Dirty comments you say at random....and get caught saying...

JDMPWR

I know everyone has some dirty comment/joke they randomly say at work, home, to friends or your significant other.

Well I will share, my lady friend called my office, I saw her # on the caller ID so I proceeded to toss out my favorite line......yes this is a little dirty but not really bad IMO....

"Who's in the mood for some trouser snake smothered in man sauce?".....I then realized that one of my operations department girls was walking up to my office as I said that....she smirks, I giggled.

Now please share .....

brewingaz

I have too many to mention. But something my 2 year old son says that's hilarious is he can't say the word truck. But he tries to say "we ride in Daddy's big truck!" all the time. Only, when he says the word truck, it sounds exactly like c*ck.

Hanging out with my son in public when he talks about my truck is going to either bring a lot of women onto me or get me arrested.

binary_jester

Spoke with a lady that had a loud buzzing noise coming from a piece of equipment. Jokingly I asked if that was her equipment or if she was trimming her bush? I didn't catch the reference until after I said it.

keb80

My son did the same thing when he was around that age... except it came out F**K!! And dump truck came out DumbF**K!!! A little piece of me died inside when he finally learnd to say "Truck"....

innerfashionista

I was telling a story about a friend of mine who eats nachos in the car. We were in a cafeteria, which was loud and noisy. When the person I was talking to asked if the nacho-eating friend always made a mess, I said "The point is, most of it gets in her mouth." Of course, the entire cafe was quiet as those words left my mouth :P

That, and I end up dropping an F-bomb at work once a day. I think the guy across the cube from me wants to throw something at my potty mouth :P

Heather75

I once made a comment about the Catholic Church having it's finger in too many pies. The silence right before the laughter was deafening.

stephanielynn76

Well I didn't say it... someone else did... and she didn't mean for it to be dirty....

I'm a nurse and one night one of my coworkers was trying to find this cream she was supposed to apply to her patient but couldn't seem to locate it. She was shuffling through all the little medication bins to see if it was misplaced. She then turned to a crowded room and ask, "Does anyone have any cream in their drawers???" .... of course the room erupted in fits of laughter... myself included.

JDMPWR

I was telling a story about a friend of mine who eats nachos in the car. We were in a cafeteria, which was loud and noisy. When the person I was talking to asked if the nacho-eating friend always made a mess, I said "The point is, most of it gets in her mouth." Of course, the entire cafe was quiet as those words left my mouth :P

That, and I end up dropping an F-bomb at work once a day. I think the guy across the cube from me wants to throw something at my potty mouth :P

When I ran my own business I had one of my sales guys count me saying the F work 72 times in 15 minutes and that was with a supplier too. ha...classic

Newmammaluv

I know everyone has some dirty comment/joke they randomly say at work, home, to friends or your significant other.

Well I will share, my lady friend called my office, I saw her # on the caller ID so I proceeded to toss out my favorite line......yes this is a little dirty but not really bad IMO....

"Who's in the mood for some trouser snake smothered in man sauce?".....I then realized that one of my operations department girls was walking up to my office as I said that....she smirks, I giggled.

Now please share .....

LMAO no no, not bad at allll....

hroush

My sister and a friend of hers work for a company that take land line repair calls. The friend loves to insert little innuendos into her phone conversations with callers and the people never know if she does on purpose or not.

Newmammaluv

I don't know why but I am the one that always gets caught saying things and they always get taken wrong.... "poke it with a stick" is one that haunts me to this day as well as "meat machine." I was teasing my husband one day that we should go at it a 3rd time in one day and he said "i'm not a machine!!" so I responded "of course you are honey, you're a meat machine." Meat refferring to Futurama where Bender likes to call humans "meat bags" I SWEAR it had nothing to do with his member but to this day he still gives me a hard time about "meat machine"

Also I have a horrible habit of trying to flash him to make him uncomfortable when we have company.... yep, been caught doing that too!!

A bunch of children we are!!

jennyb31

While at the gym a lady was doing leg work with a resistance band around her knees. She looked up and said, my rubber is starting to break! I looked at my trainer with a big sigh and said, God I hate when that happens...... We were rolling!!!!!!!

chocolateandvodka

i have a terrible habit of throwing around "your mom" before repeating something applicable to whatever the offending action or statement happened to be.
for example: i get a system error message saying "your session has expired" and without even thinking i'll spout off "your mom has expired!" (have i mentioned i work in the ER?)

