Dirty comments you say at random....and get caught saying...

JDMPWR

I know everyone has some dirty comment/joke they randomly say at work, home, to friends or your significant other.

Well I will share, my lady friend called my office, I saw her # on the caller ID so I proceeded to toss out my favorite line......yes this is a little dirty but not really bad IMO....

"Who's in the mood for some trouser snake smothered in man sauce?".....I then realized that one of my operations department girls was walking up to my office as I said that....she smirks, I giggled.

Now please share .....

brewingaz

I have too many to mention. But something my 2 year old son says that's hilarious is he can't say the word truck. But he tries to say "we ride in Daddy's big truck!" all the time. Only, when he says the word truck, it sounds exactly like c*ck.

Hanging out with my son in public when he talks about my truck is going to either bring a lot of women onto me or get me arrested.

binary_jester

Spoke with a lady that had a loud buzzing noise coming from a piece of equipment. Jokingly I asked if that was her equipment or if she was trimming her bush? I didn't catch the reference until after I said it.

keb80

My son did the same thing when he was around that age... except it came out F**K!! And dump truck came out DumbF**K!!! A little piece of me died inside when he finally learnd to say "Truck"....

innerfashionista

I was telling a story about a friend of mine who eats nachos in the car. We were in a cafeteria, which was loud and noisy. When the person I was talking to asked if the nacho-eating friend always made a mess, I said "The point is, most of it gets in her mouth." Of course, the entire cafe was quiet as those words left my mouth :P

That, and I end up dropping an F-bomb at work once a day. I think the guy across the cube from me wants to throw something at my potty mouth :P

Heather75

I once made a comment about the Catholic Church having it's finger in too many pies. The silence right before the laughter was deafening.

stephanielynn76

Well I didn't say it... someone else did... and she didn't mean for it to be dirty....

I'm a nurse and one night one of my coworkers was trying to find this cream she was supposed to apply to her patient but couldn't seem to locate it. She was shuffling through all the little medication bins to see if it was misplaced. She then turned to a crowded room and ask, "Does anyone have any cream in their drawers???" .... of course the room erupted in fits of laughter... myself included.

JDMPWR

I was telling a story about a friend of mine who eats nachos in the car. We were in a cafeteria, which was loud and noisy. When the person I was talking to asked if the nacho-eating friend always made a mess, I said "The point is, most of it gets in her mouth." Of course, the entire cafe was quiet as those words left my mouth :P

That, and I end up dropping an F-bomb at work once a day. I think the guy across the cube from me wants to throw something at my potty mouth :P

When I ran my own business I had one of my sales guys count me saying the F work 72 times in 15 minutes and that was with a supplier too. ha...classic

Newmammaluv

I know everyone has some dirty comment/joke they randomly say at work, home, to friends or your significant other.

Well I will share, my lady friend called my office, I saw her # on the caller ID so I proceeded to toss out my favorite line......yes this is a little dirty but not really bad IMO....

"Who's in the mood for some trouser snake smothered in man sauce?".....I then realized that one of my operations department girls was walking up to my office as I said that....she smirks, I giggled.

Now please share .....

LMAO no no, not bad at allll....

hroush

My sister and a friend of hers work for a company that take land line repair calls. The friend loves to insert little innuendos into her phone conversations with callers and the people never know if she does on purpose or not.

Newmammaluv

I don't know why but I am the one that always gets caught saying things and they always get taken wrong.... "poke it with a stick" is one that haunts me to this day as well as "meat machine." I was teasing my husband one day that we should go at it a 3rd time in one day and he said "i'm not a machine!!" so I responded "of course you are honey, you're a meat machine." Meat refferring to Futurama where Bender likes to call humans "meat bags" I SWEAR it had nothing to do with his member but to this day he still gives me a hard time about "meat machine"

Also I have a horrible habit of trying to flash him to make him uncomfortable when we have company.... yep, been caught doing that too!!

