Really struggling

LeeKetty1176

sounds like some real communication issues here, speaking as a guy who has been told more than once i speak before putting my brain in gear this could be a case of this.

You need to talk again, and this time you need to let him know that while you dont mind that he is comfortable to tell you about this girl at work, HE needs to understand the pressure that places back on you at this time !

Try it !

If not you really need to get some professional help to get that communication going before its to late.

I dont doubt for a sec that he loves you and that you love him, so this HAS to be worth the effort to sort before its to late

TheMaidOfAstolat

Okay...speaking as a divorced woman...

My ex was not sensitive at all after I had our daughter and it really hurt. My body changed in so many ways and I thought he would love me forever...stretchmarks, loose skin, saggy boobs and all. Turns out he didn't. It's his loss and my gain. I'm better off without him now.

However, your situation is much different from mine. Your husband seems to have 'foot in mouth disease'. Tell him how it hurt you and if he still doesn't see what he said was wrong maybe going without some nooky will put him in his place. He should never compair you to another woman. That other woman probably had a 'mommy lift' right afterwards. A mommy lift consists of a tummy tuck, boob lift, and lipo. Tell him as much...hardly any woman goes though pregnancy and childbirth with little to no changes and those that do are lucky to have the genes to pull it off.

I hope that you are able to be a stronger person and move past this with or without your husband.

bbygrl5

I would have probably answered him saying ..it's possible for her to look like that because her husband makes X amount of money (double your husband's salary) and has a HUGE package.

It may be fighting fire with fire, but it sure would show him what a childish *kitten* he was being.

Candy42adore

I agree Jim! Thank you!!!

wolf23

Hi everyone, I am really struggling this week and could really use some advice.

My husband and I have been together for 15 years and have a great relationship, we rarely ever fight and never say things to intentionally hurt each other. Last Friday we got into what should have been a stupid, little argument. For some reason (stress at work, money problems, the heat) neither of us were able to let it go and it has gotten out of control.
He did not talk to me at all for 5 days and then yesterday I tried to apologize for my part and work through this. It might be wrong but my main motivation for this is my HUGE emotional eating problem and knowing that we needed to work past this to get me back on a healthy path. He accepted my apology but explained that he wasn't ready to move on.
Last night he sat down by me and started to talk. I was super happy because it was the first conversation he had initiated since Friday. After listening to what he said I think his only intention was to hurt my feelings and that is messing with my head and my heart (and my waistline!).
He told me about a hot, really skinny girl with breast implants at work who went off on maternity leave. She recently came back and is skinnier and hotter than before. He asked me how I thought that was possible and I didn't even know what to say as I had a baby 9 months ago, lost some of the weight only to gain more back. He knows that this is the only thing in my life that I struggle with and how sad my weight issues make me.
Okay, that was really long but I needed to get it off my chest. Thanks for reading, I could really use some advice. Am I being too sensitive and if I am how do I get past my hurt feelings.

You are not being too sensitive, you are hurt by the insensitive things he had said.

Adding a new addition to the family is very stressful and ultimately changes the whole family dynamic. Husbands/Fathers have a different set of stresses after baby is born (ex. financial stresses, work stresses, feeling like second fiddle to the baby, lack of sleep or interrupted sleep because of baby, lack of intimacy because mommy is tired) and some may not be able to voice them openly for fear of sounding weak or being petty knowing that their spouse is also struggling with certain issues.

I would have to agree with an earlier post that if this is something that is taking too long for either of you to get past, couples counseling could help you both to communicate in a safe environment. There may also be other issues that pertain to each of you individually, such as emotional eating, that a counselor may be able to help with. If counseling is not an option, maybe there is someone who can take the baby for a weekend so you and your husband to get away and focus on one another and reconnect without the distractions of everyday life.

The most important thing to remember is that you have been together for 15 great years and now there are children who need both mommy and daddy as solid unit. It is important to be honest with one another and get down to the bottom of the problem.
Sorry this is so long...Good Luck.

MyBabysMamma

Hi.

You're not being overly sensitive, but your husband is obviously trying to score points by hurting you if he is still upset by your original argument or could just be that insensitive all the time... which you said initially he is normally supportive. So my advice is to tell yourself you're beautiful and fabulous.. Diet for yourself, you'll never keep the weight off if he's your only inspiration. The more you tell yourself you can do it and are worth it the easier it'll be to achieve... It's a self fulfilling prophecy. I had my son 8 months ago and gained weight after giving birth. So everybody is different.

Good luck though..

Talk to him about your feelings if it keeps bugging you!

SlimDownDani

That is incredibly hateful. You aren’t being too sensitive at all. So don’t for a moment think you’re overreacting to his actions. Now that you have the support of other people you can focus on yourself. You are in the middle of a huge journey and it isn’t easy. (So what if some woman at work was able to drop her baby weight instantly, that isn’t a model for all women.) Remember why you are here, you are here so you can carve out a new and healthy path. You’ve said you have an issue with emotional eating, I know that feeling and I’ve been down that road. With all the anxiety and sadness you feel after this unnecessary confrontation you probably want to go right back into snacking. Instead of eating comfort foods put that energy into your workouts. It’s an amazing way to channel your anger and sadness. I used to listen to music while I ran when I had a bad day. Recently, I’ve stopped. I found that without the music I was forced to listen to my own thoughts. It’s incredibly therapeutic for me. Not only am getting an emotional workout through introspection – I am taking all that negative energy and running it right out my body (literally, with the euphoria that comes with a runner’s high, my sadness dissipates). Just remember you are a member of a community that is going through this journey with you and we are here when you need it. You aren’t alone!

bethmakesmusic

Hey, I'm really sorry you had to go through that. I don't believe that what your husband said was particularly loving or productive but, not knowing the whole situation, I wont weigh in. I just wanted to say I'm praying for you and for whatever way to chose to follow up on this. I will say that being a loving mother (with all her real parts) is a beautiful thing by itself. You rock!

bunchesonothing

No, you're not being sensitive. If he's normally not a jerk, maybe he's just clueless. There are often things my husband has ideas about, that he doesn't deal with on a regular basis and sometimes his opinions feel like a harsh knock against me. I try to give my husband the benefit of the doubt first, until I'm sure he meant to be a jerkwad. If that's the case, I don't play dirty, but I get my point across.

There is some horrible advice on here. Don't play games(deny nookie, bait him). Don't undereat. Games don't help anything. Open and honest communication does.

And, IMO, not fighting is often not a sign of peace and happiness. It is often a sign of lack of communication on important issues. But, only you will truly know if this is true.

lilac01

Don't let it get to u girl. Ur husband's an assho*le.