I forgot about the kids!!

chelekaz

To be honest, I do not think that she should be 'punished' for not eating what you give. At that age eating certain foods is a stage. My kids pediatrician said that we were to introduce healthy choices but if they wouldn't eat it to give them something that they would eat.

To not feed her what you want her to eat, or have her go hours without eating can be detrimental to their development. Think about how you feel if you go hours without eating... it's not a good feeling. Even if it is toast, crackers, a hot dog, the most important thing is that she eats SOMETHING ...

I know she is young but maybe have her help in the process of preparing her food?

IMO, forcing her to eat your food that you pick out or nothing is cruel. Again, just my opinion.

I completely disagree. If the child gets hungry enough she will eat what she is presented with. In the meantime it will not hurt her and will teach her lessons in A) healthy eating and B)respecting her parents. It is never too early to teach your children that the rules are the rules.
I am not a short order cook, if my kids don't like what is for dinner and they choose not to eat it then their consequence is that they are going to be hungry later.

I do agree with other posters about trying to give her the ability to make choices about what she is eating. Like which flavor of yogurt she wants. Or which fruit and veggie she wants to eat. Any choices that a toddler of that age can make helps them to feel like they have some control of their life.

I agree about giving choices, I am not talking about giving them cookies for meals. However, you cannot expect years of "bad" eating to diminish over night just because you say so. I also said about letting them be part of the process to make it more fun and give them the feeling of choices.

However, it is not about being all or nothing. We discussed this with our pediatrician when our kids were younger and she agreed and actually told us not to withhold food because "they disrespect us" or "won't listen to what we made".

My kids are now 8 and 5 and will pick fruit / healthy snacks over candy/cookies/chips. I just don't agree w/ them being made to go hungry because as a parent you made poor choices in their eating habits.

I respect all of your opinions, it just that I do not see what good is going to come from making kids go hungry because they don't like your food. As parents we create their eating habits, I think it's best to introduce it slowly then just suddenly take away everything that they had been given and like.

fireyes

I have found out recently that when my parents started, well, parenting, my mom was a healthy eater and my dad wasn't. They decided it would be best to give us options and allow us to decide on what to eat. The thinking was that if they forced us to eat healthy, we would push it away even harder, plus I don't think my dad wanted to have to change his lifestyle. As long as we did sports to stay in shape, they didn't really bug us about our eating habits.

Anyway, we of course didn't always make the best choices because we didn't really know what the best choices were, and we slowly stopped exercising as much because of academics. A few years ago I got tired of feeling uncomfortable with my body, and decided to do some research. I basically spent months learning what to eat, learning how to prepare healthy meals and snacks, and phasing myself out of soda and onto water.

It was kind of tough because by that time pretty much everyone else in my family just ate whatever they wanted, and I was really having to fight for healthiness. (ex. I wanted skim milk, but my family had always had whole and our dad had convinced us that skim is disgusting and not even really milk. I had to show them nutrition information and research in order to get them to buy it. Now that is the only milk we buy!)

Now my family is pretty much completely turned around. We are a much healthier family, and I am so glad for that. My only regret is that we waited this long.

People develop their tastes in childhood. Even though I have come a log way, I still have those cravings for my old ways of unhealthiness. So, from a recent child's perspective, I would say enforce the health. Your kids will thank you later in life.

BigBoneSista

Please DO NOT punish this child for not wanting to eat her food. This is a stage that all toddlers go through. We as parents have to stop taking the easy way out thinking punishments is the answer. No we have to start using our learned parenting skills to out think our little mini me's. A child that age only knows what they are being punished for briefly at that age. The rule of thumb...time outs should only be for 3 minutes if they are 3 yrs old. Anything after that is not beneficial for the child.

sophjakesmom

At 3, she is trying to assert her independance. I would maybe offer 2 healthy options and let her choose which one she wants. If she chooses neither, then she should go without. If you give in at that point, she will always try to push it. You can have fruit or cut up veggies or other easy, healthy snacks available if she gets hungry before lunch, but only healthy options. You can allow some flexiblity after she has bought in because eating "treats" is ok in moderation, but wait until she has bought in. Remember that you are setting a great example for her with your own actions and that will stay with her long after the food has been digested.

