Weight and Children

Bella3119

So I've been on the site for a few months now and this is my first post. I am a divorced single mom of two and have lost a total of 37 pounds in 9 months. I am now 213. Because I am still trying to build my financial value back after the divorce, I've had to do this on my own without the help of Jenny, Watchers or L.A. I did join a gym and go mostly 1-3 times a week.

Soooooo, hi!

My daughter's pediatrician told me that she is 10lbs overweight and needs to be on a diet at the age of 7. This revelation has caused me to freak out (internally.) I am struggling with how to help my daughter learn healthy eating habits without using the words "diet", "fat" or "skinny". I am taking the time to educate her on portion control and calories but sometimes I'm not sure if she's understanding me. It's the summer and she loves the outdoors but the sitter is unable to let her outside bc she doesn't have a fence. I save all the outdoor activities for the weekend, but she's constantly calling me during the week asking me if she can eat the sitter's food after she ate all of her food, snacks and even her sister's snacks.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

icerose137

Without knowing what you are feeding her it's hard to say. It could be the types of food you are giving her, ect.

dls06

Your daughter didn't learn to eat unhealthy, she is eating unhealthy becaues the food choices you are giving her are not good ones. You have to buy the unhealthy food for her to eat it unless she is the one grocery shopping? Could you find a daycare that has outdoor play time. Your daughter sounds depressed and physical activity is the best thing. It should be a manditory activity at the daycare she is in now.

KeeleySue

You need to find a way for your daughter to get outside during the week. Even if that means a different sitter. Sure, eating healthy is a REALLY good start and something that should be done anyway, but it won't help her much if she's not moving her body.

brianna626

Can the sitter take the kids for a walk or to the park to play on the equipment or a sport. If out door is not possible at all, maybe Wii Fit? (Never tried it but some people on here use it and enjoy it). What about your daughter joining a sport? I would try and include active family activities hiking, bike riding, etc. Also maybe instead of explaining calories (as that most likely goes over her head at 7) try having her take an interest in helping you cook healthy meals.

jaeone

Hi! Great job on losing 37 pounds thats awesome. Sounds like you are on the right path with changing her eating habits instead of putting her on a diet. I would suggest letting her have unlimited fruits after she has finished her food. Grapes, oranges, apples strawberries. Make sure the sitter is sticking to YOUR rules and not giving in. Is there a park near the sitters house? The sitter is doing YOU a service and should make some arrangements to get your children outdoors! Kids need to run and play! Does she have a Wii? That would be great for her to play at the sitters to get some extra exercise. Hang in there! You are doing great!

bpe101

You need to find a way for your daughter to get outside during the week. Even if that means a different sitter. Sure, eating healthy is a REALLY good start and something that should be done anyway, but it won't help her much if she's not moving her body.

I disagree. Just because she can't get outside doesn't mean she can't be active. Perhaps she can watch tv.....don't laugh. There are programs that have exercising specifically for children. It makes it fun. My son enjoys them. My son also stays active in our basement. Perhaps there is an area in the sitter's house that she can run around and play in a more active way.

But the largest problem is diet. If she is not eating healthy, it doesn't matter how active she is. She needs to learn that she can have snacks only once or twice a day, no more. I restrict my son to one snack a day. He could eat nothing but junk if I let him, but with consistency, he has learned how unhealthy it is to eat too much. He now chooses healthier foods on his own, and he is only 5.

kristiedavis1

We have children who are overweight also. We have had to make some hard choices around our house and they include not having unhealthy choices for them to snack on. They eat what we eat. I also sat down with the other adults in their lives and explained that we really needed them to help reinforce the good healthy eating we are practicing. They have all been supported. We do still have pizza and sweets and things like that but in moderation and not often. We are working on fun activities for our kids to be involved in that get them moving. We get outside together and the purchase of new bikes for them and their dad has helped alot. "Playing" in the pool is also a great way to move. I would discourage the use of the word diet with any child. Involve her in food choices and meal prep and let her know that you need her help to eat healthier and find more new foods to try. Hope this helps.

allison_joan

I'd buy healthier foods to give your daughter. Make sure you buy fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and find ways to serve the healthy foods in "fun" ways so she doesn't think "ew, I'm just eating green veggies". Go on walks or bike rides as a family after you get home from work.

http://www.parents.com/toddlers-preschoolers/feeding/healthy-eating/the-20-best-snacks-for-kids/

cassondraragan

I recently found a pamphlet at my pediatricians office that I started implementing. It was on how to fight childhood obesity. It was called 5-2-1-0.

