Huge Self Confidence Hit for a Bride-to-Be

SLambertAlaska

There is no reason for you to feel bad because obviously he does like your body type, since he chose to have it for the rest of his life! He didn't even choose the girls he had lap dances from most likely, so you don't need to worry that he prefers something else. Like you yourself said, his friends bought him the dances. Guys really can't say no in those situations, even if they wanted to they feel like they can't. Try to picture him sitting there, uncomfortable, just waiting for it to be over. Most likely that is what was going on in his head anyway. :laugh:

I totally agree with this. In addition, think of this: with Victoria's Secret adds on tv during prime time now-a-days (just one example . . . ), there's no avoiding the porn that has infused our culture. I'm glad you are fully aware that those were fake boobs on his lap dancing (insert your own noun here). Being with someone who gets paid to do it and being with someone who you love are in completely different categories. Watch the glow on his face on Sunday and know that he's with you for love (ok, some lust in there, too - you're young after all!) not for money.

If it helps, think of how badly her oversized "girls" are going to sag when she's 50, while you'll be fit and firm.

bty: you look GREAT!

KidP

Guys (and i'm not counting your husband to be here) can be idiots to their friends.

One of the idiotic things that guys do is the bachelor party. I remember going to one where a bunch of fellows made my buddy drink so much that he threw up all over himself, and they thought this was "fun" & they kept pushing him to drink more until myself & a friend took the bottle away from them, and it almost came to blows. Unfortunately there is an expectation that the bachelor will be complacent & go along with whatever his buddies throw at him. This is truly a ridiculous part of male culture in this part of the world. It is a load of garbage & it sounds like that's the situation your fiance was put in. He was probably mortified the entire time it was all happening and thinking something like "how did i get into this mess".

nc1191

Aw this broke my heart! Here are my two cents:

Yes, maybe those girls looked way hotter in a bikini (or naked for that matter) than you think you do. Maybe their boobs are bigger (fake or not)... but let's face it - these girls are giving lap dances for their money, so their beauty is likely only skin deep.

You've got SO MUCH more going for you. Not only are you HOT physically (cite profile pic), but you're hot intellectually as well. And this your fiance knows. He might look at girls and acknowledge that sure, they've got a hot bod, but they won't attract him the same way you do because you've got the FULL package. Seriously. You're hot, smart, and you don't need to give lap dances to guys to feel good about yourself.

So you can feel a little self-conscious for a while, if you must - but then snap out of it!

Because: You. Are. So. Much. Better. Period.

I couldn't have said it better myself. I can imagine it was quite a blow to your confidence, but he's in love with YOU and he's marrying YOU. And at least he was honest with you and told you what happened. You have so much going for you, I mean look how far you've come on your journey! I would just brush it off and enjoy your wedding. Congrats!

MrsCon40

He's marrying the more modestly busted girl, so that's what turns him on

kgs0201

With the exception of poster number 1, thank you so much for all of your incredibly nice posts. It really is helping and I didn't really even think about him being most likely very drunk. Also, I got a bit of a chuckle when I read the comment about thinking about how incredibly uncomfortable he was, because knowing him he was probably beyond uncomfortable.

Also - the poster who said that this close to the wedding, everything stresses you out. Um yes. 100% true. I feel like I cry at the drop of a dime these days. I'm sure once this weekend hits and all of the festivities happen this will be as far from my mind as possible.

Sorry sweety, there is no |majic" word to make you feel better. All I can say is that you are absolutly beautiful and your husband to be is choosing you, not the fake boob bimbo at the strip club. I would feel the same way as you, so I understand. I refused to let my husband have a bachelor party, so it makes me worst than you. What I can maybe suggest is that if he did like the lap dance, why not give him one...just a thought!

The giving him a lap dance thing is actually what kind of got me originally so worked up over this. I mean I've "tried" to give him a lap dance in the past but I have absolutely NO rhythm so I always felt silly doing it anyway. Now I feel like I could never do it again because I'd be competing with his memory of a pro (these were his first lap dances ever).

Yes ridiculous I know. Thank you for all of the helpful and supportive comments so far!

natekorpusik

don't do it ....he could have walked away....he didn't....
sorry but you asked for our opinions....there is NO "MAGIC' WAY

WHAT????? Seriously. So for every girlfriend, fiance, or wife that has had a boyfriend, fiance, or husband go to a strip club.... you say that all the women should leave them..... What a lonely world you live in. Unrealistic at best. Sorry, but it's true. And yes I am a man... getting married in July to the woman of my dreams. Yes I have been to strip clubs. I don't cheat, I come home to my lovely fiance. Men get a bad rap sometimes. No guy is perfect, but a strip club is not a reason to leave your man. Honestly, go with your man sometime.... to a nice high end club where you can see for yourself that the BOTH of you could actually have a good time. Most strippers don't care and are just trying to make a living. The original poster seems to have her head on straight and understands that there is a confidence issue. She should be honest and open with her man and talk to him about it. You will find out how supportive he can be I am sure this could even turn in a laugh down the road.

