(VENT) Why do men have to look and lust ALL THE TIME?????

DJKarim

Everybody looks. If its done sneakily then there is a bigger issue.

Losingitin2011

I disagree that everyone looks.

My ex did the same thing. He knew it bothered me, but didn't care. There's a reason he's my ex. If he cannot respect you and your wishes, then is it really worth it?

My husband doesn't do anything like that, because he truly loves me and respects me. I don't feel the need to look at/for anyone else.

I am sincerely sorry he is choosing to hurt you. You deserve to be respected and loved, not made to feel like you are being compared to, and are less than other women.

Becca_007

seems like a lot of man bashing is going on here recently... i find it comical and at times and it usually just comes off as girls insecurities about their insecure boyfriends/husband

I'm noticing that tonight too! I think we should link the threads!:laugh:

Personally? I don't think it's all about the guy, I think it has to do with both partners, insecurity on both sides! Self Esteem comes with learning to believe in who you are and that you ARE worth being treated well.

I don't think Men are pigs, I think there are some men and some Women in the world that simply aren't decent ppl. It's not all about the men, truth is? We teach others how to treat us with our self worth or lack of it!

paigele

I agree with Maryd4love. You two need to trust one another, and there are issues here that may need intervention.
Do you respond with anger or by telling him how it hurts you? Those are two very different reactions that will get very different interaction. It is a very sensitive topic, and you are not alone. I also am in agreement that your fitness should be for you first, because trying to form yourself to please another is unfulfilling and leads eventually to more stress as their expectations change. Been there. Done that. Also needed a counselor. It is nothing to be ashamed of. Men and women don't speak the same language most days. Keep trying to communicate but try other ways of getting your message through.

Cherilea

Are all men like this?

The answer to your question would be no! Sounds to me like you might need another man in your life. Someone who respects you and makes you feel wonderful..not inferior. Im sorry, but no one should be in a relationship like that, life is to short.

Goal_Seeker_1988

There are guys like that, however there are guys out there who don't droll over the sight of other women. My man is completly happy with me and I've never caught him checkin out how good another woman looks.

If he's truly happy with you and loves you then he'd respect you and stop sittin around gettin off on other women's pics.

Sure everyone looks however, you gotta ask yourself if that's all he does!!! Men I know that sit around checkin out and flirtin with other women end up cheating on their woman even thou they tell their woman how much they love them.

aml31

thanks guys for the replys. I'll talk to him about it some more tomorrow and go from there.

Gilbrod

seems like a lot of man bashing is going on here recently... i find it comical and at times and it usually just comes off as girls insecurities about their insecure boyfriends/husband

I'm noticing that tonight too! I think we should link the threads!:laugh:

Personally? I don't think it's all about the guy, I think it has to do with both partners, insecurity on both sides! Self Esteem comes with learning to believe in who you are and that you ARE worth being treated well.

I don't think Men are pigs, I think there are some men and some Women in the world that simply aren't decent ppl. It's not all about the men, truth is? We teach others how to treat us with our self worth or lack of it!

Touche. Insecurity could be a factor. "Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." -Yoda-

aml31

seems like a lot of man bashing is going on here recently... i find it comical and at times and it usually just comes off as girls insecurities about their insecure boyfriends/husband

I'm noticing that tonight too! I think we should link the threads!:laugh:

Personally? I don't think it's all about the guy, I think it has to do with both partners, insecurity on both sides! Self Esteem comes with learning to believe in who you are and that you ARE worth being treated well.

I don't think Men are pigs, I think there are some men and some Women in the world that simply aren't decent ppl. It's not all about the men, truth is? We teach others how to treat us with our self worth or lack of it!

Touche. Insecurity could be a factor. "Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." -Yoda-

Oh I'm the first to admit...I'm very insecure!!!! and im not bashing all men either...but I'm sure alot are like this.

brittanyscherich

Not all men are like this, don't worry. Maybe it's time you re-think being with this guy? You deserve someone who only has eyes for you. :flowerforyou: Everyone does!

My husband has never checked out any other girl. I wish every girl had that kind of man. When women flirt with him, I just laugh lol. Bc he gets so embarrassed, and doesn't say anything except a little mumble of "Sorry.. I'm married." This man of yours definitely needs a little lesson. Maybe he doesn't understand how you're feeling? Really, make him sit down and listen. If he doesnt change and you want to stay, then counseling. If it's not worth it, then just leave. Best of luck.

That_Girl

Uh, my husband doesn't even go online so it's not "men", it's your man. My husband doesn't make a point to make me know he's looking at other women. It's rude and he knows it.