A bunch of children we are!!

jennyb31

While at the gym a lady was doing leg work with a resistance band around her knees. She looked up and said, my rubber is starting to break! I looked at my trainer with a big sigh and said, God I hate when that happens...... We were rolling!!!!!!!

chocolateandvodka

i have a terrible habit of throwing around "your mom" before repeating something applicable to whatever the offending action or statement happened to be.
for example: i get a system error message saying "your session has expired" and without even thinking i'll spout off "your mom has expired!" (have i mentioned i work in the ER?)

I also occasionally pop off with an "eat it B****!" now and then... i should really consider working from home again.

MrsSki

At work I have been known to say "You've got to be f***ing kidding me." Which isn't too bad, but I say it under my breath, and one day the HR girl who sits in front of me said, "If I had a nickel for every time you said that, I'd be rich" Haha! I'm not too much of a potty mouth at work, but get me on a bad day on the weekend and I will make a sailor blush.

BecksgotBack

there's 5 of us including me in my small office...and we all have foul mouths....f bombs get dropped at least every 5 minutes. every time a client calls to ***** about something we hang up the phone and immediately say what's on our minds--the mildest thing said this morning about a lady was "she's an effin cow". my boss is the worst--he yells stuff out and we all just hope we're not on the phone at the time. Great work environment, makes things fun.

Jellyphant

I don't know why but I am the one that always gets caught saying things and they always get taken wrong.... "poke it with a stick" is one that haunts me to this day as well as "meat machine." I was teasing my husband one day that we should go at it a 3rd time in one day and he said "i'm not a machine!!" so I responded "of course you are honey, you're a meat machine." Meat refferring to Futurama where Bender likes to call humans "meat bags" I SWEAR it had nothing to do with his member but to this day he still gives me a hard time about "meat machine"

Also I have a horrible habit of trying to flash him to make him uncomfortable when we have company.... yep, been caught doing that too!!

A bunch of children we are!!

That's AWESOME!! :laugh: !

Froggy1976

One of my coworkers the other day made a comment that had the whole office in tears. He was talking about the guy in the next room that was swatting at a fly only he referred to it as "whacking it". It took a minute for everyone to figure out that it was ok to laugh!

alucas11

I have my own recruitment agency and a couple of months ago I went along to a sales meeting to sell our services to a very well known healthcare group, the gentleman was explaining how he hates to be hounded with sales calls and recruitment agencies, I ended up saying "don't worry I won't hound you, I just get my head down and get on with it" I nearly died when I said it... there was a long pause...... and raised eyebrows and we swiftly moved on... !! lol

LaPistolaSexola

Once when taking a call from a client, I went to raise the phone to my ear and hit the receiver on a metal shelf above my desk. it made a really loud noise and without thinking i said "whoops, I just banged you on my desk". there was long pause and i said "i mean i hit it" ... again...quiet realized what i just said ... AGAIN!...and i'm dying...i finally just said "hi! how are you?"


i also had another client with the last name of Butram. I called him Mr Butt-Ram he corrected me and told me it was Boo-Trum. awkward silence.

EmilyAnn89

i watched Yes Man last night and i about DIED laughing when Jim Carey and his boss were meeting with a corporate guy... The corporate guy fist bumped Jim Carey and his boss went to do it and the corporate guy put his hand down and his boss was like "oh i was gunna fist ya" hahahaha i couldn't stop laughing!

Cristy_AZ

I have the habit of saying snide remarks "to" people AFTER I hang up the phone at work (It's my form of anger management, that way I am nice and patient when they can actually hear me) and it usually involves the F bomb too. Really rude stuff too, like Sure, you're welcome, "I wouldn't have to explain if 50 times if you weren't such a F'in moron" or How about if you get a F'in job, etc., or sometimes just "Rude B*****" or What an A-hole! Seems I have a knack for saying such things a little too loud when the big boss happens to come down from upstairs... Got that raised eyebrow look one day... told her "I had already hung up"... she paused, seemed to get it... nodded, smiled and walked away... Whew!

The other, my co-worker got me saying, isn't bad, but it's funny cause you'll hear both of us say it different times all day long: "son of a motherless goat" only she says it with a really cool accent I can't pull off!