Hang in there, Mom!! You're doing a great thing for your kiddos!!:flowerforyou:

Tarah40

I've got 4 kids ranging from 9 to 19 years old. 2 of them are picky eaters, 2 will eat anything. Over the years I've learnt that you have to start healthy eating habits as early as possible. My 19 year old is the fussiest eater, when she was small I would give in all the time and now I have no control of the rubbish she eats because although I don't buy her junk she can afford here own.

I've learnt to try not to let it turn into a battle, you'll only get frustrated and probably lose. With you daughter who is 3 you could try letting her help prepare food, she could probably cut up a banana and pour some yoghurt under supervision, I find that if the kids have made the effort to help prepare the food they get excited about trying their creation.

Another trick I use is to cut up vegetables that I know they don't like really small so they don't realise what they are eating. It's amazing what secret veg you can hide in a cottage pie if it's chopped small enough. Then when they tell me they don't like it I drop the bombshell that they've been eating it without knowing for months.

Tarah40

I've got 4 kids ranging from 9 to 19 years old. 2 of them are picky eaters, 2 will eat anything. Over the years I've learnt that you have to start healthy eating habits as early as possible. My 19 year old is the fussiest eater, when she was small I would give in all the time and now I have no control of the rubbish she eats because although I don't buy her junk she can afford here own.

I've learnt to try not to let it turn into a battle, you'll only get frustrated and probably lose. With you daughter who is 3 you could try letting her help prepare food, she could probably cut up a banana and pour some yoghurt under supervision, I find that if the kids have made the effort to help prepare the food they get excited about trying their creation.

Another trick I use is to cut up vegetables that I know they don't like really small so they don't realise what they are eating. It's amazing what secret veg you can hide in a cottage pie if it's chopped small enough. Then when they tell me they don't like it I drop the bombshell that they've been eating it without knowing for months.

chelekaz

Please DO NOT punish this child for not wanting to eat her food. This is a stage that all toddlers go through. We as parents have to stop taking the easy way out thinking punishments is the answer. No we have to start using our learned parenting skills to out think our little mini me's. A child that age only knows what they are being punished for briefly at that age. The rule of thumb...time outs should only be for 3 minutes if they are 3 yrs old. Anything after that is not beneficial for the child.

That is exactly what I am saying. Our pedi said never use food (or lack there of in the case) as a reward nor punishment. My one kid ate nothing but grilled cheese sandwhiches for a week at that age. He's perfectly healthy and lean at 8.

By this logic should we punish ourselves and not eat if we eat something not healthy?

stormieweather

To transition my kids to healthy foods, I offer more nutritious versions of their favorites. For example, nitrite free all beef hotdogs, organic pop tarts with no preservatives or artificial anything, whole grain waffles/pancakes, organic chicken tenders with whole grain breading, Organic Valley cereals (looks like Fruit Loops or Cocoa Puffs). All crackers and cookies are organic and all natural. I make sure their juice has no added sugars and there is plenty of actual fruit, nuts, and cheese to snack on. It works pretty well.

My teenager pretty much refuses to eat anything that even halfway looks like it might be healthy, but I simply won't buy the worst offenders (no HFCS, no MSG, no artificial colorings, flavorings, or preservatives). Other than that, I work with her to get her fed in the healthiest way possible.

Collinsky

One thought is that around the ages of 3 and 4 is when a lot of her relationship with food is formed, and it's also an age of power struggles ... it's an important stage, which is why it's often a really challenging stage as well. I would personally be wary of setting up an adversarial relationship with her around the topic of food; I wouldn't want my kids carrying that into their lives. You're not trying to win a battle and bend her to your will, you're trying to help her learn to make a lifestyle change that is different than the one she started with. That's hard enough for adults who make a conscious decision to do it and who understand why they are doing it -- for a child who is dealing with someone else enforcing changes, with no ability to really understand WHY, it just becomes about control and power. It's the adults responsibility to keep it from being about control and power. I dont' think anyone actually wants food and eating to become something that their child associates with control and power. Which doesn't mean you make her a special meal, or that you give in and give her unhealthy foods, of course! That wouldn't help her either. But forcing a child to eat what's put in front of them is not healthy in the long run; forcing a child to eat something they don't want (or punishing them if they don't) might be a battle won, but looking at the long-run, may not teach what you actually want them to learn.

