coaches' wife tells me off/what would you have done?

thumper44

My husband coached a T-Ball team this year, and I was the team mom. How dare she talk to you like that??? I would IMMEDIATELY report her actions to the League!!! She should no longer be allowed to be involved with a team. She should not be harassing anyone!

I agree totally. She crossed the line.

FaerieMoon

I hope you report her to the Parks and Rec or whoever heads up the little League.

She was Way out of line!!

Sorry this had to happen to you

krlaws2

Your financial situation is none of her business. She is being nosy and rude. I'm glad you are reporting it.

fitnessjch

What a b*tch!

Life is life - lots of people are in the situation you are in with 3 kids and one income. Life is not all about how much money you can spend, its about the time you spend with your children, which you are obviously doing. $20 is a lot of money, especially for a trophie, when there are far more important things to spend the money on, like mortgage, food and clothes.

I would have told her to stick it up her backside too!

cornerofgreystreet

If it is a town team, or a Rec dept...SOMEONE is above her....they have to have a director or head of sports. Take it to them.

I completely agree.

br04416

Keep your head up and don't EVER let anyone have the power to control or ruin your day! Just start laughing at what was said!
You are doing the right thing concerning your family
If it keeps bothering you, I would def go over her head. But if you can let it go, I would just do that.
Don't let others bother you! Life is too short and time is too precious for others hatefulness to interfere.

circusmom

I would report her, if she said this to you what has she said to other families. That is NOT the type of person I would want as my son's team mom!!

foxyforce

forward that to whoever she reports to!!!

RoadDog

I would have said, " Thanks for your comments. In the future, please keep them to yourself."

Then I would have turned and walked away. I wouldn't have given her any explanation as to what my financial situation may be or what constraints I ma be facing. None of her business.

ericjr7210

I have coached several teams over the past 7 years (football, basketball, baseball) I have paid several things out of my pocket and never expected parents to pay without discussing it with them before any order is placed. This is a woman who is out of control and has forgotten the first rule of youth sports.... ITS ALL ABOUT THE KIDS !!!! They can't drive, they do not have e-mail ( well most under 13 anyway). If you explained your situation and she made the mistake then it is on her. I would inform her and her husband in a nice e-mail and go over the facts.. Making the situation public is not necessary. Take the high road and if she continues to badger you talk to a league official. BTW I would not worry about a law suit...sounds like this woman is full of hot air... GOOD LUCK....

jilliebk

wow!! very unprofessional, u handle it very well, b/c I would of cried. please have no doings with t hat lady!!

Thriceshy

That woman needs to shut up and get her own life instead of screwing up her husband's. That is what she's doing, right? After all, HE'S the coach, not her. In your position, I would call the COACH, explain the situation, and tell him that his wife is not to contact you in any way (no contact with your kids would be good, too). Then I would report the entire disaster to whatever overseeing authority.

I say all of this as the Coach's wife. My husband has coached kids' sports for eight years, and I would NEVER speak to a parent this way. In fact, my only contact has been, when a parent calls and my husband isn't home, to give directions or information, or take messages. After all, I'm "Mrs. Coach," not the Coach.

I'm sorry you went through this. The woman sounds like an absolute shrew.

Kris

DianaPowerUp

Wow. I wish I could say that it's unbelievable, but it's not. I'm just sorry that you had to be subjected to her nonsense. As a mom of 3, with a single income, I understand COMPLETELY where you're coming from. I too, always feel like we're getting asked to shell out more, and more, and more, and somewhere, we have to draw the line, and figure out what we can/need to pay for, and what is "extra" that the kids (nor their team) will miss.

That lady was completely out of line by telling you what you should or shouldn't be doing with your income and kids. She has NO clue what your family's financial situation is, and sometimes, what seems like a small amt. to one person ($20), can really be the breaking point for someone else.

If she took it upon herself to get a trophy, even after you'd said that you didn't want it and hadn't paid for it, then she should have expected to give it as a gift, and not expect to be paid, if you weren't willing/able. That she flew so off the handle about it was completely out of line and unprofessional. I'm glad you sent a letter. It may make some waves, but that is the best thing you could do. ((((hugs)))) I can only imagine how worked up you've been for how long about this.

mom23nuts

Thanks all....I told some one at my gym I work out with and he said...." Now use that anger and work it out here and leave your sweat and anger and when you walk out hold your head up high...picture her and leave it all here and kill it on every machine you do today"

He also joked and siad to me "Money is always the answer...Now what was the question"

All of you helped me so much through this and i am sending it all off in a nice packet with a cover letter explaining my position to the head of little league in this town...it may not get me anywhere, but it will be the last of my efforts and then I am moving on.

