Once again, back tracking

Jessica5000

Hi Everyone,
I could never tell anyone I'm close with this but I'm telling you all. Like a diary entry I guess. So this past friday I was 181lbs and so happy. I was 191 on May 1st so it took about 6 weeks but I lost 10 lbs. But like ALWAYS. Friday came I ate a subway foot long pizza sub, saturday mcdonalds mcflurry and chocolate covered almonds like 50. Then it's like a downwards spiral. So now it's Tuesday of eating properly and I weighed myself today and I'm 188. Yeah yeah I know sodium, water whatever. But 7 lb gain in 5 days. When it took me 6 weeks to lose 10. I makes me want to give up, not keep going. I'm so frustrated with myself. I always do this. I swear it's fear of the 170s. I never make it to 170, I always mess it up.

I've also been doing a Jillian Michaels DVD 5x a week for the 6 wks. But only once this part 5 days, because if I'm eating garage I just don't see the point in working out. It's counter productive.

So I have no choice. I have to get my s**t together tomorrow and start AGAIN. It's just so frustrating. I'm on Weight Watchers and I'm constantly inputing my points PLUS my calories into MFP. I think one program has to give. I spend so much time inputting what I'm eating. I just get bored of it.

Those of you that push past these times of weakness how do you do it? Can anyone relate? Why do I do this? It's so annoying. I know you are supposed to be your own best friend, but I find myself hating myself when I take all my hard work and throw it out the window.

corinnak

Hi Jessica,

I know exactly what you mean - it takes me 4x as long to lose the weight as it does to put it back on. Because there is only so much you can cut back, but what is the upper limit on overeating? It's definitely bigger than I'm willing/able to cut back to lose it.

As for working out not being worth it if you are eating garbage...I used to feel that way as well, but at a certain point I decided that working out WAS worth it, even if I wasn't losing weight. It IS worth it to be stronger, to keep my heart working, to be active irrespective of calorie burn. If you can find something about it to value besides the fact that it gives you X number of calories more per day or makes you lose X amount of weight, you will have something to feel good about doing regardless of how you are handling your food.

Being afraid of the 170's - I am guessing you are onto something. If you want to break through that number, you need to figure out what it is that is concerning you about it - figure out what the weight is doing for you. Because for most people, even though we 98% aren't happy with the weight and just want it gone, that 2% that says "This weight is protecting me from unwanted advances, from blaming something about myself other than my weight for something going wrong, from feeling small and weak, etc. etc. Whatever the fear is, if you can figure it out, call it out, name it, you will likely quickly discover that you are strong enough to handle it once it is out of the shadows.

I think you may be onto something re: choosing one plan. Inputting food/activity into one program is more burdensome than most people will tolerate for a significant amount of time. Two is overwhelming. I suggest you choose the tracking program and plan that makes you happiest.

Be kind to yourself - this isn't easy and you keep on trying again, which is more than most people do. I have been in and out of the weight loss/maintenance groove more times than I can even count, BUT every time you get back into it, it gets a little easier and feels more like "Normal." It helps to remember that even people without ongoing weight challenges have times when they gain some weight and have to lose it again. And most of all, remember your vision for yourself, for where you want to be and what you want to be able to do in a year's time. You can do it.

sla0814

I'm right there with you! OR I guess I should say I've been there before...I'm 184.8 just staring at the 170s and I haven't been there in probably 7 years?? I had a bad eating day yesterday...Not binge eating style but not good either. I was thinking the same thing last night. I thought, why the heck are you sabotaging yourself Sara?! You've come so far! It took me 6 weeks to lose 10 lbs as well...Today I did well and moving forward never felt so good. I'm hoping that I will get out these dreaded 180s by the end of June! If I don't make it to the 170s by then, that's okay but I will be that much closer!!

Add me, we can do this together!

Trust me, starting over is way better then going into a deeper downward spiral and gaining another 10...because I've been there in the past too.

God bless

GoodMorningGirl

Wow, ladies, this is just what I needed tonight after sabotaging myself yet again with a healthy dinner of six Pop Tarts (luckily, I threw the other two down the garbage disposal). I too have been in the 180s or 190s for several years now and keep going up and down about 10 pounds, but I am DETERMINED to get into the 170s by the end of this summer (I'm 5'8 and ultimately want to get to around 160, plus or minus five pounds). I want to be a healthy weight and feel good about my body rather than wasting time each morning thinking "Does this make me look fat?" as I get dressed.

Two suggestions: Work out no matter how badly you eat. At least it gives you something to feel proud of. Think about how good you feel when you work out and eat right, and how bad you feel when you don't. As bad as I feel about the Pop Tarts, I am trying to focus on this "carb coma" I'm in right now with the hopes that it will deter me from doing something so stupid again. Even though it still happens, it's much less frequent than it used to be.

Secondly: I was also on WW, but my mom pointed out this site to me and I like it better, not just because it's free, but also because each day starts fresh. I found the WW site really demoralizing when I was "in the red," having used up all my points already and having that hang over me for the rest of the week.

Good luck and hang in there! I look at all the Success Stories and know that I can be there too someday, if I just keep going.