I have to leave due to personal issues, please read

hs100

Hi everyone, I didn't know where else to put this so here it is.

I don't know if anyone remembers (probably won't), I posted an upset message because I ate a piece of chocolate a few months ago. I think everyone thought this was pretty silly and excessive, but I really was consumed by guilt and upset.

I'm 54kg and 5'6". I'm on the low end of being a healthy weight. I'm still eating between 1000 and 1300 calories a day. I weigh all my food and count every single calorie. If I go over 1300 I feel very guilty and angry with myself, and if I hit 1800-2000 on a "binge day", I cry.

My mum was concerned about my attitude towards food so I was referred to a dietician, who I had my first appointment with yesterday. She told me that I wasn't eating enough, to put it bluntly. I'm showing signs of malnutrition - bleeding gums, hair breaking off, fingernails splitting, tiredness, dizziness, etc. She thinks my attitude towards food is unhealthy and that my goal weight of 8 stone is also not a healthy goal. She believes that if I continue with the same disordered eating patterns it could develop into a full-blown eating disorder - probably anorexia or EDNOS.

Like I said, the first step is to increase my daily intake to 1500 calories a day. This will be hard, but I'm willing to try. The next step will be to stop weighing and documenting my food. The dietician believes that I should gradually "wean myself off" documenting my food and calories, ie. stop using MyFitnessPal. I won't be disappearing straight away, I might weaken one day and feel the need to document everything. But gradually I'm going to have to leave, for my own health to be honest.

I don't want to sound alarmist and I'm not blaming this site. I think MyFitnessPal is brilliant, I've recommended it to friends and have found it so useful to lose weight. But I think I've had an unhealthy obsession with food and weight for a while and if I continue weighing food, calorie counting, etc, it could go too far and become dangerous.

I'm sorry its ended out like this, its been quite difficult for me to understand my obsession with food for a while and the negative feelings associated with eating have been bringing me down a lot. I wish everyone the best in their weight loss, congratulations for doing this the healthy way and working hard. Stay healthy and happy. I'm really proud of everyone who is staying dedicated to their weight loss and wish you guys luck. I'm sorry to leave, but its the best thing for my disordered eating patterns I think.

Fattack

Good luck with getting healthy - it's good that you have a dietician and a supportive mum to help you through this!

Lauriek70

Please take care of yourself first and foremost. Wishing you the best as you work to reclaim your life.

Clew

I'm so sorry to hear of your troubles... Godspeed on your return to good health! xoxo

JennLifts

I glad you got help! Do what's right for you

HeyLisa

I'm glad you are getting help. All the best to you..

Kirsty_UK

Well done for seeking help, and being willing to listen to trained advice, and look to the future - you can do this!!!! The first (and massive step) is to admit you need help, and you've done that. Baby steps and you'll get there

MFP doesn't suit every one, and if calorie counting is bad for you personally, then it makes sense to break from it. I do think mfp has a reinforcement on being under your calorie target in terms of the news feed posts, which can cause a dangerous reinforcement cycle in those with eating disorders, or that may develop them. (personally I'd like it to log % away from calorie goal per day, but that's for a different thread!).

All the best, and good luck on your journey.

MontanaB

hope you manage to find that place where your relationship with food is healthy and you are healthy
good luck hun x

McKayMachina

Happy to hear you're getting the personal and professional support you need. We're here for you however we can help. Take care.

dgierschke

good luck and take are of yourself

LaPistolaSexola

take care of yourself

AdoraK

I wish you good luck in getting healthy. I am glad you have support from you Mom and a dietitian.

angiesteele

I wish you the best...

anu_6986

I hope this works for you Good luck :flowerforyou:

katie_on_a_mission

Thanks for sharing this. I was in a similar boat in the past and need to be conscious of whether or not these thoughts and feelings are coming back. I wish you the best of luck in your recovery.

mom12

Good luck!

ceschwartz

Be healthy and take care!

ejmcam

Thank you for posting your story and best of luck to you! I hope you are able to come to terms with your issues before they become any worse. I think its great that you posted that and explained it, because there are probably many people on here who struggle in the same way. This can easily become an obsession (not MFP, like you I think its a fantastic tool) but the whole obsessing over food thing.

ornumc

I think you're very courageous to deal with this head-on and for sharing it with everyone. I wish you all the best

Janet39

I am really glad you have help on this issue, and a plan to go forward. I hope that you have a strong group around you, to help you on your way through this time. Once you dig and find the root cause for this need, I am sure you will be back on form.

Being fit and healthy are the top goals, not the counting of numbers, be it the scales or calories they are a means to an end.

I wish you all the best for the future, I am sure it will all turn out fine.

Leanne1795

My very best wishes to you. My thoughts go out to you and your family.

noni77

Take care

Ready4Changes

Best of luck to you. We are here cheering for you. Take care !

kr3851

Good luck in the future! Hopefully one day we'll see you again when you're healthy and happy in your body. It's th first step (admitting that you have a problem) that is the hardest, and I commend you for being so honest with us and yourself. Take care.

BigBoneSista

You my dear did the right thing in seeking help. I commend you for listening to your mother's concerns. I wish you the best with your recovery. Stay strong.

christabeltoria

We're rooting for you! :flowerforyou:

ewtx1000

You are lucky to have a supportive mum. I was glad to see you have a dietician to help you through this and are setting healthy goals. Your body needs the healthy food to keep your organs running. Best wishes to you and thank you for sharing your personal journey.:flowerforyou:

DarkAngel864

We aren't friends on here, but I just want to say you are very brave for posting this out there!!! Holding yourself accountable and taking these first steps make me feel confident you will get this under control. I suffered from ana/mia for YEARS and I am 'sober' since 2007 so it is hard, but IS POSSIBLE!!!

Best of luck and we are ALL cheering you on and supporting you :flowerforyou:

hungreeteacher17

Take care of yourself & follow your doctor's advice! Good luck

1crazymom

Wish you well!:flowerforyou:

GoneWithTheWhinge

Best wishes for the future. Take care. x