I also occasionally pop off with an "eat it B****!" now and then... i should really consider working from home again.

MrsSki

At work I have been known to say "You've got to be f***ing kidding me." Which isn't too bad, but I say it under my breath, and one day the HR girl who sits in front of me said, "If I had a nickel for every time you said that, I'd be rich" Haha! I'm not too much of a potty mouth at work, but get me on a bad day on the weekend and I will make a sailor blush.

BecksgotBack

there's 5 of us including me in my small office...and we all have foul mouths....f bombs get dropped at least every 5 minutes. every time a client calls to ***** about something we hang up the phone and immediately say what's on our minds--the mildest thing said this morning about a lady was "she's an effin cow". my boss is the worst--he yells stuff out and we all just hope we're not on the phone at the time. Great work environment, makes things fun.

Jellyphant

I don't know why but I am the one that always gets caught saying things and they always get taken wrong.... "poke it with a stick" is one that haunts me to this day as well as "meat machine." I was teasing my husband one day that we should go at it a 3rd time in one day and he said "i'm not a machine!!" so I responded "of course you are honey, you're a meat machine." Meat refferring to Futurama where Bender likes to call humans "meat bags" I SWEAR it had nothing to do with his member but to this day he still gives me a hard time about "meat machine"

Also I have a horrible habit of trying to flash him to make him uncomfortable when we have company.... yep, been caught doing that too!!

A bunch of children we are!!

That's AWESOME!! :laugh: !

Froggy1976

One of my coworkers the other day made a comment that had the whole office in tears. He was talking about the guy in the next room that was swatting at a fly only he referred to it as "whacking it". It took a minute for everyone to figure out that it was ok to laugh!

alucas11

I have my own recruitment agency and a couple of months ago I went along to a sales meeting to sell our services to a very well known healthcare group, the gentleman was explaining how he hates to be hounded with sales calls and recruitment agencies, I ended up saying "don't worry I won't hound you, I just get my head down and get on with it" I nearly died when I said it... there was a long pause...... and raised eyebrows and we swiftly moved on... !! lol

LaPistolaSexola

Once when taking a call from a client, I went to raise the phone to my ear and hit the receiver on a metal shelf above my desk. it made a really loud noise and without thinking i said "whoops, I just banged you on my desk". there was long pause and i said "i mean i hit it" ... again...quiet realized what i just said ... AGAIN!...and i'm dying...i finally just said "hi! how are you?"


i also had another client with the last name of Butram. I called him Mr Butt-Ram he corrected me and told me it was Boo-Trum. awkward silence.

EmilyAnn89

i watched Yes Man last night and i about DIED laughing when Jim Carey and his boss were meeting with a corporate guy... The corporate guy fist bumped Jim Carey and his boss went to do it and the corporate guy put his hand down and his boss was like "oh i was gunna fist ya" hahahaha i couldn't stop laughing!

Cristy_AZ

I have the habit of saying snide remarks "to" people AFTER I hang up the phone at work (It's my form of anger management, that way I am nice and patient when they can actually hear me) and it usually involves the F bomb too. Really rude stuff too, like Sure, you're welcome, "I wouldn't have to explain if 50 times if you weren't such a F'in moron" or How about if you get a F'in job, etc., or sometimes just "Rude B*****" or What an A-hole! Seems I have a knack for saying such things a little too loud when the big boss happens to come down from upstairs... Got that raised eyebrow look one day... told her "I had already hung up"... she paused, seemed to get it... nodded, smiled and walked away... Whew!

The other, my co-worker got me saying, isn't bad, but it's funny cause you'll hear both of us say it different times all day long: "son of a motherless goat" only she says it with a really cool accent I can't pull off!

