Welcome back, my self-esteem

helenium

I'd like to call this an NSV but it's more of an OSINSV (Ongoing and Slowly Improving Non-Scale Victory) because I'm not completely fixed yet, but am making significant progress.

When I gained my extra 60 or so lbs, my self-esteem went through the floor, like many people who rapidly gain weight. Self-esteem issues led to increased comfort-eating, and of course there begins the vicious cycle.

Sparing the details of how I got back here, I now have less than a stone (13.5 lbs) to go before I reach my first goal weight - will rejudge when I get there.

I've been struggling to regain my self-esteem. Eventually my lack of self-esteem arose from worrying whether I'd ever get it back - another vicious cycle! However, I think it's slowly reappearing. Strangely, it's not regarding my weight per se - it's regarding my fitness levels. I have never been able to run 10 km before in my life. Entering a half-marathon in three months' time feels like a doable challenge. I'm fitter than most people I know now. This has NEVER been the case before.

I can look in the mirror and tell myself, "No, I'm not perfect. When I slap my stomach it jiggles for about a second afterwards. But I love what my body can DO."

I have more self-esteem now, with a BMI of 26.0 going downwards, than I did with a BMI of 26.0 going upwards. Having reached a BMI of ~ 34.0, I really appreciate what a thinner, fitter body feels like.

I'd go even so far as to say I'm GLAD I used to be a BMI of 34.0, and I'm GLAD I gained the weight... because if I hadn't, I wouldn't have met all my wonderful friends on MFP, I wouldn't have had the sense of achievement and accomplishment from losing it again, and I'd probably have a below-par self-esteem even at a healthy BMI. Having been obese has made me appreciate how good a healthy outlook on life is.

Hugs to everyone on MFP. We're in this getting-healthy stuff together!

Driagnor

Love this post, and really amazing work so far. I'm sure the half marathon will go well

MissConfidence

THIS is an awesome post. You're inspirational!

emsibun

It's so great to hear you talking about gaining self-esteem and I'm glad you are loving your exercise - for me the exercise is what motivates me and I'll tell anyone who will listen how wonderful it is to get moving, there are simply too many physical and mental benefits to exercise to list!

crazyears

Thank you for the awesome post. I have put 2 lbs back on in the past few weeks. It is so easy to get discouraged when the weight doesn't come off super fast. I will be reminding myself that moving slowly in the right direction is so much better than moving in the wrong direction.