Another thing besides the development of their autonomy is that kids at that age have, in general, a stronger response to bitter tasted. That's not something they're putting on or being big babies about: they actually can taste bitter better than adults. Because of that, they are more picky and more wary of new foods, and more strongly drawn to sweeter foods. It's part of the normal biology, and not a sign that something is wrong, and it's not rebellion.

I would maybe try to, at least until she's out of this phase of pickiness/balking, offer choices. If there is at least one food she will eat that is healthy, offer that, along with other healthy choices, at each meal. That way even if she won't touch the broccoli, she got some chicken and brown rice (or whatever.) This way she's getting some nutritious food, and being exposed to other foods that she doesn't like yet but may in the future. Offering lots of choices is helpful, as well. Kids in that power/control stage love choices! Have her help plan the menu for the week, have her help decide what to have for breakfast, and maybe make something that has choices built in. Does she want strawberries, or blueberries, or both? Also, they often love being involved with meal preparation, and they feel a lot more open to eating foods they feel an ownership of; if she helps you dip out the yogurt, she might be more likely to want to at least give it a try. (And someone else mentioned this I believe, but it takes about a dozen tastes before a child feels comfortable with an unfamiliar food.) At every meal, I make sure that there is at least one item that each person is sure to enjoy, and we encourage them to try the other foods, even if they can only take one bite. Throwing out some "rules" for meal-specific foods can be helpful too - sometimes offering an orange as part of dinner is okay. It's more important that they get what they need and that they enjoy meals than it is that dinner look like what dinner is supposed to look like. I've also tried to modify favorite recipes to make them more nutritious - I switched to baking with whole wheat flour and less sugar, more added fruits and nuts, for instance. I made the transition gradually - first I used half white flour, half ww... once they were used to that I increased the amount of ww flour. It helps to make big changes in small steps, instead of one big overhaul.

In the case of refusing breakfast, I'd accept the refusal (not as a punishment, but because everyone has the right to say "I dont' want to eat that" and "I'm not hungry right now" ) and then I'd make a mid-morning snack of some kind. We generally have three snacks a day here, so it's never too long from one meal to the next. It keeps the blood sugar level, keeps anyone from getting to hungry, and makes a child skipping a meal not that big a deal.

And don't underestimate the power of the example you're setting by eating healthfully in front of your children. You're doing awesome there! That goes so much farther with them than anything else. If you eat nutritious foods, and enjoy the food and enjoy the health, and let that joy show, then your kids will pick up on that and eventually, it will color their choices as well. If they see you choke your food down because you hate it, if they hear you complain about your diet and how much you wish you were eating Krispy Kremes, then they'll pick up on that. What they're forced to eat or not is secondary to those messages. I try to be really mindful of how I talk about food, and the changes we're making. The other day I was drinking a glass of water and my 3 year old said, "But Mommy, you HATE water!" and I realized that that was the message I had sent him in the past, without meaning to. I told him that now I love water, it's so refreshing and so good for my body, and I feel so good when I drink it. I know there are probably a hundred messages I've sent them all about food, and I'll need to be aware of that if I want to give them the messages I actually would like them to internalize.

My goal with my children is to have them be open to new foods, have a taste for whole, nutritious foods, be able to sometimes enjoy foods that are not nutritious without having that rule their diets, and to be able to eat to a healthy satisfaction - not compulsively eat too much, or compulsively deny themselves food. So each meal, if there were issues, I'd refer to those goals. Each parent has to determine their own long-term goals for their children in each area, including food, and make choices that support those goals. Your goals may not be the same as mine, so YMMV. :-)

Collinsky

*double post* Sorry!

sbwood888

If you are going to give her three things to eat, then put 5 acceptable choices on the counter and let her pick the three that she wants to eat. THat way, she still feels like she is in control.