Thanks again all!

Swimgoddess

I'm guessing she threw out the "quit having babies" thing because either she wants to have more, but can't for either financial/health reasons or has recently suffered a miscarriage. Really, only women who go through such things would even think to say such things.

(I'd be evil and harp on it though, she basically gave you an "in" to all her insecurities by how she attacked you. Think about it, your guy makes enough so that you can be a SAHM, hers doesn't. You have THREE wonderful kids, she has all her eggs in one possibly fragile basket. Sorry, but from Darwin's point of view you ARE far more successful than she is; more children and scored a better provider for yourself & children.)

moremari

Who is she and what is she to the team? I mean really. So what if she's the coaches wife? :grumble: Some people are so quick to judge others & there is no situation that suits everyone. She was trying to bully you. No joke. Trying to intimidate you through her superior sacrifices and parenting know how. I give you fist pumps for telling her where to shove that trophy + the chocking bit was a sweet topping to the old adage. :bigsmile: You faced the bully and shut her down. She can't get enough of her homemade drama if she continues to email you & again throw personal attacks. So do what any sane woman would do cut her off cold. She's bad energy. Of course you're ticked, where does she get off going off on you and all? It would eat at me too. :mad:

So how to move past a nasty person like that? You might feel guilty for sharing so much personal info w/ her, I know I would be b/c I would hope she would have compassion for others & apologize for her behavior. But people like her don't ever apologize. Having said that, what she said to you has NOTHING to do w/ YOU. She has issues. She's the classic beat others down to build her up kind of person. You are not the first to get caught in her cross hairs and I'm sure you're not the last.

Hold your head high, love your family, that's your job. :flowerforyou:

mom23nuts

I'm guessing she threw out the "quit having babies" thing because either she wants to have more, but can't for either financial/health reasons or has recently suffered a miscarriage. Really, only women who go through such things would even think to say such things.

(I'd be evil and harp on it though, she basically gave you an "in" to all her insecurities by how she attacked you. Think about it, your guy makes enough so that you can be a SAHM, hers doesn't. You have THREE wonderful kids, she has all her eggs in one possibly fragile basket. Sorry, but from Darwin's point of view you ARE far more successful than she is; more children and scored a better provider for yourself & children.)

I thought of that too and since I had major trouble having kids her thoughtless comments hurt worse and yes I am a very brutally honest person and would have jumped at using this against her, I just couldn't bring myself to go there since I know what it is like to be that girl with fertility issues and even though she was low too, I still have a bit of a heart on this one. I could see it from the other side of things and I wish she could have too with the $ thing for me. Her "in" with that comment was tempting but too low for even me to go there.

You never really know what it is like for other people....that is why I am the kind of girl that will speak my mind but not tell anyone how they should live their life. I could never be the newly in shape person telling a chubby person how to change their lives around like I read about here when people in stores or on the beach give unsolicited "helpful" biting snarky advice.

I feel for people, especially if I was once there....other than that...i told her off and would have loved to keep going, but I guess it had to end somewhere.

Let the president of the little league handle it or not knowing him, but I know my nature....I could have kept it going ad going, but at sometime, it would have gotten way way out of control.

But I agree....her advice was probably related to other issues that are hers to deal with but she got nasty and shoved them of on me.

mom23nuts

So how to move past a nasty person like that? You might feel guilty for sharing so much personal info w/ her, I know I would be b/c I would hope she would have compassion for others & apologize for her behavior. But people like her don't ever apologize. Having said that, what she said to you has NOTHING to do w/ YOU. She has issues. She's the classic beat others down to build her up kind of person. You are not the first to get caught in her cross hairs and I'm sure you're not the last.

Hold your head high, love your family, that's your job. :flowerforyou:

Thanks you are so right...I thought I would feel awful sharing personal financial info with her expecially thinking she would understand even if she was not in the same position as me but it just shows she has no empathy for other people in situations not common to her own. No biggie. So she knows we can't afford tons of extras, and no biggie that she knows I would rather have my kids play the game rather than look for the handout or "what's in it for me" end of the year reward....but in life I think too many of us are in it for just that...."What kind of trophy can I get?'..."where is the end of the year party being held" What kind of thank you appreciation gift will I get for it?'

don't people just volunteer in America just to get that good feeling of "I helped out and gave of myself when I knew I had the time and the effort but maybe not the $ to throw at the issue?" or "I played the game because I love baseball and hanging out with my friends and not to see what I would get in the end"