5 servings of Veggies/ fruit a day
2 hours only of screen time (video games, computer, or tv)
1 one hour of activity per day
0 sugar drinks. water and milk (3-5 servings of ff milk or 1%)

It really stressed that they have found that sugar drinks is one of the major causes of childhood obesity. And I have noticed that my friends who let their children drink soda and lots of fruit flavored drinks all have chubby kids. I had noticed that my own son started get a little heavier. Once we cut out the sugar drinks he has slimmed back down. The tv is a hard one for us but we are working on it!

TiniTurtle

i was thinking instead of educating your daughter on portions & calories, you could provide high water/fiber foods like fresh-raw veggies & fruit if she still wants to munch after & between meals & teach her that certain foods are better for her than others, like picking a bottle of water instead of mountain dew at the vending machine type thing & giving her lots of healthy options to chose to eat when she is with you, since you may not have control over what the babysitter offers & like most of the other posts say, activity is so important! i'm not sure how you could incorporate activity into her life if the babysitter isn't cooperative or simply can't provide that, but little changes help, like parking further away from stores & taking the stairs instead of the elevator, mommy-daughter walks in the morning or at night where you can bond & talk about your days & are out & moving. ) & great job dropping that weight! i know it's tough being a single mom.

skinnyinnotime

The person looking after your daughter should ensure she gets some physical outlet whether it's outside or indoors dancing etc. Is there any reason your carer can't take your daughter to the park? As a childminder myself there's no way I would say the children in my are couldn't exercise because I had no fence!!

carolynnjoy

That is a hard one. She could also be "feeling" hungry and eating because she is stressed and going through a hard time. I know my comfort eating started at a very young age. A new sitter might be an option, or making home made fruit pops (fruit of choice, stevia, vanilla, and enough water to blend it up) for the sitters house once the regular snacks are gone. I have kids that never want to drink water, but always want milk or juice. I finally started giving them water, with a little lemon juice and stevia in it. They love it and the flavor helps them think they are getting a yummy treat but it cuts out all the calories. Try going for really low calorie snacks...like air popped popcorn.

AmbitiouslyMe

good start! just don't be afraid to say no! A lot of parents i know are scared to as they are worried their child will hate them or feel unloved this is not true, children will always try to push the boundaries but as long as you stick to them you should be able to change and maintain good habits. A wii is good for inside activities it gets the children moving great for keeping fit my daughter loves it. I have started growing my own fruit and vegetables with my daughter to encourage her to eat more veg, it also gives her a sense of pride as she helped to grow it. Preparing meals with your daughter may help aswell talking to her about what each food group does to help the body grow.
All i will say is don't give up and try to stay consistant.

jlewis2896

Is your divorce recent? I hate to sound ominous, but is there any possibility at all that the eating could be emotional? If so, you would have to take a different approach to helping her.

Again, I don't want to sound awful or pessimistic, it's just something that popped into my head....

I wish you luck with this situation, it sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and are doing what is best for her without being overbearing, which is SOOO important (and difficult)!!

kristidem

First, congrats on the great start to a healthier life!!! For your daugher, look up the food pyramid and other great info on http://www.choosemyplate.gov/. Teach her the same things you learned... more fresh fruit/veggies, lean meats/cheeses, whole grains, dairy, and of course the occassional treat. She should eat same/similar meals as you and learn portion control too. Dscuss the foods in your meals and what's heathly and not on a regular basis. Include her in grocery shopping and even cooking. Instead of diet, just call it what it is... eating healthy! It's great to do all this now, so she learns those healthy habits now instead of being where we are/were later in life when it's more difficult. Take it slow and keep at it. Good luck!

Sugarchef

My 4 year old daughter sees me work out all the time, and we spend a lot of time at the YMCA. She doesn't want to be skinny, she wants to be strong like a supergirl and lift up a house! I think that's a good way to approach it, being strong and healthy as opposed to thin.

poustotah

Your daughter didn't learn to eat unhealthy, she is eating unhealthy becaues the food choices you are giving her are not good ones. You have to buy the unhealthy food for her to eat it unless she is the one grocery shopping?

This is SUCH a good point! When I first started losing weight, I talked to my kids about it. My kids are SUPER skinny. They can eat whatever they want and they don't gain weight. As a result, I was letting them eat whatever they wanted. Macaroni and cheese, sugar snack, chocolate, crap, crap, crap. So I started losing weight and I started educating them. They aren't on a diet - they are making good choices. Now they help me with dinner. They say things like, "okay, what kind of protein are we going to have for dinner tonight?" They help me steam veggies and roast chicken and make bread. We grow veggies together and exercise together. Now we all eat healthy. That's not to say that they don't get a treat every now and then but their treats have changed from ice cream cones to fruit cut up on a piece of angel food cake with some sugar free whipped cream. And they LIKE it.

