Dating and maintaining a healthy lifestyle

corsayre8

So this isn't so much about eating out on dates, which is also difficult, but more about compatibility.

My ex and I broke up last fall, although as lives tend to get intertwined, things were not over over until New Years. It was shortly after that I realized it was seriously time to do something about my weight and lifestyle. So I have worked on changing my eating habits, increased my activity level, and have dropped nearly sixty pounds.

Having reached the point where I felt good about myself physically and emotionally, I have started dating. But am running into issues finding potential partner who I can see fitting into my new way of life.

I still enjoy food, and definately drink, so I am by no means a health nut. But I am still driven, and very much desire to stay on my current path.

What I am finding is most of the men are very sweet and think they are being supportive by saying things like, "but you look great, you don't need to watch what you eat" or "but I have always been attracted to you, you were beautiful before". It is what a girl is supposed to want to hear, but it just makes me want to run screaming. I don't want to be that person again, and I don't want to be with someone who isn't going to encourage me to stay on track.

So I guess I am looking for here is other people experiences with this. Did you just rely on yourself, (ultimately what we have to do anyhow), or did you wait it out to find someone you meshed with better?

kimmerroze

Sometiems a simple talk with them will suffice... there are millions of people who's spouses don't work out and eat right along with them but they support them none the less.

That is what you need to decided between. do you want someone who is fitness and health proned who will work along with you or do you not care and just want them to support you and motivate you regardless of your goals.

Men are TERRIFIED of saying the wrong thing, so give them the credit when they tell you you were beautiful before, they don't want to come anywhere near sounding like a jerk *kitten* pig headed douche.

so they will tell you what you want to hear. So by talking with them telling them that their support and motivation is what you want. and I think you will find a lot of your problems solved.

TXmama

That's a really interesting question! I think it can also be applied to those already in committed relationships, too, though -- that is, is the person you with supportive, or are you on your own? In my case, my husband is supportive in the sense that he'll eat what I make, and is perfectly happy to follow my plans, and to help with the kids on the weekends so I can get in my exercise. BUT... he is not in the same place as me, so if I get slightly derailed (i.e., I'm starving so instead of cooking what's on the night's menu plan, I suggest we order from Domino's), he's like "yeah!" So, in the end, I'm afraid it comes down to us... we have to rely on ourselves, hope to find someone supportive, but know that we'll need to be the leaders if we want to stick to our current path.

That being said, if you meet someone you think would absolutely sabotage your efforts, then RUN. But if you meet someone with whom you are compatible with, you enjoy his company, and he'll be happy to support your efforts and follow along, but won't necessarily lead them and might be easily derailed... he still might be worth holding onto, if he's a great guy in every other way. As you rightfully point out, in the end we have to rely on ourselves (and our wonderful MFP friends, I might add!) anyway.

ndriedger

I'm pretty much in the same boat. They don't seem to realize to importance of the healthy life style and how hard it is to achive and continue with. Most importantly how much being on the healthy lifestyle changes my personality and how I handle life. I just feel better and that goes hand in hand with my moods. Juggling work, a child, and making sure exercise gets into my routine doesn't leave much room for a guy. I think it will be hard to date if the fellow doesn't have similar perspective to life...

angryguy77

Although they could be telling the truth(some women look good if the weight is carried well) they probably would rather have you looking fit. You look great so I wouldn't worry about what they may or may not think.

corsayre8

Kimmerroze,

You are right, and that is what it usually does come down to, realizing what it is you truly want. But it is so hard not to get caught up in the whole doubt process of "is that person out there?"

So I know what I want, and I am going to tell MFP and the universe - I want someone moderate like myself. Diven and willing to drive. Fitness minded, but not fanatical. Willing to let it all go on occassion and simply indulge. But never use that indulgence as an excuse not to get up the next morning and get back on track.

Ok, stated, now where is he?

corsayre8

Angeryguy,

I would be less inclined to think he was lying if he wasn't significanly overweight himself.

Funny thing, even when I was heavier, the men in my life were not.

sezp

Hey chick, I'm in the same boat. I recently split up with my boyfriend and although a big part of that was because I just knew he just wasn't right for me, a big part was that I'm just not very good at being part of an 'us', but a bigger part was because I need to focus on me right now. I actually met him when I first started losing weight back in January and although he was very supportive (having in the past lost 25lbs himself), he was also of the same mindset that 'you're beautiful the way you are'. My reaction was the same as yours: ewwwwwwww. I drove myself insane thinking that he's everything I SHOULD want, and says all the things that girls are supposed to like, but I just didn't. A large part of it was that he had quite a negative outlook on life and having just recently realised that I can be positive and view everything glass-half-full, I just didn't want to be around that. If I had to choose just one thing, I would want my guy to be positive, happy and healthy. A lot like I aspire to be (and am well on the way to becoming) right now.

Anyway, I'm off dating right now, but give it another 20lbs and I think I'll start again. I just can't afford the time that dating takes out of my exercise regime at the moment. And I feel happy with that. Keep me posted with your progress anyway as I'll be looking for dating tips a couple of months from now!