ShaeDetermined

<no time to read thru all the posts so i apologize in advance if i duplicate>

We spend our whole lives establishing routines for ourselves and our children, and toddlers especially thrive on these routines.
Now, you're turning their world upside down and they dont like it!

Dont get me wrong, I think what you're doing is great, but I think you need to ease into it.

Here's what has worked for me with each of my kids to get them to try new foods:

I would give my child a very small portion of what I know he likes, along with the foods that I want him to eat, knowing full well that he will want more of his food.
I would then explain to him that he can have more of his food only after he's sampled the other foods. He didnt need to finish it, only try a sufficient amounts.
I did meet resistance many many times, BUT ---This has had a 100% success rate for me over time with all 5 of my boys.
The younger you start the broader their horizons can be!

Good Luck!

chicpower1

:flowerforyou: We had this problem with my daughter when she was 4 years old. While she was thin as a rail, I knew she wasn't eating a proper diet. Her pediatrician told us to ABSOLUTELY refuse to allow her anything to eat other than what was served. He said, "Eventually she'll learn that mom is not a short-order cook and she has to eat what is served. She won't starve to death, and skipping a few meals won't hurt her." It took a while to get my husband on board with this type of thinking but it worked and was absolutely worth it. Now she eats veggies and nutritious food that is good for her. She no longer has problems with constipation, and is healthier overall. It's a battle of the wills mom, and you're strong enough to win this fight! :flowerforyou:

kamk16

My first thought is your child is not going to starve if you don't break down and give her something she wants. Someone else said part of it is about control I do believe that is a big part. I do daycare for children so have had a variety of kids I have cared for. I do try to give them healthy options all the time. I also try to plan meals so I am serving at least one thing I know they like but they also only get one serving unless they gobble down all of their food then I figure they are maybe going through a growth spurt so will give them more if they want. If you are oncerned about her being hungry maybe have a healthy snack available in between. Good Luck I wish I would have been more diligent with my own kids when they were younger my daughter now mainly eats cereal and cookies and ice cream all the time and she is 18y so hard to change now.

JennsLosing

the rule in this house is to eat what your given. My ds who is 4 HATES beans with a passion, they still go on his plate, when i make them, but i put an extra serving of vegetables on his plate too, because 98% of the time he doesnt eat the beans. Other than that hes not really a picky eater, so i lucked out in that parenting department.

MzBug

I have a picky eatter too. The only vegies he will eat are potatoes (any way), corn (on the cob only), tomatoes (as spaghetti sauce), carrots (glazed only) and occasionally a salad that is swimming in dressing and croutons. The only way he will eat fruit is if it is in jam or jelly form (preferably grape), occasionally a small glass of orange juice or sweetened apple sauce with cinnamon. He will use a small amount of skim milk on cereal, and will only drink milk if is chocolate. There is no way to get him to eat anything other than above. Nothing I have said or done has made any impact, and probably never will. Oh....he's 41. He got away with it in childhood and never saw reason to change.

crdav13

I am not a parent yet, so maybe I just don't get it but I really don't understand the concept of picky eaters when you are a child. My coworkers talk about making separate meals for certain kids and to me it does not make sense. I grew up in a house hold where even though my mother worked she made dinner every night and we sat down as a family to eat whatever was on the table. I never even knew that there was the option to eat something else. I think if you are going through the trouble to make a healthy meal, then they should eat it. You are running a family, not a restaurant.

Even at 29, when I go home for a family dinner, I eat whatever is served, no questions asked.

coolsmartygirl

So I am an extremely picky eater and have anxiety when it comes to trying new foods. I believe there are multiple reasons on why I am this way. But one is that I wish my dad would have been harder on me to eat and try new things. I know that my pickiness is going to affect my future children and I have already planned out how to make them more well rounded when it comes to food. My dad was a single parent so my guess is that he wanted to make us happy and not create a fight after working all day so he made a lot of mac n cheese and ground beef.

Which ever way you try from the advice given, I do suggest you push towards her good healthy, variety of foods.