Hey.

ChubbyBunny

I don't really post much anymore. Just trying to spread out my interests (was getting a little TOO sucked into MFP). However, I am struggling.

As many know my fiance is deployed, and there has been drama about our marriage since last May (when I joined MFP) that has contributed to a lot of self-destructive behavior and attitudes on my part. He is coming home for 4 days next week before he is "officially" sent overseas.

My issue....I have been nervous/stressing eating since last Friday!!!! It's also that TOM for me. My ultimate goal was to lose my weight before he gets home next summer but I am worried that this will be a vicious cycle for me due to our situation. (It was a HUGE deal to me to be married before he left but that hasn't been able to work out, not even a simple courthouse wedding!) *** Oops, forgot this thought.... I also have been here since MAy and have only lost 6 lbs....repeatedly!

I guess I am just nervous about everything, he's been gone only 2 months but what if things change between us, what if he decides he doesn't want to be attached while over there, what if he is different when he comes home, what if he doesn't make it back...... I know "what ifs" are horrible and I should stay positive (cause that is what EVERYONE is telling me to do) but I have a deep rooted realist streak in me as well.

Any help/guidance would be appreciated.

B-

ChubbyBunny

I don't really post much anymore. Just trying to spread out my interests (was getting a little TOO sucked into MFP). However, I am struggling.

As many know my fiance is deployed, and there has been drama about our marriage since last May (when I joined MFP) that has contributed to a lot of self-destructive behavior and attitudes on my part. He is coming home for 4 days next week before he is "officially" sent overseas.

My issue....I have been nervous/stressing eating since last Friday!!!! It's also that TOM for me. My ultimate goal was to lose my weight before he gets home next summer but I am worried that this will be a vicious cycle for me due to our situation. (It was a HUGE deal to me to be married before he left but that hasn't been able to work out, not even a simple courthouse wedding!) *** Oops, forgot this thought.... I also have been here since MAy and have only lost 6 lbs....repeatedly!

I guess I am just nervous about everything, he's been gone only 2 months but what if things change between us, what if he decides he doesn't want to be attached while over there, what if he is different when he comes home, what if he doesn't make it back...... I know "what ifs" are horrible and I should stay positive (cause that is what EVERYONE is telling me to do) but I have a deep rooted realist streak in me as well.

Any help/guidance would be appreciated.

B-

jojo52610

I don't know what to say about deployed peice -as I have no one besides my nephew who just enlisted in the Marines - however It must be so hard and I can only give you Hugs((XX00))

For the eating and the stressing what you are going through is a huge emotional part of your life - marriage or lack of deployment for your finance - I'm the opposite when I'm stressed and upset I don't eat -

My advise when I get upset my therapist told me excersice - walking for at least 30 45 minutes will produce endorphines - which are mood enhancers and make you feel better - it truly does work -

it might even help with additional weightloss

:flowerforyou:

Juliebean

I guess I am just nervous about everything, he's been gone only 2 months but what if things change between us, what if he decides he doesn't want to be attached while over there, what if he is different when he comes home, what if he doesn't make it back...... I know "what ifs" are horrible and I should stay positive (cause that is what EVERYONE is telling me to do) but I have a deep rooted realist streak in me as well.

Speaking as a realist myself I can honestly say that I sympathize with your situation. I highly doubt that he will change his mind or decide that he doesn't want to be attached. No matter what anyone tells you, things WILL change while he's gone...but not your love for each other. Hopefully you learn to appreciate each other more. You know where I stand with this, having gone through something similar myself, and the only advice I have is to keep in contact as much as possible.

As for the health/eating/exercising part of this post...Try to stay strong. You can do this! I know you want to lose the weight while he's gone, and you can! Think of it as a way to stay connected and closer to him. I know that sounds dumb, but it could work. Every time you don't want to work out/exercise think of how great you will look and the look on his face when he sees you again for the first time. Stay motivated...I have faith in you chic! :flowerforyou:

ChubbyBunny

You guys are great.

I do exercise at least an hour everyday (Yay for P90X) but the crazy thing is it's not helping much in making my mind better. I used to walk 20 minutes after school after my divorce and it helped but it was more cause I was able to talk in my head and sort out things. I am not sure if that would help or make things worse in this situation!

jojo- I understand the not eating thing too. When I am REALLY deep into the blahs I don't eat much and then when I am just getting into it I graze on all sorts of random stuff.

I hate using food as a crutch and to be honest I don't want exercise to always be a crutch either, although I understand it's benefits. I also tattoo to "cope" with issues (to the horror of my mother and I know it's not super healthy as well).

LokiFae

Hey CB -

I have no idea how hard this must be for you. I can't imagine not having my husband home most of the time (or at least in the same state). I think that he's going to be way more excited to see you than you think. I'm sure his feelings have not changed.

If it's really important to you that you are married, why don't you surprise him with a courthouse wedding? Set the time and date with the courthouse now for when he's going to be home next week(sometimes it's hard to get a time with a judge), and then when he's home, get your marriage license the day before, and voila! It may not be the best idea for everyone, but it might be a really romantic way for you to show him that you love him and are still excited to be his wife. He may be feeling the same way you are, not sure if your life is moving on without him. You can always have your wedding that you've been planning, but just do the legal stuff now. That's what my hubby and I did. We're planning our real wedding in a couple years (was going to be this summer, but...you know), since I wanted to be married before I gave birth and pregnancy snuck up on us.

Keep your chin up, and stay excited that your honey is coming home for a few days! I'm here if you need to talk. :flowerforyou:

Edit: Planning a surprise wedding would also keep your blues at bay. I know I always feel less depressed when I'm super busy or planning something I'm excited about.