To echo some of the other posters.... he is marrying you.... free will....he could stay single if he wanted and go to strip clubs all the time. He obviously loves you and you are attractive to him. I know the stress a wedding can cause, as mine is merely a month and a half away. Enjoy your day. Don't fret too much about the little things and stand by him.... for better or for worse.... in sickness and in health.

brewingaz

It's ok, he's in love with you!

I'm surprised he only had two...at mine I had a whole bunch more ha ha

Newmammaluv

I have the same issue with my husband watching porn... it has nothing to do with anything other than my own low self confidence. You know what WILL make you feel better??? Smokin hot sexy lingerie (if they make it for women my size I know they make it in yours) and get a little dirty yourself. He may not have turned away a lap dance (what guy wants to look p.whipped to his friends?!?!?!) but I PROMISE you if that lap dance comes from his smokin hot new bride on your honeymoon neither one of you will EVER forget it. The key isn't making yourself ok with what has been done or even trying to psych yourself out of the hurt. The real key is feeeeling yourself that you turn him on.

krstnmclrk

ok so first of all you look FANTASTIC! don't worry about the lap dances...i know it's easier said than done but when it comes down to it you have an amazing natural body. i think a lot of the time the people that have the real body issues are the ones that choose surgery to fix their self esteem rather than being happy with what they have so don't let this little thing get to you. your fiance is with you because he finds you sexy and he wouldn't be getting married to you if he didn't feel that way. we've all been out drinking and gotten wrapped up in the moment. the guys i know like to do stupid stuff like buy their friends lap dances (like it's some special gift or joke at their friends expense). i don't know if you've ever been to a strip club but they aren't the most beautiful places and personally i think it's more of a "that's what you do on your stag" thing than anything else. my dad has always said to me that the best way to decide whether something is worth worrying about is to sit back and think "will this matter in 5 years". yes your beautiful wedding will matter in 5 years but the fact that your fiance got a couple of lap dances at his stag shouldn't effect where you will be in 5 years. you stated that he doesn't go to strip clubs regualrly so i don't think you should spend another moment thinking about it (i'm quite sure he hasn't). you've worked very hard to be where you are right now so sit back and enjoy how good you look and how amazing your wedding is going to be. congratulations and i hope your wedding is everything you hoped for

macantrell

I look at your photo and think wow she will be a beautiful bride. Push these thoughts out of your mind and concentrate your wonderful life ahead. He has choosen YOU! Don't give this bimbo the power of another second of your time. He is going to be your husband, he wants you... all of you mind spirit and body. 5 mins doesn't change his feelings for you. Congratulation on meeting your goal and your upcoming Wedding. You are going to knock his socks off when he see you in your gown! I hope we get to see your wedding photo!

Suzannejl

OK, first I have to say I too am not overly endowed upstairs. I have been happily married for over 21 years. I am now glad that I am not big. My Mom always used to say, someday you will be glad you are small, you will stay perky LONG after those other girls start sagging, and let me tell you, she was right: they are not a pretty sight in the locker room! I even had a friend ask me how I stayed looking so perky up top! (we were rooming on a retreat) and what bra I used. I wish I had advice for her. The other thing I can say that as you get older they do get bigger. So as they say about wine, it only get's better with age! It is far better to be where you are, and will be looking good for the golden years, than sagging down to your belt line.

Yes we also get serioudly stressed out right before the big day, this too will pass. Take a deep breath. I am glad you wrote it all out, I often feel better when I do that, I just never send the letter or email to the person.

Remember your vows are in sickness and in health. 7 years ago my big strong healthy military husband was struck down prematurely by lack of oxygen during a simple scoping of the shoulder. I spent a long time taking care of him, sometimes like a baby. He is MUCH MUCH better now, but not the MAN I married if you know what I mean.

Bottom line, do you love him? Does he love you? Will you love each other forever and truely honor your vows. Love is not skin deep. Marriage is not always peaches and cream, and especially with kids! Which reminds me be prepared to be a EEE when you get PG!! LOL Don't worry it doesn't last, but it's fun to get pictures,, you know the ones the glamour shots, while you have them. Like afterwards when your milk comes in!

Let it go, you are seriously stressed out right now. Some day you will laugh about this! You will! We had stuff too, everyone does, that's why it has a name! getting cold feet!!

Now go enjoy the rest of your wedding preparations!

p.s. we refer to ours as the black wedding day cuz so much went wrong!!!! But we have a great marrage!!!

angp7711

If it helps any just know one of the biggest parts of bachelor parties is humiliating the groom to be. My husband came home from his with a red welt on his chest from a stripper giving him a slap with his own belt. I didn't even have the heart to get mad beacause I know him. He hates attention, is a bit of an introvert and would have hated being up on stage like that. This was two nights before our wedding. Yeah he could have said he'll no and left his buddies hanging but come on who wants to be a party poop like that? That was 13 years ago and we are still totally on love and he has loved my less than perfect body through thick and thin. With the point of giving him your own lap dance. He will like yours better because he knows he gets the prize at the end and one with the woman that he hand picked and fell in love with. Nothing else can replace that!

angp7711

OK, first I have to say I too am not overly endowed upstairs. I have been happily married for over 21 years. I am now glad that I am not big. My Mom always used to say, someday you will be glad you are small, you will stay perky LONG after those other girls start sagging, and let me tell you, she was right: they are not a pretty sight in the locker room! I even had a friend ask me how I stayed looking so perky up top! (we were rooming on a retreat) and what bra I used. I wish I had advice for her. The other thing I can say that as you get older they do get bigger. So as they say about wine, it only get's better with age! It is far better to be where you are, and will be looking good for the golden years, than sagging down to your belt line.