As for the activity level, if my kids weren't allowed to be outside I'd be changing sitter's. Kids only get one chance at today and they should enjoy it. They should get the chance to experience everything and play and be outside. Not sitting on the couch eating all day long.

mamaDaisyJ

I have a very good friend that went through the same thing with her son. Shortly thereafter, he went through a growth spurt (9 inches during the school year) and joined sports, he is quite lean now. If you are feeding her the healthy stuff that you are eating, she is prolly fine. I say get her involved in something active, girls love gymnastics and cheering, which are way active. and definitely don't let her see you stressing over her weight.
You could play basketball at the park together after you pick her up from the sitters, or tag, frisbee, anything, just 30 minutes and you both won some cardio time, and developed an appetite for a good healthy dinner. Take weekend hikes when you are offwork, go swimming at the lake, make weekends fun and highly active, and that might make up for some of the inactivity during the week.
These are my thoughts and advice. I hope they help!

mamaDaisyJ

That is a hard one. She could also be "feeling" hungry and eating because she is stressed and going through a hard time. I know my comfort eating started at a very young age. A new sitter might be an option, or making home made fruit pops (fruit of choice, stevia, vanilla, and enough water to blend it up) for the sitters house once the regular snacks are gone. I have kids that never want to drink water, but always want milk or juice. I finally started giving them water, with a little lemon juice and stevia in it. They love it and the flavor helps them think they are getting a yummy treat but it cuts out all the calories. Try going for really low calorie snacks...like air popped popcorn.

My daughter sometimes requests food cause she is bored. If there isn't outside time or active play at the sitters, boredom may be an issue too.

bloodbank

I definitely think taking the "we're going to be a healthy family" approach is going to be your best bet in avoiding fostering a thin=best mentality in your daughter.

If all you have is healthy, whole foods in the house, then all she can eat are healthy whole foods. Kids don't get heavy because they eat too many veggies, right? And if you plan active things to do, she'll have active things to do. It's not like she can stay home by herself if you're playing in the park or swimming in the local pool, right?

I'm no expert, but if it were my child & the issue were only 10 pounds, I would personally just encourage healthy eating & an active lifestyle without focusing on her actually LOSING any weight - I'd just fill her up with fresh foods, get her body moving and wait for her to grow into the weight she's currently at. That seems like the path of least resistance in regards to her weight while making the biggest impact on her future habits.

cassondraragan

This may not be completely relevant but I remember when I was a little girl, I used to hear my mom say "oh I'm so fat!" All the time. I have a distinct memory of seeing her look in a mirror and saying that. Then when she left the room I remember looking at my little pot belly (looking back on pictures it was just one of those 3 year old bellies...I wasn't even chubby!) and thinking "Oh, I'm fat too!!" My first self deprecatory memory. So, now when my son asks me why he can't have this or that unhealthy food I say "its not healthy, its bad for our heart!" And when he asks me "Mommy why are you exercising?" I've never said "to lose weight" I always say "mommy's trying to make her heart healthy and her muscles strong!" (to which he always replies "Strong like Daddy's??" and I always say "YES!" lol) Maybe instead of teaching your daughter about calories, maybe teach her about healthy vs. not healthy, big portion vs. healthy portion. I don't know...calories seems to be an abstract concept for a little one.

TJWrites00

It sounds a lot like boredom eating. If there's nothing to do but sit around and eat, that's what she'll do.

Even if I'm not at a healthy weight myself, I've been emphasizing healthy eating to my children. I tell them they can't eat junk all the time because junk does not build strong, healthy bodies. It's not to say they are not allowed treats, but they eat the food that keeps them healthy before they can have junk.

It seems to work. They are all healthy weights and my oldest is practically vegetarian most days, so we consume a lot of fresh fruits and vegetables.

ChantalGG

Since i have started eating healthier my son has been eating healthier dinners. That and having way more fruit in the house has changed for him. I also do let he munch on his snack bag of candies that he still has from Easter, Christmas and Halloween. I dont go tot he gym i have become more active in the home and he has joined me. He lost 2.5 lbs three weeks into my diet. not because i limited him he just had different foods to choose from. I also take him tot he park more often and we play Frisbee and badminton. Play with you kids and everything will change also if you make your diet a life style change and introduce it tot he whole family not just you you will like keep the weight off.

AlsDonkBoxSquat

Just like anyone else it's two fold, she needs to move and eat better. She needs to eat more more healthfully, when she's hungry eat veggies, if she is getting through all of her food, send more vegetables (no dip) and drink more water. I'd want to know why your care taker isn't ensuring she gets outside to play? What does a fence have to do with it? Also, get her involved in other activities, contact your local YMCA and see what they have for summer programs that your daughter can do that are reasonably priced. Lead by example, yeah it's great that you joined a gym, but what are you doing to encourage her to move with you, buy her a bike and have her ride while you jog? Go on walks together or to the park in the evening after work.

