A WEEK AT THE GYM; ONE MAN'S STORY (JOKE)
A WEEK AT THE GYM; ONE MAN'S STORY
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
Dear Diary... For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 25 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it try.
Called the club and made my reservations with personal trainer named Belinder, who identified herself as a 26-year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress............
Monday: Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but and it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess -- with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile Woo Hoo!
Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring. Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
Tuesday: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air-then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.
Wednesday: The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on
the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other **** too.
Thursday: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like
teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I
couldn't help being half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my
shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not
looking, I ran and hid in the men's room She sent Lars to find me,
then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
Friday: I hate that ***** Belinda more that any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the *&%#(#&**!!@*@ barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. (Which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you attended and graduated magna cum laude from.) The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
Saturday: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
Sunday: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services
today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that
next year my wife (the *****) will choose a gift for me that is fun - like
a root canal or a vasectomy.
If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.
Dear Diary... For my fortieth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since playing on my college football team 25 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it try.
Called the club and made my reservations with personal trainer named Belinder, who identified herself as a 26-year old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swimwear. My wife seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress............
Monday: Started my day at 6:00am. Tough to get out of bed, but and it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess -- with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile Woo Hoo!
Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. She took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill. She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attributed it to standing next to her in her Lycra aerobic outfit. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring. Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
Tuesday: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air-then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.
Wednesday: The only way I can brush my teeth is by lying on
the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other **** too.
Thursday: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like
teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I
couldn't help being half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my
shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not
looking, I ran and hid in the men's room She sent Lars to find me,
then, as punishment, put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.
Friday: I hate that ***** Belinda more that any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anaemic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the *&%#(#&**!!@*@ barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. (Which I am sure you learned in the sadist school you attended and graduated magna cum laude from.) The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director?
Saturday: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.
Sunday: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services
today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that
next year my wife (the *****) will choose a gift for me that is fun - like
a root canal or a vasectomy.
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Replies
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Lol, that IS funny!0
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haah too funny. A few weeks ago somebody posted the "female" version of this. This made me laugh all over again!0
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haha his cracked me up!!0
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haah too funny. A few weeks ago somebody posted the "female" version of this. This made me laugh all over again!
oooh where is it?0 -
Thanks for brightening up my morning!!0
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funny!!!0
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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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This is priceless, love it!0
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hahaha that's hilarious!0
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This is the funniest thing I have read in quite a while. Had to take a few breaks in reading, because my abs were killing me from laughing so hard! Thanks for posting!0
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:laugh: LMAO Thanks for the laugh!!!0
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Had a big-smile the whole time and laughed out loud at the end !!
*Thanks*0 -
There was a female version of this joke on here a while ago.0
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OMG!!! Im ditting in my office laughing and crying at the same time. I think my peeps think Im crazy this morning. Thanks for the giggle.0
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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:0
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