Yes we also get serioudly stressed out right before the big day, this too will pass. Take a deep breath. I am glad you wrote it all out, I often feel better when I do that, I just never send the letter or email to the person.

Remember your vows are in sickness and in health. 7 years ago my big strong healthy military husband was struck down prematurely by lack of oxygen during a simple scoping of the shoulder. I spent a long time taking care of him, sometimes like a baby. He is MUCH MUCH better now, but not the MAN I married if you know what I mean.

Bottom line, do you love him? Does he love you? Will you love each other forever and truely honor your vows. Love is not skin deep. Marriage is not always peaches and cream, and especially with kids! Which reminds me be prepared to be a EEE when you get PG!! LOL Don't worry it doesn't last, but it's fun to get pictures,, you know the ones the glamour shots, while you have them. Like afterwards when your milk comes in!

Let it go, you are seriously stressed out right now. Some day you will laugh about this! You will! We had stuff too, everyone does, that's why it has a name! getting cold feet!!

Now go enjoy the rest of your wedding preparations!

p.s. we refer to ours as the black wedding day cuz so much went wrong!!!! But we have a great marrage!!!

. Umm definitely what she said!
I could have skipped my whole post. We were posting at the same time

Newmammaluv

The giving him a lap dance thing is actually what kind of got me originally so worked up over this. I mean I've "tried" to give him a lap dance in the past but I have absolutely NO rhythm so I always felt silly doing it anyway. Now I feel like I could never do it again because I'd be competing with his memory of a pro (these were his first lap dances ever).

Yes ridiculous I know. Thank you for all of the helpful and supportive comments so far!

I didn't see this one before I posted mine... It's not for everyone but the more he compliments your body and the more tipsy you both are (hey it will be your honeymoon lol) the better it will feel. Some guys go for awkward and a little goofy. It's endearing.

Setof2Keys

Although upsetting, that shouldn't be enuf to doubt your marriage. If it is, then you have worse problems than lapdances. One thing my Mother always told me about girls who act like sluts, "He'll have you as his girlfriend, but he'll never have you as his wife!" I have lived by this and it is so true. You are what he truely wants. The woman that he can take home to his Mama. Tell him how much it hurts you and you guys need to talk that out; then NEVER mention it again.

shanolap

I've seen men get lap dances. Heck, I've even had one myself and let me tell you, they are not as hot and sexy as you think! They are uncomfortable and awkward for both parties involved.

You are having some major pre-wedding jitters! Just look into his eyes and believe what you see...the love of a groom about to take a beautiful, thoughtful and intellegent wife for the rest of his life...by his choice!

Congratulations. May your wedding be beautiful and full of love & joy!

brnsgrsbody

I don't get this at all...You are so beautiful and a lap dance at a party doesn't make him the wrong man for you. You could lap dance for him if you want. Guys are not moved by one encounter with a girl at a strip club. Hell my sister goes to strip clubs with her husband and gets couples lap dances. It's really not that serious because what if he works with a girl who looks real good and has big boobs; will you hound him and ask him if he's thinking about doing her?
Be confident in who you are and know that yall chose each other for a reason and no new chick will ever disrupt that. You are obviously a more solid choice for him and he you so live on and have a beautiful wedding!

Sunny_Lexie

But you look so amazing... Cheer up girl, he is marrying YOU!

SabrinaJL

Here's how I look at it. There are guys I find sexy, but I adore my husband and me finding other guys hot/sexy doesn't take a thing away from him. There's always going to be someone better looking than him, but there's never gonna be someone better than him. He's my best friend and the most amazing husband. I know he feels the same way so him finding other women attractive doesn't even bother me a little.

kgs0201

thanks everyone for the comments!

And just for the record - I have NO DOUBTS what so ever about marrying him!!! This is more of a "now i'm going to feel silly trying to "seduce" him on our honeymoon because I know I look ridiculous doing it and he just had for the first time ever a lap dance by someone who does it for a living"... thus making me look even more ridiculous.

Anyway - thanks to everyone's awesome comments I'm pretty over it. He was drunk. He didn't buy them and he most likely did not pick the girls. He probably felt ridiculously awkward. He told me about it and didn't think he had to hide it. He loves ME. :-)

It's just so weird after being in a committed relationship for five years to think about having a half naked woman dancing on his lap. Who on earth decided that a bachelor party is the time for this to happen?! Stupid men.