Fears with the changes

KickassYas

So I was thinking today, I'm a big girl and with being as big as I am I understand the feeling of being judged strictly on my weight or looks or HAIR (thank you pcos for that lil gem) and so on. Maybe that is why I don't judge others for that reason. This is also why my level of attraction isn't phyisical first but mental then physical.

In Layman's terms My first sense of attraction is personality traits versus someone's body and face.

But do you know what i'm scared of? with this weight loss i'm afraid i'll lose that. I'm afraid with the weight loss will come a level of vanity that kind of disgusts me more than my own fat. I'm afraid i'll become like those judgemental people who pick at other's physical appearance for attraction. I hear it every day at my job on the phones with some of the most beautiful and yet vain and selfish people out there. i'm so afraid that when i finally lose weight i'll lose myself. I'll lose that sense of humble strength knowing that my body isn't what makes me me. my soul is. my intelligence. my personality.

I'm sure the judgement won't stop towards me but i'm scared that i'll become one who judges others on that sad sickening level.

does that make sense?

am I alone on that?

DeniseGdz

So I was thinking today, I'm a big girl and with being as big as I am I understand the feeling of being judged strictly on my weight or looks or HAIR (thank you pcos for that lil gem) and so on. Maybe that is why I don't judge others for that reason. This is also why my level of attraction isn't phyisical first but mental then physical.

In Layman's terms My first sense of attraction is personality traits versus someone's body and face.

But do you know what i'm scared of? with this weight loss i'm afraid i'll lose that. I'm afraid with the weight loss will come a level of vanity that kind of disgusts me more than my own fat. I'm afraid i'll become like those judgemental people who pick at other's physical appearance for attraction. I hear it every day at my job on the phones with some of the most beautiful and yet vain and selfish people out there. i'm so afraid that when i finally lose weight i'll lose myself. I'll lose that sense of humble strength knowing that my body isn't what makes me me. my soul is. my intelligence. my personality.

I'm sure the judgement won't stop towards me but i'm scared that i'll become one who judges others on that sad sickening level.

does that make sense?

am I alone on that?

Nope your not alone. BUT, I can tell you that it's that fear that will keep you in check

LifesPilgrim

I think your fear of that happening will be the very thing that will prevent it! Good luck and stay true to your heart, it will not lead you wrong.

jackiebo

Seems to me, from your post, that you are a little more mature in being non-judgemental of anyone that isn't some others' level of perfection. I don't think you'll lose that.

Elizabeth_C34

I think you have a wonderful outlook as far as not passing judgement on others but also lack confidence. Being sexy is first and foremost about (non cocky) confidence. Don't be afraid to be happy about the way you look. You've earned it! Just keep it at a realistic and respectful level.

bassetsrule

I agree with everyone. I think you will be fine!!!

bassetsrule

I agree with everyone. I think you will be fine!!!

anna_lisa

I wanted to add a little note. I don't think you will lose that at all.

I thought maybe i would add a little note about m y own experience. I am here at MFP to lose weight I gained from baby two and then going back to school. This is my second time trying to lose weight. In the last 8 years there was a point I lost 125 lbs. ( highest weight 60lbs more than i weigh now).

After I had lost all my weight and felt really good about me. I did get more attention from men, and when I would get complimented on how I looked, I took it with a grain of salt becasue I remeber thinking. you have no idea who I am or where I been or what I had been through.. I would also always think, would you be paying me the same attention before I lost a lb.

So it put things in perspective for me another way. I had to be careful to not be too cynical but it kept my eyes open.
Because I knew that no matter what, I was still the same person inside.

AngelsKisses75

You are an awesome chick!! That starts from the inside and shines through to the outside. You can change your outside all you want, but that will never change your insides! Wintin and without you are always going to be you no matter what! I love that about you!!

beatlemom

Those are rational thoughts, but since you are having those thoughts, I believe you will be strong enough to stay true to yourself. I don't know you really, but you don't seem wishy washy in who you are to me, based on your posts and blogs. You will be fine! I go for personality first too!

jb_2011

Interesting topic. Once, a long time ago, a good friend told me she thought if I was to lose weight that I'd turn into a mean, egotistical b*tch. Well didn't that just bite! It's funny, I was just thinking about that whole episode today, and then I see your post.

So what do we become on the inside when we change the outside? Do we stay the same or become vain and egotistical? It's all a matter of opinion, I'm sure, but I'm not planning to lose my good self while losing the fat body that's been causing me problems over the last couple of years.. Matter of fact I've noticed I've been a little bit cheerier and maybe easier to be around since losing 30 lbs, I don't seem to have the negative edge that's always been there lurking in the background for as long as I can remember.

I don't see myself ever becoming vain. No matter how much weight I've lost I still look in the mirror and say FAT. Not sure that will ever go away since it's been 56 years of the same old story. I was fat when I was young, same in my teens, 20s, 30s, 40s, and now in my mid-50s I'm finally facing reality that I've got to make a change. And it's not for "looks", it's for health. Took me long enough to figure that out......geez.

I'm changing physically for the better since I have no choice. I'm not going to change my personality since I do have a choice. I like who I am and plan on keeping myself around for quite awhile.

emfoley2

When you lose the weight, you will not lose the memory of what it's like to feel judged for not being thin, and you will not lose the memory of friendships formed on the basis of character, not looks. As long as you don't try to deny that part of yourself, you will continue to be compassionate and accepting of other for who they are. Wanting to be healthy doesn't make you vain.

KickassYas

yeah i definitely understand what you all are saying. i can only hope that i am strong enough to be confident and humble in the same body.

jb_2011

Of course you are. Gentle changes will happen as time goes by, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.