tend to know how to make us focus on something besides them. Have a great week!!!!

kristiek7

Gotta change your focus - think of the 20 positives as opposed to focusing on the one negative. Kids blur things out, have zero idea of the power of their words and also do not have quite the vocabulary adults have so probably chose words he thought were accurate in describing size. My friends son (8) saw us walking together and said that his mom looked so tiny compared to me...lol.....I could think that I'm massive, but I also realized that I'm foot taller than her. Whatever. I ran 5K this morning - that's what I'm in love with! Not the comments.

clala82

Kids just don't really have a filter. Not to make excuses, but the kid will have to learn that healthy bodies come in all shapes and sizes and it's not just the number on the scale that dictates if someone is fat or not fat, healthy or not. Keep your chin up! Don't let the 11 year old get to you.

A month ago we had a large family function and my nephew, who is 9, kept asking me "how much do you weigh?" That is a touchy subject for me as I've struggled with my weight my whole life (up, down, and all around). At first I just politely told him I wasn't going to tell him, but throughout the night he kept asking and asking. Finally I just had to tell him, "look, it is rude to continually ask a person a personal question like that." And he stopped. I think he just didn't realize that not everyone would want to answer him (he had been asking other family members the same question).

Anyway, at one point or another we all face the rudeness of a statement from a child who might not realize how much their words sting. Have yourself a cry and then let it go. Clearly everyone else thinks you're looking pretty darn good! So take all those positive compliments to heart instead. :happy:

thegirl68

First, I'm so sorry you were hurt by this. I'm the mom of a 10 1/2 year old and I know they have no filter often and say so many things without thinking. But I would want to know this if my son said something like this to someone or if it was a trusted babysitter I'd want them to talk to him about this. About his choice of words, how words can hurt, and that reminder of "how would you feel?". Stopping or trying to stop this behavior or attitude would be a great next step.

otr12

If you are crying then that kid is thinking "Me 1; Babysitter 0". You can expect to hear it again next time you even slighly inconvenience the child.

Momcharisma88

ever seen the show, kids say the darndest things? Thats all it is. Honestly at that age a kid probably doesnt even completely comprehend "fat". It could be something his parents says to others. Maybe its something his friends do. My sister was about ten when we were at a store grocery shopping and standing in line waiting to check out and behind us was a very large woman. typically my sister was usually really polite but for some reason she looked back at her and told her "she looks like a hot air balloon". Kids dont understand what is ok and what isnt ok to say and they certainly arent going to truly grasp feelings all that well or the fat that you HAVE lost weight. Heres the thing though. YOU know what effort your giving, YOU see the results, YOU hear the complements. Even if it hadn't been a kid it could've been an adult. it would still hurt the same but it wouldnt make it TRUE. just remember that its just a kid. a boy kid at that .

fteale

Because children are cruel with their honesty/naivety. I went to try on some clothes today and found I am a UK size 8 - US 4, and yet my children tell me I am fat pretty much every week. They don't mean it hurtfully, but compared to a 5 year old girl, of course I am fat! It isn't hurtful, and there's really nothing to cry about.

fteale

An eleven year old should know better than to speak to someone that way.

I wouldn't let his words upset you, you know the work you've done and that's what counts the most.

Had it been me, the response would have been 'And you happen to be rude.' And promptly give him an explanation as to why he shouldn't make such comments to people.

I completely don't agree. 11 year olds are still small children, they don't understand adult nuances or what things hurt us.

ivy2009

Who cares what an 11 year thinks. Honestly, who cares. It was rude of him, but he is only 11 years old, so just forgive him. Forgive him and find peace. You are a beautiful person so be beautiful by being peace-filled.

maggie4097

I agree that this could be a teaching opportunity for you. The word "fat" is hurtful. I'm sure you are someone he cares about, so you can really let him know that your feelings were hurt. Not in a guilt trip way, but get the point across. Words hurt, and cannot be taken away. At the same time--he is a kid, so brush it off, and carry on!

shellshell43

I have to say- from the viewpoint of a skinny 11 year old boy anyone who has a normal amount of flesh on their bones looks FAT to them. I have done childcare in my home for 20 years and I can tell you when the kids are naturally very skinny they think everyone is made that way so if you are not looking like them, then their is something different about you not them. I have also seen it reversed and the skinny kids get teased by the more muscular kids. He should know not to be so rude though even if his naturally self centered brain thought it, he should never have said it because rude is rude .

But don't let it get you down. I have been asked why my teeth are yellowish, why do I have wrinkles, freckles, etc...And these things ARE true but I don't take offense, they are just learning about the world around them, I use each of these moments to teach them either -not to be mean and to watch their manners , but also if they are pointing out a truth (my teeth ARE more yellow than theirs, I DO have more wrinkles then them, I DO have more squishy parts than them etc) , I teach them that everyone is different and there is no right way or wrong way to look and that's what makes the world such an interesting and wonderful place.

justsummie

One time I was with my 3 year old niece at the zoo and we had to duck and squeeze into a little cave so we could see the under-water otter exhibit. She looks back at me and says "I don't know if you're gonna fit, big-fat-summie". It was both funny and hurtful at the same time especially since 3 year olds don't have ulterior motives...they are just brutally (and painfully) honest.

11 is a tricky age because it all depends on the maturity of the kid. They fall somewhere between "too young to know better" and "young enough to get away with being a jerk". Chances are he was just trying to be mean.

ChantalGG

Ah! You should of sat on him. He either doesnt think of you as an adult or has no respect for adults. You should talk to him and explain to him how it hurts and that eveyrone is different and unique and pointing out things in such a way will not only hurt others but get him hurt. So he needs to keep it to himself.

TourThePast

Would you value the opinion of an 11 year old boy on anything other subjects? How to vote perhaps, or which car to buy?

Of course you wouldn't.

He's just a kid. *shrug*

The problem is not with this kid, it's with how you view yourself. Yes you're overweight right now, so kids will describe you as "fat" (not because they're being deliberately mean but because they say things the way they see them) but rather than feeling sorry for yourself and making excuses, you're doing something about it.

You should be proud of yourself.

runlorirun

Yikes! By 11 yrs old the child should have been taught that something are just cruel and rude to say. I would talk to the child let him/her know what he/she said hurt your feeling and it was not nice to say that.

As someone who takes care of kids, I have noticed some parents don't know what to do when their child behaves this way. I do not let my own kids speak to people rude and I do not tolerate it from my daycare kids either.

My sons are 10 yrs old and 8 yrs old, they have been taught that words can and do hurt, there is no age that is too early to teach this.

Jenscan

Sorry, but when I was 11, I knew better than to say something like this to an elder. Sorry he was rude - you shouldn't believe a word he says.