If this is how he is, it won't get better. Go find a man that treats you right. But first, work on yourself and get some self-esteem. You will never be treated right until you love yourself first. It shouldn't matter if you weigh 300 or 100 pounds.

yankeefamily05

I have been in your situation before. Granted, I agree that everyone looks. But if he is truly disrespecting you, you have to dump him and move on! You will be surprised how much stronger you get when you do so! It is hard, but do it for you! Do you really want to live your life with uncertainity?

rhodes2b

Roaming eyes shouldn't be really an issue as long as he notices you just as much and even more! Attraction is part of being human.

bigdawg025

I think there's a happy medium somewhere in here. Is he REALLY looking "all the time", or does it just seem that way to you because of your own insecurities?

I agree with the majority here... everyone looks. It's human nature. It doesn't mean we're going to try and get in bed with them... get their numbers... etc. if we (men) are in the relationship with you (women). Granted, there's a fine line here between what's normal and what's truly disrespectful.

I hope you are able to talk it out... and figure things out. If it means ending the relationship then it's probably the best for your own well-being if it heads in that direction.

For the person who said, "My man has NEVER checked out or looked at another woman", you are very naive. My ex-wife used to get jealous over ACTRESSES ON TELEVISION! Hence... we were divorced over 13 years ago!

I could write an entire blog about this stuff I'm reading on the boards tonight...

binary_jester

Sorry...but this seems fairly simple. Talk to him openly and honestly. Leave nothing out. Facebook (whose importance seems to have been blown completely out of proportion in terms of society) and in general. Tell him in no uncertain terms what you expect.
If he says he doesn't want to live with that, then you need to decide if the relationship is worth it. If you decide to stay, you need to deal with it because you made that decision. If he leaves, then was the relationship that meaningful to him?

If you go into a relationship expecting someone to change for any reason, that relationship is doomed to fail. I would never go into one expecting someone to change. Perhaps you though it would change as you got thinner. But as you got thinner, his habits never changed. It is because that is who he is.

Guys look. As many women say, so do they. If I see some girl in tight shorts walking by and my eyes drift, that does not mean I want to sleep with her. It can be the same if someone drives a car by and our eyes follow that also.

These threads amuse me. Not because of the situation, but because you most really know the answer. They may just not like it.

bunchesonothing

For the person who said, "My man has NEVER checked out or looked at another woman", you are very naive. My ex-wife used to get jealous over ACTRESSES ON TELEVISION! Hence... we were divorced over 13 years ago!

I could write an entire blog about this stuff I'm reading on the boards tonight...

Agreed. It is possible that he never looks. It's also VERY possible that you just haven't caught him looking or haven't noticed. I actually prefer to see him looking. It means he's probably the same when I'm around and when I'm not.

If my hubby, or any other man didn't look at attractive women... it would seem strange to me. I'm not talking about gawking and I'm not talking about constantly....

bunchesonothing

Also, facebook is a little different. Is he talking to these girls and crossing other boundaries? Looking at pics is one thing, crossing other boundaries is another. There are PLENTY of free naughty pics online. You do not need to seek them out on facebook.

I do believe that at least 99.99% of people look. It may not be often, but it may take quite a looker(you) to catch their attention.

However, I do not believe that all men will do it to the point of ridiculousness and the point of hurting their wives(if they can help it.) Some people are incredibly sensitive though, and it doesn't take much to set them off.

DeviantDarkwolf2

It is one thing to appreciate a beautiful person it is another thing to add these people on FB. You are in a relationship and I suppose everyone's interpretation of that is different. But to me you are a partnership and respect and love needs to be felt both ways. Guys and girls that knowingly hurt their spouse shows to me that they don't respect or love that person. Also the biggest key in any relationship is communication, if you are not heard don't expect things to change! Another thing I have learnt is if you allow things to happen you cannot expect that person to change either, people will do what you allow them to. Set the boundaries that you are both comfortable with. All of us have issues in one form or another, but you hope that the person closest to you understands those issues and helps you not hurts you more or creates more for you. I say put your foot down tell him you are not going to allow it, but most of all please don't change your appearances for anyone but yourself!!!!

i_love_vinegar

Oh I'm the first to admit...I'm very insecure!!!! and im not bashing all men either...but I'm sure alot are like this.

At (a beautiful mind you )31 years old, I am assuming this is not your first relationship where you haven't received the treatment from a man you had hoped for. Please correct me if my assumption is incorrect.

From a perspective where one is used to the above treatment from most likely the time they were a teenager up until their early thirties, it is understandable to expect experience = reality.

However, I think maybe you are attracting the wrong kind of men. Granted, I am only 21, but I have never experienced a lot of what many women complain about. The men who chase after me typically will jump through hoops and back for me, they tend to be the kind of man most women want.

I think your last statement pointed out exactly WHY you are attracting the wrong kind of men -- You most likely put out an insecure vibe. Insecurity has a negative vibe, and negativity attracts bad.

I recommend working on yourself, then seeing the kind of men you draw, before assuming most men act this way.

_beachgirl_

These threads amuse me. Not because of the situation, but because you most really know the answer. They may just not like it.

I agree totally!