Bigmomma0u812

Years ago my sister was posting online to a forum for Halloween. It was a cute post and she was discussing things that go bump in the night but she made a typo and put "things that go pump in the night". Its been 10 years and I still won't let her forget it, I'm adament that she had a Freudian slip.

chocolateandvodka

I have my own recruitment agency and a couple of months ago I went along to a sales meeting to sell our services to a very well known healthcare group, the gentleman was explaining how he hates to be hounded with sales calls and recruitment agencies, I ended up saying "don't worry I won't hound you, I just get my head down and get on with it" I nearly died when I said it... there was a long pause...... and raised eyebrows and we swiftly moved on... !! lol

.

Bahahahahahahahahahhaahahahhahaha!!!!!!!! that one is priceless!!

AtticusFinch

I got into a lift once, (an elevator), with 2 attractive women from HR, (okay - I know women in HR are usually witches, but these happened to be quite lush).

One of them asked me if I was going down. I replied yes but couldn't stop a huge smirk appearing on my face. They immediately suppressed a pair of smiles themselves, and we rode in silence to my floor trying not to acknowledge the joke. As the doors closed behind me I heard the occupants giggling like schoolgirls.

Micheller1210

My husband use to be a General contractor (now we Truck) we had 6 business cell phones with the last digit just a digit difference from the others....when my husband call he usally ask what am I wearing...what color etc....so one morning the phone and I quickly looked at the caller thinking it was my husband...I answered in a sultry voice, and asked what was he wearing? Then I hear sorry wrong number....he called back but I was so embarrassed. I let voicemail pick it up........another one was cleaning up after a dinner party ,my husband took out the leaves in the table to make it smaller,I was holding one end of the table and my husband was trying to. Close it but being gentle it wouldn't lock..so after the third time of him trying" I said its ok honey I can take it hard"...lol

BethanyMasters

i have a terrible habit of throwing around "your mom" before repeating something applicable to whatever the offending action or statement happened to be.
for example: i get a system error message saying "your session has expired" and without even thinking i'll spout off "your mom has expired!" (have i mentioned i work in the ER?)

I also occasionally pop off with an "eat it B****!" now and then... i should really consider working from home again.

About 75% of my boyfriends replies to anything I say to him start with"your mom. . ."and because my dad informed us that my mom slept with him on the first date the statement usually ends with "...on the first date"

"did you take the trash out?"

"your mom took the trash out. . . on the first date"

sillygoose1977

I have quite the potty mouth. A few years ago I worked for a real d-bag attorney who liked to talk down to me all the time. We had a really old phone system with intercom and he would buzz me from his office. One day he was being particularly douchey towards me and I hit the button to hang up with him and said "don't you ever talk to me like that again you f***ing c***sucker!". Then I heard a shuffle and a click from the phone. I guess I didn't hit that button well enough. He kind of acted afraid of me and spoke to me with much more respect afterwards.

My boyfriend and I get caught by strangers discussing our bathroom habits all the time.

ratkins811

My sweet little old mother in law (85) always confuses the saying "got chewed out by my boss" to I got "ate out by my boss" I wanted to crawl away when she said in public one time. lol

juliecat1

oh geez.... Im the queen of saying really inappropriate things when the room suddenly gets quiet. its like my gift. :laugh:

I have a habit of saying ""Ball Sack!" when I hurt myself. Didnt realize how much I said it until one of my little ones repeated it. Trying to keep that one under wraps now!

JWeaser

A few years ago my boss was always hounding me for keeping my office door closed and I got tired of people shoving papers under the door so he ordered those mountable "inboxes" to put on the wall outside my door. (Yeah, I am sure you can see where this is going, just hold on though).
There was a guy in the office that handled the light maintenance stuff, (to protect the innocent we will call him George). After three weeks of the delivery box being propped up against the wall uninstalled, my boss finally put his hands on his hips and said, "When are you going to have this taken care of." To which I replied, "Fine, right now!" and yelled from my desk, down the hall, "Hey George, when are you going to mount my box." Oh yes, the laughter was deafening.

sillygoose1977

oh geez.... Im the queen of saying really inappropriate things when the room suddenly gets quiet. its like my gift. :laugh:

I have a habit of saying ""Ball Sack!" when I hurt myself. Didnt realize how much I said it until one of my little ones repeated it. Trying to keep that one under wraps now!

I drop the d-bag in the car at bad drivers all the time. My daughter asked me once what a juice bag was. ooops. I now try to call people juice boxes when I am in the company of innocent ears.