Added: congrats on your weight loss, it's time to share your experiences with your child.

ChantalGG

DO you know what the cargiver is feeding her? Does she make dinner? If it is stuff like hotdogs, and kraft dinner all the time you need to start on a menu plan and give the lady some recipes to use. Or make food the day before for her to warm up.

PANZERIA

Heya!

I just thought I would post with more of a warning than anything - be careful how you educate your daughter. I like that you're trying to avoid using the terms 'skinny' or 'fat,' but you want to be careful about how you react when she does start losing the weight.

I have struggled with an eating disorder for a good 8 years of my life, and it was because when I was younger (11), I was a little chubby. I lost the weight and got a prize for it. It was the coolest thing ever, but it reinforced the idea that losing weight means you'll get a reward at the end of it. Do NOT reward it! Starting to make kids notice what they are eating at such a young age is scary.

IMO, I'd say just make the sitter aware of what your daughter is allowed/not allowed to eat. At the same time, if she does eat that kind of stuff, don't freak out.

You also have to remember that there's a special thing called 'baby fat' and that not all kids have to look the same, just like not all adults have to look the same.

Please, don't stress out over this too much. Change your lifestyle and hers will change, too. Make eating an apple more enjoyable to you over, say, a bag of chips, and she'll follow suit. You're her hero and she will watch and copy you for at least another 8-10 years. Just change your life and you will change hers.

If the sitter is having issues with keeping her outside, then maybe suggest that they go places, or (this is going to sound harsh and I apologize) find a new sitter who is willing to keep your daughter active. If your daughters fitness level is of a concern for you, then make the change. She certainly doesn't have the mental capacity to do it herself yet. It's up to you.

But again, this is just my opinion and I don't know how feasible it is for you right now during this difficult period. =( I wish you all the best and hope that everything works out for you!

tammykoon

Wow, I saw this and almost started to cry. I have been in both positions. I have struggled my whole life and as I am changing my lifestyle. I can see that my children have been affected by my choices. (We are working as a family now.)

I can remember being 7 and thinking how fat I was. It was all my Dr. talked about when my mom would take me. It became the focus and my shame. I wasn't huge by any standard. But the Dr. kept saying that we must "nip this in the bud" before it becomes a problem. He meant well and so did my family. But to say I have struggled since that day would be to put it mildly.

I would make this suggestion. Tell your child she is BEAUTIFUL! Why? Because she is. You sound like a loving mom who only wants the best for her daughter. Make all the healthy changes to your family's diet that you need to. But know that she is watching, listening, and learning. Her entire life view of her body could very well be "shaped" at this moment. Tread lightly and with love.

sunyg

It could be many things. If your divorce was recent as was the weight gain then I would agree she is probably emotionally eating. But now is a great time to teach her the proper way to eat. She will carry that with her through out her life I believe. At least that's what I'm going by now. My oldest is only 13 .

With that being said a fence shouldn't really matter. She should still provide physical activities and games for the kids. Our front yard doesn't have a fence but we go out nightly and catch fire flies or toss a ball. Or take our puppies for a walk. When I can't take my kids outside my 3 year old would drive me even crazier if I didn't burn off his energy. So we play games in the house. Sometimes it's even just a fun thing of turning on the radio and dancing around the house being silly.

I also agree with telling her she is beautiful. I've tried to stress that with both of my girls. One is slender and petite and the other is tall and has her father's Polish/German build. So she has a larger frame. I don't want them to ever think that one has a better body than the other one. They are both beautiful girls.

You will find your way. You love her and want the best for her and that is a wonderful start.

dls06

There is no need to use any words other than healthy. Only bring healthy foods in the house and she will only eat healthy foods.
Tell the sitter if they do not plan outdoor activities you will need to find someone else. I don't believe they won't let her out because there is no fence, it's because they don't want to go out with her! Lead by example and find another sitter that will allow her to have some outdoor activity. A child should not be stuck in the house by a lazy babysitter, that's just sad.
Also if you think it's to expensive to find another, there is financial help available through the site below. Hope it helps. http://www.usa.gov/Citizen/Topics/Benefits.shtml

Bella3119

dls06: Actually, she and her sister are eating the same food as i am; whole grains, lots of fruits and veggies etc. She is eating her sister's snacks so that's doubling the portions.
As for the daycare, this summer I have to use a private sitter. I have found some classes our city offers to the public. She is interested in tennis so she'll start in July.