How do I support him?

shiseido_faerie

Hi all...

Just wondering, how do I best support and encourage my boyfriend in his weight loss journey? I thought I had it figured out but he is feeling very frustrated and down today because there has been no change in the 3 weeks since he's joined MFP with me.
He eats healthfully and is eating his allotted calories to lose 2lbs a week, most days he's about 100-150 under, thought admittedly there have been 2 days where dinners out put us both over despite healthier choices. He's struggling with exercise as he says it's quite painful for him (and he's not one to complain), particularly his back and knees. He is 260lbs right now and the majority of his weight is in his belly so I can see that could be difficult. I've suggested sticking to low impact, i've offered to walk with him every night (though walking for any real distance seems to really aggravate his back/calves). I've suggested perhaps a visit to the doctor to make sure everything is ok and ask for their suggestions of where to start as well but he has serious doctor phobia. He has agreed to get his thyroid checked as it runs in his family, but the doctor will only discuss one thing per visit. I'm just not sure how else to help? He knows I love him just how he is, but I know this is so important to him and so I want to be able to help encourage him and keep him going. Do any of you have any thoughts? If you've experienced this pain with exercise, what helped you to overcome it? Thanks so much!

CuteAndCurvy83

WAIT! The Dr will on discuss one thing per visit??

nananie2

Sometimes it's just as simple as not enough calories... maybe switch his weight loss goal to 1 pound a week and try to eat all the calories alloted while making healthy choices. Try that for a couple of weeks, and he might be surprised at the result!

I speak from experience. Losing the weight has been much easier since I've upped my calorie intake.

Hope this works for him too! Best of luck to both of you!

shiseido_faerie

Yeah it's ridiculous. We live in Ontario (Canada) and something about our OHIP coverage and the way they can submit it, you can only discuss one problem with the doctor at a time. It never used to be like that but the last few years they tell you that you have to make a separate appointment. REALLY annoying.

penny_eclipse

In the UK if you know you have a lot to talk about they let you make a double appointment, so the Dr has a 20 min (2 x 10) slot instead of 10...is this possible?

xtravisfx

I've had back problems for years and a couple surgeries as well. Walking has been working for me and I was told that walking with an incline of at least 2% will help take some of the pressure off the lower back when walking so he could try that. The other thing that's really important is flexibility. His symptoms sound all too familar and one of the keys to relief for me has been taking the time every day to stretch out my hamstrings calves and glutes. It will do wonders. I hope he can find something to keep him moving and that it helps him reach his goals.

girltrueheart

Your BF's situation sounds very much like mine.

My pain comes from arthritis. I'm not going to tell anyone they have "something" - I'm not a doctor. But I also dislike western medicine doctors, and prefer to seek alternative medicine solutions. I'm pretty sure the doctor will only answer one topic per visit so he can make more money. Makes me sick to think about it.

Anyway, muscles that haven't been used in a long time, or ever, have no muscle memory. They're going to scream because what's happening to them is against how they functioned for many many years.

For me, therapeutic massage is what helps my muscles the most. And it is something you might be able to offer your BF.

Also, is he stretching? Even if he is just going for a slow walk, he should be stretching those muscles before and after.

And finally, he should be making sure he is getting enough potassium and drinking a lot of water. These are key to flushing out the toxins and supporting the muscles to heal from the tearing we ask them to do when we exercise.

Hope to hear you're both doing well soon! :happy:

Choirgirl37

Most likely it is his lack of water intake. Ask him to make sure that he is drinking half his body weight in water. Drink an additional 8 ozs of water for every cup of coffee, drink more water on extraordinarily hot summer days. Also, if he perspires alot, he will need to drink more water. I found that information years ago while I was doing some research about water. I have always remembered it and that has been the key to my weight loss. If that seems like too much water, just remember to start out slow with the bare minimum of 8 cups per day, but work on improving water consumption until the proper amount is reached. Soon, his body will expect that amount and it will become easier. His bladder will become stronger and he will not feel the need to take up residence in a restroom.

shiseido_faerie

Your BF's situation sounds very much like mine.

My pain comes from arthritis. I'm not going to tell anyone they have "something" - I'm not a doctor. But I also dislike western medicine doctors, and prefer to seek alternative medicine solutions. I'm pretty sure the doctor will only answer one topic per visit so he can make more money. Makes me sick to think about it.

Anyway, muscles that haven't been used in a long time, or ever, have no muscle memory. They're going to scream because what's happening to them is against how they functioned for many many years.

For me, therapeutic massage is what helps my muscles the most. And it is something you might be able to offer your BF.

Also, is he stretching? Even if he is just going for a slow walk, he should be stretching those muscles before and after.

And finally, he should be making sure he is getting enough potassium and drinking a lot of water. These are key to flushing out the toxins and supporting the muscles to heal from the tearing we ask them to do when we exercise.

Hope to hear you're both doing well soon! :happy:

Thank you, I've actually suggested arthritis to him as my friend has it as well and said the same as you, but he's not so willing to accept that possibility yet as he's only 32. As of this week he will be going for massage and chiropractor weekly, and I THINK I may have him convinced to talk to the naturopath across the street from us (if he can just get over the idea that she is probably going to need blood tests haha) We too dislike the way the medical system seems to work (for money instead of wellness) but i'm not opposed to hearing their opinion....and then seeking out other options lol.

What you said about muscle memory makes so much sense, and several people here have mentioned stretching which come to think of it I don't really ever see him do. Flexibility is pretty non-existant right now as everything is too tight so we'll definitely have to try that!

shiseido_faerie

Thank you all for your messages about stretching and water, it seems so straightforward but my guess is that he's not getting/doing enough of either, I will pass that info on for sure!

fitnessjch

Are you going out with my boyfriend?! LOL!

ok, so what we did was get a cross trainer in our bedroom. It doesnt exacerbate the knees, and if done properly, it can be good for the back too. Its in our bedroom, as he doesnt want anyone else to see him doing it. We have it facing the TV, and generally we put on a comedy so he doesnt have to concentrate on it, and can just have a laugh whilst doing it.

Roadie2000

Do you have access to a pool? Swimming is great for the back and pretty much zero impact, so good for the knees too.

shiseido_faerie

Thanks you guys, we appreciate these suggestions so much, we both sat and read through together last night!

To those of you suggesting yoga...is there a DVD you'd recommend? He is definitely NOT flexible. We saw one actually called "Yoga for inflexible people" but the clips we watched were incredibly dry and a lot of things didn't make sense/weren't explained (lift up your knee caps???), not sure either of us could get through an entire session. If you have one you love we'd love to know about it!

fitnessjch - a cross trainer would be awesome but we live in the top part of an old fire hall and all of our ceilings are sloped and weird so we don't really have room to fit one But thank you, it's definitely a good thing to keep in mind.

Roadie - Swimming was also a great suggestion, he really liked the idea of that! We're going to try to find a pool nearby for sure!

girltrueheart

Most likely it is his lack of water intake. Ask him to make sure that he is drinking half his body weight in water. Drink an additional 8 ozs of water for every cup of coffee, drink more water on extraordinarily hot summer days. Also, if he perspires alot, he will need to drink more water. I found that information years ago while I was doing some research about water. I have always remembered it and that has been the key to my weight loss. If that seems like too much water, just remember to start out slow with the bare minimum of 8 cups per day, but work on improving water consumption until the proper amount is reached. Soon, his body will expect that amount and it will become easier. His bladder will become stronger and he will not feel the need to take up residence in a restroom.

This is the best advice I've read about water intake. So very true.